At a friends' gathering, my bestie forwarded me a post: [How do you get a girlfriend of ten years to initiate a breakup?] I cursed the scumbag in my head and clicked on it. The author of the post was my boyfriend. 1 Staring at the title, the author's username, and the profile picture, my mind went completely blank. My first reaction: my best friend sent this to the wrong person. With trembling hands, I scrolled to the very top and started reading word by word. But the more I read, the more my heart sank. The post was incredibly detailed. So detailed that every little thing was described perfectly. Making it impossible for me not to believe it. The post started by talking about how hard he pursued me, the excitement and beauty of finally winning me over. Then it talked about when I bombed my SATs and didn't get into my dream school. He stayed with me, secretly applying to a college near mine. When he was doing his senior thesis and working across two different cities, we accumulated over four hundred round-trip Greyhound and Amtrak ticket stubs. Back then, maybe because of love, he just wanted to hold me in his hands. He never felt it was a burden. Even my occasional bad moods were easily noticed by him. He'd lose his appetite and sleep, buy an overnight ticket, and ride 12 hours just to see me. It was like he had endless energy and love. But I don't know when it started, he got bored. Yet, because I almost died saving him from a car accident, leaving one of my arms half-ruined and unable to lift heavy things... He was afraid of being called a monster. He didn't want to be the one to bring up the breakup. But he truly couldn't stand being with me anymore. He grew more and more repulsed by my touch, annoyed by anything related to me. Sometimes, just hearing my voice... ...made him inexplicably irritated and angry. At his worst, he even wanted to scream at me, "Why don't you just go die?" 2 I don't know how I finished reading that post. Or how I scrolled down to the comments. Many commenters said that in these situations, the guy usually has someone else in his heart. So the current girlfriend becomes a stumbling block to his new romance, making everything she does annoying. He didn't reply to them. But he "liked" one specific comment: [Bro, I feel you. I wanted to break up with my GF of three years, but she was a total idiot. Not only did she miss all my hints, she loved me so much she lost all her self-respect. It made me more and more disgusted. I couldn't even stop myself from wanting to cheat.] I don't know if he liked it to agree that I was an idiot making him disgusted, or to agree that he wanted to cheat. "Babe, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Someone across from me asked. Caleb, who had been looking at his phone, looked up when he heard that. He frowned first, then pulled a tissue to wipe my tears, but his voice was impatient: "We're just out for drinks, why are you crying?" A female friend at the table started teasing: "After all these years, Caleb and Maya's relationship is still so solid. Honestly, every time I run into a jerk, just thinking about you two gives me the courage to believe in love again." In the past, hearing this would make my heart feel as sweet as honey. But right now, I felt so suffocated I could barely breathe. My mind was filled with the contents of that post. I turned my head and looked at Caleb. He was always like this before. Around outsiders, he always spoke to me with a hint of impatience. But his actions never slacked off. So I never thought anything of it. Because compared to guys online who are all talk and no action... I thought Caleb was so much better. I even thought of it as a playful little dynamic between us. But I never expected that his impatience was real. It was so real he wanted me dead. Or, did he really fall for someone else and cheat? 3 On the drive back, I was unusually quiet. Normally, when we were together, I couldn't help but share every little detail of my life, while he usually just grunted in response. Sometimes, if I talked too much, he'd pinch my lips shut: "Are you annoying or what? Yapping away. Can you shut up?" But I'd just bite his finger: "No." Then I'd look at him with a bright smile. Even if his attitude was cold, because we had sacrificed so much for each other, I never overthought it. I don't know where the problem started. Was he just purely bored of me? Or was there really a third person between us? Even after we got home, I remained exceptionally silent. If it were before, he would have definitely noticed something was wrong and asked me why. But today, he just looked relieved. He tossed out a casual, "I'm gonna play some games. Go to sleep first." It was as if he didn't want to spend another second with me. Staring at his closed study door, when I went to take a shower, I finally broke down and cried on the floor. Ten years of history. In those ten years, I imagined countless scenarios where he might break up with me. When I bombed my exams and he did amazingly, getting into a top-tier university. When we graduated and did long-distance, separated by over a thousand miles. But the only scenario I never imagined was this: when I loved him so much that I thought our relationship was unbreakable, that we could spend the rest of our lives together... he got bored. I don't know if he was moving too fast, or if my footsteps were too