At three in the morning, a bizarre "freeloader notice" popped up in our building’s HOA group chat. [Due to my elderly mother’s advanced age, and to provide her with a comfortable retirement environment, I am officially issuing a freeloader notice to all neighbors. The requirements are as follows:] [First, you must provide the master bedroom. You will pay me a $100 daily allowance for her care, and all meals must be cooked to a Michelin-star standard. No exceptions!] [Second, my mother needs absolute silence when she sleeps. Any households with children or pets must send them away immediately to avoid noise!] [Third, each stay will last exactly one week. If my mother experiences any physical discomfort or illness during her stay, you will bear full legal and financial responsibility!] I took one look at the message and figured the guy had a few screws loose. I ignored it. The very next day, he tagged me directly in the group: [Apt 602! Why didn’t you reply "received"? You ungrateful bitch! Fine, we’ll start by moving into YOUR place!] But what he didn't know was that I’m a certified psycho. By messing with me, he just kicked a steel plate. 1 First thing in the morning, someone started violently pounding on my front door. "Open up! Open the door, you little tramp!" "How dare you ignore my messages? Do you know who I am? Do you have any respect for the rules?!" "If you don't roll out here right now, I’m going to smash this door into splinters!" I rubbed my eyes in annoyance, my fists instinctively clenching. The last person who woke me up from a good sleep got his leg broken on the spot. But I had just managed to escape from my family, so I needed to keep a low profile. I peeked through the peephole. It was the guy who lived across the hall in Apt 603, standing there with his old mother. He was short, incredibly fat, and his face was so bloated with grease that his eyes were reduced to tiny slits. How could someone looking like that have the audacity to parade around so arrogantly? His skin was thicker than a brick wall. I clicked my tongue, shook my head, and yelled through the door: "Yeah, I didn't reply to your text. So what?" That sent 603 into an absolute frenzy. He started slamming his shoulder against the door. "You stupid bitch! You dare provoke me?!" Seeing his unhinged mental state, I casually grabbed a heavy meat cleaver from the kitchen before swinging the front door open. "Can I help you?" The fat guy from 603 looked up, ready to curse me out, but the moment he saw the glint of the cleaver, he swallowed his words. I curled my lip and flicked a shiny quarter right off his bald head. "What’s the matter? You’re reduced to begging at my doorstep now? Take the money and get lost!" "Keep the change. Think of it as a tip." Feeling deeply insulted, 603 pointed a stubby finger at my face. "Don't push your luck, you little whore. My mom is moving into your apartment today!" "If you know what's good for you, you'll let her in right now! Otherwise, I'll make you pay!" I touched my own cheek and batted my eyelashes innocently. "Really? But I’m already so pretty. How are you going to make me pay?" "Unlike you. You barely have three hairs on that shiny dome, but you've got more fat than a prize-winning pig. You were practically born to be exceptionally ugly!" 2 603 was half-dead from anger. He opened his mouth to snap back, but his mother shoved him aside. The old bat had a sharp, mean-spirited face. She looked me up and down with pure disdain. "A little brat like you doesn't deserve to live in such a nice apartment. Aren't you afraid of bad karma?" "Me moving in is doing you a favor! I'll cleanse this place of its bad juju. You should be thanking me on your knees!" Saying that, the mother and son exchanged a look and tried to aggressively shove their way past me into my apartment. I didn't even bother lifting my eyelids. I just stuck my leg out. They tripped and faceplanted hard into the hardwood floor. Only then did I calmly clap back. "If you want to cleanse bad juju, why don't you go live in a coffin? You only have a few years left anyway." I reached down and poked the bald guy’s head. "And you. How did your mom give birth to such a useless loser?" "You can't even afford to take care of your own mother. Why don't you go jump off a bridge?" "If I had a son like you, I would have shoved you right back where you came from to save myself the embarrassment!" The mother and son were so stunned by my verbal barrage that they couldn't even scramble to their feet. Without giving them a chance, I