After I started college, my mom suggested I use a credit card for my living expenses, promising to transfer me the money to pay it off at the end of the month. But when the bill was due, she claimed she hadn't been paid yet and told me to figure it out myself. Panicked, I was searching online for the consequences of a late credit card payment when I stumbled upon a forum post. 【My daughter started talking back to me after she went to college. How do I get her back in line?】 Someone in the comments had a suggestion: 【Simple. Cut off her allowance and make her use a credit card.】 【Trust me, when the bill is due at the end of the month, just drag your feet on giving her the money. She'll be begging you. She'll be more obedient than a dog.】 1 I got back to my dorm, exhausted, after cleaning my cousin's apartment. Earlier that day, I had asked my mom for the money to pay my credit card bill. She hemmed and hawed, saying she was short on cash. She told me to go clean my cousin's place—he worked in the same city—and my aunt would pay me the market rate of a hundred bucks. With that, she said, she could probably scrape together enough to send me. I hated the idea, but I was desperate. I took a cab across town to my cousin's apartment, which hadn't been cleaned in two weeks, and threw out a mountain of old takeout containers. When I got back to the dorm, I asked my mom when she was sending the money. She was evasive again. A sense of dread washed over me. The day before yesterday, she said, "Don't worry about it." Yesterday, she said, "Just wait a little longer." Today, it was the same story. The bill was due in two days. Gritting my teeth, I searched online for the consequences of a late credit card payment. That's when a forum post caught my eye. 【My daughter started talking back to me after she went to college. How do I get her back in line?】 I clicked on it instinctively. The original poster explained that her daughter had always been sweet and obedient, but after going away to college, she had become "wild" and had even talked back to her. She wanted to know how to make her daughter apologize. A user named "IronHeart" offered some advice: 【Simple. Cut off her allowance and make her use a credit card.】 【Trust me, when the bill is due at the end of the month, just drag your feet on giving her the money. She'll be begging you. She'll be more obedient than a dog.】 Hundreds of people were flaming her in the replies. 【Are you raising a child or a dog?】 【If you couldn't afford a kid, why didn't you just buy a condom?】 【Treat your kid like that and don't be surprised if she jumps off a bridge one day.】 But the original poster, "HappyFlower," was genuinely asking: 【Does this really work?】 IronHeart: 【Of course. I've been doing it to my daughter since she was a freshman. She's a senior now and wouldn't dare say no to me.】 【Kids with no financial independence are the easiest to control. If you don't get a handle on her now, it'll be too late once she starts earning her own money.】 【And who is she trying to threaten by jumping off a bridge? The more you indulge her, the more arrogant she gets. Are you going to let your own child walk all over you?】 【If she really jumped, it would just prove she wasn't worthy of being my child. If she died, I'd scatter her ashes in a sewer.】 The words were shocking, monstrous. I felt a pang of sympathy for this stranger's daughter. But it was clear that HappyFlower was taking the advice to heart. She had even "liked" the comment. After that, the two of them stopped interacting, but other users kept bumping the thread. I checked the timestamp on HappyFlower's original post. It was from exactly one month ago—the same time my mom and I had a huge fight. A terrible feeling started to grow in the pit of my stomach. A month ago, my mom had called and screamed at me, accusing me of being a thief, of eating her food and using her things and then stealing from her. She said I was destined for a life in prison. Then she hung up. I was completely bewildered. After a few frantic calls, I found out from my aunt that my mom's new gold necklace was missing, and she was convinced I had taken it. But I had been at school, over a thousand miles away. How could I have possibly stolen it? I was furious and humiliated. For the first time in my life, I refused to back down. I argued with her, telling her she was being unfair and accusing me without any proof. Later, my mom found the necklace somewhere. She called to apologize, saying she had misunderstood. Then, her tone shifted. She started talking about how she was getting old, how her company was struggling and her paychecks were late. She asked me to use a credit card for my living expenses for a while, and she would pay it off at the end of the month. Her voice, full of weariness and despair, weighed on me like a stone. I was overwhelmed with guilt, so I agreed. But now, a month later, when I asked for the money, she kept changing her story. We weren't rich, but we were comfortable. And there was the settlement money from my dad's accident. My mom had said she was saving it for my college education. There was no way she couldn't come up with eight hundred dollars. 