When he said he wouldn't come home for the holidays, I packed my bags and returned to my hometown alone. When he helped Eleanor rent the apartment next door, I moved my things out. When he decided to take a permanent position at the local college, I applied to a university out in the Pacific Northwest. In my previous life, when we were old and gray, even our two children urged me to divorce him. All so that, after they passed, those two star-crossed lovers could be buried side by side. 1 Looking at the college acceptance letter in my hand, I nearly shed a tear. No one knew that I had been reborn. At the very last minute, I had changed my college application to the Pacific Northwest Engineering Institute. Even my high school counselor, Mr. Harrison, was perplexed. "I thought your fiancé was staying to teach at the local college? If you go so far away for your degree, will he wait for you?" At the mention of Oliver Smith, the image of his tall, youthful figure flashed through my mind. Honestly, everyone thought I was the lucky one to have Oliver. He was ambitious and handsome. I only had the right to stand beside him because of a childhood promise made by our families when we were kids. I smiled and replied loudly, "Mr. Harrison, free love is the trend now!" "That childhood betrothal our families made is just an outdated tradition, it's got to go!" Perhaps he hadn't expected me to be so forward-thinking. Mr. Harrison patted my shoulder, his eyes full of approval. Leaving the school, I followed the flow of the crowd toward home. 2 In my past life, I never even went to college. Because just a few days from now was the date set for my wedding to Oliver. Soon after, I got pregnant, and my education ended there. Shortly after Oliver stayed to teach at the college, he was transferred to a government agency. From then on, we lived entirely different lives. Outside, he climbed the corporate ladder. Wherever he went, Eleanor Davis—the star of the local community theater—followed, transferring her job and bringing her daughter along. And me? I was trapped in my little domestic bubble, taking care of his bedridden parents and raising the kids. I watched my son grow from a babbling toddler who clung to me, to a young man who gradually grew distant, drifting step by step toward Oliver. Later, I didn't even know my son was marrying Eleanor's daughter until after the wedding was over. I only saw it in a photo shown to me by an old friend. In the picture, as my son and his new bride made a toast, Oliver and Eleanor stood side by side, smiling at each other with undeniable affection. Later still, my son urged me to get a divorce on more than one occasion. He said, "Mom, Dad has suffered his whole life. If it weren't for you, he'd have been with my mother-in-law long ago." "Mom, you two don't match at all. Why can't you just let go?" Even my daughter-in-law refused to see me. But what could I do? I was so bitter! I was bitter because when my in-laws were paralyzed and I was serving them day and night, he was out playing house with another woman. I was bitter because when my son had a midnight fever, I was in such a panic that I ran three miles barefoot to get the doctor, while he was taking someone else's woman to piano lessons and helping another man's daughter with her homework. I was bitter because I had given up everything for this family, only to reach the end and hear... Him say it. Them say it. Everyone say it. We didn't match. Everyone blamed me. Why couldn't I just let go? But I refused. The exhaustion of my youth had carved deep trenches into my face, leaving me looking ancient and withered. Even if it killed me, I was going to drag them down with me. As for whether they got together after I died, I didn't care anymore. I didn't have the strength to care. Finally, I died right after my son urged me to divorce him one last time. He had talked for hours, and seeing my stubborn silence, he stormed off in anger. What he didn't know was that before his slamming door even latched, I had a massive heart attack. I called out to him, but he didn't even look back. In that moment, I felt an overwhelming sense of regret. Why did I ever give birth to him... Why did I throw my entire life away for him? But thankfully, I was reborn. I returned to the days right before my wedding to Oliver. There was still time to change everything. 