The year I landed the offer from the top firm in my industry—a job that would place me two thousand miles away—was the year Pierce and I were most fiercely in love. I wrestled with the decision for three days before choosing my career trajectory. Pierce understood. He comforted me, his voice a steady anchor on the phone. “It’s only two thousand miles, a three-hour flight. I’ll fly to see you every month. I’ll talk to my parents. You just go. I’ll wait for you.” By the sixth year of our long-distance relationship, our calls had grown infrequent, and a simple text might go unanswered for days. I made the call: I was quitting my job, coming home, and marrying him. He had waited long enough. I never imagined our first reunion would be at the police station. He’d been arrested for a DUI. “You never drink. And drunk driving? You’re always so… careful,” I said, the words feeling brittle on my tongue. A girl in a Minnie Mouse pajama set burst into the lobby. Her eyes were red and swollen. She rushed Pierce, grabbed his arm, and sank her teeth into his skin. “Who told you to drive over here! You idiot! I told you I just had bad cramps!” It hit me: Pierce owned a matching Mickey Mouse set. He’d claimed it was a prize he won at a company raffle. Staring at the two of them, I suddenly felt like a punchline. I was the fool in the spotlight. 1 The wind howled outside. I couldn’t tell if the stinging in my eyes was from the sleet being whipped into my face, or the sharp pain of that moment. Tears fell, straight and cold, refusing to be blinked away. “Elara!” Pierce didn’t catch up to me. I took a cab and went to the waterfront, standing by the freezing river for a long time. I cried and laughed at the same time. That man—my stoic, utterly predictable Pierce—was wearing couple’s pajamas. I don’t know how he found me. I looked up, and he was there. Just like always. Wherever I was, he always showed up. “You’re running a fever. Let’s go home.” Pierce swept me up into his arms. “Elara, stop being so stubborn. It doesn’t help anyone.” He carried me into the house I’d only ever seen in video calls. The kitchen island held a vase of fresh flowers, the sofa was piled with plush toys, and the girl’s blanket and pillow were folded neatly into the corner. “She was an intern I was mentoring,” Pierce said, pressing an ice pack to my forehead. “She’s young, working alone for the first time. I took extra care of her.” “You’re imagining things…” His phone buzzed. It was a custom ringtone. The name “Dummy” flashed on the screen, next to a cartoon girl’s grinning emoji. He was the kind of person who hated hassle. He never saved names with anything other than a simple first or last name. I was just a string of numbers in his phone. Pierce clumsily shielded the screen with his hand. “Hold on a second.” He walked out, and never came back in. My head was pounding. The medicine I’d swallowed came back up, a searing, sour mess. “Pierce…” Silence. I pushed myself off the bed and walked out, leaning against the wall. The living room was dark. He was gone. A faint glow came from the screen of his laptop on the balcony. His social media account was logged in. He and the girl had maintained a continuous chat streak for nearly a thousand days. I scrolled through the history. It began with her single-sidedly sharing funny clips. Then Pierce started to give serious comments and reactions. Finally, they were trading messages back and forth—every little thing, every big event, always a response. Meanwhile, when work had crushed me into insomnia, and I wanted to call Pierce, I had to take a gamble. He was busy. He wouldn’t always answer. I sank onto the chair, my vision blurred by tears. Ding— A new message popped up. [Vivi: I took the meds, and I finished all the soup you made me. Now I’m cuddling the sleepy bear you bought me, getting ready for bed.] [Pierce: Good. Don’t let your new boyfriend wander into your apartment whenever he likes. It’s unsafe.] [Vivi: Okay~ Only my mentor is allowed into my boudoir~] [Vivi: Why don’t I just break up with him and you can be my boyfriend? Everyone already assumes we’re together anyway. I know you got drunk over me. My boyfriend said you even got into a fight with him and yelled at him for forgetting my cycle and not buying me pain meds.] [Vivi: You and your girlfriend have been long distance for five years. You must have no feelings left. You should just dump her…] Tears streamed down