My childhood best friend and the school's resident bad boy made me confess my love to him fifty times before he would agree to date me. After my 49th failed attempt, I gave up. For my final attempt, I chose to love myself. In a quiet corner of the campus, Carter Hayes, the brilliant chess prodigy who had recently skyrocketed to fame, pulled me into his arms, his voice laced with grievance: "Maya, will you consider me now?" 1 On the college football field, I made my 49th confession to Nolan Pierce. Nolan smiled, patting my head. "Maya, I'm sorry, but I still can't say yes." Laughter erupted from the students gathered around us. Chloe Sterling, the school's reigning queen bee, stood proudly next to Nolan. "Maya, why do you keep doing this to yourself? How many times has it been? If you aren't tired, we're definitely tired of watching it." She playfully slapped Nolan's shoulder. "And you, couldn't you be a little gentler with your rejections?" Nolan shrugged helplessly. The casual intimacy between them made them look incredibly close. Nolan stepped forward and slung an arm over my shoulder. "We're heading out to grab lunch. Want to come with us? Silly girl." He was always like this. Every time he rejected me, he would immediately give me the illusion that if I just tried a little harder next time, I'd succeed. I subtly shifted my body, slipping out from under his arm. "No thanks. I still have a few case briefs to memorize. I need to go back and study." Nolan seemed used to me using studying as an excuse to reject his invitations. He let out a cold scoff. "Boring." Then, he draped his arm around Chloe's shoulder and walked away. "Boring." That was the word Nolan used most often with me. "Why do you always wear jeans? You don't have any feminine charm at all. Boring." "We're in college, and all you know how to do is study? You're like a nerd. Boring." "Other girls know how to cook, and you don't? Boring." And so, I changed my tomboyish personality. I studied less, started wearing dresses, and learned how to make bento boxes. I tried so hard to become the gentle, cute girl Nolan liked. But none of that was the real me. I pulled the ribbon out of my hair and handed the lunch I had spent hours making for Nolan to the janitor sweeping the bleachers. 2 While I was in my dorm memorizing case briefs, I got a text from Nolan. [For your 50th confession, don't wear the dress you had on today. It's ugly.] Because I didn't reply for a while, Nolan sent a second message. [My mom says she hasn't seen you in a while. Come over for dinner this weekend.] Nolan and I grew up together, and I had liked him for a very long time. During my very first confession, Nolan made a deal with me: once I confessed to him fifty times, he would agree to be with me. But I had also made a decision. After the 49th failure, I would give up. The first 49 times were my pursuit of love. The final time would be my defense of my own dignity. Even if he said yes on the 50th try, our relationship would never be equal. I wanted to be with Nolan, but being with him wasn't the only goal I had in life. The previous 49 confessions had slowly eroded my feelings for him. I quietly blocked his number and went back to memorizing my briefs. Would Nolan notice? He probably would. After all, in the past, if I didn't reply, he would just keep texting. But he probably wouldn't care. With his bad-boy charm and top-tier grades, he certainly wasn't lacking beautiful girls around him. 3 The next day, I walked into the classroom wearing baggy sweatpants and a hoodie. Nolan was surrounded by Chloe and a few other girls, laughing and joking around. When he saw me, he looked me up and down once, then immediately looked away. Because he liked girls in dresses, I had basically only worn dresses recently. "Maya, I heard you confessed again yesterday, and surprisingly, you got rejected by Nolan again." Tyler, the guy sitting behind me, suddenly announced loudly. The students around us went quiet, looking like they were ready for a show. I turned my head and caught Nolan looking over from the corner of his eye, but he made no move to stop Tyler. Tyler continued his mocking. "If you ask me, Nolan and Chloe are the perfect match. The handsome guy and the beautiful girl, a match made in heaven. You should stop daydreaming." I smirked. "So what? What does it have to do with you? Do you have a crush on Chloe?" Tyler stammered, "Y-you don't talk nonsense. I'm not delusional like you." "At