After my husband gives away our tenth child to his mistress, I marry his childless godfather. I give Damien St. Clair nine babies. Every single one of them disappears before their first birthday. Nine kids. Nine empty cribs. Nine times he kneels in front of me, swearing he'll find them. Nine times I shatter into pieces and have to glue myself back together. By the seventh, I stop eating. By the eighth, I stop sleeping. By the ninth, I'm popping three different pills just to keep myself from losing my mind completely. But Damien never leaves. Every panic attack at 3 a.m., every time I scratch my own arms bloody because the pain has nowhere else to go, he's right there. Red eyes, shaky voice, holding me so tight like if he lets go, I'll fall apart for good. "We'll try again," he whispers. "I'll love you forever." And I believe him. God help me, I believe every word. I let him back into my bed. I get pregnant for the tenth time. When that baby turns one, I show up at his private lounge to surprise him. That's when I hear everything. His boys are drinking, laughing, kicked back on leather couches like kings. And Damien is standing right in the middle of them, handing MY child to some woman I've never seen before in my life. One of his buddies smacks his shoulder. "Bro, your wife's basically a baby factory. You're living the dream." Another one cracks up. "Dude's out here gifting whole ass kids to his side chicks. A car, a condo, AND a baby? Instant mom, zero labor pain. What girl says no to that?" Damien laughs, lights a cigarette, blows smoke at the ceiling. "Come on, they're young girls," he says, like it's nothing. "You think I'm gonna let pregnancy wreck their bodies? Nah. Leave the heavy lifting to the specialist." The whole room roars. And me? I'm standing right outside that door. Six months pregnant. Ice cold from head to toe. ...... His newest fling, Sophia Mercer, is holding my baby. She looks down at the little face and scrunches up her nose. "Ugh, another girl? I already have one of those." She tugs on Damien's sleeve, full pout mode. "Babe, I want a new one. Something different. I don't do hand-me-downs." Damien wraps his arm around her, all smiles, all warmth. "Whatever you want. I'll have her make as many as you need." The baby starts squirming, fussing in Sophia's arms. Sophia pinches the kid when no one's looking. The baby screams. Sophia slaps a hand over her mouth. "Shut up," she snaps. My heart stops. My nails dig so deep into my palms there's blood running down my fingers. I can't feel it. My whole body is shaking. Sophia keeps whining. "A whole year before I even get her? Obviously she doesn't know me. Next time, I want one fresh out of the delivery room." Damien tips his head down, smiling at her like she hung the moon. "Babe, babies under one are a nightmare. Let Claire deal with all that mess. Why would I let you suffer through it?" He leans in close to her ear. "If I ever saw a single wrinkle on you, I'd lose my mind." Sophia giggles and slaps his chest playfully. One of his friends shifts in his seat. "But real talk, man... your wife keeps having these kids, and they keep vanishing on her. Isn't she gonna snap at some point?" Damien goes quiet for half a second. Then shrugs. "She pops 'em out easy. Giving away a few, what's the big deal? Worst case, I settle down in a couple years, let her keep a few. Call it even." The room gets louder. Filthier. One guy actually says he wants me to have a baby for HIM so he can bring a grandkid home to his parents. Damien laughs and nods. Every single request, he agrees to. Like he's passing out party favors. My legs give out. My brain goes blank. I press both hands against my belly and run.
