I was sick and hospitalized, and my boyfriend was running himself ragged taking care of me. The older woman in the neighboring hospital bed quietly asked me when the two of us were getting married. I just smiled, shook my head, and didn't say a word. He had no idea that I saw his phone. I saw that he had linked his gaming account as an "in-game couple" with a girl saved as CeeCee. I saw it last night, right when he forgot to lock his screen before turning around to pour me a glass of water. 1 The day I was discharged from the hospital, the city was blanketed in its heaviest snowfall of the year. Caleb took off his scarf and wrapped it snugly around my neck, laughing and calling me a silly little goose. I opened my mouth to speak, but tears just welled up in my eyes. He crouched down, taking my hands in his, and looked up at me with those eyes full of stars, asking what was wrong. I stared back at him. I just couldn't wrap my head around it. How could someone cheat on me, yet still treat me with such incredible tenderness? 2 Caleb’s Instagram grid was completely filled with pictures of me. Because I had severe sinus allergies, he not only quit smoking cold turkey, but he also refused to let any of his frat brothers or coworkers light up around me. Whenever he came home late from grabbing drinks with the guys, he would wait out in the freezing apartment hallway for ten minutes just to air out, all because I couldn't stand the smell of alcohol. He remembered every food I loved and every brand of skincare I used. He even tracked the dates of my period more accurately than I did. Last month, when I went on a ski trip to Aspen with my friends, he couldn't make it because of a massive work deadline. He stayed on the phone with me for half an hour, nagging me to be safe on the slopes. My friends laughed, teasing that his eyes only had room for me, that Professor Vance was hopelessly obsessed with his girlfriend. But this exact same man was on a multiplayer game, paired up with a girl I didn't even know. Their "couple status" was currently at 147 days. 3 I was craving a spicy Cajun seafood boil, spicy buffalo wings—anything with a massive kick of heat. Caleb coaxed and pleaded with me until I gave in, and he ended up making me a warm bowl of homemade chicken noodle soup instead. I sat at the kitchen island, watching his broad shoulders as he busied himself by the stove. Suddenly, I asked him. "Caleb, that game you're always playing on your phone... can you teach me how to play?" He froze for just a fraction of a second, then turned around and smiled, ruffling my hair. "Sure thing, babe. Since when did you care about video games?" I really didn't know the first thing about gaming. The complicated interface gave me a headache. But more importantly, I noticed Caleb had logged into a burner account to play with me. When we lost our first match, I tossed his phone onto the sofa. He wasn't even mad. "Wanna do something else?" he asked. He had finished cleaning up the kitchen and wrapped his arms around me from behind on the couch. His breath brushed against my ear, his soft hair carrying the fresh scent of his body wash. But my body reacted on instinct, and I pushed him away. He raised an eyebrow in surprise, but still just gently rubbed my stomach and told me to get some rest. 4 The next morning, I didn't wake Caleb up. I just got dressed and went straight to the office. He sent me two texts around noon. "You just got out of the hospital, don't eat anything greasy. I ordered you some warm soup from Panera, be a good girl and eat it all." "Were you in a bad mood yesterday? Let's go catch a movie after you get off work." "..." I locked my screen, a dull ache twisting in my stomach. Caleb finished his afternoon lectures right on time and drove to my office to pick me up. I didn't say a word as he held my hand and led me into the theater. The movie was incredibly dull. Halfway through, Caleb's phone kept buzzing in his pocket. Suddenly, he leaned over and whispered that there was an emergency at the university he had to deal with immediately. I nodded and said that was fine, I’d just catch an Uber home after the credits rolled. But he probably never expected that I would slip out of the theater right behind him. Luckily, he was on foot. If he had driven, I never would have been able to keep up. His destination was close by—a local urgent care clinic just two blocks down. Caleb was tall and striking, easy to spot even in a crowded waiting room. Because of that, I had a perfectly clear view when a young girl sprinted out of an exam room and threw her arms around his neck. Caleb let her hold him, his hands resting casually in his jacket pockets. He didn't hug her back. But he didn't push her away, either. 