least when I like someone, I have the guts to go for it openly. Do you?" Tyler was speechless, glaring at me with a face pale from anger. Nolan stepped in to smooth things over. "Alright, alright, class is starting soon. Everyone quiet down." He shot me a deep look before taking the seat behind me. I turned back to the front and continued reading my textbook. My roommate, sitting next to me, looked at me with starry eyes. "Maya. You're so cool." In the past, to maintain the gentle image Nolan liked, I would always silently endure any mocking without responding. I wasn't going to coddle them anymore. After the first two periods, an announcement came over the PA system. Carter Hayes, a chess prodigy from our major, had just won another international championship. The TVs around campus started playing the interview Carter gave after his victory. Everyone started buzzing with excitement. Because of his tournaments and training, Carter rarely attended classes in person, and he hardly interacted with anyone. People were endlessly curious about him. They wondered why someone so incredible at chess would choose to major in pre-law. 4 My roommate excitedly tapped my shoulder. "Maya, do you know Carter? I saw him from a distance once. His face is unreal." I nodded. "Yeah, I know him. He's pretty handsome." Tyler, overhearing me, scoffed from behind. "Maya, stop bragging. Carter's barely been to class a few times, how could you possibly know him?" "Or did you realize you couldn't get Nolan, so you decided to switch targets? Don't be delusional. Carter would definitely never look twice at you. I actually saw him talking to Chloe once." Chloe immediately smiled bashfully. "Oh, it was nothing. He's just very serious, and we're a bit more familiar with each other. I'll introduce you guys next time, we're all classmates after all." Nolan was playing on his phone next to her, completely ignoring the conversation. He only sneered when Tyler said "Carter would never look twice at you." I wasn't lying. I really did know Carter. After all, last night, he had trapped me in a corner and held me in a suffocatingly tight hug. When he found out my 49th confession had failed, Carter immediately hopped on a plane back to campus. By the time he reached my dorm building, you could still see the frantic panic in his eyes. Carter's hug was so warm, I couldn't bear to push him away. "Maya, will you consider me now?" Carter's voice was soft, carrying a mix of hope and grievance. It completely contrasted with his cold, aloof exterior. Once he found out I liked Nolan, he had been waiting for my 49th failure. Waiting for me to give him a chance. I hugged him back. "Let's see how you do." Those few words were enough to make the guy in front of me ecstatic, spinning me around in the air several times. While the class was still gossiping, they suddenly saw Carter walk through the classroom door. Everyone went dead silent. One of Chloe's friends whispered, "Chloe, do you think Carter is here to see you?" Chloe looked thrilled, but played coy. "Don't be silly." Carter was wearing a black turtleneck under a trench coat today. The dark clothes made his skin look even paler, and the unapproachable aura around him was even more pronounced. He walked straight to my desk and pulled out two movie tickets. His voice was careful and hesitant. "Last time you said if I won the championship, you'd give me a reward. Let's go see a movie, okay?" 5 Everyone around us stared in shock. No one could believe I actually knew Carter, let alone had this kind of relationship with him. "Sure. Wait for me at the campus gate after class." Carter smiled and nodded, ruffling my hair. "Remember to bundle up. You aren't wearing enough." Then, looking entirely satisfied, he left. The second Carter left, almost the entire class swarmed my desk, asking how I knew him. Even Tyler shamelessly walked over, hoping I'd introduce him. Carter was his idol. I just smiled and gave a few polite, vague answers. I didn't care about Nolan's face, which had turned completely thunderous. In the afternoon, because I was copying down notes, I was the last one to leave. As I packed my bag and headed for the door, Nolan blocked my path. He used his body to block the exit. "Maya, what kind of game is this? Playing hard to get?" I looked up, meeting his eyes. "Nolan, what gives you the right to talk to me like that?" He suddenly smiled, almost like he was conceding defeat, and pulled out two movie