On Mother's Day, I forced myself to drink a bowl of abortion medicine. The baby, who had been healthy at every checkup, became an eight-month-old stillborn. Looking at the tiny, lifeless body, my orphan husband was devastated, and my widowed mother nearly fainted. They screamed at me hysterically, "How could you be so cruel? That was your child!" With my blood-stained hands, I showed them a video on my phone. A few seconds later, their eyes bulged in horror. "Dead! That filthy thing must die! Bringing him into this world would be a disaster. He had to die!" 1 While my husband and mother were out, I gulped down the entire bowl of abortion medicine. Moments later, my stomach cramped violently, and blood soaked my pant legs. I clenched my teeth, my body drenched in sweat. Using every ounce of strength, after what felt like an eternity, a bloody fetus slid out. I collapsed in a pool of blood and sweat. My mother, just returning from grocery shopping, turned pale with shock. The ribs and beef in her hands fell to the floor. "The... the baby is born?" I stared at her for a long time, unable to speak. She immediately called my husband, David. "David! David! Lily gave birth! Come back quickly!" Ten minutes later, David rushed in, his face full of joy. "Really? My son is born?" He crouched down to pick up the baby, but the next second, he collapsed at my mother's feet. "The... the baby..." Seeing his reaction, my mother crouched down too. I saw her pupils dilate and her mouth drop open. Because the child I gave birth to was already dead. He died inside me. Both my mother and David sat in the pool of blood with me, reaching out to check for the baby's breath. After a long while, my mother screamed hysterically, "Why? I was only gone for a few minutes to buy groceries! How is the baby gone?" "You carried him for eight months! I served you hand and foot every day! How could you give birth to a stillborn?" David was equally devastated. "It took us two years of marriage to conceive this child. Lily, do you know how much I looked forward to him?" "Why didn't you protect him?" "Why did you let him leave me?" He didn't know yet. It wasn't that I failed to protect him; I killed him with my own hands. 2 I called 911 myself. My mother and David were too busy holding the dead fetus and wailing to pay any attention to me. The doctor said I was lucky to survive after losing so much blood. As soon as they stitched me up and put me on an IV, David slapped me across the face, holding the bowl with the residue of the abortion medicine. "Bitch! Why did you kill my son? Tell me why!" So he figured it out. I touched my burning cheek. "You know why." He shook his head vigorously. "What do I know? Since you got pregnant, haven't I treated you like a goddess?" "You know my father died when I was young and my mother remarried. You know I'm an orphan. You know how much I wanted a child, a family." "I just don't understand. Why did you abort my child?" He didn't understand? Fine. I'll make him understand. With my bloodstained hands, I unlocked my phone and played a video for him. He immediately turned pale with horror and stumbled backward. I asked him, "Do you still want this child? Tell me, do you?" He shook his head violently, terror in his eyes. "No. He deserves to die. He really deserves to die!" My mother ran into the ward right after him, crying just as hard as David. "Lily, I told you to just have the baby. I would have raised him for you." "Why did you have to abort him at eight months? Do you know what a sin you've committed?" "It's Mother's Day today. Is this the gift you give me?" I knew. I knew everything. But he couldn't be born. The mother in the next bed had given birth half a day ago. Her whole family was beaming. The baby's grandma looked at me while holding her grandchild. "Seriously? Aborting at eight months? That's murder." "You're going to hell." "Exactly," the baby's other grandma chimed in. "Young people these days are ridiculous. If you didn't want it, you shouldn't have gotten pregnant. Aborting at eight months?" "Hurting your own body and killing a child. You're not human!" They scolded me righteously, and my mother nearly fainted again. "You don't know! My son-in-law has low sperm motility. It was a miracle we got this child." "This sinner! She cut off my son-in-law's bloodline!" David leaned against the wall. "Stop it. Mom, stop talking." But the more he said that, the angrier my mother got. She slapped me again. "Slut! Slut! If I knew you were such a thing, I should have strangled you like you did to him." "Do you dare celebrate Mother's Day ever again? Do you even have the right?" The two ladies next door nodded in agreement. "Exactly. A woman with a heart so vicious she won't even spare her own child shouldn't be alive. She should have died with the baby." I looked at the two angry women and showed them the video on my phone. Their faces changed just like David's, and they started trembling. "The filthy thing deserved to die! Good riddance! He should never have been conceived!" "That wasn't a child; that was a curse!" 