5 I got home much later than Caleb did. He was sitting at the dining table, tilting his head as he watched me walk in. I had no intention of explaining where I'd been. As I walked past him, he reached out and caught my wrist. "Why have you been so down these past few days, hmm?" He kissed the spot behind my ear, trailing down to my neck. But the moment I thought of how that girl had practically wrapped herself around him, a violent shudder ran through me, and I shoved his chest. "Go take a shower." I avoided his gaze, and he didn't seem too suspicious. Before grabbing his towel, he affectionately ruffled my hair. Caleb had always kept his guard down around me. Look, he didn't even lock his phone. This time, I dug deeper into his apps. Yesterday, he had played games with me using his main social media login, but it was undeniably his alternate gaming account. After messing around with his settings, I found a hidden encrypted messaging app buried in a locked folder. Logged in on that app was a completely different persona. ... The contact list was sparse. Just a few of his frat brothers. But pinned to the very top of his messages was a chat with someone named CeeCee. As I opened it, CeeCee happened to send a brand-new text. "My cramps hurt so bad, I feel awful. When are you finally going to break up with that woman?" "..." I scrolled up. They had talked so much. So much that it felt like they exchanged more words in a single day than Caleb and I did in an entire month. A month ago, when I was in Aspen with my friends, Caleb said he was swamped with grading papers and stayed on the phone with me to make sure I was safe. But that very same day was this CeeCee's birthday. The two of them had gone to the exact same local animal rescue cafe that Caleb and I went to on our first anniversary. Someone had even taken a Polaroid of them. The girl was smiling radiantly, holding a golden retriever puppy, while Caleb looked down at her with pure, unadulterated affection. My hands and feet turned to ice. I kept reading. Caleb sent her paragraphs upon paragraphs. He would whine to her about how exhausting his department meetings were. He would play video games with her and affectionately mock her for being a "total noob." He even took photos of the new succulent on his office desk just to share it with her. All those times he told me he was working late? They were almost all dates with this girl. As I stared at the screen, I slowly clutched my stomach and sank to the floor. I had just gotten surgery for severe gastric ulcers, and the intense stress made the searing pain flare up all over again. To make matters worse, I was so absorbed in the texts that I didn't even notice the sound of the shower turning off. The bathroom door clicked open right behind me. ... "What's wrong? Does your stomach hurt again? Do we need to go to the ER?" The man swept me up from the floor from behind, the crisp scent of his body wash flooding my senses. His warm palm pressed firmly against my abdomen, and for a fleeting second, it actually seemed to soothe my pain. I lowered my eyes, staring at his phone, which I had flipped face-down onto the table in the nick of time. The very last message I saw was from Caleb to that girl: "I lost my feelings for her a long time ago. You're the one I like now." 6 Growing up, my mom loved showing affection through food. Because of that, I developed a habit of binge-eating whenever I felt overwhelmed. Especially during the high-pressure years of high school, my weight ballooned by over thirty pounds. Most teenage girls are hypersensitive about their appearance, and I was no exception. But the more anxious I got, the more I ate. The social circles for girls in my class were a weird mix of superficial harmony and brutal exclusion. I was constantly marginalized because of my size. I wore oversized hoodies, lagged behind in gym class, and never dared to wear a sundress. Nobody wanted to be friends with me, except... Caleb. I met him during our freshman orientation assembly. He was the golden boy speaking for the guys; I was the top-scoring nerd speaking for the girls. But compared to my one fleeting moment in the spotlight, he was as radiant as the summer sun. Top grades, insanely handsome, constantly surrounded by friends. Girls flocked to him like moths to a flame. But as fate would have it, we ended up in the same SAT prep classes, and our similarly high test scores meant the teachers were always comparing us. Over time, we just clicked. I knew exactly what the guys in our grade whispered about me behind my back. They called me fat, joked that no man would ever want me, and erupted into cruel, echoing laughter. They said the most disgusting things. But Caleb... he never once looked at me with that kind of revulsion in his eyes. When did I fall for him? It was probably a humid summer night after prep class. He slung his backpack over one shoulder, took the empty seat next to me, bringing the summer heat with him. His eyes crinkled, his smile incredibly bright and clean. "Just checked the practice scores. You beat me by one point again." "You're too smart. Mind lending me that brain of yours?" ... Caleb never knew that I peeked at his college application list, spent hours calculating my odds, and made countless silent wishes. In the end, we got into the same prestigious university. At a graduation party, a wealthy, gorgeous girl confessed her feelings to him in front of everyone. I sat in the back of the crowd, quietly listening to everyone cheer them on. I truly thought Caleb would date her. But he didn't. He politely turned her down. ... As the party wound down, I was sitting alone in the furthest corner of a booth. Years of isolation made me terrible at socializing; my default instinct was always to hide. But he could always find me. That night, Caleb sat next to me, resting his chin on his hand, his eyes slightly narrowed. I knew he was staring at me, but I was too terrified to meet his gaze. After a long silence, his voice—light and teasing—broke the quiet. "I like you." "Wanna give us a try?"
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