My cousin, Chloe, wants to go to France to study ballet. My mom asked me for $15,000. I sent her a screenshot of my bank account balance—$15,000.20, not a penny more. Five seconds later, her reply popped up: "Keep $500 for living expenses, send the rest over." 1 Before my finger even touched the screen, another message from Mom popped up: "By the way, when are you coming back? I’ll make that coconut chicken soup you like." "My CD matures next month, I’ll pay you back every cent then." Go home? Actually, I went home yesterday. A classmate got married and had the reception in our hometown. I specifically mentioned this to my mom last week, saying I’d stay the night after the wedding and head back to D.C. the next morning. She agreed enthusiastically on the phone, promising to leave the door unlocked. But when I got to the door, I found it deadbolted from the inside. Just as I was about to knock, Mom’s voice drifted out: "I’ll ask your sister for the money tonight when she gets off work. You just go ahead and sign up for that ballet program, don’t worry." "Auntie, will Nina agree? It’s $15,000 after all. And you haven’t paid back the other money you borrowed." "Why wouldn't she? She’s soft-hearted." Mom chuckled lightly, a hint of disdain in her voice. "I mean, she’s average-looking and has a bad temper. If she wasn't making $60k a year now, do you think I’d bother coddling her?" Chloe asked in a cutesy, spoiled voice, "Is that why you bought her an iPhone right after graduation and gave her money?" Mom’s voice suddenly rose: "Silly girl! If I hadn't waited on her hand and foot after graduation, coaxing her, do you think she would have majored in Computer Science? Remember Mrs. Miller’s son? He went to a state school and only makes $40k. Have you calculated how much all your expenses since graduation add up to?" Mom’s tone was filled with indulgence: "You! My retirement savings are almost gone because of you. If I hadn't had the foresight to make Nina subsidize the bulk of it, what kind of good life would you have?" Chloe cheered, "Auntie, I knew you loved me more than my own mom! Come with me to New York this time, I’ll take you out for fun!" "You got it! My little sweetie is the best!" The wine I drank at the wedding churned in my stomach. I wanted to throw up but couldn't. My first reaction was actually to thank myself for never paying to fix this thin, non-soundproof door. I drove back to D.C. overnight. 2 Mom kept texting nonstop, so I just turned off my phone and slept. I went to the office early the next morning. In this world, the only person who won't betray you is yourself. When it rains, it pours. Around 10:30 AM, my stomach started hurting again. My phone vibrated. Mom’s WeChat messages were like a death warrant. "Why aren't you replying? What are you doing?" "When can you send that $15,000 we talked about yesterday?" ... I replied: "Stomach hurts, talk later." "Why does your stomach hurt again? I tell you to cook at home, but you insist on eating takeout. Of course your stomach hurts!" I didn't bother replying. I work overtime every day, where would I find time to cook??? Her fake concern, requiring zero effort while earning her the reputation of a caring mother, was honestly laughable. I can only blame my past self for being too stupid to see through these tricks. "Why are you so pale?" Sarah brought over a coffee and handed it to me. "Did you eat something bad?" I opened my mouth but was in too much pain to speak, so I just waved my hand. She grabbed me: "Don't be a hero. I'm taking you to the hospital." The lights in the ER were blinding. When the nurse handed me the test results, her eyes held a trace of pity: "Considering potential malignancy, we recommend further pathological examination." Staring at those words on the report, life suddenly felt absurd. Just last night I was calculating that a few more years at this company would give me enough for a down payment to move out of my cramped rental. I wouldn't give my mom another cent. I was going to travel abroad, eat delicious food, buy clothes I liked. For the rest of my life, I would only love myself. But now, fate had blindsided me with a sledgehammer. 3 It was late at night when I got home. Sarah comforted me the whole time and helped me apply for a day of sick leave, telling me to rest well before discussing next steps. My mind was a mess, and of course, Mom called again. I declined it: "Busy." "Busy with what? Did you take what I said seriously? Your sister has to pay tuition the day after tomorrow. Any later and it'll be too late." "Don't worry, I'll definitely pay you back." Ha. I'd sooner believe the sun rises in the west than believe she'd pay me back. Over the years, the empty promises she’s made could fill the entire living room. "I'll buy you a new backpack when your dad gets paid." "After Chloe's recital, I'll buy you a dress with the leftover money." "Mom will keep your red envelope money safe, and add a little more when I give it back." ... In the end, it all turned into nothing. 4 I took a deep breath and called her: "Mom, I really want to ask you, do you genuinely see me as your daughter? I've always been curious, why have you disliked me since I was little?" Mom sounded confused: "Why ask that all of a sudden? You're overthinking things again. Stop talking nonsense, when will the money..." Tears streamed down my face. I took a picture of the medical report and sent it: "I'm sick. I need this money for treatment. You guys figure something else out. If you have any money, lend me some too." Mom immediately sent a voice message: "Don't joke around, Nina. Don't copy those trashy pranks online, joking about being sick is bad luck. Your sister is so close, just one last step. After this advanced course, she'll definitely become a principal dancer! When she makes money, she won't forget you..." I suddenly couldn't hold it in anymore. I grabbed the phone and said weakly: "Do I owe you anything? If she wants money, tell her to sell her blood or a kidney!! Don't come to me!" After sending that, I turned off my phone. I hid under the covers and cried my heart out. Then I told myself silently, that's it. That was the last time I'd shed tears for people who aren't worth it. 5 Chloe is my aunt's daughter. My aunt and my mom were both small-town overachievers who tested into a university in Shanghai together. But their fates diverged wildly. After graduation, Mom went back to our hometown and married my dad, living a small-town life. Auntie stayed in Shanghai and married a construction boss. Around the millennium, my uncle's monthly income was more than my parents could save in years. Every time Mom saw Auntie's glamorous life, her eyes revealed her unwillingness to accept her lot. Auntie was well-off and willing to spend money on Chloe. Chloe excelled at piano, dance, and calligraphy from a young age, praised by adults wherever she went. During New Year's, Mom would only buy me new clothes if I got straight A's. But Chloe was already wearing Burberry. If not for the accident that happened to her family later, I probably would have remained just a distant relative to her, with little interaction.
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