I am a capybara. I look like a guinea pig, but with a more stoic, rectangular face. You can picture it. I love to zone out. I love to soak. If I can zone out while soaking, even better. Because we’re so chill, we get along with everyone in the animal kingdom. A duck using my head as a perch? I’ll just zone out. A pelican trying to nibble on my face? Zone out. A crocodile giving me a ride on its back? Zone out. There’s a certain aesthetic to it—a vibe that’s somewhere between living and dying, and not particularly concerned with either. Until I woke up in the body of a C-list actress in America. The contract termination fee is astronomical, so for now, I’m stuck in showbiz. Of course, this isn’t permanent. I’ve already found a great way to make money: playing a corpse. It’s a hundred and fifty bucks a day, and craft services are included. At this rate, I should be able to buy out my contract in… roughly a century. I’m perfectly content with this plan. My agency, however, is not. 1 Today’s performance did not go smoothly. I was playing dead in a cluster of bushes. Maybe I was lying a little too flat, blending in too well with the scenery, because the male lead stepped right on me. It was a war scene. The man was wearing over twenty pounds of prop armor. I nearly coughed up a lung. He seemed to freeze for a fraction of a second, then continued on with his lines. The pain was so intense, I passed out. When I came to, another extra was wandering around with my phone, trying to find me. The shoot had wrapped hours ago. I’d slept so long no one had even noticed I was missing. I slowly pushed myself up, startling him. "Penny? What are you still doing here?" The extra handed me my phone. "Hey, you missed a call." It had gone to voicemail long ago. I glanced at the screen. It was my agent. Seeing me just staring into space, the extra prompted, "Aren't you gonna call back?" "They'll call again," I said. He looked at me with a sort of weary helplessness. "You can't be this zen all the time, Penny. You fell asleep on set again, and they already paid out the extras for the day. You worked for free. C'mon, let me buy you dinner or something…" I yawned. "It's okay. I'll just come back tomorrow." The extra, who had been about to offer again, just sighed. "...Right. You should probably go get some sleep, then." "Bye," I said, rubbing my eyes. He looked at my drowsy face, and for a moment, his expression softened. As I was leaving, I saw the male lead pacing around the set, a deep frown on his face. I overheard someone say he was looking for someone to apologize to. I wiped off my corpse makeup and walked right past him on my way out. I was woken up by a ringing phone. It was my agent, Brenda. A video call. The moment I answered, her exasperated face filled the screen. "I am so done, Penny! Even if you're a nobody, you're my nobody, and the network is forcing you onto that reality show to be Sienna Croft's foil!" I blinked slowly. "What's a foil?" Brenda looked like she was about to have an aneurysm. "It's the oldest, trashiest marketing trick in the book, and you don't even know it? They want you to play the part of a good-for-nothing, totally incompetent train wreck to make Sienna look hardworking and beautiful by comparison." I nodded in understanding. "Oh. That's me, then." Good-for-nothing. Totally incompetent. "..." Brenda went silent. I think she wanted to scream at me, but in the end, she just waved a dismissive hand, all the fight gone out of her. "Fine. Whatever. Just go." "And for God's sake, brush your hair before you leave the house. It looks like a small, furry explosion went off… you’re a grown woman, how do you still have a cowlick that intense?" She muttered a few more things under her breath before hanging up. I continued to zone out. I kind of wished Brenda were here. She always hates my bedhead; she would have brushed it for me. 2 I joined the cast on location. It was one of those grueling, back-to-basics survival shows. The livestream started the second we stepped out of the van. Sienna and I were guest stars for the week. There were five permanent cast members: four men and one woman. The guys were: an A-list actor, a boy band idol, a rock singer, and a pro athlete. The female cast member was a famously outspoken actress. Sienna had worked with most of them before and was immediately part of the group, laughing and hugging everyone. Being a total unknown, I just stood off to the side. The live chat was blowing up with comments about how gorgeous they all were. The few times I was mentioned, it was with pure confusion. [Who is that? Never seen her before.] [Ugh, must be someone the producers snuck in. So annoying.] I started to zone out. Until Sienna suddenly called out, "Oh, I almost forgot about Penny! What are you doing just standing over there, silly? Come say hi to everyone!" I had no choice but to go down the line, shaking hands. "Hi, I'm Penny," I said four times. It wasn't until I met the A-list actor's gaze that I paused. I frowned. "You." He was the one who had stepped on me. He looked momentarily confused, then offered a polite, professional smile. "I'm Ethan Cole." The implication being, he had no idea who I was. Which was fair. My face had been caked in fake blood at the time, and who remembers