I knelt in the snow, forced to kowtow—ninety-eight times already today. Three years ago, there was an avalanche. Kael Hawthorne decided I cut the rope that left his first love paralyzed. This was his punishment for me. Now he stood on the ridge with Lily's wheelchair parked at the highest point, looking down at me. "One more left," he said. "Do that and get on your knees and lick the snow off her shoes. Then you're done." The crowd of heirs laughed. Black cards came out. Bets were placed. "One million says she'll lick Lily's boots till they shine — just for his forgiveness." "Two million!" "Plus five hundred thousand!" Everyone expected me to crawl like I always did. For love. For him. Instead, I unbuckled my knee pads and threw them off the cliff. "Kael. I'm not begging you anymore." Just now, I got a text: My brother Ryan died. He sold blood on the black market to pay off the compensation money they said I owed. The infection got him. I have nothing left to lose. Time for someone else to kneel in the snow. ... The crowd went quiet for a second. Then someone snorted. "Oh, new trick? Throwing things instead of kneeling?" "I'll bet she'll crawl back in ten minutes." "Not just that, She'll kneel. It's her ninety-ninth time asking for forgiveness." In the middle of all the noise, Lily's voice cut through. "Zoe, don't be stupid. The wind's crazy out here. You'll freeze to death and ruin the whole party." She sat in her wheelchair, looking at me with soft, worried eyes. What a snake. Then, Kael. He nodded to his assistant. A cup of hot ginger tea appeared in front of me. "Your hands are split open. Here, drink first. You're paying for what you did, but I'm not trying to actually kill you." I didn't take the tea. Even the wind ripped snow across my face. Even blood soaked through my pants, frozen stiff. His face darkened. A note of warning crept into his voice. "Zoe. Just do the last one. Then we're done. I'll give you what you want." Give me what I want? Can he bring Ryan back? The red string on my wrist was broken. Ryan tied it there. Now only a small piece of thread was left. I tucked my hands into my sleeves. "No." Silence. Then— Bang！ Glass shattered against stone. The sound came sharp and final. "Fine. Don't take it. Suit yourself." Kael didn't even look at me anymore. He just tucked Lily's blanket tighter around her. "Are you cold, Lily? Do you want to head back to the tent?" She tugged his sleeve. "I'm okay. I'm just worried about Zoe. Her brother's still down the mountain waiting for her. Don't be too hard on her." My fingers curled into a fist inside my pocket. "He died. Just now." A pause. The laughter stopped for a second. Then someone scoffed. "Here we go again." "Last time she said her foster mom was dying. Time before that, the orphanage was starving." "Now her brother's dead? What's she going to come up with next? It's really unlucky to be her family." "Enough." Kael frowned. He took a napkin from the server and held it out to me. "Zoe, don't joke about your family. That's not you." I pulled my phone from my inside pocket—hand shaking. The photo of the death certificate had blurred. The melted snow had gotten to it first. He barely glanced at it. Then he laughed and tossed it back at my chest. "Seriously, Zoe? You're getting really good at this." "Lily's legs were hurting again yesterday, I just held back the payment to cheer her up. Are you really making a fuss over this?" "Just one day. There's no way he's dead." I looked at him. My throat closed up — like it was stuffed with bloody cotton. One day. That one day, Ryan was bleeding everywhere. Curled up in his hospital bed. Too weak to even scream. I went to every hospital on my knees to raise the money for his treatment. I had no pride left. But Ryan saw me. His big sister who he thought was too good to bow to anyone. He saw me begging. Today, while I was on my knees, begging Kael for his medical bills—he dragged himself to the roof. And he jumped. Now Kael was looking at me like he was doing me a favor. "Alright, that's the end of your punishment." "Once we're down from the snowy mountain, I'll arrange for your younger brother to receive treatment abroad." I laughed. Bitterly. "Forget it. It doesn't matter anymore." The air froze. "What did you just say?" He frowned, like I was a child throwing a tantrum. "Zoe, stop being so dramatic. You're just—" He stopped himself, let out a cold laugh, like he'd just realized he was wasting his breath. "Forget it. Why am I even talking to someone like you." "It's freezing out here. Lily didn't bring enough clothes. Take off your jacket and put it under her feet." I looked down at the jacket I was wearing. Ryan had saved up for three months to buy it for my birthday. "The mountain wind is strong. Wear this so you won't be cold," he'd said. He was wrong. I was still cold. Freezing. But the colder I got, the more I wanted to hold on to this one small piece of warmth. "No." I stepped back. For one stupid second, I actually thought I could keep it. That I could protect this one last thing Ryan left me. The next second, the guards were already on me. Ripping it off. "No—" It didn't matter. Nothing I did mattered. Within seconds, the last jacket Ryan ever gave me was lying on the ground under Lily's feet. Snow and mud soaked into it, turned it gray. The cold air hit my skin. It felt like knives. I let out a laugh. A cold one. Empty. Ryan was gone. And now this jacket — the last thing he touched, the last thing he gave me — couldn't protect me anymore. There was nothing left. So I had nothing left to lose. Good.
