When I found out my wife's family group chat didn't include me, but did include our male neighbor, I told her I wanted a divorce. She was giving our daughter a bath at the time and just laughed. "Your daddy's getting so sensitive in his old age," she said to our little girl. "Wants to throw his family away over a group chat!" She thought I was just jealous. She had no idea I’d already bought a one-way ticket for a job overseas. For ten years, I’d been the perfect, selfless husband. I was more of a shadow in Chloe's life than a person, my own needs and desires completely erased. But not anymore. I was done. Soon, it wouldn't just be the family group chat that I wasn't in. It would be the family itself. 1 "It's just an old stock trading group, Mark," Chloe explained, her voice tight with forced patience. "Noah added me to it ages ago. I knew you were busy with work and don't care about stocks, so I didn't mention it. I didn't want to bother you." Today was my mother-in-law's birthday. I’d taken the afternoon off to cook her favorite meal, a whole spread of dishes that took me hours. But as the sun went down, no one came home. I called Chloe. She answered, already angry. "Mom sent a message to the family chat," she snapped. "She said we were going out to eat. Even Noah saw it. How could you miss it?" I felt a familiar pang of guilt and self-blame. I opened my messaging app, refreshing it again and again. But the last message in our family group was from six months ago. It was from my mother-in-law, tearing into me for booking a cruise for my own parents. [Michael, you need to remember you're a married man with a wife and child to support. Your money, even if your parents aren't spending it, should be ours. You need to ask me, your father-in-law, and your sister-in-law if we need anything. And if we don't, you should be saving it. Your parents have no right to your money anymore.] I closed the app, about to ask her where she’d sent the message, when I heard my daughter's voice in the background. "Mommy, can Uncle Noah be my daddy for tonight? I don't want Daddy here. He'll just tell me I can't have any cake." The words I was about to say died in my throat. I looked at the family portrait on the living room wall. Last week, our daughter had proudly taped a picture of Noah right over my face. Suddenly, a profound weariness washed over me. For this family, for these people, I had only one thought left. "Forget it." 2 Noah is our neighbor. He’s also one of Chloe's most important clients. Before he moved in across the hall, I only knew his name from Chloe's constant complaints. "This guy needs to get a life. He spends all day torturing us." "He's the king of passing the buck. He should have been a chef." Back then, Noah was a monster in her stories. Then he moved in. He asked if he could carpool with Chloe to work. She was hesitant, but I encouraged her. He was a client, after all. I never thought twice about it. Until one night, we were at a party with friends. I mentioned the carpool situation, and Chloe, after a couple of glasses of wine, slammed her hand on the table and slurred, "You spend all day in the kitchen. You're just a junior accountant in your thirties. What the hell do you know about a man like Noah?" "Chloe! How can you say that?" one of our friends fired back, indignant on my behalf. "If you hadn't forced Michael to quit his job to be a stay-at-home dad, he'd probably be a vice president by now!" Chloe just scoffed. In that moment, I knew. There was someone else in her heart. She apologized profusely afterward, blaming it on the wine. My friends told me to let it go. "You and Chloe have been together forever. She loves you. You have a daughter. Are you really going to let some other guy walk in and take your family?" I turned off the shower, my friend’s words echoing in my head. As I reached for the bathroom door, I heard a low laugh from the bedroom. "I have to say, Michael's a lucky guy," a man's voice said. "Beautiful, successful wife, adorable daughter. And all that free time… must be nice for a grown man to have so much time to let his mind wander." "He's even got time to worry about a lonely old bachelor like me." The voice was crystal clear. It could only mean one thing. Noah was in my house. In my bedroom. Talking to my wife. I glanced at my phone. It was 11:30 PM. "Uncle Noah, can I come over and play video games tonight?" my daughter chirped. "I don't like it when Daddy says mean things about you!" "No," Chloe cut in sharply. "Uncle Noah has a big presentation tomorrow. He needs his rest. Do you want Uncle Noah to be tired, or do you want Daddy to be tired?" Disappointment