what a corpse looks like anyway? The live chat, however, exploded. [Is she seriously trying to start drama with Ethan Cole? The nerve.] [Lmao my man does not care AT ALL.] [Ethan: Don't even try it.] I saw the undisguised annoyance in his eyes and figured he’d gotten the wrong impression, but I didn't bother to explain. I just went back to zoning out. That first night, we had to earn our dinner by competing in games. Because I’d been in a daze for most of the explanation, by the time my turn came, the only option left was archery. Sienna asked with exaggerated concern, "Penny, do you know how to do that?" I nodded. When you play a corpse, sometimes they give you a little fight scene before you die. The stunt coordinator once told me I had a knack for it, so whenever an arrow had to actually hit the lead actor’s armor, I was the one who fired it. Of course, the lead actor never died. Only I did. The smile on Sienna's face froze. "Are you sure?" she pressed. I paused. Right. My assignment from the agency. I was supposed to be completely useless. So, I shook my head. The live chat filled with mockery. [This Penny girl is such a poser. Says she can, then immediately backs down when Sienna calls her out.] [So annoying. The rest of the cast is amazing, why did they have to bring in this dead weight?] [Guess her rich dad couldn't buy her talent. If you can't hack it, just go home.] Sienna feigned hesitation. "Well, how about this? I can take your turn." "I took archery lessons for a role once," she added, beaming. "I'm actually pretty good." I remained silent. Awkwardly, I had also been in that movie. I played the assassin in that scene. Sienna, brimming with confidence, had insisted on doing the shot for real. After eight failed takes, they gave up and used CGI. I, on the other hand, had to get "beaten up" by her eight times before I was allowed to gloriously die. Still, I just nodded. "Okay." But a producer chimed in. "Sienna, you already competed in the Pictionary game. If you want to take Penny's turn, you'll have to accept a penalty." Sienna agreed immediately, her face a mask of determination. The live chat flooded with a mix of outrage and pity. The original game was just to shoot an orange off a post. The penalty, it turned out, was for me to balance the orange on my head while Sienna tried to shoot it. Live Chat: [LMAOOOOO. Serves her right.] [Isn't that dangerous? What if something actually goes wrong?] [Relax, Sienna said she knows what she's doing. Besides, Penny is so useless, she'll probably make a crew member stand in for her anyway.] I sighed and silently placed the orange on my head. Sienna was as confident as ever, ready for her big moment. But ten arrows later, nine had missed completely, and the final one grazed my cheek, drawing a thin line of blood. Sienna's eyes instantly welled up. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry! I was so scared of hitting you that I couldn't aim properly. I was trying so hard to be careful." The other cast members rushed to comfort her, and the chat was a waterfall of sympathy, all of them blaming me for being difficult. A few comments popped up asking if I was okay, but they were quickly buried. I snapped out of my daze and touched my cheek. It came away bloody. The movement dislodged the orange, which tumbled to the ground and landed in the dirt. I squatted down, picked it up, and looked at a nearby crew member. "I'm sorry, I got it dirty," I said. "Do you still want it?" The crew member gave me a complicated look and shook his head. "You don't need to apologize for that." I didn't quite hear the rest of what he said, only that they didn't want it anymore. So, I quietly peeled the orange and ate it. It was really sweet. These are, like, eight dollars a pound at the store this time of year. Score. Live Chat: [Okay, but her face is actually bleeding. An actress's face is her livelihood, this feels like it went too far.] [I thought she was going to cry or get mad, but she just… picked up the orange and ate it?] [I mean, I don't like her, but you have to admit, her emotional stability is on another level.] After I finished the orange, I stood up and clapped the dust off my hands. "I'll do it." I had no idea if the agency would dock my pay for this, but if this dragged on any longer, I was going to fall asleep standing up. 3 I placed the orange peel on the ground and picked up the bow Sienna had discarded. I drew the string, nocked an arrow, and closed my eyes for a second. Thwip. The arrow pinned the peel to the dirt. Live Chat: [OMG, she's littering! How could she!] I walked over and picked up the peel. I looked around. No trash can. As a rodent, I take environmentalism very seriously. I would never do something so uncivilized… maybe I should just eat the peel? I lifted it towards my mouth, but then my eyes met Sienna’s. She was glaring at me, furious that I had failed so spectacularly at being a failure. Great. She was going to complain to the network, and my pay was definitely getting docked. Getting yelled at didn't bother me—it goes in one ear and out the other—but still. The tear tracks were still visible on Sienna’s face. I hesitated, then slowly walked over to her and gently wiped a tear from her cheek. "I'm sorry. It was my fault." It