3 When I got home, I hid the acceptance letter and started making dinner. This two-bedroom apartment was subsidized housing provided by Oliver's university. While waiting for the water to boil, I found the calendar in the living room. I located the date I needed to report to the university next month and drew a big red circle around it with a pen. I stared at that circled number with longing. Soon. Very soon. Soon, I would be completely free. 4 The food was barely on the table when Oliver walked in. Unsurprisingly, Eleanor was right behind him, holding her daughter's hand. "I'm so sorry to intrude again," she said softly. Eleanor was pale and pretty, with an oval face. The bright red trench coat she wore gave her an indescribable charm. The little girl, Lily, was used to coming over. Seeing that I had finished cooking, she cheered and expertly went to serve the mashed potatoes and roast beef. A plate for her, a plate for Oliver, a plate for Eleanor. Only... None for me. By the time I walked out of the kitchen, the three of them were sitting around the table, laughing and talking as if they were a happy family. But as soon as they took a bite, all three spat their food out simultaneously. "Mommy, it's so salty!" I leaned casually against the kitchen doorframe. I watched Oliver quickly pour a glass of water for both mother and daughter. But the water was heavily salted, too. Finally, Eleanor left in tears. Before walking out, she turned to Oliver and said, "She obviously doesn't welcome me here. I just won't come around anymore." Oliver walked them to the door. When he came back, his brows were tightly knit. I ignored him and went straight to the kitchen to cook myself a fresh meal. "Did you do that on purpose?" Oliver seemed genuinely baffled. Then he started his usual defense. "Her husband died in the line of duty, and he asked me to look after them. You're a great cook, and Lily loves your food." Seeing my continued silence, Oliver shook his head, seemingly compromising. "Since you don't like it, I won't invite them over for dinner anymore." 5 The next morning, after Oliver left, I pulled out my duffel bag to pack for a trip back to my rural hometown. Although our parents had promised us to each other, our families had officially exchanged heirlooms. If we were really going to break it off, the engagement had to be annulled with the town elders present, to avoid any messy rumors later. While packing, I saw the quilts and crocheted blankets I had secretly made over the past few years. I thought about it, stuffed them all into a heavy canvas bag—along with some hand-stitched shoes I'd made—and hauled it down to the antique consignment shop at the end of the street. Things I had spent years making sold for a mere thirty dollars. It wasn't much, but food and rent at college would be a massive expense, and I needed every penny I could save. When I got home, I drew a massive X over today's date on the calendar. Twenty days left. Just twenty more days, and I could leave this place and start my new life. 6 Oliver came back very late. The dinner I had left out was completely untouched. "I ate at the campus cafeteria," he explained casually. But smelling the faint, white-tea perfume lingering on his jacket, I knew exactly who he had eaten with. He knew bringing them here would irritate me, so he just took them out to eat instead. I silently cleared the table and went to my room. My room was filled with high school textbooks and test papers. Since they wouldn't all fit, many were stacked in the living room. I started tying the books in my room together with twine. I planned to pack up the ones in the living room tomorrow when Oliver was at work. Since I was leaving, it wasn't appropriate to leave anything of mine behind. As I was packing, I heard a knock on my door. I knew it was Oliver. He was always polite to me and would never step foot into my room without my permission. "What is it?" I asked, not wanting him to see me packing. There was silence on the other side for a moment before he spoke. "I'm filling out the marriage license application for City Hall. Does the ninth of next month work for you?" The ninth of next month. The exact day of my wedding in my past life. I glanced at my packed duffel bag and said flatly, "Marriage is a big deal. Let me ask my folks back home tomorrow before we decide." There was a long silence outside before I finally heard his footsteps walk away. I breathed a sigh of relief and leaned against the headboard. Honestly, with his current status, he didn't need to consult my family for a marriage license. Since my parents passed away when I was young, Oliver's parents had taken me in because of our families' promise. In everyone's eyes, I was already a part of the Smith family. The paperwork was just a formality. Besides, he was handsome, had a great job, and treated me decently enough. Anyone with eyes could see that my heart had belonged to him for years. It was true that I owed the Smith family. But no matter what, I had already paid off that debt with my entire past life. I owed them nothing anymore. In this life, I was going to walk my own path. A path without Oliver Smith.
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