After marrying my childhood best friend, we treated each other like polite roommates. He barely spoke, and I was naturally cold. To this day, we still haven't consummated our marriage. But what I didn't know was... my husband could hear my inner thoughts. In the bedroom, I wore my usual blank expression, staring at my husband who had just stepped out of the shower. But in my mind: [If I do him right here, would he pass out?] 01 [It would definitely feel amazing. That spicy romance novel Chloe showed me described it as... what was it? Losing focus?] [I think they called it the 'wet and wild' shower scene.] Caleb slipped and almost fell. I stepped forward and caught his arm. "Are you okay?" [Why won't this towel drop? Why wrap it so tightly? It’s not like I haven’t seen him before.] [His abs are perfectly sculpted. Long fingers, too.] "I'm fine." Caleb spoke rapidly, as if desperately trying to stop something. He clutched his towel tightly. "Sorry, I couldn't find my bathrobe earlier, so I just grabbed a towel..." [Of course you couldn't find it.] [I threw it away.] [It's probably being shredded in a landfill right now.] [I'll throw the towel away tomorrow, too.] I let go of him and said flatly, "Be careful next time." "...Okay." 02 Caleb changed into his pajamas and got into bed. I flipped through my book, my peripheral vision instinctively darting toward him. He was wearing dark pajamas, long sleeves, and long pants. [Tank tops are better. Easier to cop a feel. Shame I only dare to do it when he's asleep; I'm terrified of waking him up halfway.] [Ugh, I really want to slip a sleeping pill into his water.] [Then I could do whatever I want with him.] I stared blankly at the words in my book. Caleb, who had just gotten into bed, suddenly threw off the covers and got up. I looked at him, puzzled. "Not sleeping?" "I haven't been sleeping well lately. I'm going to take some melatonin." I didn't think much of it and went back to my book. When Caleb came back, he had changed his clothes. He was wearing exactly what I wanted: a loose tank top. He explained, "It was too hot." I replied softly, "Mhm." Caleb lay down. Maybe it really was too hot; he only pulled the covers up to his waist. He rested his arm behind his head. His broad chest and defined muscles made it hard for me to look away. His body was better than a fitness model's. He fell asleep quickly. Thoughtfully, I turned the AC down. After reading for a bit longer, I turned off the light and went to sleep. In the dark, Caleb silently opened his eyes, staring with a complex expression at Olivia sleeping beside him. She was fast asleep, her eyes shut tight, taking shallow breaths. No secret touches. No 'wet and wild' scenes. Caleb just lay there with his eyes wide open until dawn. The next morning, I walked out of the bedroom, rubbing my sleepy eyes. Maria was cooking breakfast. The delicious smell woke up my appetite. I pulled out a chair and sat down like a good girl. Today it was sweet potato pancakes and a fresh smoothie. Maria smiled at me. "Is it good?" My mouth was too full to answer, so I nodded enthusiastically. "Don't choke," Maria said, handing me the smoothie. "My own kids never appreciate my cooking this much." Speaking of her kids, Maria couldn't help but sigh. I comforted her. "They just don't get it." Maria genuinely adored me. Even though I seemed aloof on the outside, my eyes would instantly light up whenever I ate something delicious. It gave her a huge sense of accomplishment. "Speaking of Caleb, he's usually up by now, isn't he?" "He took a sleeping pill last night." A sleeping pill? Maria thought back to when she was cleaning the bathroom that morning. The bottle in the medicine cabinet hadn't looked touched. But the lid on the espresso powder hadn't been screwed on tight. 03 I didn't expect Caleb to sleep straight through to the afternoon. Even after sleeping that long, he still had dark circles under his eyes. [Looks like the quality of his sleep is really terrible. Good thing I didn't grope him last night, or he'd be even worse off. I guess I'd better behave myself from now on.] Caleb, whose back was to me, suddenly turned around and stared at me darkly for a long time. "I slept perfectly fine." "?" [What does that have to do with me?] Caleb ignored me. [Men are so complicated. Annoying.] Caleb slammed the door shut with a loud bang. That evening, the high school alumni group chat started blowing up. The reunion organizer was throwing a get-together. My best friend Chloe called. "Liv, you're going, right?" "Yeah, I'm free." Chloe and I met in high school and coincidentally went to the same college. We've always been super close. "What about your husband? Is he coming?" She was talking loudly. I looked up at Caleb across the room. He opened his mouth. [Please say no. I really don't want to bring him.] Caleb closed his mouth. He gently shook his head. Satisfied, I replied to Chloe, "He's not coming." Chloe seemed to breathe a sigh of relief on the other end. "Good that he isn't. Ethan is going to be there this time. You remember your high school boyfriend, right? He's been single since you guys broke up. I heard he still wears that woven bracelet you gave him." Chloe's voice echoed clearly in the room. "...Oh." I gave a dry response. "Awesome. Next Tuesday at 7 PM. Be there or be square." I hung up. Seeing Caleb's calm, unbothered expression, the slight anxiety in my heart faded. [What was I worried about? Even if I actually cheated on him, he probably wouldn't care. How could he possibly get jealous over something so small...] "Terrible!" Caleb's expression suddenly turned ice-cold. I jumped, staring at him in confusion. [What is his deal?!] Meeting my gaze, Caleb's brow twitched, and his expression relaxed. "I meant Maria's cooking... it's terrible today." Maria, hurrying in with a spatula: "?" 