After I died, my best friend organized a memorial service for me. It was crashed and trashed. Anti-fans swarmed the funeral home, selfie sticks held high, live-streaming the chaos. "Serves him right!" they chanted. The chat was flooded with comments like, "Is he finally dead for real?" Meanwhile, my ex-husband was celebrating on a luxury yacht, toasting champagne with his lover for seven days straight. It seemed my untimely death was nothing less than poetic justice. Until one day, my diary was made public. Only then did everyone realize... In my entire life, I was truly happy for only a fleeting moment. 1. On a variety show, the host suddenly went off-script. "Mr. Thorne, your ex-husband recently passed away due to illness. How do you feel about that?" Caleb Thorne, the newly crowned Best Actor, scoffed. "Nothing. I heard his memorial got trashed. Good riddance." The host smiled slightly, lowering his gaze. "You don't mind talking about him? After all, his death is trending." Usually, capitalizing on the dead gets you cancelled. But when the dead person was me, Julian Vance, nobody cared. "Ask whatever you want," Caleb said. "I'm curious," the host began. "Everyone says Julian Vance was a villain. So why did you marry him?" The Best Actor fell silent. He probably couldn't remember why either. The host chuckled. "We actually have Julian's diary here. Would you mind if we shared it with everyone?" Caleb smirked. "He barely finished high school. Could he even write a diary? Go ahead, show it." When the worn notebook was opened, everyone froze. The handwriting was neat and elegant, nothing like the scribbles of a madman. "Let me read it then," the host said, smiling. 2. October 3, 2020 Today, I'm getting married! And who's the lucky groom? My Caleb, of course. Who else would I want to marry? And who else would he dare marry? If he dared, I'd tear him to pieces. We've been together for six years. Today, I finally married the man I fell in love with at 18. Dear Diary, you should have seen how nervous Caleb was when he put the ring on my finger. His ears were burning, and his eyes turned red instantly. They say men's tears are a woman's weakness. It's true. I couldn't stop smiling. But, Diary, I'm not afraid you'll laugh at me. When Caleb got drunk and collapsed into my arms later, I cried even harder than he did. He whispered in my ear, "Julian, I love you. I love you so much. Thank you for being my husband." Actually, I should be thanking him. Because of him, for the first time in my life, I feel like I belong. At the wedding, Caleb's mom hugged me. When she held me, I wanted to cry. It was the first time an elder had ever hugged me. So, this is what a mother smells like. Growing up in an orphanage, I didn't understand hugs. Orphans like us, no matter how good we were, no one held us. When we cried, we just lay on the mats on the floor until we stopped. At school, teachers always said we were "good kids." Actually, we just knew that crying got no response. And good kids don't get loved; they get ignored. So we learned to hide our feelings. Meeting Caleb taught me that I could be myself, and he would still love me. Now, Caleb and I finally have a home. Even if we're broke. Life will get better. I told Caleb: This is the happiest moment of my life. He held me tight, his heart aching for me. "Not the happiest. After today, every day will be happy." Marriage is wonderful. I have someone to accompany me, and I have a family. I'm not alone anymore. Oh, here's a wedding photo! It's small, only 12 inches. I'm wearing a cheap suit I bought online for $80, and Caleb is wearing the only decent suit he owns. We look simple, but our smiles are the sweetest. Caleb promised me. When he makes big money, he'll take me to a beach in Malaysia to take proper wedding photos. The host finished reading and took a deep breath. No one expected the "vicious" me to have such memories with Caleb. The words were playful and sweet, radiating pure happiness. Expired sugar is the deadliest poison. Caleb froze for three seconds. These memories had been buried deep in his mind. Back then, marrying me felt like winning a war to him. He had forgotten all of it. The netizens were confused. This was miles apart from the image of the evil Julian Vance. "Reading the diary, he sounds like a totally different person." "Fake, right? That handwriting doesn't look like Julian's." "Julian was an orphan? No wonder he had no manners." The host looked at Caleb. "When you got married, it seems you were both very happy." Caleb seemed dazed, then let out a self-deprecating laugh. "He used to be decent. Too bad you can't judge a book by its cover." The host smiled. "Perhaps. Let's read the second page." "Honestly, I'm curious too. What happened to turn Mr. Vance into the public enemy everyone hates?" 