I had a child with Ethan Vance. But he never gave me a ring, never made it official. I had calculated every move to get close to him, purely for revenge. When our child turned three, I initiated the separation. "You don't want the kid anymore?" he asked. I shook my head. "I'll come back and visit him." After a long silence, the usually aloof and cold man suddenly asked in a soft voice, "What about me?" 1 "Did you see the news? The CEO of Vance Corporation secretly has a kid!" "When did he get married? Who's the baby mama?" "I heard it was an unplanned pregnancy. He's single and hasn't married her." "Seriously? Why?" "What do you mean why? If he doesn't want to marry her, it just means he doesn't love her. Right, Luna?" Several gossiping colleagues turned to look at me. I froze for a second, then forced a stiff smile. "Yeah, probably." The chatter continued. None of them knew that I was the woman Ethan Vance didn't want to marry. 2 Late at night, our son, Leo, was already asleep. The mattress dipped beside me. Ethan was home. I instinctively reached out to wrap my arms around his waist. "Why are you back so late?" He paused slightly, gently taking my hand. It was a soft gesture, yet it subtly evaded my embrace. "Work's been busy." I shifted closer, resting my chin on his chest, and murmured, "Leo was fussy tonight. It took forever to get him to sleep." "Tired?" "Not really. I'm fine." Ethan looked at me, his voice dropping an octave lower than before. "Move down." In the moonlight, his narrow, aloof eyes gave the false impression of tenderness. The strap of my nightgown slipped off my shoulder as I moved. Seeing me shake my head, he didn't say another word. His chest heaved once before he grabbed my arms and smoothly rolled me onto my back. 3 Every bit of impatience and heat Ethan showed in bed was drawn out by me. Thinking about it, maybe that counted as a twisted kind of devotion. That night, like always, was a blur of unbearable intimacy. Four years ago tonight, the first time we were together, we were just as entangled. Except that time, the lights were off, the room smelled of alcohol, and he held me impossibly tight, mumbling groggily, "Don't go." In that moment, I realized who he thought I was—Maya Sterling, the woman he had broken up with before she went abroad. The grip on my waist tightened. I snapped back to reality. Ethan's kisses trailed down my collarbone. "What are you thinking about?" He rarely kissed me on the lips; in the heat of the moment, his kisses mostly fell on my collarbone or by my ear. I closed my eyes gently. There was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to ask—like what we even were to each other right now. In the end, all I could manage was a breathless whisper of his name. "Ethan." "Yeah." "Who am I to you?" After a long pause, Ethan let out a soft chuckle, his voice incredibly husky. "Luna, it seems you really aren't tired." "..." The moonlight was dim as I let myself drown in the sensation. 4 The first time I met Ethan was during the summer of my freshman year of college. My father was a mid-level executive at Vance Corporation. That day, he took me along to visit the Vance family home. While the adults were in the study, I sat awkwardly in the living room, bored out of my mind. Just as the silence was becoming unbearable, Ethan came home. The teenager wore a black t-shirt, revealing a hint of his collarbone. His skin was pale, the veins on his arms slightly raised. He radiated an effortless, arrogant youthfulness. The moonlight you see in your youth is always the brightest. To this day, I still don't understand why I fell for him. Maybe the weather was just really nice that day. Because of our fathers' connection, I started hanging out with Ethan. And I watched as Maya bravely pursued him. I watched them get together, fight, break up, and finally, I watched him get blackout drunk one night. After a night of reckless abandon, he sat in silence for a long time, then lowered his head to apologize, asking me what I wanted. Wrapped in the bedsheets, my mind was a complete blank. It was consensual. It could have just been a one-night stand. Ethan later offered me enough financial compensation to live comfortably for several lifetimes. But I lied to him. I still can't tell if I was just stupid, obsessive, or maybe a little sick in the head. I lied and told him I was on the pill. I stayed quiet until I was four months pregnant and the baby was fully formed before I went to find him. Could Ethan not see what I was doing? He knew exactly what was going on. He didn't see a woman desperately in love; he saw a woman scheming for money and status. My calculated deception turned me into a joke in his eyes. Now, I guess I'm just reaping what I sowed. 