Late one night, doubled over in agonizing stomach pain, I begged Liam to take me to the hospital. He told me to just endure it. "Chloe’s neighborhood lost power. She’s terrified being alone with the kid. I’m going to go check on them first." He didn't come home that night. The next morning, Chloe sent me a photo. In it, Liam was wearing a goofy SpongeBob apron, holding a spatula with a look of fond helplessness on his face. Chloe captioned it: [Liam is going to be such a good dad someday!] I, who had just lost my baby, was lying in a hospital bed. I replied: [He’s all yours!] 1 Valentine's Day fell on a Saturday this year. Not celebrating felt like a disservice to ourselves. "Let's catch a movie first, then grab dinner. What are you in the mood for? How about that new seafood buffet?" I was excitedly planning our evening. Liam, however, looked conflicted. "What's wrong?" I asked. "Chloe said Lily wants to go to the adventure park tomorrow. They’re having some themed event, and Chloe's worried she can't keep an eye on the kid by herself." "Can't she ask her parents to help? Or a friend? Does it have to be you?" I felt a surge of suffocating irritation building in my chest, and I couldn't hold it back. Liam sighed. "Her parents are older, they don't have the energy. Plus, tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and a Saturday. Her friends all have their own plans." "You realize it's Valentine's Day too, right?" Everyone else has plans, but you don't? Liam frowned, his voice rising. "What's the point of being petty over a kid? Does she even know what Valentine's Day is?" My expression turned cold. I stood up, ready to leave. Liam panicked. He grabbed my arm. "Maya, please, stop making a scene. I don't have a choice. You know I can't say no when Chloe asks." I felt exhausted to my core. "When does this end?" "When Lily is a little older, and Chloe has fully adapted. It'll get better!" He said it with absolutely no conviction. I didn't even know where to begin arguing. I could only compromise, again. "Forget it. We just won't celebrate!" 2 On Valentine's Day, my husband spent it with someone else. I couldn't be angry, I couldn't complain, I even had to send him off with a smile. They had a fantastic time, and even ate at the seafood buffet I had wanted to try. Meanwhile, I was stuck at home eating instant ramen. A fiery anger ignited in my chest. Without a second thought, I ordered the designer bag I had been eyeing for months but couldn't bring myself to buy. I swiped Liam's credit card. Not long after, Liam called. His voice held a hint of amusement. "Not mad anymore?" I said stiffly, "I was never mad to begin with." "Right, right, my sweet girl is the most understanding. What did you have for lunch?" I looked at the ramen container and was about to answer. Chloe's voice filtered through the phone. "Liam, my arms are dead. Carry Lily for a bit. You little chunk, did you gain weight again?" "Hmph, mommy is mean! Daddy, carry me!" That single word, "Daddy," made my brain explode with a deafening ringing. "Liam..." "Maya, I gotta go, we'll talk when I get back!" The line went dead. My heart twisted into a painful knot. Without thinking, I hit redial. No answer. I hung up and called again. Still no answer. On the fourth try, Chloe answered. "Maya? Is something wrong?" "Where is Liam? Put him on the phone!" Ignoring the icy tone in my voice, she continued gently, "Liam took Lily on the zipline. He can't take the call right now. Is it urgent? I'll tell him when they're done!" Conversations like this always made me feel a bizarre sense of role reversal. It was as if she were Liam's wife, and I was just an oblivious outsider intruding on their day. Chloe went on, "Don't worry, Liam is doing great. We're having a wonderful time. I'll send you some pictures in a bit. It's a holiday, you should experience it too..." Before she could finish, I hung up. I was afraid if I listened for another second, I would start screaming curses. 3 The Chloe I saw today felt like a complete stranger. Yet, from the moment this whole thing started until now, it had only been a year. How quickly things change. How entirely the world can flip upside down! Chloe's late husband was named Mark. He and Liam grew up together. A year ago, he passed away. It was incredibly sudden, with zero warning signs. That day, like any other, Mark and Liam went to play basketball after work. Liam, remembering he promised to bring me my favorite roast duck, left early. Mark stayed, still full of energy. But just half an hour after Liam left, Mark suffered a fatal heart attack. This plunged Liam into a state of extreme guilt and self-loathing. "Just half a minute. If I had just stayed and fought for him for half a minute, maybe he wouldn't have died!" Liam was a doctor. He believed he could have saved Mark. But he had chosen to leave early that day. The agony practically drowned him. I honestly couldn't bear to see him like that. So, when Chloe didn't know what to do about a clogged sink, I agreed to let Liam go help her. That was the first time. It was the third month after Mark's death. 