I lock myself in the bedroom and shove my fist in my mouth. Not a sound. Not one. Every time I thought I was going crazy from grief, every time I wanted to die because another baby was gone — it was him. My husband. Their father. He planned every single one. New girlfriend, new baby. That's how it worked. Every woman he moved on to, he took one of my kids as a gift. And now it's Sophia Mercer's turn. His childhood sweetheart. I cry until my voice breaks. Until I'm just choking on air. I beat my fists against my own stomach. I want this baby out. I want every last trace of Damien St. Clair scraped out of my body. I used to love being pregnant with his children. Now everything about him makes me sick. It's past midnight when he finally comes home. He walks in already teary-eyed, drops to his knees, grabs my hands. "Baby, I'm so sorry. The nanny took her out this morning and she just… she's gone." I stare at him. He moves closer, squeezes tighter, eyes all big and desperate. "I've got people looking everywhere. We'll find her. I swear." Tenth time he's fed me that exact line. Funny how he never once delivered. He's waiting for me to fall apart. Screaming, sobbing, clawing at my own skin like I always do. But this time I just look him dead in the eye. "Okay." His whole face goes blank. Before he can ask questions, his phone rings. He picks up, and I hear her. Sophia. That whiny little baby voice: "Babe, this little girl is SUCH a pain. I want the one Claire's carrying right now…" I stop listening. I don't need to hear any more. The second he leaves the room, I grab my phone. No hesitation. I book an appointment to erase my identity. Five days out. Then I dial the other number. When his voice comes through, I choke back my tears and keep my voice steady. "I'll do it. But my condition is this — our baby will be your heir." He says yes without blinking. I hang up. Almost right away, Damien comes back. Wraps himself around me from behind, nuzzling my neck, cooing like I'm a puppy. "There's my good girl. See? No tears, no tantrums. That's my Claire." I let him hold me. My face is completely dead. Oh I'll be good, Damien. So good you won't even see me leave. Oh I'll be good, Damien. So good that by the time you notice, I'll be married to the most powerful man in London.
Next morning, Damien's up early. That never happens. He takes my hand, all soft and sweet. "Hey, let's go get you a checkup today. You've lost weight. I'm worried about you and the baby." Before yesterday, that would've melted me. Now it makes my stomach turn. I let him lead me to the car. The second we get there, the passenger window rolls down and there she is. Sophia. Batting her lashes, whiny as ever. "Babe, what took you so long?" Then she turns to me, all sugary. "Oh, Claire! I haven't been feeling great either. You don't mind if I tag along, right?" I shoot Damien a look. He doesn't even flinch. Just leans in close and whispers, "Let her come. Don't make a scene. I'll make it up to you later." And just like that, it clicks. This whole checkup isn't about me. It's about Sophia getting a preview of my unborn child. Shopping before the delivery. I almost laugh. "Sure. I don't mind." Damien lets out a breath, lifts me into the back seat, buckles my seatbelt like the perfect husband. Sophia plants herself in the front. Shotgun. She throws me a little smirk over her shoulder and snuggles up to Damien, baby voice on full blast. I don't say a word. Not in the car. Not walking into the hospital. Not when I sit down in the exam chair. The doctor runs the wand over my belly and asks the routine question. "How many pregnancies have you had?" I stare at the ceiling. "This is number eleven." The doctor doesn't react. But the women in the waiting room outside? They have plenty to say. I can hear every word through the thin walls. "You see how that man looks at the other girl? THAT's the couple. The pregnant one's probably the side piece." "Eleven?! She's gotta be popping them out for different rich guys. What a tramp." Damien barely flinches. Doesn't say a word to defend me. Sophia catches my eye and smirks. Then she spots the baby on the ultrasound screen. Her whole face lights up. She leans forward, can't help herself. "So, doctor? What is it?" The St. Clairs own this hospital. So whatever Damien wants to know, he gets. He and Sophia follow the doctor into the back office. I'm left sitting alone on that exam chair. When they come back out, Sophia's face is dark. She stares at me like I'm something stuck on the bottom of her shoe. Damien grabs my hand. Big apologetic eyes. Gentle voice. "Claire, I'm sorry. The doctor says there are serious complications with the baby. It's not going to be viable. We need to terminate." The doctor nods along right on cue. "It really is for the best. Carrying to term would only mean more suffering." I look at the three of them. Here's something Damien forgot. I was a med student once. Top of my class, actually. Until a one-night stand with him got me pregnant and I had to drop out. I saw that ultrasound screen. That baby is perfectly healthy. The only problem? It's not what Sophia ordered. She already has a girl. She wants something new, something different. So Damien needs this baby gone so I can start over and try again. I look him dead in the eye. "What if I say no?"