slow to keep up with his rhythm. We had obviously made it through the hardest times. Just when I thought we were till death do us part, he was sick of me. 4 I don't know how long I cried in the bathroom. When I came out, his study door wasn't shut tight, and I heard his faint laughter. It sounded like he was coaxing someone. I pushed the door open, and he didn't even notice. It made me think of the comment he liked. I stood at the door for a moment, then went out and sat on the couch, waiting for him. During that time, I thought a lot. I wondered if I had done anything wrong recently. I wondered when he started getting sick of me. I thought about his recent unusual behavior. But after thinking and thinking, I only had one question: If he really fell in love with someone else, what should I do? He gamed until midnight before coming out. When he walked out, he still had a smile on his face that he couldn't hide. But when he saw me sitting on the couch, the smile vanished instantly. He frowned, almost out of habit: "Why aren't you asleep yet?" I looked at him. "Caleb, let's talk." "It's so late. What is there to talk about? Haven't you talked enough from morning till night? Can't you let me sleep early?" After he said that, he headed for the bedroom. My eyes turned red. I didn't even know how I convinced myself before that he just had a mean mouth, that we had been together so long we didn't need a filter. And that deep down, he truly loved me. Just as he was about to step into the room, I couldn't hold back the question I'd been dying to ask since reading that post. "Caleb, do you like someone else?" Caleb's face changed immediately: "I didn't spend time with you while I was gaming, so you suspect I like someone else? Does this mean next time I go on a business trip, in your eyes, I'm going to a hotel with another woman? Maya, do I not even deserve an ounce of personal space now? Do I have to guard you 24/7?" It was as if every extra word I said was me being unreasonable and trying to strip away his personal space. He aggressively blocked everything I was about to say next. Caleb went into the room, grabbed his pillow, and walked back out. "I'm sleeping in the study tonight." He really didn't care about my feelings at all anymore. Just two years ago, he was so distressed because we were doing long-distance. The night my health failed and I passed out, almost not making it to the ER in time, he cried his eyes out. When I woke up, he held me so tight, wishing he could merge me into his own body. He said, trembling, "Do you know you scared me to death just now?" Then he made a firm decision to give up his career promotion just to be with me. A Caleb who loved me that much. How could he suddenly stop loving me right when I finally dropped everything to run to him? I sat on the couch. I couldn't help but open his post again, reading the contents over and over, along with the reply he liked. My eyes burned unbearably. Tears fell drop by drop, soaking the screen. I wanted to get up, go to the study, lay everything out, and ask him clearly if he liked someone else. But I was too afraid to hear his harsh words again. So I sat on the couch the entire night. 5 Early the next morning, afraid that my bloodshot eyes would make him even more impatient, I washed my face before he woke up. When Caleb woke up, my face was covered in water droplets. I looked visibly terrible. But he didn't see it. After getting ready, he just left the house. Only then did I realize that we hadn't eaten breakfast together in almost a month. When I went to work, a coworker noticed I looked terrible right away: "What's wrong? Have you been crying? Why are your eyes so puffy?" Even a coworker would care enough to ask, but Caleb remained completely indifferent. I forced a smile, my voice hoarse: "I'm fine." At noon, my manager told me I had to go on a business trip. I opened iMessage. Looking at Caleb's profile picture, my heart felt like it was being brutally squeezed. It hurt. It took me a long time, deleting and retyping, to send him a text saying I was going out of town. He replied very late with just one word: [Oh.] Looking at that word, my feelings were incredibly complicated. I couldn't help but scroll through our chat history from the past few weeks. That's when I realized. Most of the time, I was the one sending him messages, and he would take forever to send a dismissive reply. But because over the years, he had always put me first at every major crossroads in life... I naturally assumed my place in his heart was unshakeable, subconsciously finding excuses for him. But during the times he wasn't replying to me, wasn't chatting with me... was he chatting with someone else? Was it the little girl he was coaxing last night? 