Not many people knew this—but when Lily first came to the city, I was the one who brought her into Kael's circle. She was a nobody. People made fun of her for being poor. I stood in front of her every time. Then she became everyone's darling. And I became the monster who ruined her legs. A small receipt fell out of my jacket pocket. It landed face up in the snow. And Ryan's handwriting was on it. "Zoe. Take care of yourself. Don't always make me worry." Tears flooded my eyes instantly. I bent down to pick it up. Lily flinched like I was about to attack her. Kael stepped in front of her automatically. He grabbed my wrist. "What are you doing? You already hurt her once. You want to do it again right in front of me?" I looked at where his fingers were digging into my skin. "Let go. I'm picking up the last thing my brother left me." He paused. His grip loosened. I picked the wet receipt out of the snow. Then footsteps came running up the path. A man ran over carrying a worn cloth bag. "Anyone here named Zoe Ray?" "The funeral home down the mountain asked me to bring this. It's the deceased's belongings." Every eye turned to the bag. I reached for it. The tips of my fingers touched the fabric. A short piece of old rope slipped out through a tear in the bag. It was old. Frayed. The fibers were stained a dark red that wouldn't wash out. Kael grabbed the rope before I could. Three years ago, on the north slope of Mount Delsin, an avalanche hit. Me, Kael, Lily — all three of us got swept down the ridge. When we woke up, Lily couldn't walk. Everyone said I cut the rope to save myself. Lily's voice shook. "Zoe... why do you still have that?" One of the heirs slapped his leg. "See? Only guilty people keep the evidence." The others nodded along. I didn't care about their laughing. I stared at that rope. Back then, I was unconscious. Ryan went to the rescue station and picked up everything they'd collected from the site. Everyone was so quick to blame me. Only Ryan didn't believe it. He kept that rope. He said one day it would prove I wasn't guilty. "Give it back," I said. "That's Ryan's." Kael's fingers paused on the dark stain. His brow twitched. Then he smiled coldly. "Stop using your brother as an excuse. This is evidence. You're not getting it." "You said you already investigated this three years ago." He pause, then glanced at me. "I did. But that doesn't mean you get to touch it." I lunged for it. He stepped back and grabbed my cracked wrist with his other hand. Not hard. "Stop. You'll tear your wounds open." "That's my brother's." He let go. Put the rope in his jacket pocket. "That's to make you face what you did—not to let you keep lying to yourself." lying to myself? Wasn't it because he just doesn't believe me at all?" When the avalanche hit, Lily's left leg got tangled in the secondary rope. It was bleeding everywhere. I cut the secondary rope. But when I woke up, she said it was my fault. Kael said, "Lily wouldn't lie about her own legs." He turned and walked back to her. The wind blew ashes from the campfire onto my arms. My jacket was still under Lily's feet. She glanced down at it. The corner of her mouth twitched. "Kael, Zoe's hands are freezing. Can someone get her a coat?" He nodded. An assistant brought me a jacket. "No." I walked back to the cloth bag and crouched down to look through Ryan's things. A few old clothes. A pair of shoes with the soles worn flat. A notebook with "expenses" written on the cover. And a photo. Ryan standing in front of a blood donation bus. Giving a thumbs up to the camera. Grinning. His cheeks were sunken. His chin was sharp. But his smile was the same. I pressed the photo to my chest. My nails dug into my palms. Don't cry. My tears would just be something else for them to bet on. I tied the bag shut and stood up. "Zoe." Lily's voice stopped me. She looked down at her legs. Then she smiled. "You know what I hate most about these three years?" She looked up at me. No more weakness in her eyes. Just pure satisfaction. "I hate that you ruined my legs but you still get to walk right up to Kael on your own two feet." Ten thousand kowtows? That's far from enough. Today, you're going to..." She pointed at the wet snow beneath her wheelchair. "Kneel. Crawl to my feet. You took my legs three years ago. Today, you pay with your dignity." The campfire lit up her innocent face. Kael stood behind her. He didn't say no. "What if I don't?" I asked. I'm sick of this never-ending paying back. Kael was quiet for a few seconds. Finally he said. "Then next month's winter supplies for the orphanage... I'll have to rethink it." I froze. Winter on the plateau. Thirty below. Twenty-seven kids in the orphanage. The youngest was four years old. Not enough blankets. Not enough medicine. Not enough coal to last until spring. For years, Kael controlled everything that kept me alive under the name of punishment. He decided when to give and when to take away. Now, the same old trick. And I...I have no choice.