2 I still didn't want to believe that HappyFlower was my mom. She was strict and controlling, yes, but she loved me. She would eat ramen for a month just to afford my expensive tutoring sessions. She wouldn't do something like this to hurt me. But… my rational mind told me it couldn't be a coincidence. The time of the post and the user's IP address both matched my mom's. With trembling hands, I opened my messaging app and typed a tentative message to her: 【Mom, my credit card bill is due in two days. If it's late, it will affect my credit score.】 【Can you please just send me the $800 to pay it off? If things are really tight, I can get a part-time job next month and earn my own living expenses. Is that okay?】 I don't know what I said that set her off. 【Jessica, are you trying to use your 'poor college student' act to manipulate me?】 【Have I ever let you go hungry? Have I ever let you go without?】 【Don't you dare even think about getting one of those 'improper' part-time jobs. How long do you think you can sell your youth for?】 【How could you do this to me? How could you do this to your father's memory?!】 … The stinging words made me feel like my mom was right there, screaming in my ear. My head was buzzing. I felt a rush of blood to my head and almost fainted. Why did she automatically assume that any job I got would be "improper"? Is it normal for a mother to talk to her daughter like that? And she was the one deliberately withholding my living expenses to control me. I couldn't hold back my anger anymore: 【Then what do you want me to do? I have no money. How am I supposed to pay the bill?】 【I just started college! I don't want to be labeled a deadbeat!】 My mom: 【I never said I wouldn't pay it. I just said things are tight right now. Can't you be a little more understanding?】 【You don't earn a single penny, all you do is ask for money. Do you think it's easy for a single mother to support a college student?】 A deep sense of guilt and self-loathing washed over me again. I knew it wasn't easy for her. After I graduated high school, I got a summer job to try and help out. But when she found out, she mocked me, saying I was too stupid and would just cause trouble for my boss, and she'd have to clean up my messes. I tried to explain that my boss had praised me for being a hard worker, that he really liked me. The look in my mom's eyes changed then, but she didn't say anything more. The next day, I found out she had broken her leg in a fall and was in the hospital. I had to quit my job to take care of her. I wanted to get a job in college, but my schedule was packed with classes, and I had club activities and labs on the weekends. I clutched my phone, feeling a profound sense of helplessness. My mom sent another message: 【Jessica, instead of fighting with me over $800, you should take a good, long look at yourself!】 A good, long look at myself? I let out a bitter laugh as tears streamed down my face. 3 I didn't reply. I just put my phone on silent. All I wanted was to escape the drama with my mom, the fear of becoming a defaulter, the shame of being broke. I just wanted to climb into bed and sleep. I hoped the world would end tomorrow so I could just disappear. My three roommates could tell something was wrong. They all moved around the room quietly. I was touched, but I didn't even have the energy to say thank you. That night, I had a series of nightmares. In one, I was a child and had done something wrong. My mom pushed me out of the house, screaming that if I was so independent, I shouldn't spend her money or live in her house. I defiantly started to walk away, but she grabbed me and told me to give her back the life she had given me. In another, we were at the zoo. She asked me what animal was in the cage. I just said "ape," instead of giving its full scientific classification. She got angry and said she had spent money to bring me here to learn, not to have fun. In another, we were on the street and a trivia show was filming. She pushed me onto the stage to participate. When I couldn't answer a question, she was so embarrassed that she blended into the crowd and went home without me. A kind woman eventually brought me home, and my mom yelled at her for being a busybody, then mocked me for having the nerve to come back. In another, I was in a college classroom, and someone burst in and demanded I pay them back. All my classmates and the professor were staring at me. I woke up feeling exhausted. The world hadn't ended. The eight-hundred-dollar debt still hung over my head like a guillotine, waiting to fall. The irony was, I didn't have a single relative or friend I could borrow eight hundred dollars from. If I asked a relative, I knew my mom would find out in a second. And as for friends… in middle school, my mom only allowed me to shower and wash my hair once a week, because it would "waste study time." My phone lit up. A text from the credit card company, reminding me that my payment was due tomorrow. And the forum post had been updated. HappyFlower had replied to IronHeart: 【I used your method. For the past two days, she's been doing whatever I tell her to.】 