On the fifth anniversary of my marriage to my stepbrother, he killed himself. He left me only a torn piece of paper. On it were three words: I hate you. He had every right to hate me. He’d raised me for ten years, and I’d repaid his kindness by drugging him and climbing into his bed. I made him lose the love of his life. I faked a pregnancy to trap him into marrying me. I knew he didn’t love me, but I was too selfish to let him go. In the end, I drove him to his death. And I died on the way to his funeral. I thought that would be the end of it, a final, clean break. But when I opened my eyes again, I was back on the day I drugged him. Caleb was dead. I was in a coffee shop with my lawyer, finalizing the divorce papers, when the call came. “Give him the money, the house, everything,” I said, my voice flat. The lawyer looked at me, surprised. “Ms. Ross, you intend to walk away with nothing?” He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, his expression baffled. “My understanding is that Mr. Hayes initiated the separation. Legally, he’s the party at fault…” I held up a hand to stop him. “Just write it that way.” The money, the house—it was all his. I’d already poisoned so many years of his life; I had no right to his possessions now that it was over. “Well, in all my years handling divorce cases, you’re certainly the most generous client I’ve ever had,” the lawyer said with genuine admiration. A bitter smile touched my lips. If he knew what I’d done to Caleb, he wouldn’t be saying that. For years, everyone in Caleb’s life had a name for me: the psycho. The monster who’d coveted her own stepbrother. The ungrateful viper he’d raised. “If you’ll review this one last time, you can sign right here. I’ll have the agreement couriered to Mr. Hayes.” My heart felt like it was being squeezed in a vise as I took the pen. I’d just started the first letter of my name when my phone rang, shattering the quiet of the café. “Am I speaking with Ms. Stella Ross? This is St. Jude’s Medical Center. We’re calling about your husband, Caleb Hayes. He was admitted following a suicide attempt…” The pen slipped from my fingers and clattered to the floor. A high-pitched ringing filled my ears, and the world blurred. I never imagined he hated me that much. That he would rather die than spend another day tied to me. But he was just one signature away. I was so close to finally setting him free. Part 2 By the time I reached the funeral home, Caleb was already in an urn. The moment she saw me, his grandmother, her eyes red and swollen, slapped me hard across the face. “You monster. How dare you show your face here?” I didn’t flinch. I just stared at the black-and-white photo of Caleb, my mind numb. It had been six months since I’d last seen him. That was the day he’d asked for a divorce. “Jessica’s back in town,” he’d said, his voice devoid of emotion. “After all these years, I’ve never forgotten her.” He looked away, unable to meet my eyes. “Name your price, Stella. Whatever you want. Just sign the papers.” I’d flown into a rage. I smashed everything in the living room, screaming at him like a banshee. “A divorce, Caleb? Don’t you even think about it!” I’d shrieked. “The only way I’m leaving this marriage is in a casket. There’s no divorce for me, only widowhood.” He didn’t say a word. Just like every other time we fought, he silently started cleaning up the wreckage I’d made. I thought I’d won. I thought the subject was closed. But when I woke up the next morning, he was gone. His clothes, his pictures, every trace of him had vanished from the house, as if he’d never been there at all. And now, my own words had become a twisted prophecy. I was a widow. Right at the moment I’d finally decided to give him his freedom. A metallic taste filled my throat, and a wave of pain so intense it buckled my knees brought me to the floor. A storm of regret washed over me, but all it produced was a useless, silent, I’m sorry. Grandma Hayes refused to let me attend the funeral. She ignored my pleading and physically pushed me out of the building. When I tried to force my way back in, she shoved a crumpled piece of paper into my hand, her eyes burning with hatred. “You want to see what he left behind? This is it! This is the only thing he left!” I froze. My fingers automatically smoothed out the paper. The familiar handwriting sent a chill straight through my soul. “Still want to come in?” she asked, her voice dripping with venom. I shook my head, a bitter laugh escaping my lips. The three words on the paper burned in my mind, a repeating, searing mantra. I hate you. Caleb never made enemies. It was painfully obvious who those words were for. Part 3 I clutched that piece of paper and stood outside the funeral home all night. I couldn’t go in, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave. As dawn broke, I saw his family emerge, carrying the urn. They got into a car. I scrambled to mine and followed at a distance. The road leading up to the cemetery was a winding mountain pass, slick and treacherous from last night’s rain. The higher we climbed, the more difficult the driving became. I prayed silently, a desperate bargain with a universe that had never listened. Just let me see him off. Just let me finish this one last journey with him, and I’ll do anything. As the thought crossed my mind, a shadow fell over my car. A massive boulder, dislodged from the cliffside by the rain, crashed down onto the roof. The piece of paper I’d been holding fluttered onto my lap. I looked at the words—I hate you—and laughed through my tears. Of course. I was so arrogant I’d forgotten. Caleb didn’t want me here. He didn’t want me to see him off. As my vision faded to black, I closed my eyes and made a vow. “Caleb, if there’s a next time, I swear I’ll leave you alone.” Part 4 “Stella, are you insane?!” “I’m your brother! You drugged me!” The familiar voice echoed in my ears. I apologized instinctively. “I’m sorry.” The words had barely left my lips when a pair of strong hands wrapped around my waist, pulling me close. “A little late for sorry, don’t you think?” His warm breath tickled my ear. I snapped my eyes open in disbelief. Standing in front of me, very much alive, was