5 I woke up late the next day. The space beside me was freezing cold. He was always like this. No matter how entangled we were at night, he always left in silence when dawn broke. In the living room, Leo was playing with his blocks by himself. The little guy was growing up fast. He was almost three, and his eyes and facial structure looked exactly like Ethan's. They say love extends even to the crows on the roof. I couldn't help but pat his head. The little guy said in his sweet, milky voice, "Mommy, stop messing around." He probably picked up that tone from Ethan. Before, when Ethan worked from home, I would wrap my arms around his neck, and he would say in that same exasperated tone, Stop messing around. I grabbed a quick bite to eat. Not long after I got to the office, I heard a commotion in the hallway. I didn't expect to run into Ethan here. Dressed in a sharp suit, tall and imposing, with striking features, he was walking toward the conference room, surrounded by assistants and managers. As he passed by in the corridor, his gaze swept over me without a single second of hesitation, looking at me as if I were a complete stranger. I lowered my eyes, a bitter taste in my mouth, wondering if the intimacy of last night had just been a dream. 6 The commotion in the hallway faded. My colleague, Sarah, sighed beside me. "He's so handsome. I wonder which lucky girl snagged him." The rumors of his out-of-wedlock child were still circulating; she was obviously referring to the mystery woman trending online. "Though, a woman without a wedding ring... it's kind of pitiful." Pitiful? I never felt pitiful, and I certainly never regretted it. But people always crave a happy ending. So I let myself fall deeper into the abyss time and time again, counting the days, wondering how much longer I could hold on. I mocked myself and said lightly, "I guess it takes two to tango." As evening approached, a notification popped up on my phone: [Downstairs.] Tomorrow was New Year's Eve, and the streets were bustling with people rushing home. Over the years, I had learned to navigate around the heavy issues, ignoring his coldness. In the car, I smiled and asked, "What's for dinner tonight?" "Are you cooking?" I used to cook often, but it always ended in disaster. "Are you judging my cooking?" The corner of Ethan's mouth twitched up for a second. He was about to say something when his phone rang. The voice on the other end was faint. He frowned and said, "Got it." As he hung up, he turned to me. "I have something to take care of later." The implication was clear: he wouldn't be back for dinner. I froze for a moment. "But it's New Year's Eve. I wanted to spend it with you." A car honked loudly outside, and Ethan didn't catch what I said. "What?" The car pulled up to our driveway. Knowing he had business to attend to, I didn't want to be unreasonable. I swallowed the words I was about to say. "Drive safe. Come home early." His phone rang again, but Ethan didn't answer immediately. His dark, unreadable eyes fixed on me. "Tell the nanny to put Leo to bed. Don't stay up late." 7 I actually wanted to ask if he was going to be out late. But the car had already turned around in the driveway and disappeared from sight. At 10 PM, Leo and the nanny had already gone upstairs to sleep. Fireworks were going off outside, and I watched them in silence. To say I wasn't disappointed would be a lie. I didn't go to bed right away; an inexplicable sense of unease washed over me. Until my phone lit up. It was a photo from my best friend. Even over the distant, crisp sound of firecrackers, all my senses were focused on the cold screen. The background of the photo was a hospital. Ethan had his suit jacket draped over his arm. Beside him stood a girl with her arm in a sling. He was tall, she was petite; it looked like a romantic scene from a movie. The sight stung my eyes, and they involuntarily grew blurry. So, the "business" he had to take care of was keeping Maya company. 