04 Tuesday before heading out. Caleb spent half the day staring at the mirror, styling himself. From head to toe, he was impeccably groomed. He had a handsome face and a body built like a runway model. Dressed up like this, he was even more eye-catching. [Chloe said that when a guy dresses up this much, there’s an 80% chance he's looking for a side chick.] Caleb's hand, about to spray hairspray, froze. He awkwardly put the can down. He turned, his gaze landing heavily on my shoulders. "It'll be cold tonight. Take a shawl." "It's 85 degrees out." "...Drive safe." When I arrived at the venue, the private lounge was already packed. Chloe waved me over. I sat down next to her. She nudged me, gesturing for me to look to the side, and whispered, "Look at his wrist." Ethan had shed some of his youthful awkwardness. He was chatting effortlessly with others. As he raised his cocktail glass with his right hand, his cuff slid down, revealing that old, worn-out woven bracelet. It was just a cheap trinket I bought at a street fair near our school years ago. In high school, Caleb was in the class next to mine. We weren't particularly close; we just had that obligatory bond of growing up together. At school, we barely spoke. But Caleb's mom frequently asked him to drop things off for me. And every day after school, Caleb would wait by my classroom door. Over time, everyone assumed we were a thing. I explained it a few times, but no one believed me, so I gave up trying. Later, those rumors died down. Because of Ethan. Whenever he had the chance, he'd clarify things for me, more enthusiastically than I ever did. Under his relentless chatter, our classmates got annoyed, then bored, and eventually stopped gossiping about me and Caleb. To thank him, I offered to buy him a smoothie after school. That was the first time I didn't walk home with Caleb. Hearing my plans, Caleb didn't say much. He just gave a slight nod and walked away. Ethan and Caleb were polar opposites. Ethan was warm, outgoing, and never hid his feelings. If he was happy, he was happy; if he was mad, he was mad. At eighteen, he confessed his feelings to me. I didn't really understand what it meant to "like" or "not like" someone. But when he confessed for the thirty-fifth time, I said yes. Ethan clung to me, begging me to say I liked him. Worn down, I sighed, "Yeah, I like you." Right as I said it, I saw Caleb. He stood in the doorway, backlit by the setting sun. His handsome features were cast in shadow, his dark hair looking soft and fluffy in the golden light. His expression was blank. I couldn't tell if he was happy or angry. I felt a twinge of awkwardness. Ethan stood with one hand in his pocket, holding my backpack with the other. A little bunny plushie Caleb had given me was still dangling from the zipper. He smiled brightly, almost arrogantly. "Hey, Caleb. Liv and I are together now, so I'll be walking her home from now on. Sorry for bothering you all this time. Let me buy you dinner sometime to make up for it." Caleb stared unblinking at Ethan, his lips pressed into a tight line. Even someone as emotionally dense as me could feel the tension in the air. I walked over and grabbed Ethan's arm, telling Caleb, "I'll be home late tonight. Tell my parents for me." "...Okay." After that day, I never walked home with Caleb again. 05 Everyone in our class knew about my history with Ethan. But they also knew I was married, so by silent agreement, nobody brought up the past. One classmate who was a bit out of the loop noticed the bracelet on Ethan's wrist and teased, "Ethan, man, you're doing so well for yourself. Why are you still wearing a cheap bracelet like that?" The room fell silent for a second. Everyone's eyes darted between Ethan and me. "Someone special gave it to me," Ethan said, his voice soft but clear. "It's priceless." The classmate caught on. "Then you'd better cherish it." Ethan rubbed the red bead on the bracelet, his gaze intentionally or unintentionally landing on me. Halfway through the night, I left the lounge to use the restroom. When I came out, Ethan was waiting for me. He stood with his hands in his pockets, the top button of his dress shirt undone. "Long time no see." I glanced at the sinks. "This isn't exactly the best place to catch up." "Let's go somewhere else then." "We aren't exactly in the kind of relationship where we