4 Chloe was true to her word. She sent me a zipped file of dozens of photos. Photos of Liam carrying Lily, holding Lily's hand, peeling shrimp for Lily. In the pictures, Liam's face was soft. His eyes were full of indulgence and adoration when he looked at Lily. I zoomed in on one specific photo. It was one of the few where Chloe was actually in the frame. She and Liam flanked Lily. All three wore blissful smiles. It didn't look out of place at all. They truly looked like a family of three! Liam didn't get home until 10 PM. Looking exhausted, he walked in and immediately said, "I'm so tired! Lily has endless energy. I'm wiped out, and she was still bouncing off the walls. Don't let the fact that she's a little girl fool you, she's as wild as any boy! Oh, right, something hilarious happened today..." Liam eagerly recounted every moment with Lily, acting exactly like a proud father eager to show off his daughter. I just watched him in silence. After receiving no response for a long while, Liam finally realized something was wrong. "What is it? Are you angry?" I asked him, "Don't you have anything else to say to me?" Liam frowned, his deep exhaustion unable to mask his irritation. If he had a thought bubble, it would probably say: What is it now? "If you have something to say, just say it!" My already sour mood darkened further. "Liam, why is Lily calling you 'Daddy'?" Liam rubbed his temples in frustration. "She misses her dad. She asked if she could call me 'Daddy' just for today. Tell me, how was I supposed to say no to that?" No explanation. No comfort. No guilt. He threw the problem back at me, just like he had so many times before. Liam and I ended the night in a fight. I banished him to the guest bedroom. Halfway through the night, he tried to come in to talk, but I refused. Eventually, he lost his temper, his face turning cold as he turned and went back to the guest room. 5 When Mark was alive, he worshipped Chloe. Everyone knew he was entirely devoted to his wife. After they had their daughter, he became a doting father as well. Of course, Chloe had the capital to be spoiled. She was stunningly beautiful and highly educated. To be with Mark, she gave up a very promising career to become a stay-at-home mom. Mark used to say, "I have to spend the rest of my life making this up to her!" He meant it, and he did it. Just like that, he pampered Chloe until she was essentially helpless. Chloe didn't know how to pay the utility bills. Liam taught her. But she complained, "It's too complicated!" Liam sighed in resignation. "Fine, I'll pay them for you from now on!" Chloe couldn't cook, and once almost burned her kitchen down. Liam had to drop everything at work and rush over. Later, he started ordering takeout for her. "Can't she order it herself?" "It takes two seconds. It's not a big deal!" When a lightbulb burned out, Chloe had no idea what to do. "She can hire a handyman." "She's a single mother living alone. It's not safe to let a strange man into the house." Once, Liam and I were making out on the couch. Things were getting heated, and Chloe called. "Lily is throwing up! What do I do? Liam, please help me!" Without a second thought, Liam threw his clothes on and rushed out, not even taking a second to pull a blanket over me. Later, I found out Chloe had fed Lily incredibly spicy noodles. The young child was in so much pain she ended up in the ER. Chloe couldn't handle taking her child out alone, whether it was for a fun outing or a hospital visit. Liam was always on call. He took on Mark's responsibilities. This seemed to bring him a sense of peace. I knew he was trying to make amends. But his process of making amends was becoming increasingly agonizing for me. I felt like I was reaching my absolute limit. 6 I was going to sit down and talk to Liam. But when I woke up, he was already gone. Breakfast was on the table, packed neatly in a thermos. There was oatmeal, steamed buns, and eggs. Next to it was a sticky note: [Maya, I'm sorry. I was in a bad mood yesterday and shouldn't have spoken to you like that. I know you've always been understanding and indulgent with me. Can you please give me a little more time?] After a long silence, I quietly ate the breakfast. Liam really was incredibly busy. When I called his phone, a nurse answered. She told me Liam had gone into surgery. He had one operation in the morning and two in the afternoon. There was zero chance he was getting off work on time. Since I wasn't busy today, I decided to cook some food and bring it to him. It had been a long time since I brought Liam lunch. It wasn't that I didn't want to, but the conflicts between us had been piling up recently. When I arrived at his department, I said hello to the nurses. They stared at me with wide eyes, practically stuttering when they spoke. At first, I didn't think much of it, but when I pushed open the door to Liam's office, I finally understood. Turns out, they thought I was there to catch him in an affair. Inside, Chloe had her shoes off and was curled up in Liam's desk chair. She was playing a game on her phone, with Liam's coat draped over her legs. A small cake sat on the desk, half-eaten. How did I feel? Not really surprised, nor particularly shocked. Just... a heavy, sinking feeling in my chest that kept dropping lower and lower. "Maya, you're here! Have a seat, make yourself at home. Want some cake? Liam bought it for me. He was worried I'd be hungry!" 