Chapter 1 The night before the Common App deadline, our group chat exploded. "Holy shit! Did Sadie change her application?! I thought she and Liam were both locked for Parsons!" Someone tagged @Sadie. On the other end of the line, Sadie's voice was lazy, like she’d just woken up, with the faint sound of a video game in the background. "Oh, you mean Liam? It's fine. He has my passwords." She paused, the sound of her chewing gum. "When he sees I switched, he'll switch his to match. I mean, come on, guys. When has he ever not followed me?" I stared at my phone, my fingertips ice cold. The clack-clack-clack of my mechanical keyboard was the only sound in the dead-quiet room. I closed the group chat. I didn't look at the application portal again. She didn't know. She could ditch our dream for Ethan, but I had my own skyline, one I wouldn't compromise on. The dream I’d pulled countless all-nighters for, filled hundreds of pages in my sketchbook to reach—it was never just about her. ... Sadie’s words in the chat were like icicles stabbing into my chest. Parsons. That was the pact we made on the roof of the art studio back in sophomore year, staring at the stars until 3 AM. Both our families sat down together, weighing the pros and cons before we both committed to Early Decision. Now, she just… changed it. Didn't even bother to send me a text. The chat kept buzzing. "Sadie, you're that sure Liam's gonna log into your account? What if he doesn't even notice...?" Sadie let out a short, sharp laugh. The pew-pew of a kill-shot from her game. "He'll look. I know him." "He probably checks it eight hundred times a day, terrified something will go wrong and he won't end up in the same dorm building as me." Her voice was laced with a familiar, weary arrogance. "Ugh, you guys don't get it. Have you ever had a little shadow you just can't shake, ever since you were in diapers?" A chorus of knowing laughter filled the chat. Another guy chimed in. "Even if he sees it, you really think Liam's gonna change his whole future at the last second just to follow you? That's a huge risk, Sadie." The game sounds stopped for half a second. Her voice came back, annoyed. "Shut up." "Where else is he gonna go? Has Liam ever been away from me for more than three days since kindergarten? If he doesn't follow me to SCAD, what's he gonna do?" The guy who asked the first question couldn't let it go. "Sadie, that's... kinda messed up. You should at least tell him." Silence from her end. Then, an agitated sigh. "I forgot. It's annoying. I don't want to explain it." "Besides, it's not like I'm just doing it for no reason. Ethan... you guys know his family situation. He said he’s scared, going down south all by himself. It’s better if he has someone there, you know? Someone to watch his back." The chat went quiet for a few seconds. "True. With a guy like Ethan... he’s gonna attract trouble. He needs backup." "Not like your boy Liam, always covered in charcoal dust. Put him next to Ethan, and... yikes." "Giving up Parsons for Ethan, though. Damn, Sadie. You’re a real one." ... Their comments, that mix of teasing and agreement, a soundtrack of video game violence—it all froze me in place. My fist clenched so hard my nails dug into my palm. I wanted to scream through the phone, right at Sadie. But my body felt welded to the chair. I couldn’t move. I don’t know how long I sat there, paralyzed. Finally, I just powered down the monitor. The moment the screen went black, it felt like the last spark of light inside me went out with it. Chapter 2 I locked my door, and the darkness swallowed everything. The knot in my throat, the one I’d been choking on all night, finally unraveled. Sadie's words just kept replaying in my head. I still couldn't understand. How could she just give up on Parsons? On New York? We'd survived so many nights painting until dawn, pushing each other, just to earn the scores and the portfolio that got us in. Right before I saw that chat, I was buzzing, imagining us stepping onto the NYC campus together. I never imagined... That the future I’d worked my ass off to build for both of us... She could just erase it. All because some other guy said he was scared. She just changed it. And why? Why was telling me, the person who'd been by her side for eighteen years, such a burden? Was she that afraid I'd cling to her? If she was... then what about that night after the portfolio showcase? On the roof of the