Right before dinner, my husband suddenly asked, "What if we stop loving each other? Whether it's because of someone else, or... we just grow apart. What happens to us?" I hesitated for a long time. "Maybe divorce is the best answer. You could find someone else." The truth was, I already knew. I knew about his unusual feelings for that girl. And I'd already heard him promise her: "Don't cry. We'll have a future." 1 He put his fork down, his face suddenly hardening. After a long moment, he forced a laugh. "Victoria, I was just kidding." It wasn't a joke. I knew. I had known his love, so I knew what it looked like when it was gone. And I knew that what he felt for that other girl... was real. Earlier today, at the hospital. The doctor, who had been impatient, softened the moment he read my chart. He lowered his voice. "Don't be scared. This isn't late-stage. With aggressive treatment, this is manageable." I was walking out with the diagnosis when I saw them. Julian's arm was bandaged. The girl was looking at him, her eyes red with pain. "Why did I have to meet you so late? I can't even take care of you properly." Julian looked flustered. Blood was seeping through his new bandage. He said, "Don't cry. I'll give you a future." The words hung in the air. He froze, as if he regretted saying them. But she believed him. Her nose was red as she looked up at him. "Really?" Julian just frowned. He didn't speak. I didn't stay to watch the rest. I know Julian. I know his boundaries. As long as he was married to me, his body wouldn't cross the line. But his heart... I couldn't control his heart. 2 I wanted to know, too. What kind of girl was she? What made her better than me? I found her profile through his phone. I had to see for myself. I had to see the woman who had so easily destroyed eight years of my life. We survived long-distance. We survived the pandemic. We survived being broke. But we were being defeated by a "better girl." I found her on the university campus. Of course. Young. Vibrant. An old, homeless woman was struggling to collect cans, her back bent. Her plastic bag ripped, and empty bottles scattered across the pavement. The girl, in a cream-colored coat, ran over and helped her pick up every single one. She helped the woman carry the heavy bag all the way to the campus recycling center. I followed, like a stalker. Suddenly, footsteps rushed up behind me. A figure blocked my view. I looked up. Liam. His arms were spread, shielding the girl from me, his lips trembling. "Victoria, it's not her fault..." Not her fault. Then whose fault was it? Mine? The girl finally noticed me. She looked over, startled. Our eyes met. She quickly looked away. 3 In a coffee shop. Julian sat across from me, his eyes full of pain. He said, "Victoria, I..." He couldn't continue. I wanted to know, too. Now that I'd found out, what would he choose? Would he end it with the "better girl"? Or would he end it with me? He opened his mouth, and finally, the words came out, strained. "Victoria, I... I don't think I love you anymore." I didn't say anything. But my body betrayed me. My eyes burned. He panicked. "Don't cry..." He just stared at me for a long time before pushing the napkin holder across the table. He let out a breath, like a man relieved of a heavy weight. "Tess, we got together when we were eighteen. It's been eight years... "I know I'm an asshole. I'm scum. "But Victoria... after this long, my love for you... it's turned into something else. It's family. "Neither of us can fight that." I asked him, "And her?" Julian was silent. "Maybe that will change, too. "But... I don't want to lie to you right now..." He looked up, his voice bitter. "I haven't done anything... physical. If you want, we can stay married. "But... all I have left to give you is responsibility. And the rest of my time." How could I describe that feeling? Sadness? Despair? I was a prisoner, drowning. I knew I was going to die, but I had to keep my eyes open and just... wait. We sat in silence. Finally, I spoke. "Let's schedule a time. We'll file for divorce." 4 It was evening when I left the cafe. The sunset was a violent, blinding red. Across the street, someone was hovering. Julian saw her instantly and sprinted over. The girl flinched, her face pale. Julian's voice was sharp. "Nina, what are you doing here? "I told you to go back to your dorm. Have you been waiting this whole time?" Nina glanced at me, her eyes full of apology. She looked down at her shoes. "I... I was worried about you..." His expression melted. "Don't overthink it." Suddenly... An indescribable bitterness flooded my chest. I really thought there was nothing left that could possibly hurt me. 5 "Don't overthink it." That's what he said to me at the bus station, right after graduation. I was sobbing, terrified of the separation. Everyone said graduation equals a breakup. Who could guarantee a long-distance relationship? He turned and hugged me tight. "Victoria, don't overthink it. As soon as I'm settled, I'll come see you." The same station. He took a bus north. I took one south. I was in a second-tier city. My first birthday alone, he promised he'd be there. He wasn't. At 12:37 AM. A knock on my apartment door. He burst in, breathless, and grabbed me. "I tried so hard to make it," he panted, "but I'm still late." I found out later he'd spent his last dollar on the bus ticket. He couldn't afford a cab from the station. He walked. My apartment was eight miles from the bus station. I thought, this is my life. It has disappointments, but the happy endings will come, even if they're late. I was wrong.
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