coiled in my gut. I didn't want to cry, but after hearing my daughter's words, I couldn't stop the tears. I wiped my eyes with a towel before quietly opening the door. Chloe was on our bed in a low-cut lace nightgown, reading our daughter a story. Noah was sitting across from them, smiling fondly. The three of them looked like a perfect, happy family. I was the intruder. When I stepped into the room, Noah jumped up, looking flustered. "Oh, Michael, sorry. I just came over to explain a few things, and Lily asked for a story, so I..." "Don't worry about it," I said, my voice flat. "I should be thanking you for the new sheets and pajamas. They look great on my wife." Last week, Chloe had come home with a new bedding set. The gray and white pattern surprised me; she always preferred bright colors. She said it was a sample from a client, so I didn't think much of it and gave it to my sister. When Chloe got home and found it missing, she flew into a rage. She made me drive to my sister's house at 2 AM to get it back and put it on our bed right then and there. I didn't understand why it was so important. Until now, seeing Noah standing there in matching gray and white pajamas. The smug, triumphant look in his eyes was unmistakable, though his voice was thick with fake sincerity. "Michael, you've got it all wrong. I just felt bad for always bumming rides, so I wanted to get you both a little something." At the sight of Noah apologizing, Chloe and my daughter turned on me. "He's my client, Michael! How am I supposed to work if you're going to be like this?" "I hate Daddy! I want Uncle Noah!" my daughter shrieked. I looked at the two most important people in my life and gave a bitter, defeated shake of my head. "Chloe," I said quietly, "let's just forget it." 4 I loved Chloe so much that for ten years, I never dared to say no to her. She knew it, and she used it. Whenever her mother was being particularly cruel, Chloe would just say, "Are you trying to start a fight with my mom? Do you not want to be married to me anymore?" and I would immediately back down, apologizing. I never threatened to leave. But tonight, I'd mentioned divorce twice. She must have sensed something was different. Her tone softened. "I know this all looks bad, but you're really overthinking it. Let me just walk Noah home, and we can talk when I get back." She and my daughter rushed out. Ten minutes later, I got a text. [Noah tripped on his way home. Lily and I are taking him to the hospital.] [Michael, don't be mad. I promise I'll explain everything when I get back.] It was followed by a picture of a leg with a tiny scrape, the kind you’d get from a mosquito bite. As I was looking at the photo, a new message popped up in that other family chat, the one I wasn't in, broadcast from my daughter's GPS watch. It was my mother-in-law. [You two just stay there with Noah tonight. I'd like to see that pathetic loser Michael try to run this family.] Noah replied a moment later. [Thanks, Mom.] I put the watch down and started packing. My flight was in ten days. I needed to get my things to my parents' house and file for divorce. We had almost no shared assets. Years ago, my mother-in-law, paranoid that I was after their money, had forced me to sign everything over to Chloe. Even the TV and the refrigerator were legally in her name. It meant that even though she was the one cheating, a divorce would leave me with nothing. I didn't have much. By dawn, I had packed up my entire life into four suitcases. A decade of marriage, gone. It was pathetic. As I loaded the last box into my car, Chloe pulled up, carrying two large bags of takeout breakfast. She didn't see me at first. She was on the phone, laughing. "Did I wake you? After how hard you worked last night, the least I could do was get you some breakfast." "I'm not tired," a man's voice replied. "I'm your man, after all." As she was about to enter our building, she looked up and saw me. The smile froze on her face. 5 Chloe and I met in college. We were broke. To save for a down payment on a house, I worked nights after my classes. She would wake up early to buy me breakfast, wait for me at the bus stop when I got off my shift, and tell me to go back to sleep. On New Year's Eve, she lied to her mother, said she had to work, just so she could eat takeout with me in our tiny, rented room. All the things she was doing for Noah now. Seeing her do them for another man, my chest physically ached. "Michael, where are you going?" she asked, her voice tight with panic as she hung up the phone. She tried to cross the street to get to me, but the usually quiet road was suddenly filled with