need to catch up." Ethan didn't seem surprised by my response. "Liv, you haven't changed. "When you broke up with me back then, you were just as calm and straightforward. Exactly like your little childhood friend." My relationship with Ethan ended the summer after senior year. No dramatic reason—he just decided to study abroad because his family arranged it. When I suggested breaking up, Ethan couldn't believe it. "I'm not staying overseas forever. I'll come back after I get my degree. Why do we have to break up?" "The future is too unpredictable. I don't like it." He frowned, a hint of resentment in his voice. "We have something so good. We could totally face the uncertainty together. Liv, why won't you sacrifice just a little for me?" I looked at him calmly. "Why don't you sacrifice for me?" Ethan was speechless. We both chose our own paths, went our separate ways, and never saw each other again. "You married Caleb, right?" Ethan trailed behind me. I nodded. "Why? Didn't you dislike him in high school? You even thanked me for clearing up the rumors about you two." "I don't dislike him." Ethan didn't seem willing to let it go. He stared at me intensely. "But a quiet, reserved guy like Caleb isn't right for you at all. He's cold, and you're cold. How does a marriage like that even work?" I stopped in my tracks. Because of Caleb. He was standing at the end of the hallway, leaning against the wall. His sleeves were rolled up to his forearms, looking clean and sharp. His gaze lingered on Ethan for a moment. His eyes darkened. Caleb walked over, wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and said softly, yet coldly, "Whether we're suited for each other or not, we're already married. Mr. Davis, I hope you've been well." Ethan narrowed his eyes, doing nothing to hide his displeasure. 06 "Caleb, old classmates are just catching up. Do you really need to hover?" "Catching up is fine, but there are boundaries, and I suggest you keep them, Mr. Davis. After all..." Caleb put on the perfect smile of a victor, masking the provocation underneath. "Olivia is my wife now." "And... we love each other very much." Saying that last part, Caleb's confidence clearly faltered. He secretly glanced down at me. My eyes were lowered, lost in thought. A second later— [White pants really do emphasize the bulge.] Caleb closed his eyes. Forget it. "Love?" Ethan chuckled mockingly. "Olivia only married you because you two grew up together, and she's used to you being around. Otherwise, why would she have ever dated me?" Caleb's arm tightened slightly around me. His fingertips were ice cold. "Because I was young and stupid." I replied calmly, "Whether we love each other or not is between me and my husband. We broke up years ago. You don't get a say in my marriage." I hated scenes like this. I came to a reunion, not to watch my husband and ex-boyfriend bicker. Ethan clearly didn't expect me to defend Caleb. His face paled slightly. "I didn't mean it like that..." Caleb, however, was incredibly satisfied. He smiled brightly. "She's right, Mr. Davis. The past is the past. Why cling to it?" Ethan's temper flared again. He forced his voice down, suppressing his rage: "If you hadn't manipulated—" "Whoa, there you guys are! I was wondering where everyone went." Mark, the reunion organizer, popped out of nowhere, interrupting Ethan. I frowned in confusion: [Manipulated what?] Caleb's hand suddenly slid down to my waist, pulling me flush against him. I looked up at him. He smiled warmly. "And you are?" Mark enthusiastically introduced himself and asked, "You must be Caleb? I heard your name all the time back in high school. You really do look the part. Nice to finally meet you, man." [...You were always front row for the gossip, how could you have never met him?] [Oh right, he was the captain of the Olivia-and-Ethan ship.] [Whenever Ethan and I were together, he was always the loudest one cheering.] "Yes, I'm Olivia's husband." Caleb shook Mark's hand with excessive force. Mark hissed in pain. "Sorry. I've been doing a lot of rowing lately. Grip strength is a bit tight." [? What does rowing have to do with grip strength... actually wait, it does. Okay.] Mark seemed to have the same question. But seeing Caleb's polite smile, he brushed it off. "It's awesome that you childhood friends ended up getting married. Huge congratulations. Shame we didn't get to go to the wedding." "We'll be sure to invite you to the vow renewal." Ethan gave a fake, tight-lipped smile. [Pfft.] Caleb's smile froze. "Haha, Ethan, you joker. Come on, let's head back and get some drinks. Caleb, you should join us! Everyone really wants to meet Liv's husband." Mark hastily smoothed things over and dragged the three of us back. 07 As the party wound down, quite a few people were drunk. A girl I was friendly with leaned in. "Liv, you really scored with your husband. So handsome, so classy." Caleb said politely, "You flatter me." Someone else chimed in, "Ethan isn't bad either. Liv, you're so lucky, surrounded by hot guys." "Liv was always top of the class, and she's got a great job now. Hot