I confessed my feelings to my childhood friend. His roommates mocked him for an entire semester because of it. In a fit of rage, I confessed to every single one of his roommates. Except one— The one who laughed the loudest. 1 "I like you." I finally confessed to my childhood friend, Julian. As soon as the words left my mouth, I heard snickering. Not just one person. I looked up. Julian was surrounded by his roommates. One of them, tall and arrogant— Laughed the loudest. He clutched his stomach, unable to stand straight. I knew him. He was the school’s star swimmer, Liam. "I can't believe it," Liam gasped. "The boring bookworm likes you?" On the far right was my classmate, Seth, with a baby face and curly hair. He shook his head and sneered, "Julian, you're amazing. Even a mute can speak up for you." Like a vicious bichon frisé. "Alright, everyone, stop laughing. What if Maya gets upset?" The one trying to stop the laughter was slender and handsome, with a gentle face. He seemed sympathetic, but his eyes were upturned, hiding amusement. That was Oliver, the school’s "Prince Charming." I ignored them. My gaze was fixed on Julian. Julian was always decent and gentlemanly. He paused slightly, raising a hand to stop his roommates. Then, his voice gentle, he politely rejected me. "Thank you for liking me, but I think we're better off as friends." "Friendship lasts longer than any other relationship." "I hope you find someone better." The bitterness of rejection had just begun to rise when the three boys beside him sarcastically mimicked Julian's voice. "Ohhh~" "I. Hope. You. Find. Someone. Better." In that moment, burning shame rushed through me. I didn't dare look up as tears hit the floor. Julian's roommates made me realize one thing. Being liked by me was embarrassing. I embarrassed Julian. 2 Once I realized I was an embarrassment to Julian, I started avoiding him. We were classmates. He was the class monitor; I was the vice monitor. He was responsible for collecting homework and distributing test papers. Every time he came near me, I tucked my head in like a quail, refusing to look up. Avoiding eye contact. Julian and I grew up in the same neighborhood. So every day after school, we would walk home together. Julian was too decent. He didn't want to lose me as a friend. Nor did he want the awkwardness between us to be noticed by our sharp-eyed classmates. So he walked up to me as if nothing had happened. He called my name softly. "Maya, walking together?" I didn't look up. "N... no." I couldn't see Julian's expression, but I heard a soft sigh above my head. His voice was gentle. "Alright then. Be safe on your way home." As soon as Julian finished speaking, I heard the vicious bichon, Seth, snickering nearby. Ever since my failed confession, whenever Julian spoke to me, Seth would make those mocking noises. I didn't want to cause trouble, so I pretended not to hear. But this was the umpteenth time. I looked up and locked eyes with Seth. The vivid smile was still on his face. I asked softly and sincerely, "What are you laughing at?" "How about I walk home with you?" Seth froze instantly, like a puppy that had been kicked. He stopped rocking back and forth in his chair. A blush spread across his pretty face. He snapped angrily, "In your dreams!" You treat my affection as a disgrace? Then I'll make you feel disgraceful too. I turned my head with satisfaction. I saw Julian beside me, looking down at me. His gaze was calm as a lake. 3 After I clapped back at Seth, I thought it was over. I wanted to return to a quiet school life. Study quietly, stay away from Julian quietly. If my liking you makes you a laughingstock, I won't bother you anymore. I'll avoid appearing in front of you so they won't associate us. But being in the same class, contact was inevitable. The teacher assigned Julian to draw the blackboard newspaper. I was always meticulous and good at drawing. So the teacher specifically named me to help Julian. The next day, Julian waited downstairs at my apartment. He stood tall and slender, like a green bamboo. I couldn't pretend not to see him, so I walked over. Julian handed me the design draft, his eyes still clear and gentle. "Let's draw according to this today." "Mm." I hummed quietly. Julian seemed oblivious to my awkwardness. He chatted with me as usual. "You did well on the monthly exam. I saw you ranked fifth in the school." "The cafeteria launched a new wrap with spicy strips and sausage. Seems popular." Bland topics. Usually, I would rack my brains to keep the conversation going. But this time, I was too embarrassed. I just wanted to escape. Escaping is shameful but useful. So I remained silent, keeping a meter distance from him. Julian kept talking, and I couldn't rudely shake him off. Finally, near the school, Julian might have gotten tired. He took a deep breath and paused. Just as he made a sound, I gripped my backpack straps and sprinted. "I need the bathroom! Bye!" I shot off like a cannonball. Running to the school gate, bam, I crashed into someone. I looked up. Tall, indifferent expression. It was Liam. Seeing me, a smirk appeared on his lips. "Well, well. The little bookworm from next door. In a rush to find Julian?" Next to him was Oliver, the "green tea" guy. (Note: "Green tea" refers to someone who acts innocent but is manipulative.) I found out later that Oliver was voted the school hunk. Oliver covered his mouth, laughing softly, and nudged Liam. "Oh, stop it." Okay. None of you are letting me go, right? One incident, and you've been mocking Julian and me for a whole semester. I looked up sharply. I smiled at Oliver. We honest people have very sincere smiles. Oliver froze, then lowered his eyes and returned my gentle smile. Like a slowly blooming white lotus. "I was rushing to find you." "I saw you playing the violin at the last talent show." "You're amazing. I just wanted to tell you that." "I'm done. Bye." Oliver's lips parted slightly. I ignored both of them. I tightened my grip on my straps and kept running. As I rushed through the gate, I thought I heard Julian's voice. Calm and gentle. "What... were you guys talking about just now?" 4 I think I found a way to deal with them. I decided to confess to every single one of Julian's roommates who mocked him. Except Liam— He laughed the loudest. I want him to know. Even if I'm trash in their eyes, I wouldn't like him. Looking at my reflection in the glass. Bangs, black-rimmed glasses, round face. I'm timid and have strong boundaries. Afraid of disturbing others, I rarely initiate conversation. I only talked to Julian a lot. The rest of the time was mostly studying. I look average, slightly chubby. A person with zero presence on the street. Teachers and classmates evaluate me, think for a moment, and say: "Maya is an honest and well-behaved kid." I am such an ordinary, honest person. Confessing to Julian was the timid me, the secret-crush me, being brave despite knowing it was impossible. If you all think my bravery and affection are stains on an excellent person. Tools for you to attack Julian. Then I will stain all of you.
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