a steady stream of cars, a physical barrier between us. Her call came through a moment later. "I have to go on a business trip," I said. Hearing that I wasn't bringing up anything else, she let out a sigh of relief. "Okay, honey. I'm sorry about last night. I promise, when you get back, I'll make it up to you. Lily and I will pick you up from the airport." "Okay, Chloe. I'm going." "Take care of yourself." "Goodbye." I hung up. She stood on the other side of the street, a flicker of unease on her face. If she had looked a little closer, if she had thought for just one second, she would have realized. Who takes a moving van on a business trip? But she didn't. The panic passed, and she hurried back to Noah's apartment. "Is Chloe insane? She spent years complaining about this guy, and now she's sleeping with him?" "You can't let this go, Mike! They've treated you like dirt for years! They control all the money, make you do all the work… they even had the damn floorboards notarized in her name! It's ridiculous!" My two best friends were ready to go over there and start a war on my behalf, but I stopped them. I’d just received two text messages that changed everything. "It's okay," I told them. "A direct confrontation is too easy. I have a little surprise planned for them." 6 Two hours after I left, Noah officially moved into my bedroom. My mother-in-law was thrilled, even helping him unpack. "Whoever marries Noah is the luckiest woman in the world," she gushed. "He's successful, and so generous! Not like some other useless people I know." My daughter was just as excited. "From now on, Uncle Noah can be my daddy. He doesn't nag, and he's nicer to me." Noah gave Chloe a suggestive look. "I'm not the marrying type," he said smoothly. "But being here with you two… this is all I need. I'm happy." Chloe and her mother exchanged delighted glances. The three of them sat down to a cheerful breakfast. For the next few days, my mother-in-law cooked all of Noah's favorite dishes. In the ten years I was married to Chloe, she never once set foot in the kitchen. Even when I was sick with a fever, she made me get up and cook. At night, the woman who always claimed she was too tired to watch her own granddaughter now happily took her for the night. "You two have had a long day," she'd say. "You need your rest." I watched the steamy footage from the hidden cameras I’d set up and had to laugh. I remembered asking if Chloe and I could have just one night to ourselves. My mother-in-law had sent me a novel-length text about what a deadbeat father I was. It seemed everything in that house could change, just not for me. Three days went by. Chloe didn't notice that all my clothes were gone, or that my side of the bathroom counter was now covered in Noah's things. This morning, after getting ready, she sent me a text. [Honey, what time does your flight land today? I'll come get you.] As she was about to close the app, she realized I hadn't sent a single message since I'd left. A sense of unease crept in. Just then, our daughter ran in. "Mommy, I can't find my watch! I haven't seen it for days!" Chloe remembered that I was the one who charged Lily's watch every night. "Did you wear it to Uncle Noah's that night?" 7 Lily shook her head. "It's been missing since then." Something clicked in Chloe's mind. She started frantically searching the closets, the shoe rack. But all she found were Noah's things. Mine were gone. She was about to call me when her own phone rang. "Chloe, you need to get to the office right now. There's a huge problem with the project!" As she hung up, Noah's phone rang. "Get all the project files and financial records and be in the main conference room in thirty minutes." Noah felt a twitch in his eye but didn't think much of it. "See, Chloe? Your new assistant is useless. She must have messed something up. We have to fire her after this meeting." Chloe, still preoccupied, just mumbled in agreement. When they walked into the conference room together, they found the bosses from both their companies waiting for them. The look on their faces was thunderous. Noah's boss turned to Chloe's young assistant. "Everyone's here. You can present your findings now." Chloe looked at the girl, whose eyes were red from crying. "Ashley? What's going on?" The young woman didn't say a word. She just clicked the mouse. The large screen at the front of the room lit up with a live feed from the camera in my bedroom. Noah's voice filled the room. "So, Chloe… who's better in bed? Me, or your husband? You keep me happy, and I'll make sure you get the next few contracts."
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