【She's always been a pushover. It won't be long before she comes crawling back to me.】 Her smugness was palpable. I let out a small laugh and, for the last time, I swallowed my pride. I sent a calm message: 【Mom, what do I have to do for you to give me the money?】 The reply came almost instantly, as if she had been waiting for me to surrender. 【Write a 5000-word self-criticism essay, and record a half-hour video reflecting on why you yelled at me the other day. And you have to promise to stop your old habit of stealing. If I'm satisfied, I'll give you the money.】 My old habit of stealing? My eyes stung. During winter break in elementary school, I fell and scraped my knee. My teacher took me to the clinic and paid for the medicine. When I got home, I asked my mom for twenty dollars to pay her back. She snapped at me, saying it was just a small cut and didn't need any medicine, and that the teacher should have paid for it. I was mortified. After a long internal struggle, I took twenty dollars from her wallet. She caught me in the act. Not only did I never pay the teacher back, but from then on, at every family gathering, she would tell the story as a funny anecdote. After that, whenever something went missing in the house, she would accuse me of having a relapse. And if something went missing at a relative's house, they would call my mom and subtly ask if I had taken anything home with me. I didn't have the energy to fight anymore. The last glimmer of hope died. I blocked her number. The extreme panic of being in debt made my stomach cramp. I ran to the bathroom and retched, but only bitter bile came up. I splashed cold water on my face and looked at the dark circles under my eyes in the mirror. I started to think about how I could possibly make eight hundred dollars in two days. 4 It was the weekend. My roommates were still asleep as I quietly left the dorm. It was early. I walked down the street, looking at the "help wanted" signs in the shop windows. My heart sank with each one I read. The highest daily wage for a part-time job was no more than eighty dollars. It was impossible to make eight hundred dollars in two days. And my family's financial situation didn't qualify me for student aid. But there was no time to waste. I walked into a fast-food restaurant and asked the manager if they were hiring students. He looked me up and down, saw my desperation, and agreed. I threw myself into the work, not even stopping to eat, trying to ignore the crushing weight of the number hanging over my head. When I got back to the dorm at nine o'clock that night, I noticed a strange atmosphere among my roommates. But I was too tired to care. My bones ached. I scarfed down the leftovers I had brought back from the restaurant, the hunger hitting me all at once. My phone started ringing. It was my mom. She had probably been waiting all day for my essay and video confession. When they didn't arrive, she must have tried to message me and realized she was blocked. I stared numbly at the name on the screen, switched my phone to silent, and dragged my heavy body to the bathroom to get ready for another day of work. When I came back, the calls had stopped, replaced by a flood of text messages. 【Jessica, you think you're so grown up now, giving me the silent treatment?!】 【I guess I've been too nice to you, and now you don't know your place.】 【If I had known you were going to be such an ungrateful brat, I would have strangled you at birth!】 But the vicious curses that used to cut me to the core no longer had any effect. … The next day was the same. I left early and came back late. No matter how hard I tried not to think about it, the deadline was approaching. There were four hours left until the payment was due. I looked at the one hundred and sixty dollars in my bank account. My body went numb. I sat in my chair until the lights went out, until my roommates had all gone to bed, and I didn't move. My mom had been sending me angry texts all day. I hadn't responded to a single one. Finally, she went back to the forum to ask IronHeart for help: 【This method isn't really working!】 【My daughter's credit card bill is due tonight, but she's blocked me and won't reply to anything.】 IronHeart: 【Stay strong. This is a battle of wills. If you give in now, all your previous efforts will be wasted, and you'll have to give in forever.】 HappyFlower: 【But I've invested so much in raising her. What if she really defaults? Will it affect her future career?】 IronHeart: 【You win some, you lose some. If she can't get a job at a big company, she can just come back to your small town and find a job near you.】 【And kids these days are so sensitive about their reputation. Just blow it up…】 I was wondering how my mom was going to "blow it up" when there was a knock on our dorm room door. Several of my class officers and my academic advisor were standing outside, out of breath. "Is Jessica in her room?" "Her mom said she can't get in touch with her!" "She said Jessica stole something and is in debt, and that she's working an 'improper' job to pay it off!"
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