3 My mother thought she misheard. "What kind of bullshit are you spouting? That was my grandson, my son-in-law's only chance at a child." "Why did you want him dead?" No one answered her. The women immediately pulled the curtain shut, as if we were some contagious filth to be avoided. My mother turned to me. "Show me what's on the phone!" I wouldn't show her. She didn't deserve to see. She went crazy. "They can see it, why can't I?" No matter what she said, I refused. The more I refused, the more curious she became. She ripped open the curtain next to us and looked at the two women. "Tell me, what's on her phone?" The women looked terrified, pointing at my mother. "Get away! Don't come near us! Get away!" My mother was confused. "Are you all crazy?" The women immediately called the nurse. "We want to switch beds. Immediately." The nurse apologized. "Only VIP rooms are available right now, they are more expensive..." "Switch!" The women said in unison. In less than ten minutes, the whole family moved to VIP. The ward was left with just me and my mother. Before leaving, they glared at my mother and spat. "Filthy thing. Filthy thing!" My mother was furious, almost fighting them. "What bullshit are you spouting? Who are you calling a filthy thing?" The women dropped those three words and ran. My mother glared at me angrily. "Show me the thing. Now." The more agitated she got, the less I gave it to her. She finally snapped, ripping out my IV drip to threaten me. "If you don't tell me why you aborted the baby, I'll kill you right now." Looking at her fierce expression, I asked calmly, "Are you still my mother?" Her eyes flickered. "If I'm not your mother, who is? Your deadbeat father died over ten years ago. I raised you all by myself, working myself to the bone." "I gave you twenty thousand dollars cash and a two-hundred-thousand-dollar property when you got married. I gave you a thousand a month for nutrition while you were pregnant, serving you hand and foot." "Where did I go wrong for you to try and anger me to death like this?" I twitched the corner of my mouth. "Mom, it's my belly, my child. Is it wrong that I didn't want it? Why are you so angry?" "Shouldn't I be angry? You know David has fertility issues. You know he's an orphan. You know better than anyone how important this child was to him. You..." She got angrier and more agitated as she spoke, finally slapping me again. 4 The doctor doing rounds saw her slap me and immediately scolded her. "The patient is so weak. As a mother, instead of taking care of her, how can you hit her?" My mother wailed, recounting my "crimes" with snot and tears. The doctor looked at me with complicated eyes. "It is a sin. An eight-month-old baby could have survived on its own." My mother nodded and cried, wiping her tears. The doctor comforted her sympathetically. "It's okay, ma'am. Your daughter is still young. She can get pregnant again." I said calmly, "I won't get pregnant again. Even if I do, it won't be David's child." "What did you say? You want to cheat on David? Lily, how did I raise such a shameless thing?" My mother raised her hand again in anger. The doctor stopped her in time, but his look towards me was no longer friendly. Without a word, I showed the video to the doctor. In just a few seconds, his attitude changed just like the others. "Filthy thing. Deserved to die! Absolutely deserved it!" Exactly the same words as the women. My mother was frantic. "What is it?! Lily, tell me what's on the phone!" "How can your own child be a filthy thing? How?" No one paid attention to her. The doctor reinserted my IV and warned my mother: "If you disturb the patient's rest again, we will call the police." My mother glared at me hatefully. "Slut, you have to come home eventually. I'll be waiting. This isn't over until you explain clearly." Two days later, I was discharged. For those two days, neither my mother nor David showed up. The doctors and nurses took care of me. When I got home, it was as I expected. Only my mother was there. David was gone. My mother looked ten years older. She kept dialing David's number repeatedly. "The number you have dialed cannot be connected. Please try again later!" No matter how many times she called, the mechanical voice was the only answer. She couldn't find David. Seeing me, she immediately threw down her phone and lunged at me. "Slut, you finally came back?" "Tell me quickly, what did you show David that made him leave suddenly? "It's been two days, and I still can't find him. Where did he go?" I held her hands tightly. "He's an adult with legs. How should I know where he went?" My mother's eyes were practically spitting fire. "He left after watching the video on your phone. Tell me what you showed him!" I just wouldn't tell her. She went crazy, grabbing things around her and throwing them at me. Anything she saw became a weapon. I hid outside the door. The neighbor, Auntie May, heard the commotion and came to intervene. "Oh my god, what are you two doing? Lily is about to give birth. How can you beat her like this as a mother? "Careful not to hurt the baby!" My mother put her hands on her hips, panting heavily. "She's giving birth? Can she still give birth? Look at her stomach." Auntie May looked at my flat stomach and gasped. "Did she give birth prematurely at eight months?" I shook my head. "No, I aborted it myself." Auntie May covered her mouth. "Oh my god, Lily. Your baby was almost full term. Why didn't you want it? "If you didn't want it, you shouldn't have gotten pregnant. We all saw how well your mom and David took care of you during your pregnancy. "You're too cruel."
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