my face. I sat there, numb, feeling a huge, empty hole carved out of my chest. I could taste the metallic tang of blood in my breath. I learned that sadness, at its absolute extreme, is just numbness. It’s like being dead. Only my stomach was alive, forcing me to empty its contents—first sour bile, then blood—as if I were trying to vomit out ten years of loving Pierce. Slam— The lights in the entryway suddenly flickered on. Pierce stood there, one hand holding a clay pot of freshly made porridge, the other clutching the girl’s uneaten pain medication. Around his neck was a pink cartoon scarf. The end of it was embroidered with a tiny V. I swayed, then fell toward the floor. When Pierce caught me, I didn’t feel warmth. A strange, unfamiliar perfume assaulted my nostrils. It was sickening. “Elara! Wake up! Elara…” I passed out completely. 2 I woke up in a hospital. The room was empty. I pulled out my phone and made a call. “Hello? Can you please reverse my resignation? I accept the international assignment.” Overseas. I needed to go somewhere I would never have to see Pierce again. A nurse walked in. “Dr. Sterling is in surgery. He’ll be here when he’s finished.” I didn’t reply. I just stared out the window. I remembered the first year I was away. Pierce used to video call me every day. He was a man of few words. He wasn’t expressive. But every time I looked up from my documents, I saw his eyes on the screen—filled with a focused concentration and a deep, aching missing of me. The second year, he often flew to see me. He would show up at my apartment door, under my office building, or on a random street corner selling roasted sweet potatoes. No matter where I was, Pierce always found me. By the third year, Pierce had an intern under his wing. He was busy mentoring her, cleaning up her messes, and our communication began to fade. From a mandatory daily video call. To weekly. Then monthly. Finally, I was the one calling him. And he didn’t always pick up. By the fourth and fifth years, our relationship felt different. When I called, the feeling of fear was stronger than anticipation. I was afraid of disturbing him. Afraid of seeing his familiar, tight frown. “Text me if it’s important. Don’t call,” he said. I felt like a child who had done something wrong. I apologized, then tried to win him back with a nervous smile and a gift I’d picked out. “It’s our ninth anniversary today…” “Mentor, can you check this patient chart for me?” I heard the girl’s voice in the background. The video call ended abruptly. I thought about texting Pierce, then realized there was no point. I had no important reason to contact him. I just missed him. Terribly. So much that every time I walked to a street corner, I instinctively searched for his figure, then wiped away tears when he wasn’t there. But this longing had become a burden to him. For two months, he actually blocked my number. I was up to my neck in a huge project, unable to fly home and demand an explanation. All I could do was cry myself to sleep every night. My eyes were permanently swollen, and I was losing handfuls of hair. Two months later, Pierce claimed it was just a prank by Vivi. He hadn't noticed. “My bad, I’ve been so busy I didn’t look.” “The kid didn’t mean any harm, she was just messing around. Don’t sweat it. I apologize for her.” He wired a huge sum of money to my account. “Don’t put yourself through anything. Ask for more if you need it.” He didn’t know that the biggest slight to my soul was the one he delivered. In the sixth year, I gave up my career and decided to come back for him. Only to hear from a mutual friend that Pierce had been strung along by this young woman for years. They were openly affectionate. They had even met each other’s families. I didn’t believe it. I was naive enough to think Pierce was still the same quiet, sincere, loving boy I’d left. But he had changed. I should have realized it the first time he hung up on me for Vivi, the first time he missed my birthday, the first time he forgot our anniversary. But I was blinded by love. I compromised again and again, and I forgave. Now, finally, I saw clearly. 