8 The sound of the door unlocking echoed just as the clock struck midnight. When Ethan saw me, the exhaustion in his eyes visibly paused for a second. "Why are you still awake?" My knees had gone numb from sitting so long. I slowly stood up. "I thought you weren't coming back." Ethan loosened his tie, his tone casual. "Where else would I go?" The atmosphere was so painfully normal that I couldn't find a single opening to hurl the accusations lodged in my throat. I didn't even have the right to accuse him. He glanced at the cold dinner on the table. "You made this?" I shook my head. Maybe I should have pretended I didn't care, like I always did, but the person he was with was Maya. And I knew Ethan had loved her. The anxiety gnawed at my nerves. I tried to hold it in, but I couldn't stop myself from asking, "Where were you?" "Maya was in a car accident. I had to go check on her." He had always been straightforward. He wouldn't even bother lying to me. How long had it been since I heard the name Maya from his lips? It was like a hook, brutally tearing open the secret I had desperately tried to bury, cruelly reminding me exactly who I had to thank for my place in his life. "Did it have to be you?" Ethan paused midway through pouring a glass of water. "She doesn't have many friends in the States." I'd heard about that. Maya grew up in an orphanage. She was fiercely independent. After graduation, she got a chance to work abroad, so she broke up with Ethan without a second thought. Returning years later, it made sense that her old friends had drifted apart. Right now, listening to his somewhat patient explanation, I didn't feel any better. My fingertips were pale from gripping the counter. I felt so pathetic, panicking over a single name. "Ethan," I looked up at the man beside me, my voice low, "if I hadn't lied to you back then, would you have ever loved..." Ethan set his glass down with a thud, cutting me off. "Have you forgotten? You chose this path." 9 His eyes were desolate and cold. I had seen that look before. The day I brought him the ultrasound results. In his penthouse office, it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Only the sound of our breathing filled the room. Ethan looked down at the paper for a moment, then let out a mocking laugh. "Luna, was it really necessary?" He said, "Going through all this trouble... was it really necessary?" Yeah. Was it? At the crossroads of life, I chose the most extreme path, even completely derailing Ethan's life. Now, I actually had the audacity to ask him if he would have loved me. The silence between us was deafening. From upstairs, the sound of Leo crying from the nursery drifted down, then faded—the nanny must have gone to check on him. I hurriedly wiped the corner of my eye. "I'm sleeping in Leo's room tonight." As I turned to leave, Ethan suddenly grabbed my wrist, pinning me against the edge of the table. He hadn't eaten dinner, and he looked inexplicably irritable. "What's your problem? Throwing a fit over this?" As soon as the words left his mouth, I felt a moment of speechlessness. Why had I spent hours agonizing over what he and Maya were doing, agonizing over whether he was coming home, when I didn't even have the right to question him if he didn't? The thought was agonizing, yet here I was, throwing a tantrum at him. In that instant, a realization hit me—Ethan never believed I had genuine feelings for him. Whatever. I slumped my shoulders. "I'm not throwing a fit. Leo was crying, I just wanted to go comfort him." Ethan stared at me, the hostility in his eyes growing more pronounced. His lips parted, but all he said was, "Don't bother. I'll go." The warmth on my wrist vanished. Watching his retreating back, a wave of powerlessness washed over me. From the moment I got pregnant, Ethan had never let me worry about taking care of the baby. He managed perfectly well on his own. It seemed that even if I left, his life would go on just fine. Realizing this, I stood frozen for a long time. 10 That night, I slept in the guest room. It was quiet outside the door. Ethan didn't come looking for me. Enduring my chaotic thoughts, I finally managed to fall asleep just before dawn. Usually, by the time I woke up, Ethan had already left for the office. But as soon as I came downstairs, I saw him feeding Leo breakfast. The morning sun streamed in. Leo's cheeks were stuffed with food, his eyes crinkling into happy little crescents when he saw me. "Mommy, you're awake!" Leo's middle name was Felix, a name I chose, meaning lucky and successful. Thinking about the thoughts of leaving I had last night, I realized the only one who would truly be hurt was the child. I still feel guilty towards him; because of my own selfish desires, I brought him into this world but couldn't give him a happy, complete family. Ethan glanced at me indifferently, then said to the boy beside him, "Sit properly." Leo was very obedient, but a few minutes later, he started fussing about going to the amusement park. "Daddy, please?" His tone was sweet and childish. Ethan didn't answer immediately. "Do you