tickets, stepping closer. "Weren't you just trying to force me to watch some boring tearjerker with you? I really don't understand how girls' brains work. What's so great about these movies?" Girls? Right. Nolan always had plenty of girls around him. I took a few steps back. "I'm sorry, I'm busy today. Ask someone else." I tried to walk away, but Nolan grabbed my wrist from behind. "What is that supposed to mean?" I answered without hesitation. "It means I already have plans with someone else." The words hung in the air, leaving both of us stunned. Nolan's smile turned icy. "Maya, holding grudges is boring. "Do you really think I care who you watch a movie with? Trying to use another guy to trigger my competitive side is incredibly childish. "Fine! There are plenty of people who want to watch a movie with me. I don't need you." With that, Nolan let go and swaggered away. Actually, I was just stating a fact. I didn't mean anything else by it. Nolan was overthinking things. 6 A few years ago, when my grandmother passed away, the person I was closest to, Nolan knew how devastated I was. But when I called him, hoping he would come keep me company, Nolan said no. He had already made plans to play basketball with his friends. His exact words to me were: "I already have plans with someone else. I'll hang out with you tomorrow." His tone had even carried a hint of impatience. Nolan did come keep me company the next day, but the moment I needed him most had already passed. Maybe he thought I was saying it now as revenge, but I wasn't that petty. Revenge meant you still cared, and I was slowly learning not to care about him at all. At the campus gate, Carter stood in the snow, his head bowed, leaning against a sleek black sedan. I didn't know how long he'd been waiting. Even with a mask and a beanie, his 6'2" frame and innate, aloof aura made him the most conspicuous person in the crowd. When he saw me, Carter's dark eyes instantly lit up. He stepped forward and pulled me into a hug. I was startled and tried to push him away. He wouldn't budge. He leaned his lips close to my ear, his voice whining. "Just a hug. I've been waiting for you out here forever, I'm freezing to death." Nolan, who had just walked out of the campus gates, saw the entire thing. His expression shifted slightly, but the next second he morphed back into the joking, laughing guy with his friends. A friend bumped his shoulder, and he just raised an eyebrow indifferently, walking right past us. Carter let go of me quickly and opened the passenger door. In the car, I looked at him curiously. "When did you get your driver's license? Didn't George always drive you around?" George was Carter's manager. Carter's ears turned bright red. "I just got it last month. I can't exactly bring a third wheel along when I'm trying to woo a girl, can I?" Hearing that, my face flushed slightly. When we got to the theater, I went to buy popcorn while Carter waited. When I came back, he was surrounded by several girls asking for his Snapchat. Carter shot me a desperate look for help. Suddenly feeling mischievous, I stood where I was. I wanted to see how he'd handle it. Normally, George would have already stepped in to block them. Seeing that I wasn't moving, Carter looked at me with pure affection. He suddenly leaned down, said a few words to the girls, and pointed at me. The girls immediately looked disappointed and walked away. "What did you tell them?" I asked curiously. Carter looked at me pitifully. "I said, my girlfriend is watching me from right over there, and she probably wouldn't be happy about it." Hearing that, I blushed and coughed, shoving the bucket of popcorn into his chest before turning and speed-walking into the theater. Carter quickly followed. Even though I couldn't see his face, I knew he was smiling. 