guys are exactly what she deserves." The girl clung to me. "Hey, Liv, who do you think is hotter? Your husband, or Ethan?" [Is this the grown-up version of 'who do you love more, mommy or daddy'?] [How am I supposed to answer this??] But my friend was totally wasted, hanging onto me and demanding an answer. The girl who chimed in was also staring at me expectantly. It felt like they wouldn't let me leave until I gave them a satisfying answer. I brushed them off casually: "They're both pretty hot." They finally let me go. I breathed a sigh of relief. I slowly went back to munching on my crackers. Completely oblivious to the fact that the man sitting next to me had vanished. Chloe was the first to notice. "Where's Caleb?" "Huh? I don't know." "You've got a big heart, not even noticing your own husband bolted." Chloe looked around, then pointed to a corner. "Ooh, looks like someone's throwing a tantrum." She had witnessed the whole exchange. I was confused. "Why is he mad?" "Go ask him yourself." [So annoying.] Reluctantly, I walked over. Caleb was sitting in the corner nursing a drink. His face was blank; you couldn't tell anything was wrong. But keeping Chloe's words in mind, I asked anyway. "Are you mad?" He muttered a denial. "No." "Then why are you sitting all the way over here?" "Fresh air." I looked at the sweaty, drunken mess of our classmates tearing up the dance floor next to him. [...It smells like straight tequila and body odor over here.] [Does he have a weird fetish for this smell?] [I don't understand, but I respect it.] [I really am such a supportive wife.] After mentally giving myself a pat on the back, I dropped an "okay" and turned to leave. Before I could fully turn around, someone grabbed the hem of my shirt. The man's voice carried a faint, barely noticeable pout, almost like he was accusing me: "You called him hot." [Who did I call hot?] "You called Ethan hot." "I was just blowing them off." "Really?" [Of course really. I was just trying to get them to leave me alone.] [And objectively speaking, Caleb is way hotter anyway.] The corners of Caleb's lips involuntarily curled up. [Though Ethan isn't bad either. Otherwise, I wouldn't have dated him.] [As for Caleb... he's hot, sure, but I see him every day. You get numb to it.] I nodded seriously. "Of course." I figured that answer would definitely pacify him, but somehow, he looked even more pissed. For someone usually so stoic and quiet, this was the first time I had ever seen his face cycle through so many vibrant emotions in one go. [Did I say something wrong?] [Obviously not.] [He's just too picky.] Caleb looked like he was about to laugh from sheer frustration. He pulled me down to sit on the sofa, while he unexpectedly dropped to one knee in front of me. His eyes were dark and heavy as he asked: "Between me and Ethan, who do you like more?" It was only then that I realized Caleb had unbuttoned his shirt at some point. Below his collarbone, his chest peeked through. Rising and falling with his breaths. "...You're my husband." "I want to hear you say it." This request was actually quite difficult for me. I was used to keeping a poker face. I was terrible at expressing my feelings, especially out loud. Seeing me hesitate, Caleb undid another button. He leaned in, the neckline opening even wider. [Oh, dear lord.] From my vantage point looking down, Caleb's incredible physique was on full display. Pale skin, a tight core, and I could even faintly see the... black waistband of his boxer briefs. They looked like the same brand I saw in his drawer. In this quiet, dimly lit corner of the loud party, the usually proper, aloof Caleb was kneeling beside my legs. The contrast against the noisy background made it secretly, thrillingly intoxicating. "Liv. Me or him. Who do you like?" Caleb asked me one more time. His voice was hoarse, magnetic, hanging on every syllable. As if under a spell, I whispered, "You." "Only me?" "Yeah. "Only you." 08 By the time the party ended, my face still felt hot. Caleb followed behind me, looking a bit unnaturally stiff too. [Such nice pecs. Such gorgeous lines. I want to take a bite. Chomp, chomp, chomp.] [Also, was he pitching a tent just now?] Caleb suddenly coughed. "We should get going." "Liv!" Chloe popped out from nowhere and slapped me right on the butt, admiring my blushing face with satisfaction. "Leaving already? Not gonna grab one more drink?" I suppressed the urge to rub my stinging behind. I shook my head. "I'm tired." [...My poor butt.] [It just shattered into two pieces. Waaah.] [Wait, butts are naturally two pieces anyway.] [Left and right. I wonder... if it was an upper piece and a lower piece, would it make a clapping sound when you walk?] Caleb glared fiercely at Chloe's offending hand. He silently shifted a step closer, perfectly blocking my back from view. Back home. Maria had prepared a late-night snack for us. Even though it wasn't my usual time to eat, I dug in anyway. It was so good I completely forgot about Caleb. When I got back to the bedroom, he was in the shower. I went to hang up my jacket and spotted his phone