want to go?" The oatmeal was lukewarm. I paused with the spoon in my hand, taking a few seconds to realize the question was directed at me. In the past, it wasn't like Ethan and I never fought. But every time, I was the one who swallowed my pride to break the ice. Sometimes I'd sleep in the guest room out of spite, but in the middle of the night, I couldn't help myself and would sneak into the master bedroom, shamelessly burrowing into his arms. Ethan was a light sleeper; the slightest noise would wake him. He would habitually wrap his arm around my waist. It was pathetic, really, but it was those cruel, tiny details of tenderness that kept me clinging to him all this time. Now, hearing him initiate conversation, if I didn't take this out, I knew he wouldn't try to coax me again. I smiled. "Sure." 11 Breakfast ended with Leo's cheers, and Ethan stood up to head to the office. Only then did I notice he was wearing a charcoal gray suit today. "You forgot your tie." Ethan hesitated for a moment, then said, "Forgot." Because of his job, there were things I was more attentive to than he was. In the past, if I woke up before he left, I would act like a dutiful wife and insist on tying his tie, even if I always did a terrible job. I sighed inwardly. "Wait a second." I hurried to the walk-in closet, taking a few minutes to grab one. When I came back downstairs, Ethan was leaning against the entryway, lost in thought. He was an incredibly good-looking man, but there was an untouchable, aloof aura about him. I only came up to his chin. It was probably too much effort for him to watch me struggling to reach up, so he hesitated for a few seconds before slowly leaning down. Even though we had been intimately intertwined countless times, I still felt a flutter of nervousness. As my fingertips brushed against his neck, his Adam's apple bobbed slightly, and he gently looked away. The tie was still a bit crooked. I moved to untie it. "Maybe you shouldn't wear one after all." Ethan didn't seem to care, not even glancing at it. He checked the time and said it was fine. The sound of the door closing echoed. I listened to the engine fade away, feeling like something was off, but I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. The amusement park trip discussed at breakfast was scheduled for next week. Leo was noticeably in a great mood, humming nursery rhymes while playing with his puzzles. I played with him for a bit, gave the nanny a few instructions, and then got ready for work. I work at a media conglomerate. After years of steady work, I had climbed the ranks to become the managing editor of local news, but overtime was still a frequent reality. Leo started a cognitive development class a few months ago. If I got off work early, I'd pick him up; otherwise, Ethan usually went. That day, I had to work an hour of overtime. I texted Ethan to ask if he'd picked Leo up. My phone was silent for fifteen minutes before it lit up. Ethan replied with a simple "Yeah." Scrolling up, our chat history was a sea of green text bubbles—me asking, him answering, flat and dull. I stared at the messages, lost in thought, until a call from my best friend came through. 12 Sarah had made a bit of a name for herself in the entertainment industry. When she managed to snap a photo of Ethan and Maya together, she happened to be shooting a scene at the hospital. Her first priority upon returning today was to drag me out. I already knew what she was going to say. "Drinking coffee at this hour? Don't expect to sleep tonight," I joked. Sarah tossed her bag onto the chair. "Perfect. We need the time to figure out exactly how your brain broke over these last few years." "Maya is officially moving back next month. Don't tell me you just found out." I stayed silent. Sarah looked at me and let out an unprompted sigh. "Luna, this isn't how you love someone. Have you ever thought about what you're going to do if they get back together? Having a child for him, and ending up with no official status—is it worth it?" She asked if it was worth it. Ethan asked if it was necessary. Right now, I suddenly felt like I didn't even recognize myself. There is no curse more twisted than love. If I used youth and ignorance as an excuse for all this, would that be too superficial? "Sarah, I've already come this far." If that day really comes, I'll just have to accept it. "Yes, you've come this far. But is this the only result you wanted from all your relentless persistence?" Just as she finished speaking, my phone rang. I thought it was Ethan, but it was my direct supervisor. There had been a meeting