The path was covered in thin ice that cracked under every step. I pushed Lily's wheelchair down the gravel road. Every time my knees bent, the old wounds opened up again. Three years of prostrations. The wounds healed and broke and healed again. My skin wasn't normal anymore. Kael walked behind me. Two steps back. He sent someone to bring me knee pads. "Take it easy. I didn't tell you to crawl while you push." Someone called out from behind. "Kael's going soft. I'd make her crawl." Kael glanced back at him. "Punishment isn't torture. It's to make her remember what she did." Remember what I did? I heard that for three years. And I was sick of it. At the bend in the path, the wind got stronger. I leaned down and pushed. "That jacket of yours. The fabric's pretty thick." Lily suddenly chimed in. She didn't turn around. "How many times did your brother sell blood to afford it?" My steps stopped. Her voice was casual. "Is that even worth one pair of my shoes?" I stopped pushing. For a second, I thought about reaching for her throat — but my fingers were cramping so badly I couldn't even grip the wheelchair handles. "What's wrong?" Kael walked up. Lily's eyes went red. Her voice went soft and weak. "Kael, I was just trying to make Zoe feel better. But I guess I said the wrong thing. Now she's mad at me..." Kael looked at both of us. Then—calm and steady—he said it. "Zoe. Apologize to Lily." Apologize to her. For what? The words stuck in my throat. Not because I couldn't say them. Because saying them never worked. For three years, every time Lily stabbed me first then played victim in front of Kael, the ending was the same. I was always the one apologizing. I gripped the handles of the wheelchair. Think of the children in the orphanage. I told myself quietly. Then I lowered my head. "I'm sorry." Lily tilted her head. "Sorry, Zoe. The wind's loud. I didn't catch that." "I'm sorry!" Lily smiled. Satisfied. Like she'd been waiting a long time for me to break. Once, she had nothing. Not even a decent coat. I gave her my clothes. My connections. My time. Now, her favorite thing was watching me apologize on my knees. She tucked her blanket tighter and said, soft and sweet, "See, Zoe? If you had just behaved, this would've been so much easier." The heirs behind us were already talking. Saying I must still love Kael. Why else would I listen? Was that it? Did I still love him? After all of this? I pushed the wheelchair forward two steps. And I asked— "Kael." "Yeah." "All those times I apologized... did you ever actually hear me once?" The wind howled. He didn't answer. "Forget it," I said. "It doesn't matter." I kept pushing. At four in the afternoon, the sky went dark fast. Once the sun went down on the plateau, the temperature dropped toward forty below. I pushed Lily back to the camp and stopped at her tent. She turned her head to look at me. Her mouth opened. But Kael spoke first. He stood at the tent opening. Still looking down at me. "Zoe." His eyes went over my frozen blue hands. My scabbed knees. Like he was giving me one last piece of patience. "Stop being difficult. Do what I say and I'll stop looking into what happened with Lily. And you won't have to worry about your brother's medical bills anymore." My fingers curled tight. He thought I was giving in. His voice got softer. "I'll send someone to the hospital. Best doctors. Best medicine. Overseas treatment too. I'll arrange it." "But you have to stop upsetting Lily." The wind scraped my throat raw. I could almost taste blood. He said it so easily. He didn't know Ryan didn't need doctors or medicine anymore. Lily tugged his sleeve from her wheelchair. "Kael. I'm cold. Let's go inside." The tent flap fell closed. I stood there. The wind cut through my throat like a dull knife. My phone buzzed in my pocket. The funeral home. "Ms. Ray. Your brother Ryan's ashes are ready for pickup. He asked that they be given to you personally. He said he owes you a trip home." The call ended. I looked out at the snow. Ryan. Wait for me. I'm coming to get you.
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