Damien's whole expression shifts. That fake softness vanishes. "Claire. You're being ridiculous right now." I'm done. I turn and head for the exit. But Sophia runs up behind me and grabs my arm, putting on her best worried face. "Claire, wait. Is this because I came? Are you mad at me? I'm sorry, I really am…" Her nails dig into my skin hard enough to draw blood. I try to shake her off. "Get your hands off me." That's when Sophia stumbles. Her body tips backward, she hits the floor. But as she goes down, she grabs my arm and shoves me forward with everything she's got. I go down the staircase. My body flips, rolls, slams against every step until I hit the bottom. Damien sprints toward us. But the name he screams isn't mine. "Sophia!" He drops to the floor next to her, hands shaking, checking her face. "Where does it hurt? Show me, baby, show me." Sophia dabs at her tears, whimpering. "My ankle… I think I twisted it… it hurts so bad…" Damien's eyes go red. He scoops her up and rushes toward the ER. Doesn't look back. Not once. And me? I'm crumpled at the bottom of the stairs, both hands on my belly, shaking so hard I can barely see straight. Someone in the crowd yells out, "She's bleeding! That woman is bleeding!" Pain tears through my lower belly. Something warm spreads between my legs. Bright red. Soaking through my white dress. Damien freezes. He turns around. Looks down at me on the floor. And his face isn't panicked, isn't guilty. It's pissed off. "You know what, Claire? You pushed Sophia. YOU did this. So don't you dare blame anyone else." I shake my head, over and over, tears pouring. My voice is barely there. "I didn't… it wasn't me…" Damien pulls Sophia closer. His voice goes soft. Gentle, even. But what comes out is the coldest thing I've ever heard in my life. "Just deal with it. We were getting rid of that baby anyway. This just saved us a trip. But Sophia dances for a living. Her ankle actually matters." Then he steps right over me. Like I'm a piece of furniture in his way. Carries Sophia into the ER and never turns around. I'm curled up in my own blood, screaming at the people staring down at me. "Help me… please, somebody help me… please…" They stare. They whisper. They pull out their phones and start recording. Not a single person moves. The last thing I see before everything goes dark is a doctor running out, shouting for a stretcher. ...... Three days later, I open my eyes. The doctor is sitting at my bedside. She can't look at me. "I'm sorry. We couldn't save the baby. Please try to rest." I smile. Gone. Good. My baby doesn't deserve to be born into this family. And everything about Damien St. Clair makes me sick now. I check myself out. Go straight home. Pull together every document I need for tomorrow and shove them into a bag, hidden out of sight. One more day. And I'm gone for good. Then arms wrap around me from behind. My whole body locks up. "Get off me!" Damien nuzzles into my neck, voice dripping honey. "Hey, hey. You're still mad? Babe, come on. I told you, there were complications. That baby was only gonna cause you more pain. I did it for you." I laugh. Short. Ugly. "One baby after another after another. Gone. And you just shrug it off like it's nothing?" He pulls me in tighter. His voice drops, and for the first time there's a crack in it. "Babe… you make it look so easy. It's never even hard on you. So we lost one. We'll just make another one. What's the big deal?" My whole body shakes. What kind of person says that? What kind of thing walks around looking human and says that to someone's face? Before I can pull away, he grabs me by the waist, lifts me up, and throws me onto the bed. His eyes go dark. "Claire. Let's try again." I stare up at him. I can't even process what's happening. "Are you out of your mind? I just had a miscarriage!" He pins me down and kisses me. Hard. Like it's not a question. "One more. Be a good girl. We'll get it right this time." I slap him across the face.
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