ruthlessly kicked them both out into the hallway and slammed the door shut. 603 stomped his feet furiously in the hall, leaving one final threat: "You just wait!" I went back to my living room and kicked my feet up. I'll wait. Let's see what kind of circus act he tries next. Right then, I got a friend request on WhatsApp. It was the girl who lived downstairs in Apt 503. I accepted it, and she immediately sent a massive block of text: [I heard the whole commotion! You are amazing!] [But honestly, I advise you to just swallow your pride and let it go. Don't provoke him anymore. It’s just for one week.] [He is the tyrant of this building! Anyone who disobeys him ends up miserable!] Reading her message, I actually started getting excited. [Miserable? How miserable?] 3 It turned out Todd from 603 was notoriously relentless. Not only was he totally unreasonable, but he was a massive cheapskate. During the holidays, he would drag his mother door-to-door demanding cash gifts. If anyone refused, he would literally defecate on their doormat. If someone didn't give enough money, he would leave funeral wreaths at their door and blast depressing funeral music in the middle of the night. A few neighbors had ignored his group chat messages in the past, so he threw dead rats and rotting cockroaches through their windows. He had everyone so terrified they couldn't sleep peacefully, terrified of missing his texts. No wonder a dozen people replied "Received!" at 3 AM like it was a royal decree. [Why didn't you guys just call the cops? That’s straight-up harassment!] I asked. Jessica from 503 replied with a shrugging emoji: [Calling the cops doesn't work. His mom is super old, so the police just tell us to be understanding and mediate.] [Eventually, people just couldn't take it anymore and moved out. Three families moved out this month alone.] He had already squeezed the older tenants dry. Seeing new blood move in, he came up with this "freeloader" scheme to exploit us. Jessica tried her best to persuade me: [Seriously, just keep the peace. You can't beat him.] I rubbed my chin, my grin widening. Jessica was a sweet, single girl living alone; she obviously couldn't handle a thug like him. But I was different. I wasn't exactly a "normal" person either. Now I had the perfect excuse to let my true nature run wild. My slender fingers typed out a quick reply: [Building tyrant, huh? Don't worry. I'll make him my bitch.] 4 The moment I stepped out of my apartment the next morning, I was hit by the overwhelming stench of urine and a massive pile of human feces right on my doormat. I went back inside and checked my Ring camera. Sure enough, it was the bald loser from 603. He had sneaked over in the middle of the night to take a dump, looking incredibly smug about it. Honestly, his strategy was brain-dead. He lived directly across the hall from me. Friendly fire was practically guaranteed. I didn't say a word. I just silently grabbed my mop. Todd and his mother popped out of their apartment, thinking I was coming out to clean it up. They pointed and laughed. "How's that? The smell of piss and shit isn't so nice, is it?" "If you had just behaved and let my mom move in, this wouldn't have happened." "Let me tell you, this is just the beginning. Watch your back!" I completely ignored them. I shoved past the two of them and sprinted down the stairs. Todd and his mother exchanged a confused look. Not knowing what I was doing, they stupidly followed me down. I ran straight to the public dog park dumpster, aggressively plunging my mop into the deepest, nastiest sludge I could find. Trembling with excitement, I hoisted the dripping mop over my shoulder and marched back. Before Todd could even react, I slammed the mop directly into his face. He opened his mouth to scream, and I aggressively jammed the mop head right between his lips, twisting it like a blender. In an instant, Todd’s mouth and nose were packed with literal crap. His mother shrieked in horror. "Oh my god, my precious baby boy! What are you doing?!" "Stop it right now, you psycho!" I casually pulled the mop back and aimed it at the old bat, flashing a sweet, friendly smile. "Don't worry, there's plenty to go around." "A mop dipped in crap turns me into John Wick!" 5 With that, I shoved the mop right into the old hag's face. She was slightly smarter than her son; she knew to keep her mouth clamped shut. So, I just used the mop like a giant basting brush and painted her entire body with it. Todd, his own face covered in feces, actually gagged at the smell