7 After the movie, Carter walked me back to my dorm building. Just as I turned to leave, he suddenly pulled down his mask, wrapped his arm around my waist, and pressed his lips to my forehead. A small gift box was slipped into my hand. The second the kiss ended, Carter's face turned beet red. He practically sprinted back to his car. In his panic, he fumbled with the ignition before finally driving off. My cheeks felt burning hot. I didn't know if it was windburn from the snow or just plain embarrassment. Back in my dorm, I opened the box. Inside lay a delicate, beautiful bracelet. I looked down at the slightly worn bracelet currently on my wrist. Nolan had given this to me for my 18th birthday. Back then, I had sworn I would wear it for the rest of my life. Later, I found out Nolan had originally bought it for another girl, but she thought it was too cheap and rejected it. Nolan went out and bought her an expensive one instead, and tossed this one to me. It even had the other girl's initials engraved on it. Thinking back on it now, I unclasped Nolan's bracelet and put on the one Carter gave me. The next day was Saturday. My family lived locally, so I always went home on weekends if I wasn't busy. Nolan lived right next door. Our families were close, and we had frequent dinners together. Today was no exception. Nolan's mom came over early with a mountain of groceries. I hurried over to help her carry them in. Nolan's parents had always been wonderful to me, so I respected them deeply. Nolan trailed behind his mom, glaring at me coldly. "Oh no, I forgot the jalapeños and garlic. You two run out and grab some for me." Nolan and I exchanged a look. Without any valid excuse to refuse, we headed out together. On the way, my phone buzzed. It was a text from Carter. A cartoon cat saying: [Miss you]. The corners of my mouth curled up. 8 [Did you get to the airport yet?] Carter had to fly out of state for an intensive training camp today. Once he arrived, his phone would be confiscated. He wouldn't be able to communicate with the outside world for days. [Just got here.] Carter sent a picture. It was of him kissing my forehead in the snow last night. Following the photo was a voice memo. He sounded cautious. "Maya, George just sent this to me today. I don't know who took it, but they posted it to the campus Confessions Page. Please don't be mad, okay?" I tapped the original photo and zoomed in. It clearly showed my profile and Carter's. I hadn't realized we were standing so close yesterday. My smile widened, and I casually hit 'save'. [I'm not mad. Focus on your training.] Carter: [Okay. I'm boarding now. Wait for me.] Followed by a "goofy smiling puppy" sticker. I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Was this really the cold, aloof chess prodigy the news always talked about? Suddenly, I noticed the street had gotten noisy. I looked up to see a few girls approaching Nolan, asking for his Snapchat. Nolan glanced at me, then pulled out his phone, smiling brightly. "Sure. It's my honor to be added by such beautiful girls." The girls, flattered by his charm, laughed happily and even invited him to hang out. Nolan said he was busy but promised to hit them up next time. Only then did they reluctantly leave. In the past, seeing a scene like this would make me feel miserable and angry. Now, it felt like I was an objective bystander. I just thought Nolan's smile looked incredibly fake. Nolan suddenly leaned in close. "Jealous?" "No," I replied flatly. "Take me off your block list, and I'll delete those two girls right now." Nolan sounded incredibly confident, like he was sure I would agree. I ignored him. Suddenly, the phone in my pocket was snatched away. "Stop being stubborn. Are you really going to keep me in the penalty box forever? Unblock me, and we can go back to how things used to be." Nolan held my phone high out of reach. I reached up to grab it, exposing my slender wrist. When Nolan saw the bracelet Carter had given me, his pupils shrank. He violently grabbed my wrist. "Where is your bracelet?" 9 While Nolan was stunned, I snatched my phone back. "I lost it." "Lost it? Didn't you say you'd wear it for the rest of your life? Think hard, where did you lose it? We'll go look for it together." Nolan grabbed my hand, trying to pull me along to search. I yanked my hand back. "It's just a piece of junk nobody wanted anyway. Why are you so frantic?" "What do you mean 'nobody wanted'? I bought that specifically for you." I really couldn't stand his hypocritical acting anymore. I couldn't hold back. "ZWY. The initials engraved on the bracelet. Nolan, do you really still have the nerve to say you bought it specifically for me?" Nolan froze. Maybe even he had forgotten who the bracelet was originally meant for. I turned around. "Go buy the groceries yourself. I'm going home." When I got home, I went straight to my room. What was supposed to be a good mood had been completely ruined by Nolan. Remembering the Confessions Page Carter mentioned, I went online to check it out. Maybe because it was the weekend and fewer people were online, the photo hadn't gotten