7 "Chloe has been in a bad place lately. She gets caught up in her own head when she's alone at home. She just wanted someone to keep her company while she ate. I couldn't say no!" This was the explanation I got after waiting for an hour. I felt like I was losing sight of where Liam's boundaries were. "Today you bring her to your office. Tomorrow, are you going to bring her to our house? The day after that, should we just give her half our bed?" Liam frowned deeply. "What nonsense are you spewing?" I sighed. Sometimes, the misery we endure is entirely self-inflicted. "This morning, you asked if I could give you a little more time. My answer is: Absolutely not!" With that, I stood up to leave. Liam grabbed my arm. "What do you mean?" "Liam, either you cut Chloe out of our lives, or I cut you out of mine. You choose!" His eyes blazed, glaring at me intensely. "Are you really forcing me to choose?" I gritted my teeth. "I'm forcing you? When you said you wanted to give them twenty thousand dollars, I agreed without blinking. Over the past six months, because of Chloe, I've basically been living a widow's marriage. What more do you want from me? "Liam, I've endured enough. It's time for you to make a choice!" "I don't understand!" Liam growled. "Mark is gone. I just want to help him. Why is that so intolerable for you? Chloe and I have a completely platonic relationship. Why do you have to blow everything out of proportion?" I looked at Liam with pure disappointment. I never knew he could play dumb so flawlessly. "Let go of me!" Liam's face was cold, and his grip on my arm tightened. A wave of nausea washed over me. "I said let go!" During my struggle, I finally turned my head and threw up. Liam frantically held me. "What's wrong? Are you not feeling well?" I gasped for air, struggling through the discomfort, and said venomously, "I feel fine. It's just the things coming out of your mouth that make me sick!" Liam's hands tightened abruptly, gripping my shoulders until they ached. 8 Liam and I fell into a cold war. But he did seem to change. He continued to leave early and come home late. I didn't know what he was doing at the hospital, but at home, at least, he didn't run out in the middle of the night anymore, and there wasn't a constant stream of phone calls. But I didn't feel any better. It felt like a stone was pressing on my chest. Sometimes, it was so heavy I couldn't even catch my breath. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I never considered myself an overly sensitive person. If I was, I wouldn't have indulged Liam time and time again. But Chloe had actually managed to push me to this breaking point. She definitely had a talent for it. One day, I was lying in bed, feeling overwhelmingly irritated. In a half-asleep haze, the bedroom door opened, and Liam walked in. A moment later, the mattress dipped beside me, and Liam wrapped his arms around me over the blanket. I opened my eyes. He buried his face in my back. Muffled, he said, "Stop being mad at me. I'll change!" He promised he wouldn't let Chloe come to his office anymore. He wouldn't order food for her anymore. He wouldn't go to her house alone anymore. If he absolutely had to go, he'd take me with him. He promised he would make Chloe fade out of our lives. So, when Chloe called again, saying a pipe had burst in her apartment and she didn't know what to do, I went with Liam. Chloe answered the door quickly. She was soaking wet, wearing a fire-engine red silk slip dress. It clung to her body, making the outline of her chest painfully obvious. Before I could even react, she wrapped her arms around herself and started screaming. As if I were the strange man she needed to protect herself from. My face went cold. I grabbed Liam's hand, turned, and walked away. "How many times has this happened?" "What do you mean?" "Her appearing half-naked in front of you. How many times has this happened?" Liam went silent. "I was just going over to help. Why do you have to make it sound so dirty?" So I'm the dirty one now. "Liam, let's get a divorce!" "What?" "I suddenly realize you're a little dirty. And I don't even know when you got dirty. It's too disgusting!" 