3 I discharged myself from the hospital. Back at the apartment, I found the social media direct messages had updated on the laptop. Vivi had shared a lot of videos. Pierce had only read them, not replied. [Vivi: Your fiancée is back, so you’re moving me to a different group? Seriously? You hid from me at the hospital, and now you won’t even reply to my texts.] [Vivi: Just tell me one thing: her or me?] [Pierce: I’m getting married.] Five words. The other side went silent. My heart was a complicated knot of emotions. I stared at the screen, so absorbed that I didn’t notice Pierce had come back. “You saw it all?” He stood next to me. “We’ve been together for ten years. It’s time to get married.” “Let’s go pick out the dress this week. You handle the guest list, I’ll handle the venue. We’ll get it done before the fifteenth. I have a conference next month.” His tone was so flat, as if he were discussing a tedious chore. “We need to start trying to conceive right after the wedding. You’ll be considered a high-risk pregnancy in a few years. It’s not good for you or the baby.” I clenched my fists without realizing it. “You haven’t even proposed to me.” “I don’t have time,” he said. “That kind of ceremony isn’t necessary.” I managed a self-deprecating laugh. He had time to spend with Vivi, naming a pile of stuffed animals and throwing them birthday parties. But for us, for me, suddenly time was a luxury he couldn't afford. “But you’ll get what you deserve,” Pierce said, handing me a bank card. “My salary is all in here. All of it.” “The jewelry, the dowry, the car, the property. Tell me if anything is missing.” I was silent for a long moment. I felt like I was looking at a stranger. When did he stop being patient with me, speaking only in bullet points? He used to love hearing me ramble. He said he loved my vibrant energy, my little tantrums. Maybe I was worn down by work and too mature now, or maybe the long distance had made us strangers. And that’s how a vibrant, young girl found a place in his heart. And pushed me out. “Do you still love me?” I asked. Pierce hesitated. “Yes, I do.” I kept shaking my head. “No, you don’t.” Voicing the truth was harder than I’d anticipated. It took several shaky breaths. Just to keep the tears from falling in defeat. “Why are you crying?” Pierce frowned slightly. “I’m just being practical. You’re not a little girl anymore. There’s no need to be so petty.” I shoved him away fiercely. My voice rose, sharp and loud. “I’m not marrying you!” 4 Pierce was silent for a few seconds. Then, he snatched the laptop and smashed it onto the floor. A shard of plastic grazed my calf, leaving a bloody streak. “I won’t contact her again. Is that enough?” He pulled out his phone. He blocked “Dummy.” He opened his photo album and deleted the pictures of Vivi that took up most of the storage. “Is that enough, Elara? Tell me.” I was stunned. I watched him walk into the living room, violently tearing apart the stuffed animals and ripping up the small blanket. “Elara! Goddammit, I’m asking you, is this enough now?!” He grabbed my arm and dragged me, and I stumbled, falling into the mess of destruction. I had never seen Pierce angry. He had never even used a harsh word against me. Now his eyes were filled with an icy fury. “What is this drama? What are you trying to prove?” “We’ve been dating for ten years. It’s time to get married, isn’t it?” “My mom keeps hounding me. I held off because you were busy with work, okay, I didn’t pressure you. But what now? How many more years do you want to stall? How many years do you have left at your age?” “You’ve been giving me this attitude and questioning my feelings ever since you got back… I waited for you for ten years! Do you think I don’t love you?” “You are being completely unreasonable!” I was too heartbroken to speak. I hung my head, watching my tears shatter on the floor. All I felt was exhaustion, a weariness deeper than the pain. The gap between Pierce and me had become too wide to cross. No matter how hard I ran. No matter how hard I fell. I couldn’t reach even the edge of his sleeve anymore. “What I mean is…” We’re breaking up. I didn’t finish. His phone rang. “Dr. Sterling, Vivi has gotten into huge trouble!” the voice on the other end yelled. Pierce immediately made a move to leave. I grabbed his car keys, my voice desperate and loud. “Think carefully, Pierce!” “If you walk out that door today, our relationship is officially over!” He didn’t hear me. His mind and heart were completely consumed by Vivi’s distress. Pierce snatched the keys away violently. The sharp edge sliced my palm, and a splash of blood stained the white carpet an alarming red. “The first aid kit is in the cabinet. Bandage yourself up. We can talk about