Caleb. “Caleb?” His eyes were flushed with a mixture of desire and anger. I immediately shoved him away and, acting on pure instinct, slapped myself hard across the face. The stinging pain was real. Tears of pure, unadulterated joy streamed down my cheeks. It wasn’t a dream. I was really back. “I’m not the one who’s mad, why are you hitting yourself?” Caleb frowned, grabbing my hand. His eyes were filled with… concern. A fresh wave of guilt washed over me. It was just like the first time. I was the one who had drugged him, who had planned this whole disgusting thing. But instead of being furious, he blamed himself for not being a better guardian, a better brother. Afterward, he’d taken all the blame. His fiancée, Jessica, broke up with him. His grandmother was so enraged she’d cut him off completely for a year. Through it all, he never once told them what I had done. If I hadn’t become more and more possessive, more unhinged over the years, he never would have come to hate me so much. He never would have sought death as an escape. Remembering how I never even got to see him one last time, I pulled my hand from his grasp, my eyes red. “Caleb, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it… I just wanted to see if this stuff worked. I’ll call 911 right now…” I fumbled for my phone, but he suddenly grabbed my wrist, his grip tight. His voice dropped, and his eyes darkened. “You were… testing it on me, Stella?” he asked, his voice dangerously low. “If it worked, who were you planning to use it on?” I hadn’t expected him to believe my frantic, ad-libbed excuse. But then I realized, this was the perfect out. If he thought I was in love with someone else, it would be a relief for him. A good thing. I forced a shy, embarrassed smile. “The quarterback at my school. I’ve had a crush on him for ages. When I confessed to you before, I was just… practicing.” The hand on my wrist tightened, his knuckles turning white. “Stella, you used me as a guinea pig for some other guy?” “Is he really that special?” Part 5 “Is it really worth it, Stella? To do something like this for a guy?” Caleb’s expression was a complicated mix of disbelief and… something else. It was like he was scolding a naive little sister, but also like he was interrogating the ghost of my past self. For a moment, the present blurred with the past. The first time this happened, right before I pushed things past the point of no return, he had held my hand just like this and asked me the same question. “Stella, do you have any idea what you’re doing? What people will say? Is this really worth it to you?” Back then, I was young and fearless, blinded by my obsession. I knew the world would condemn us, but I didn't care. I just tilted my head up and kissed him. “It’s worth it,” I’d whispered. The scene shifted back to the present. I said the same two words, but this time, I pulled my hand away from his. “Caleb, he’s the love of my life. Anything is worth it for him.” I immediately dropped my gaze to the floor, terrified he would see the blazing love for him in my eyes. And because of that, I missed the flicker of disappointment that crossed his face. “Fine, Stella. You’d better not regret this.” Before I could answer, he’d shoved me out of the hotel room and slammed the door. Remembering the intensity of the drug, I hesitated for a moment and knocked. “Caleb, are you sure you don’t need me to call 911?” Silence. My anxiety spiked. I was about to call security to break down the door when a familiar voice came from behind me. “Stella? What are you doing here?” I turned around stiffly. A pang of pain shot through my chest when I saw who it was. “Jessica. What are you doing here?” Jessica held up a small paper bag from a pharmacy and smiled, a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “What do you think, sweetie? We’re all adults here. I’m not here to play Monopoly with your brother in the middle of the night.” Before I could respond, the hotel room door opened. Caleb stood there in a bathrobe, his hair damp. He frowned when he saw I was still there. “Why haven’t you left yet?” A bitter coldness spread through my chest. I kept telling myself this was for the best. Caleb and Jessica were supposed to be together. It was only natural that he would call her. This was the right thing. “Never mind, the medicine…” he started to say. “You guys are busy! I’ll head home now!” I practically fled. The moment I was back in my own apartment, the tears started falling. I guess people are just greedy creatures. I was the one who chose this path, to put things right, to go back to being a normal sister so he could live a long, happy life. But the second I saw him standing with another woman, the pain was unbearable. Every cell in my body was screaming at me to go back and drag him away. I didn’t sleep all night. When I opened my eyes, the very first thing I wanted to do was check his Instagram to see if they’d made it official. I slapped myself. Then I jumped out of bed and started packing. “Stella, what are you doing now?” “Caleb? Why are you home so soon?” I stared at him, my mind reeling. From my past life, I knew how strong that drug was. Last time, he had kept me in that hotel room for three days straight. How was he home after just one night? He saw the look on my face and his expression darkened. “What, you’re disappointed to see me? Were you hoping I’d be gone longer so you could pack up and move in with your precious quarterback?” I never thought he’d jump to that conclusion. It was almost funny, but also deeply sad. I would probably never get the chance to live with the person I loved. “No, that’s not it,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m moving into the dorms. It’ll save you the long drive to pick me up from campus every day.” My university was on the other side of the city. I should have moved into the dorms freshman year, but because of my obsession with him, I’d stayed at home, forcing him to drive me back and forth every day. I paused, then added, “Besides, we’re not real siblings. And now that we both have people we’re interested in, it’s… probably not a good idea for us to live together anymore.”
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