today. The director mentioned selecting an employee to transfer to the headquarters, and I hadn't expressed an opinion at the time. The woman on the phone sounded persuasive. "Moving to headquarters offers a lot of room for promotion. After thinking it over, I believe you're a great fit for this opportunity. Please consider it." The sky was darkening, the moon hidden behind the clouds. Through the glass window, under a streetlamp in the distance, stood a familiar figure. Maya was smiling and teasing the child in Ethan's arms. I didn't know what she said, but Leo shyly turned his head and buried his face in his father's neck. In that brief moment, I inexplicably felt that a family of three should look exactly like that. Sarah's words, "Is this the only result you wanted from all your relentless persistence?" echoed endlessly in my mind. Was this the result I wanted? Is it too late to admit I made a mistake? Maybe I shouldn't have stubbornly ignored my friends' advice and kept the baby. Maybe I shouldn't have left the lights off that night. I shouldn't have eavesdropped like a thief, stealing glimpses of the smile he only ever had for Maya. And then obsessively tried to make him mine. I thought if I just kept banging my head against a brick wall, eventually I'd break through and see the light. I never realized that in this world, there are some feelings that won't offer you even a shred of pity, let alone a way out. "Luna? Are you listening?" The voice from the receiver called my name repeatedly. I snapped back to reality. The space under the streetlamp was now empty. I blinked my dry, stinging eyes. "Okay, I'll consider it." "Great. I'm having dinner with some business partners later. You should come along, it'll be good for networking." "..." 13 Sarah had a shoot to get to later, so we parted ways at the intersection. Before leaving, she told me to think things over carefully. In this massive city, the neon lights flickered in solitary isolation, amidst the chaotic symphony of car horns. Letting the wind rush past my ears, I finally gathered my emotions and headed to the dinner location. On the way, I received a text. Ethan: [Are you home?] I pursed my lips and typed: [I have plans tonight.] After a moment, I added: Are you home? He replied quickly this time: [Yeah, I have a business dinner later.] Actually, both he and I were quite busy with work. We rarely went out of our way to track each other's schedules. The car arrived at the destination. Entering the restaurant, there was a mix of men and women at the table. I chatted with the director for a bit. Sitting next to me was an intern from my department. "Luna, I've been here for a while and still haven't gotten your contact info." I understood his intent and remained as approachable as ever. "Scan my QR code." He tapped his phone against mine. With a 'ding,' a notification popped up at the top of my screen. Ethan: [Where are you?] Before I could react, the door to the private room opened. A man appeared in the doorway, the screen of the phone in his hand still glowing. Since Ethan took over Vance Corp, the company's profits had skyrocketed, and his capabilities were obvious to everyone. Naturally, his status in these circles was highly respected. In this kind of setting, he appeared even more reserved. He cast a brief, cool glance at me and took a seat opposite me. The laughter and flattery continued. "Luna, I added you. Remember to accept." The intern's voice wasn't particularly loud or quiet. I offered a polite smile and nodded, feeling a gaze sweep over me from my peripheral vision. The people at the table weren't just business partners; there were also executives from headquarters. The director had drank quite a bit and pulled me up to toast. "Mr. King, regarding the upcoming personnel transfer, please look out for our team members." The man named Mr. King smiled genially. "Of course." He looked at me. "I heard Luna isn't married yet. Do you have a boyfriend?" I froze, instinctively looking across the table. Ethan was looking down, listening to the person next to him. Everything happening here seemed to have nothing to do with him. Hearing this, the director answered for me. "Not yet, but our Luna has plenty of suitors at the company." Mr. King chuckled heartily. "I can see that. I happen to know quite a few excellent single young men. Maybe I could set up some blind dates. Luna, would you let me play matchmaker?" I blinked slowly. I had never had any binding relationship with that man to begin with. I had no reason to feel guilty. "Sure."
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