much traction. Just a few comments saying we looked cute together. My mood slowly settled, and I pulled out my textbooks to study, forcing myself to completely forget about the drama. When my parents called me for dinner, I didn't go out. I just said I was tired and wanted to sleep. Monday morning, I had class, so I headed to campus early. I didn't know why, but I felt like everyone I passed was staring at me, pointing and whispering. At first, I thought I had accidentally worn my pajamas to school. I looked down. My outfit was perfectly normal. When I walked into the classroom, I saw Nolan holding his phone, looking at me with eyes full of ice. I glanced to the side and saw the picture of Carter kissing my forehead on his screen. A girl sitting near Chloe suddenly announced loudly to her, "Thank God you knew the inside story, Chloe, otherwise we really would have thought that girl was Carter's girlfriend. Turns out she's just a desperate stalker." Chloe smiled bashfully. "Carter and I grew up in the same neighborhood. Our families are close. Both his parents are high-profile lawyers, so he was just raised to be very polite. He doesn't know how to reject girls who throw themselves at him." "Carter's mom has told him off for it a few times, but he's always worried about hurting girls' feelings." Hearing this, I understood what had happened. 10 Everyone seemed to be waiting for me to explain myself, but I just walked to my seat expressionless, pulled out my phone, and checked the Confessions Page. Initially, there were plenty of people commenting that we were a cute couple. But in the middle of the night, an anonymous user posted a massive paragraph claiming I was a stalker obsessed with Carter, constantly harassing him. Many others piled on, claiming they'd seen me following Carter everywhere. They even accused me of two-timing—confessing to Nolan while simultaneously harassing Carter, calling me garbage. The court of public opinion had completely turned against me. Suddenly, a girl sat down next to me. "Maya, you really are just a desperate stalker. First you harassed Nolan, now you're harassing Carter. I advise you to give up while you can. Carter will never like you. He likes elegant girls from good families, like Chloe." Others chimed in. "Yeah, if Carter really liked Maya, he would have stepped up to defend her since this blew up so fast. The fact that he hasn't proves he doesn't care about her at all." Chloe walked over to Nolan's desk and glanced at him. "Don't talk nonsense, guys. Even if Carter liked me, I'd still have to think about it." I didn't respond, just picked up my book and started reading. In a situation like this, explaining was useless. People only believe what they want to believe. Finals were next month. I needed to keep my GPA as high as possible to achieve the goal I had set for next semester. A sudden gasp from Chloe broke my concentration. "Nolan, is this for me? How did you know this is my favorite brand of chocolate?" Sitting on Nolan's desk was a beautifully wrapped box of chocolates, which Chloe was just about to open. Nolan snatched it away from her. Chloe froze. Nolan patted her head. "Be good. I'll buy you something even better next time." Even as oblivious as Chloe was, she understood this wasn't for her. She looked slightly embarrassed. "Oh, it's fine. I'm sick of chocolate lately anyway." Nolan dropped the chocolates onto my desk. "I don't like sweets anyway, so consider it your lucky day." Everyone watched in shock. No one expected Nolan to take the initiative to offer an olive branch to me. This was the first time Nolan had ever bowed his head to me. In the past, whenever we fought, I was always the one to apologize. Chloe's expression was already crumbling, but she forced a strained smile. "Well, with everything that's happened, Maya probably needs some sugar to help her mood." I pushed the chocolates away, my voice cold. "My desk isn't a trash can. Don't give me things you don't want." No one expected me to reject Nolan. Nolan picked up the box, his face flushed with anger, but mindful of the audience, he just gritted his teeth. "Fine!" As if to prove it really was just something he didn't want, Nolan walked straight to the trash can and threw the chocolates away. Chloe's face looked even worse. After all, she had just said she wanted those chocolates. Now Nolan threw them in the trash rather than give them to her.
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