screen lighting up on the nightstand. When did Caleb change his font size to be so huge? Is he going blind? Before I could process it, I had already read the text on the screen. It was an Instagram DM from Ethan: [A marriage without love won't last.] [You and Olivia have known each other for years, and she never fell in love with you then. You think getting married magically changes that? Caleb, stop lying to yourself. Stop dragging her down. Divorce her while you still can.] I paused for a few seconds. Then Maria called out to me from the hall. She had made mango coconut panna cotta. The fruity and creamy flavors mixed perfectly; it was chilled and melted right in my mouth. It was so delicious that if Ethan had dropped dead next to me, I wouldn't have even noticed. Caleb finished his shower and immediately checked his phone. The screen was black. Before going into the bathroom, he had specifically set it to "Never Sleep." Caleb smirked victoriously. If Ethan had the guts to send a message like that, Caleb had the guts to tattle by leaving it out. He didn't plan on replying anyway. Caleb unlocked his phone. Only to find a few short words typed out right below that arrogant text: [We're trying to sleep. Stop messaging.] 09 I went to bed a little later than usual that night. I ate too much, and it took a while to digest. I slowly lay down, and the second I closed my eyes, they snapped wide open again. An arm was suddenly draped across my waist. Caleb pressed against my back, his breath tickling my neck. My brain completely short-circuited. He was holding me so tightly. Through the thin summer pajamas, I could clearly feel the heat of his skin and the contours of his chest. The intimate position put every nerve in my body on high alert, my spine stiff as a board. Caleb and I shared a bed every night, but we both slept peacefully on our respective sides. This had never happened before. I didn't dare move an inch. "Caleb." Is he asleep? I whispered his name a few more times. Caleb seemed to stir slightly. He let out a soft hum and buried his face into the crook of my neck like a giant cat. "Sleepy..." [Can't move. Absolutely dare not move.] [Is he going to hold me like this all night?] [This feels so weird... but his chest is actually kind of soft.] [I want to bite it.] [Oh God, Olivia, stop these terrifying thoughts!] [I really want to bite it... come here, milkman. Tsk tsk tsk...] I was so absorbed in my own filthy mental world. Naturally, I completely missed the fact that the man behind me had shifted his lower half backward, leaving a safe distance between our bodies. The corners of his lips, however, were curving up like crazy. 10 Ever since that night, Caleb would cling to me every time we went to bed. The moment we lay down, he was stuck to me. During the day, he'd wake up and earnestly apologize, and then go right back to cuddling me at night. Honestly... I didn't hate it. It was just that sometimes, Caleb would suddenly let go, rush to the bathroom, and stay there for ages. I mentioned this to Chloe over lunch. Chloe chewed on her straw, shaking her head. "You guys are finally acting like a married couple." I looked confused. "We didn't before? This is exactly how my parents act around each other." "That's because you're in the room." Chloe put down her drink. "I refuse to believe they're that proper behind closed doors. Otherwise, how do you think you were born?" Now I was the one chewing my straw. "But we aren't that familiar with each other." "Then start by making out. Build up the familiarity." "Alright, I'll go back and ask him." Chloe: "..." When I got home, I couldn't stop thinking about Chloe's advice. Making out... it sounded like a solid starting point. I looked over at Caleb, who was busy in the kitchen. He was wearing an apron, his sleeves rolled up to the elbows, revealing his toned forearms. A delicious smell was wafting from the stove. Maria had taken the day off. Caleb volunteered to cook. [This scene looks so familiar.] [In that new graphic novel Chloe sent me this morning, the male lead was also cooking in the kitchen. Wearing an apron. And nothing else.] Caleb, who was tasting the soup, violently choked. Being a helpful wife, I went over to hand him a tissue. Caleb snatched it, his face red and glaring. If this kept up, he was either going to slip and crack his head open or choke to death on his own saliva. I casually let my gaze drift over his apron. [If he didn't wear anything underneath, his whole back would be bare.] [I wonder if it would bounce when he chopped vegetables.] [Well, if he's packing enough, it probably would.] [I wonder how big Caleb's actually is.] "The kitchen is too smoky, you should go wait outside." Caleb used both hands to shove me out of the kitchen and ruthlessly slammed the door shut in my face. I was baffled. Sure, my cooking skills were terrible, but it's not like I was going to magically blow up the kitchen just by standing there. Why was he guarding the room like it was a crime scene? Men are truly incomprehensible creatures.
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