9 Liam didn't go back upstairs, but he did call building maintenance. See? It's that easy! We drove home in silence. Liam said, "Maya, let's talk!" I shook my head. I was too tired. A bone-deep exhaustion was washing over me. "Tomorrow!" I slept fitfully that night. In the middle of the night, I was awakened by a sharp, piercing pain in my stomach. It hurt so much. The pain had me breaking out in a cold sweat. "Liam. Liam!" I murmured his name, not even sure if I was saying it loud enough. Just then, Liam pushed the bedroom door open and walked in. Through the intense pain, I didn't notice that Liam was already fully dressed. I grabbed his hand. "Liam, my stomach hurts. Take me to the hospital!" But Liam cut me off. "Your stomach hurts? Maya, just endure it for a bit. I'll take you when I get back! Chloe's neighborhood lost power. Lily is crying hysterically. She might be having a panic attack. I have to go check on them!" "Liam, take me to the hospital!" At that moment, I had no idea how serious my condition was. I just knew instinctively that I had to get to a hospital. But Liam pushed my hand away. "Be reasonable. Lily is Mark's only child left in this world. Do you really have to compete with her?" With that, he left without looking back. He ignored my ghost-white face. He ignored my pleading. My heart plummeted into the abyss. "Ah!" I cried out in agony. I threw back the blanket. A pool of bright red. In the end, I called an Uber. The driver and his wife, ignoring the fact that I was staining their car seats, rushed me to the hospital. I miscarried. My first child, coming into existence silently, leaving silently. I asked the doctor why. The doctor comforted me. "This is your body making a decision for you. You aren't in the right condition to carry a child right now. Your body is protecting you!" Oh. So that was it. The only one who could truly protect me... was me. I drifted in and out of a feverish sleep. Waking up occasionally, I mindlessly sent a text back to Chloe. When I opened my eyes again, Liam was standing by my bed. He looked haggard, his eyes bloodshot. I wasn't surprised he was there. This was his hospital. Plenty of doctors knew me. Someone was bound to tell him. Liam grabbed my hand, trembling. "Maya, it's okay. We can have another baby!" I coldly pulled my hand away. "Liam, let's get a divorce!" His face twitched. "Maya, it's my fault. I was wrong. I didn't know. I didn't know it was that serious. Maya, I'm begging you, give me one more chance!" "Liam, let's get a divorce!" Liam refused to agree to the divorce. After I was discharged, he brought me home. He took meticulous care of me, even using his annual leave to do so. I calmly accepted his care. It was his child I lost. This was his obligation. Plus, he was a doctor. He knew exactly how to nurse someone back to health. It was during this recovery period that I discovered Liam actually knew how to cook. But he didn't learn for me. And the first time he cooked wasn't for me, either. He talked to me a lot. He begged for my forgiveness. He said he would change. He said he would never help Chloe again. He said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. But I had completely extinguished that fire. Human nature is funny. We refuse to admit defeat until the final straw crushes us. Why, when I clearly knew he would be like this, didn't I leave earlier? Because there were feelings! How could I willingly walk away before those feelings were ground down to absolutely nothing? Now, there was nothing left. The only thing I had to say to Liam was: "Let's get a divorce!" He was devastated. He was in agony. He was out of options. That was when Chloe came looking for me. She said she wanted to talk. So, taking advantage of the time Liam was out grocery shopping, I invited her into the apartment. Chloe had always been beautiful. A tweed designer dress, perfectly styled hair, immaculate makeup, even a fresh manicure. She said, "I'm so sorry you lost your baby!" I burst out laughing. "If you really mean that, I should probably call the cops!" Chloe's face stiffened. "Just say what you came to say. You don't have much time." After a long silence, Chloe spoke. "Let me have Liam. I can't survive without him. I'm not like you. You have a career, you're capable. But I've lost touch with the professional world. I have a child. Only Liam can take care of us!" Honestly, I didn't understand Chloe. She graduated from a top university. She used to work for a Fortune 500 company. Why had she reduced herself to a clinging vine? Of course, that wasn't my problem. I looked her up and down. "I've already asked Liam for a divorce. He's the one refusing. It seems if you want to attach yourself to him, you'll have to try a little harder." Chloe left. When Liam returned, I brought up the divorce again. He looked at me silently, pretending he didn't hear a word. He turned and went into the kitchen. 10 Divorce isn't an easy process. If we couldn't reach a settlement, I'd have to file a lawsuit. But lawsuits are a hassle. Time-consuming, exhausting. Might as well wait for a third party to intervene. Thinking like this, I stopped rushing. Liam must have felt pushed to the brink. He, who had been guarding me 24/7, asked me for a day off. "Matt is having a housewarming party. He invited us. Do you want to go?" I turned the page of my book. "No!" "Then I'll just go grab a bite and come right back!" "Mhm!" And I went back to my book. But after I finished the page, the man standing nearby still hadn't moved. I looked up, confused. "Is there something else?" Liam looked pale. He forced a smile and shook his head. "Do you want anything to eat? I'll bring it back for you!" "No need!" "Then I'm leaving. I'll be back soon!" Once he left the apartment, I put the book down. I closed my eyes, exhausted, and sighed. I knew what Liam had been waiting for. He wanted me to nag him a little, to tell him what I used