studio? That hesitant, paint-flecked kiss she pressed to my lips. The way our hearts were hammering against each other's chests. What the hell was that? Was it just her blowing off steam? A stress-fueled impulse that I was stupid enough to take seriously? Something inside me just... snapped. The truth is, I didn't need her. From elementary school through high school, I’d followed Sadie to the same schools, the same art programs. Everyone, including Sadie herself, just assumed I would always be trailing in her shadow. But nobody knew I had another, deeper reason for wanting Parsons. It had nothing to do with Sadie. Even if she didn't go, I was still going. I closed the sketchbook lying open on my desk, the one filled with our shared ideas and promises. I didn't look at the application portal again. I didn't feel a single flicker of temptation to change my destination for her. She could run off to Savannah for Ethan. I had my own skyline to chase. Our paths had split. No point in looking back. Realizing that, the suffocating feeling actually started to fade. It wasn't the end of the world. My dad always said, once your wings are strong, you gotta fly on your own. As for that kiss... I’d just write it off. Like getting scratched by a stray cat in an alley. I’d just splashed cold water on my face when a FaceTime request from Sadie popped up. My brain screamed no, but my thumb hit "accept" out of pure muscle memory. "Liam, what are you doing?" "We're all here! The usual spot, we're getting wings. If you don't get here soon, they'll all be gone!" Her background was loud, the familiar sound of our friends goofing off. It was our post-finals tradition. Everyone takes a turn treating. Tonight was Sadie’s turn. But I didn't want to go. "I'm not coming. You guys have..." I didn't finish before a smooth, low male voice cut in. "Sadie... Liam’s not coming? Is it... is it because I tagged along? I don’t want to crash your friends' night..." Sadie didn't even answer him. A few other voices jumped in. "No way, Ethan! We're stoked you're here!" "Don't mind Liam... he gets... weird, you know? Doesn't like seeing other guys around Sadie. He'll get over it." The edge of Ethan's face appeared in the frame, way too close to her. He whispered, all "understanding." "Sadie, maybe I should just go. I don't want to make things hard for you..." Sadie's face instantly hardened. She threw an arm around his shoulder, pulling him back. "Ethan, you sit down." Then she turned back to the camera, her voice cold. "Liam. Come or don't. Your choice." "We're not waiting. We're eating." The call ended. A hot, sick anger shot straight up my spine. I opened my contacts and blocked her number. It was the first time in my entire life I had ever blocked Sadie. And it was because of Ethan. Chapter 3 Ever since Ethan transferred to our studio sophomore year... The number of rules Sadie had broken for him, the exceptions she'd made... I couldn't even count. Maybe girls just like that type. The pretty-boy, "damaged goods" vibe. While I was covered in charcoal dust and paint, grinding away in the studio... Ethan always looked like he’d just stepped out of a magazine. Clean, perfectly dressed. Even his goddamn easel looked like a fashion accessory. I'd argued with Sadie about him. We'd had cold wars. I even thought she was into him and I tried to pull away. But every time, Sadie would find me, insisting. "What are you thinking? Ethan's just a friend. His family situation is a mess, I'm just helping him out. People say he's hot, but behind his back, they're tearing him apart." I believed her. Ethan's dad was famous, or infamous. He'd been all over the news for some massive Wall Street scandal. It screwed Ethan up. So I turned a blind eye when they got closer. Sadie had never lied to me before. She said she didn't like him. I believed her. But then, in all the moments I wasn't looking, they started sharing things I knew nothing about. And now... She was even changing her entire college application for him. It made my trust in her feel like a complete fucking joke. My head was spinning. My phone buzzed with a text message. !Liam, you grew a pair? You blocked me? You just wait 'til I get home.! It was Sadie, using someone else's phone. I blocked that number, too. I checked the time, grabbed my bag, and headed out. It was the last day. Our portfolio advisor had called everyone in for a final confirmation. Traffic was bad. By