of his own mother and ran away holding his nose. Seeing him run, I leaped forward like an acrobat and slapped the soaking wet mop head right on top of his bald dome. He instantly threw up. Between dry heaves, he gasped, "You... you are so f*cking disgusting..." "I'm done fighting you... just stop! Blergh!" Only then did I pull my mop back. I crossed my arms and sneered. "This is just the beginning. You have until noon to scrub my doormat spotless." "Otherwise, I can't guarantee what I'll do next!" The mother and son, both dyed a disgusting shade of brown, exchanged a bitter, defeated look. But knowing I possessed a literal biological weapon, they tucked their tails and scurried back to their apartment. When I went back out later, the mess in front of my door was completely gone. I figured they’d lay low for a while, so I went back inside to relax. But then I heard a commotion coming from downstairs. "I already told you, my mom is staying at your place today! Do you not understand English?!" "It's dangerous for a girl to live all alone, isn't it?" "If you don't let my mom stay, who knows? A creep might sneak into your apartment in the middle of the night. Things happen." Todd smiled like a greasy pervert, getting aggressively handsy with Jessica from 503. Terrified by his threats, Jessica pinched her nose at his stench and tried to compromise, pulling three crisp hundred-dollar bills out of her purse. The old lady's eyes lit up the moment she saw the cash. Just as she reached out to grab it... I grabbed my mop and stomped down the stairs. "What’s this? Bullying the weak again?" "Do you want me to show you what happens when I dip this mop in piss? I'll go full Hulk mode!" Seeing my mop, the mother and son immediately backed off. Muttering curses under their breath, they turned around and slinked back to their floor. Jessica grabbed my hand, thanking me profusely. She warned me to be careful, saying Todd was not the type to let things go. But I wasn't worried. Let them come. I had an entire arsenal of crazy left to unleash. 6 Sure enough, the second I opened my door the next morning, Todd and his mother were back at it. Without me even touching her, the old bat threw herself onto the hallway floor and started rolling around, throwing a massive tantrum. She clutched her chest, wailing dramatically: "Oh lord! My heart! My heart is giving out! My stomach hurts, my arms hurt!" "Is anyone going to help me?! Ow!" "This young brat is abusing the elderly! I'm dying! Son, call the cops and have her arrested!" They were putting on a coordinated show. It was a classic extortion scam. Todd shot a sleazy, conspiratorial wink at his mom, then glared at me arrogantly. "My mom has a fragile heart. You made her so angry she's having a cardiac episode." "What are you going to do about this?" "Do I call the cops and have you locked up, or do you want to pay us off and settle this privately?" I rubbed my fingers together and flashed him a bright smile. "Oh no, we can't just settle this privately!" "It just so happens I know a little CPR. Let me cure your mother right now!" Before he could react, I shoulder-checked him out of the way and mounted the old lady on the floor. I balled my fists and started relentlessly hammering her chest. The old bat screamed in genuine agony. She suddenly looked full of life—completely different from her fake groaning a second ago. Thanks to my miraculous healing hands, she was now squealing like a slaughtered pig. "Son! Son, save me! I'm dying, I can't take it!" "Get this crazy bitch off me!" I smiled like an absolute psychopath and slapped the old hag across the face. "I haven't cured you yet! Stop screaming, I'm administering emergency first aid!" Todd didn't even rush to save his mother. Instead, he pulled out his phone and started recording me. He threatened me from behind the camera: "You're assaulting my mother in broad daylight! I'm going to ruin your life online!" "I gave you a chance, but you didn't take it. Get ready to be famous!" With that, he uploaded the video straight to TikTok and Twitter. His caption read: [SHOCKING! Woman violently assaults elderly grandmother in public! A total collapse of human morality!] I rolled my eyes. His caption was so incredibly basic. So, I pulled out my phone and uploaded the security footage of him taking a dump on my doormat. My caption read: [SHOCKING! Thirty-year-old bald incel defecates in public hallway! A total collapse of human morality!] Let's see who gets famous first!
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