to tell him: don't drink, drive carefully, come home early. But he hadn't noticed that, after the countless times he left early and came home late for Chloe, I had stopped saying those things. At the time, it wasn't that I was so ready to let go. Mostly, it was out of spite. If I don't reach out to you, will you reach out to me? If I don't call you, do you know I'm angry? If I act like I'm magnanimous and understanding, do you know I want you to see how petty I'm actually feeling? I would say, "It's fine, go ahead!" Hoping he would say, "Never mind, I'll stay home with you!" But Liam never gave me what I wanted, not even once. Disappointment. Sadness. Suffocation! He held my hand and walked forward, but his eyes were drawn to something else. I let go of his hand, trying to get his attention, but he didn't even look back once. I watched him walk further and further away, disappearing into the crowd. Finally, having amassed enough disappointment, I turned to leave. Only then did he suddenly turn around and start looking for me. What is this called? A timing error in love? Am I sad? Very sad! But more than that, I feel a profound sense of loss! Liam came back very late. I heard him open the door, and I heard the door to the guest room open and close. I thought he had gone to his room. I went out to get a glass of water. But I saw Liam sitting quietly on the sofa. I froze. He looked up at me, immediately hiding the vulnerability on his face. He smiled and asked, "What is it? Are you hungry?" I said, "Thirsty!" I opened the fridge, about to grab a water, but Liam stood up. "Don't drink cold water. I'll boil some!" "Don't bother!" "It's okay. Very quick. Two minutes." "No need!" "Really, it's fine. Just wait..." "Liam!" I stopped him. "I'm not drinking it!" With that, I turned to go back to my room. Liam stumbled toward me, bumping into the table with a muffled groan. He grabbed my hand. "Maya, I don't understand. Why did things get to this point?" Liam smelled strongly of alcohol. His voice was hoarse, his hands trembling. "Maya, am I really that unforgivable?" My nose stung. I looked up and sighed. "On the day... I miscarried. When you were at Chloe's, making breakfast for her and Lily, Chloe told you that you'd be a great dad someday. Do you know what I was thinking in that moment? "I felt a wave of relief. Thank god I lost the baby!" A sob escaped Liam's throat. Since the miscarriage, I had never talked to Liam about the baby. There was no way to talk about it. It was gone before we even knew it existed. Maybe it just felt we weren't fit to be parents! "Liam, have you ever thought about what would have happened if I hadn't lost the baby?" Liam remained silent. I continued, "I probably would have forgiven you. You didn't commit a cardinal sin. You didn't actively pursue another woman. Even though you cared for her, at the end of the day, you were just 'helping out.' Especially since we had a child on the way. I would have convinced myself that things would get better. "And that would have been the beginning of a bottomless abyss!" "No, it wouldn't! No! We would have had a great life! A happy, beautiful life! It's all my fault. It's my mistake. Maya, it's all my fault! I failed you, I failed the baby. It's all my fault!" Liam insisted stubbornly. "Liam, if our baby had been born, and Chloe's child and our child got sick at the exact same time, who would you take to the hospital first?" "I would definitely..." Liam desperately wanted to give me an answer. I cut him off. "You would take Chloe's child. Because she doesn't know how to do anything. She doesn't know where to register, she doesn't know where the pharmacy is. A hospital would confuse her completely. At first, you might feel guilty towards your own child, but you'd think, 'This is my child. I have my whole life to make it up to them.' "And slowly, even that initial guilt would fade. Everything would become an expected obligation. "You have a father. She doesn't. Why can't you just yield to her? "She's already so pitiful. How can you compete with her? "You're already so happy. Why do you have to be so selfish?" A child with a father would end up feeling like they didn't have one at all. Just like me. I had a husband, but it felt like I didn't. "I wouldn't. How could I ever do that?" Liam shook his head helplessly, his words pale and hollow. I looked at him. "You wouldn't? Then why have you constantly treated me exactly like that?" Liam looked completely defeated. "I'll change. Maya, I'll change!" I nodded. "I believe you. But I don't dare take that bet!" How long would the memory of a miscarried child keep him on the straight and narrow? A month? Two months? A year? Half a year? He definitely would change. If he didn't, he wouldn't even be human. But Chloe is still there. Her child is still there. All the core issues are still there. Could he really harden his heart, ignore them completely, and never ask about them again? When that day comes, it'll just be the start of another cycle! Compared to a sudden, miraculous epiphany, I'm much more confident he'd just repeat the same mistakes.
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