the time I got there, Sadie and Ethan were already inside. The seat next to Sadie was my seat. But Ethan was sitting in it, casually twirling one of her paintbrushes. When I walked in, he didn't move. He just looked at me, a flicker of something... challenging... in his eyes. Sadie acted like she didn't see me. She stared straight ahead, pointedly ignoring me. She was probably waiting for me to break first, like I always did. Not this time. Fine by me. I didn't want to sit next to her anyway. I scanned the room and walked straight over to an empty seat next to my buddy, Leo. Far away from them. "Okay, people! This is the final hours before the deadline. Double-check everything! Any last-minute questions, now's the time!" Our advisor said her piece and then left. I was listening to Leo complain about his financial aid forms when I felt a sharp tap on the back of my head. "Liam. Outside." Sadie's voice. I turned, met her gaze for a second. Then I looked away, ignored her, and went back to talking to Leo. Sadie grabbed my shoulder and physically spun me around to face her. "Liam, what is this? What's the drama this time?" "Aren't you tired of this? We're adults, Liam. Are you really still playing the silent treatment game? How childish." She scowled, her voice exhausted. I was forced to look at her. I managed a smirk. "It is childish. And boring. So you can stop pretending you want to make up." We stared at each other for a few seconds. Sadie lost patience first. "Fine. Whatever." "Keep playing your games. Just don't come crying to me later." She let go, her tone dripping with that familiar condescension. I turned my back on her. I thought she'd left. But suddenly her hands were on both my shoulders, forcing me back around. She stared right into my eyes, her voice unusually serious. "Today is the last day, Liam. Your applications... check them again. Carefully. Make sure you didn't make a mistake..." She was about to say more, but Ethan walked over, holding a tablet. "Sadie? My portal's acting weird. Can you take a look?" Sadie nodded. Before she walked away, she did that thing she's always done—reached up to ruffle my hair. I jerked my head to the side. Her hand froze in mid-air. Her eyes hardened. But she still finished her sentence. "Go to the computer lab. Check it one last time. Don't be sloppy." Chapter 4 I almost laughed. She probably thought that "reminder" was all it would take. That I'd run to the computer lab, see she'd switched to SCAD, and immediately follow her. Still twisting things, still refusing to just tell me. Of course. If she told me "I'm ditching our dream for Ethan," she'd have to deal with me, this "annoying problem." Too much work. Too bad for her. I wasn't turning back. I glanced at Sadie, now totally focused on Ethan's tablet. I grabbed Leo and we left the studio. Leo could tell I was in a black mood and dragged me to a friend's birthday party. I couldn't fight him, so I went. After dinner, they hauled us all to some new motorcycle-themed bar. And of course, as soon as we walked in, I saw Sadie and her crew. We knew a lot of the same people, so both groups just merged into one big booth. Sadie saw me. Her expression froze. But she didn't speak. Didn't even nod. I treated her like thin air. I went to the bathroom, and on my way back, I overheard Sadie talking to one of the guys in the hall. He was trying to reason with her. "Sadie, seriously, just tell him. Liam, all alone in New York? He doesn't know anyone..." Sadie's voice was firm, completely confident. "Don't worry. I gave him a hint." "He definitely changed it by now. He's just pissed I didn't tell him first." I stopped dead. Footsteps. They turned the corner. When Sadie saw me, her eyes widened. She shooed the other guy away and blocked me against the dark hallway wall. "Liam. We need to talk." I rolled my eyes and tried to walk past her. She grabbed my arm and yanked me back, trapping me between her arms and the wall. The faint smell of beer and the familiar, sharp scent of turpentine from her clothes hit me. I automatically turned my head away. We stood there. Sadie broke the silence first, with a low laugh. "Still mad? I was gonna invite you out tonight. But you blocked me. Couldn't text you." "Then at the studio, you pissed me off so much I forgot to say anything." "Come on, stop it." Her voice softened, trying to coax me. "You checked your applications, right? All good?" I kept my eyes