6 During my three-day trip, I didn't contact Caleb, and as expected, he didn't contact me either. Even though I anticipated it, the cycle of expectation and disappointment washed over me like a tidal wave every single day. Late at night, unable to sleep, I scrolled through his social media over and over, looking for clues. Then, my gaze locked onto a photo and stopped abruptly. It was a photo from their company's holiday party last year. In the photo, he was sitting very close to a girl. The way he looked at her... it carried an indescribable gentleness. The reason this photo caught my attention was because I knew the girl too. From the few times we met, I could tell she treated Caleb differently. Did Caleb fall for her? Or was I just overthinking? I was afraid of being crushed by this feeling. I didn't want to live in endless speculation. Eventually, I caught an early flight and returned home ahead of schedule. I had been with Caleb for ten years. In those ten years, our emotions were tangled too deeply. It wasn't just love anymore; it was compromises and sacrifices. Even if we truly couldn't go on, as long as there wasn't a third person involved... I hoped we could part ways decently, without regrets, after giving it our best try. But I never expected that the moment I pushed the door open, I would find a pair of women's heels in the entryway. When I saw those heels, my heart hit rock bottom. The blood in my veins ran cold. The very first thought that popped into my head was: [Caleb really cheated.] These past few days, the problem I dreaded thinking about the most, the one I feared the most, smashed into me so abruptly. For a moment, I felt like the whole world went silent. I stared blankly at the shoes for a long time before my weak legs carried me inside. Before I even saw anyone, I heard a soft, feminine voice: "Caleb, which towel should I use?" "The light-colored one." As soon as the words fell, I saw Caleb sitting on the couch. He had obviously just showered, his mind miles away as he stared at his phone. What exactly had just happened between them? Just the thought alone was enough to break me. Soon after, the girl walked out of the bathroom wearing my pajamas. She was about to run to Caleb but froze when she made eye contact with me. "Maya?" I recognized her. It was the girl from Caleb's photo, Lily. Only then did Caleb notice me. He froze too, but his first instinct wasn't to explain. It was to interrogate me. "When did you get back? Why didn't you tell me?" In that moment, I could no longer lie to myself. He truly didn't love me anymore. 7 I didn't say a word. I went to the bedroom to pack my bags. It wasn't until I reached the bedroom that I realized my entire body was shaking. I opened the closet and started pulling out my clothes. But my vision was so blurry I couldn't see a thing. I tugged at the clothes several times without getting them off the hangers. When I finally pulled one out, I realized it was Caleb's. I don't know why, but even the clothes were working against me. Caleb followed me into the room. Seeing my actions, his annoyance seemed to peak: "What are you doing?" My tears fell immediately. But I didn't want him to see me looking so pathetic, nor did I want to embarrass myself further. I controlled my emotions, turned to look at him, and even gave him a slight smile: "What does it look like? Should I stay here and watch you guys hook up?" "Maya, what the hell are you doing? Suspecting me of cheating? If you don't want to be with me anymore, just say it! You don't have to constantly accuse me of cheating, and you definitely don't have to ruin an innocent girl's reputation!" It was as if, from the very beginning, I was the one who wanted to break up. The funny thing was, at a time like this, he was interrogating me, blaming me for everything, yet he still remembered to defend Lily's reputation. Lily, standing to the side, looked terrified. She glanced at Caleb. Caleb looked furious. Lily looked timid, the perfect picture to trigger a man's protective instincts: "Maya, my clothes just got soaked with coffee, and since I was in the area, Caleb brought me up to take a quick shower. We didn't do anything." I ignored her. My heart was broken beyond repair. I just packed my things mechanically. I don't know when Lily left. When I finished packing, I looked at Caleb: "Let's break up." If I had any thoughts of salvaging this before, in this moment, they were completely gone. Caleb stared at me coldly: "Maya, you've been putting on this whole act just for this moment, haven't you? If you have someone else, just say it. Why go through all this trouble? Let me make this clear: if you walk out that door today, we are truly over." It was hilarious. He was clearly the one who wanted to break up, but he twisted it to make it look like I was the one cheating. He knew exactly how much I loved him. I don't know what our ten years meant to him. And I don't know why someone who used to love me so much could suddenly stop. 8 I couldn't say a word. There was no way Caleb couldn't tell Lily liked him. He brought Lily home while I wasn't around. Whether anything happened between them or not didn't matter anymore. In the end, I didn't finish packing all my things. It had only been two years since we moved in together, treating this place as our home, and I had bought too much stuff. Packing for half an hour barely scratched the surface. But every minute I stayed in this place made my emotions crumble. I grabbed a few random things, wiped my tears, and walked right out the door. But the moment I stepped out, Caleb sent me a text: [Maya, since you're so determined to break up, I'll have someone pack your things and mail them to you. Also, once we break up, don't even think about getting back together.] Looking at the text, my tears smashed against my phone screen. I reached out my finger, typing and deleting a few times, before finally typing out everything I wanted to say: [No need. Just burn them.]
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