was a trick the extra from the other day taught me. When in doubt, just apologize. After apologizing, I turned and left to collect our team’s prize: a basket of ingredients. Live Chat: [Am I crazy or was that kind of… tender?] Sienna: "AHHH! Penny, did you just put a dirty orange peel in my pocket?!" Live Chat: [...Yep. I was crazy.] I snuck a bite of a lettuce leaf from the prize basket and closed my eyes in satisfaction. Two problems solved at once. Perfect. Sienna must be feeling much better now. The next day, we were on our own for lunch. I was paired with Wyatt, the pro athlete, and our task was to catch fish. We made our way to the riverbank. It was lined with tall reeds, swaying in the breeze. A capybara’s buffet. Unfortunately, this human body would probably get sick if I ate wild plants. I regretfully stuck a reed in my mouth to chew on, cast my fishing line, and settled down on the bank to zone out. Wyatt, a swimmer by trade, had already stripped off his shirt and was splashing around in the river, trying to catch fish with his bare hands. He was in his early twenties, all lean muscle and boundless energy, and he thrashed around for ages without a hint of fatigue. He scared away all the fish that had been nibbling at my bait, then grinned at me, flashing a set of perfect white teeth. "Penny, come on in! The water's great!" Live Chat: [Those abs. I am looking respectfully.] [But he's scaring all the fish away. He's like an overexcited golden retriever. The fisherman in me is raging.] [Abs. drool. But dude, read the room, you have a task to do. drool.] [...Can the person above me wipe their chin? You're dripping on me.] I put down my fishing rod and slowly got up. The live chat thought I was about to tell him off. The excitement was palpable. "Okay," I said. I love a good soak. And since he invited me, the agency couldn't accuse me of slacking off, right? I sat down in the shallows and began to zone out. Wyatt called, "Hey Penny, let's race!" "Your goal is that big rock! I'll swim to that tree way over there! First one there wins! On the count of three… GO!" He finished his countdown and shot off like a torpedo. I had been on the verge of sleep. His shout startled me awake, and I blinked in confusion. Huh? Where did he go? Oh, well. Back to sleep. Live Chat: [LMAOOOO someone please tell me they clipped that.] [Wyatt didn't see Penny move, so he got out on the other side to check on her and is now completely lost.] [I'm dying. Penny literally just looked up, saw he was gone, and went right back to sleep. She looks so tired all the time.] 4 By the time the production crew found Wyatt and brought him back, the morning was almost over. He was distraught. "We didn't catch any fish. What are we going to tell Ethan and the others?" As he spoke, he looked down at me in the water and fell silent. Live Chat: [...I was just in Wyatt's stream, can someone explain what's happening here? Why is there a duck on Penny's head?] [I think it's the duck Wyatt scared onto the bank earlier.] [If you're new here, just wait. It gets weirder.] I had been zoning out again and Wyatt’s voice pulled me back. He looked utterly shocked, pointing a trembling finger at my head. "You… there's a duck on your head." "Oh," I said. Back when I was a capybara, I’d often have three or four ducks visiting at once. My human head is smaller, though, so it can only fit one. I glanced at the sun, realizing I couldn't soak any longer, and slowly began to stand up. The duck squawked and flew away, but something else, hidden in my explosive bedhead, tumbled down as I moved. I instinctively reached out and caught it. It was… an egg? Live Chat: [???] [I thought things couldn't get any weirder.] [I really thought it couldn't.] [It got weirder.] [Weird.] I thought for a moment, then, under Wyatt’s "my-brain-is-melting" gaze, I handed him the egg. "For lunch." Wyatt’s eyes filled with tears. "Oh my god, Penny, you're the best." I looked at him, confused. I eat grass, so I had to give it to him. What’s so great about that? I gathered a large bundle of reeds to take back with me. I told everyone I just liked them as decoration, but secretly, I planned to snack on them later. The rest of the cast was thrilled about Wyatt's egg, crowding around and asking him how he got it. Sienna, however, directed her attention to me. "It's fine that you didn't catch any fish, but this was a team effort. It's not really fair for you to just go play in the water all morning and come back with a bunch of weeds, is it?" "I'm sorry," I said. Then, with a pained expression, I offered, "You can have some." Sienna: "..." The internet: "..." [I'm sorry Sienna, but I absolutely lost it.] [Go ahead and laugh. I'll take the karma hit for you.] [Borrowing the karma from the user above me. LMAOOOO.] Over by the fire, Ethan and the others had finally gotten the whole story out of Wyatt. Ethan cleared his throat. "It's okay, Sienna. Penny was the one who got the egg, she… uh…" He struggled for words, apparently unable to summarize the origin of the egg, and finally just looked at me with a grave expression. "You worked hard." I yawned and drifted off into a daze.
? Continue the story here ?? ? Download the "MotoNovel" app ? search for "385142", and watch the full series ✨! #MotoNovel