3. January 6, 2021 Dear Diary, I've been so busy with extra work lately, I neglected you. Sorry! I have to rant again today. Is there any way to make big money fast? What if I spend $10 on lottery tickets every day? A meal on set is $10. If I skip dinner, I can save that. What if I win the jackpot? Diary, I don't want to daydream. But I really, really need money. I can't ask Caleb. He's under so much pressure already. He films night scenes every day. During the day, he edits videos for extra cash. He's so tired, but he always pretends to be fine and tells me, "Hubby isn't tired." My heart breaks for him. Whatever. I'll figure it out myself. Attached photo: Caleb's sleeping face. Perfection. When life feels hopeless, I just look at him~ The host paused. "Mr. Thorne, I have to ask. Did you know Julian was this desperate for money back then?" Caleb shook his head. "I was his husband. If he needed money and didn't tell me, it must have been for something shady." "No wonder he did all those disgusting things later. For money, he really had no dignity." The host sighed and continued reading. 4. January 10, 2021 Dear Diary. My best friend died. We grew up together in the orphanage for over ten years. He just left me. Because we couldn't scrape together $5,000. I told him I'd find a way. I told him to wait. Even if I had to deliver food 24/7, I would pay for his treatment. But while I was working on set, he pulled his own oxygen tube. He left a recording. He said: "Julian, we were abandoned as kids. Most of us aren't healthy. Living to 25 is already a bonus for me." "Julian, don't be sad. Maybe in heaven, I'll see the parents who threw me away." "I'm going to settle the score with them." "You and Caleb take care." "Oh, and remember to get regular checkups. We poor people can't afford to get sick." I cried until I couldn't breathe. I was so close. If he just waited a little longer... Diary. Why is life so unfair? Today on set, I heard the lead actress's sponsored handbags cost $5,000 each. One bag could have saved my friend's life. Writing this, I suddenly remembered another friend from the orphanage. His name was Victor. Victor means victory. He had a round face and eyes that crinkled into crescents when he smiled. Compared to us, he was full of life. Maybe too full of life. When he was eight, a rich family adopted him. When we said goodbye, I was so happy for him. But he came back a year later. He was thin. He didn't smile. Most importantly, he was mute. He wrote down that he had been tortured for a year. The adoptive family was afraid he would talk. So they cut out his tongue. I ran to the Director for help, but I got beaten half to death. The Director took hush money from that family to bury it. Victor... he killed himself not long after. Now this friend is gone too. There aren't many of us left from the orphanage. Diary, I really want to tell Caleb all this. But looking at his exhausted, smiling eyes... Never mind. Maybe when life gets better. I won't burden him. Goodnight, Diary. Hope I get a callback for an audition tomorrow morning. The host's voice trembled as he read. Netizens: "So he needed money for a friend?" "What kind of orphanage is that? Investigate immediately!" "Seems like an attempt to whitewash his image, but you can tell Julian was just jealous. Otherwise, why envy a $5,000 bag?" The host sighed and turned to Caleb. "Mr. Thorne, did you know your husband needed $5,000?" "You were both 25. Did you really not have $5,000 in savings?" Caleb's pupils contracted. His mouth moved silently. "In 2020, we saved $10,000 together. I promised to buy him a gold bracelet..." "But at the end of the year, my mom got sick." "It cost us everything..." "Later, he didn't bring it up, and I didn't buy it." Caleb lowered his eyes, his voice fading. The chat exploded. "So Julian gave all their savings to treat his mother-in-law and ended up with nothing for himself?" "What is the comment above saying? Marriage means being a family." "If he had the gold bracelet, maybe he could have saved his friend." Actually, Caleb didn't tell the whole story. His mother had insurance. It covered most of the costs. After the reimbursement came, I didn't see a dime. When my friend got sick, I hesitated but eventually asked my mother-in-law for a loan. I was ridiculed. "Marrying a losing investment like you was charity enough." "And you dare ask me for money?" "You're an orphan. No one has your back." I froze. My ears rang. The woman who said she'd treat me like a son at the wedding now looked at me with contempt. When I married Caleb, we didn't have a ceremony, just a dinner. No ring, no dowry. In the end, no respect either. Later, I learned the truth. Once you're married, the masks come off. Especially for someone like me, with no family to back me up. The grievances I didn't write in the diary were far more than Caleb ever knew.
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