this when I get back.” I had never seen him so frantic. His jacket was on backwards, his shoes were on the wrong feet. He practically stumbled out the door. The door slammed shut. Leaving behind chaos and an endless silence. I gently blew on the cut on my palm. It hurt. Tears fell onto it, making it sting even more. I didn't have the energy to bandage it. I lay back on the floor, letting the hot tears flow freely. I was so tired. Tired enough to wish I could just fall asleep and never wake up. I wouldn’t have to deal with the ten wasted years, the best years of my youth, and I wouldn’t have to feel this agonizing pain. It felt like all my organs were being shredded. In my daze, a call came through. It was our mutual friend, Jamie. “Get to the hospital immediately! Pierce is about to take the fall for Vivi! His career is going to be ruined!” 5 I rushed to the scene. The hospital director's face was beyond furious. “Vivian Cole!” He slammed his hand on the desk, his face red and swollen with rage. “I’d like to see who is going to cover for you with this malpractice case! This means jail time!” “You’ve always made mistakes! If Pierce hadn’t protected you every single time—if he hadn’t cleaned up every mess—I would have fired you a long time ago!” Vivian burst into loud sobs. “Please stop! I’m scared, wah, wah, wah… I don’t know anything…” “Mentor, save me… I didn’t mean to. I don’t want to go to jail…” Tears poured down her face. Pierce, who had been silent, finally spoke: “I’ll take the blame for her.” My mind exploded. My body moved faster than my thoughts. I flew in front of him and slapped him hard across the face. “Are you out of your mind?!” I knew medicine was Pierce’s life. From the day we met, I had studied with him, worked with him in the lab, and pulled all-nighters with him. When he needed to work on a research topic, I took time off work to support him. When a patient’s family gave him trouble, I was the first to step up. I cared more about his career than my own. “Elara, once I’ve made a name for myself, I’ll give you a wedding the city will talk about,” his promise echoed in my memory, chillingly clear. Now, Pierce pushed me aside, his voice cold. “Don’t interfere.” “We endured so much hardship, we spent so many nights awake, building this career step by step…” My tears finally broke free, and every word was ground out from between my teeth. “And you’re going to throw away everything you worked for—including our future—for a woman you barely know? Just like that, without a second thought?!” His promise to marry me now sounded utterly hollow and insulting. How could he marry me if he was in prison? This wasn't just an insult to our love. It was an insult to our effort, to our memories. Smack!— I slapped him again, even harder. “Enough!” Pierce finally grabbed my hand. “I’m Vivian’s mentor. It’s my fault for not guiding her properly. I have to take responsibility for her mistakes.” My voice shot up: “How are you going to take responsibility?!” “With your clean record, your career, your life?” He pursed his lips. After a long pause, he spoke. “I believe her. It wasn’t intentional.” “Vivi is still young. And she’s a girl. She can’t go to jail. It’ll ruin her future…” I cut him off. “What about me?” “So you’re just going to abandon me, is that it?” Pierce looked at me, a flicker of struggle in his eyes. But overriding it was a cold resolution I couldn't comprehend. “I’ll get out as fast as I can…” “And then what?” I laughed, the tears flowing harder. “I wait for you? Wait for another few years? How many ten-year periods do we have left?” “I don’t actually care anymore if you marry me.” “Pierce, I just realized you never took our relationship seriously. That was ten years… Ten years, the best of my youth! I was blind to waste so much time on you!” It was enough. Truly enough. I used all my strength to wrench my hand free from his grasp. My heart was completely dead, my tears all gone. My voice was so calm it frightened me. “Pierce, the wedding is off. We’re breaking up.” “We’re done. Don’t ever contact me again.” Pierce suddenly panicked. He tried to grab me, but I stepped back to avoid him. “No…” “Pierce!” Vivian screamed suddenly. “Let her go!” “It’s better if she leaves! Then no one can steal my man! No one can steal the father of my baby!” The words were a thunderclap. The entire department fell into stunned silence.
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