down. Said nothing. The stalemate was broken by Ethan's voice from behind her. "Sadie? Leo's brother is challenging you to a drinking game." "Oh... sorry. Am I interrupting something?" His voice was perfectly apologetic. Sometimes I swear Ethan has a GPS tracker on Sadie. Every single time she tries to talk to me alone, he just "happens" to show up. I didn't want to deal with this. While Sadie was distracted, I ducked under her arm. As I passed Ethan, he grabbed my wrist. Hard. Chapter 5 "I'm really sorry, Liam. I didn't mean to interrupt. Sadie's been miserable all day because you're mad." Ethan's voice was all wounded innocence. I tried to yank my arm free, but he just squeezed tighter, his nails digging into my skin. I ripped my arm away. Ethan stumbled back, bracing himself against the wall, his eyes instantly going red. "Sadie... Is Liam still mad at me? Because I came to your hangout?" "I'll apologize to him, okay? Just... you guys, please don't fight because of me." He actually started to bow his head toward me. Sadie exploded. She jumped in front of Ethan. "He's the one being a petty asshole. Why are you apologizing?" "Liam, why did you push him? You're the one who should apologize." Sadie glared at me. "We're all going to be in the same place next year. What's the big deal? Just be nice." "If you love taking care of him so much, you two can take care of each other." I threw the words at her and walked away. I ignored her angry warning from behind me. "Liam, that's enough!" It took a while for Sadie and Ethan to come back. Sadie still looked pissed. Ethan, however, was back to normal, with a strange, unreadable look in his eyes. People started yelling for Truth or Dare. Besides Leo, everyone else seemed to have forgotten I existed, or maybe they just didn't care. Right. In their eyes, I was just Sadie's "little shadow." Ethan got "Dare." He had to give a "sexy dance" to someone of the same gender. His eyes scanned the group, then landed right on Sadie, his voice a playful whine. "Sadie... help me..." Sadie instinctively glanced at me, a challenge in her eyes. She tossed her head. "Fine." If this had been last year, I would have lost my mind. But now... I felt nothing. Ethan had apparently taken dance classes. He had the body for it. He actually looked good. I just chugged my beer. I watched, cold, as Ethan, moving to the pulsing electronic music, danced on Sadie, his movements all suggestion and tension. At first, Sadie had this lazy smile, her eyes darting over to me, clearly waiting for me to explode. But as Ethan's moves got bolder, his gaze more intense, her spine straightened. Her eyes got locked onto him. It was like everyone else in the room disappeared. The air between them was practically on fire. The song ended. Ethan "tripped" and fell perfectly, collapsing right into Sadie's lap. He was wearing a slightly oversized shirt, and the fall made it gape open. Their bodies were pressed together, so intimate the whole bar erupted in whistles and cheers. Ethan's face flushed red, and he pretended to hide, embarrassed. Sadie cursed, "Stop messing around," but her arm wrapped instinctively around his waist, and she tucked his head into her neck, shielding him from everyone's stares. That intimacy, that protection... that used to be mine. Even though I'd already decided to let go, watching it... my heart felt like it was being crushed by an invisible hand. It hurt so much I couldn't breathe. I couldn't stay. I finished the last of my beer, got up, and quietly left the bar. Leo followed me out. He stood on the curb with me for an hour, just cursing them out. He'd tried to start something inside a few times, but I'd held him back. There was no point. From now on, we were just strangers. I don't know what happened after I left. I just felt exhausted, body and soul. I got home at 11:50 PM. Ten minutes until the application portal closed for good. I felt completely drained. I collapsed onto my bed. Eighteen years of memories flooded in, drowning my resolve. The grief was suffocating. My phone rang, shattering the silence. A number I didn't recognize. I answered. It was Sadie, her voice thick with alcohol, and a rare, sticky tenderness. "Liam... stop being stubborn... okay? Be good... and remember to change your application..." "Savannah... it's nice, too... Forsyth Park... I'll... I'll take you sketching there..."
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