We were poor. Dirt poor. To buy him that birthday gift, I saved every cent I had for a whole year. The day my mom’s tragedy struck, I left school early. That was when I heard him laughing with his friends. "This piece of junk? A third-place prize at a local diner looks better than this," he said, shaking his head. His friend laughed loudly. "Since you hate it, Ty, give it to me. I’ll sell it and buy some decent gear." "Go ahead. Take it." Tyler Cole threw it to him like it was garbage. And that’s when his eyes met mine. Years later, at a high school reunion, I heard Tyler had been looking for me for eight years. 01 When my eyes met Tyler’s, his expression froze. The guy holding the watch scratched his head, looking pure agony. "Do... do you want this back?" I stared at the watch in his hand. It was already scuffed up, clearly not taken care of, even in the short time he’d had it. It wasn't a luxury watch—it cost a little under a thousand bucks—but for me, that was a year’s worth of cutting back on lunch, saving dollar by dollar. I looked at Tyler’s wrist. He was wearing a watch today. I didn't recognize the brand, but I knew one thing for sure: the one he was wearing cost a hell of a lot more than the one I had given him. I silently took the watch back from Tyler’s friend. Then, I looked at Tyler and spoke slowly. "I’m sorry. I’ll take care of it." Tyler kept his eyes low, pressing his lips together in silence. He didn't say a word. Humiliated, I rubbed the watch in my hand, turned on my heel, and walked away. As I passed the first trash can outside the school gates, I didn't hesitate. I threw the watch right in. I looked back at him one last time. He had lazily opened his eyes, a smile playing on his lips, his gaze filled with pure mockery. I froze, lowering my head. It was so humiliating, this crush of mine. Back then, I didn't know that single look from Tyler Cole would become my nightmare for years to come. 02 When I got home, my dad was sitting on the porch, a cheap cigarette hanging from his mouth, his face a mask of despair. Mom wasn't there. He handed me a report. It was the diagnosis. Breast cancer. Dad took a long drag of his cigarette. "The treatment is going to cost hundreds of thousands. I talked it over with your mom... we aren't going to do it." "Your mom said she wanted that pulled pork I make. Go buy the meat. I’m going to the hospital to bring her home in a bit." I didn't believe it. I flipped through that report over and over, my voice shaking. "Is it a confirmed diagnosis? These things are misdiagnosed all the time. Tomorrow, I’m taking Mom to another hospital. This has to be a mistake..." I looked at my dad stubbornly. Dad’s eyes were bloodshot. He just looked at me, saying nothing. In that second, the tears fell. I couldn't stop them. Finally, I choked out, "I’m quitting school. Let’s use the money for Mom’s treatment." Dad just kept his head down. I knew my dad’s heartbreak wasn't less than mine. Dad had a prosthetic leg. Back in the day, my mom was the only one willing to be with him, never judging him, always encouraging him. Even though we were poor, my parents loved each other fiercely. In middle school, when everyone was starting to talk about their faith and beliefs, I asked him, "Dad, what’s your faith?" Dad didn't really get what "faith" meant, so I gave him a rough explanation. He scratched his head, embarrassed. "I guess your mom is my faith." And later... I had a faith of my own, too. I wanted to grow up, make money, and take my parents to see the world. Now, my dad’s faith was collapsing. And mine was, too. I grabbed my dad’s hand, speaking to myself as much as him. "I’m not going back to school. I’ll get a job. We’ll go to New York City. We’ll get Mom the best doctors." Dad smoked, saying nothing. But my mind was made up. I told Dad to go get Mom, and I started packing things up for New York. Then, I went back to school. 03 It started raining halfway there. People on the street were hurrying, trying to get indoors before it poured. Only then did I dare to cry, my rain and tears blending together. The school was almost empty by the time I got there. I reached my hand into that filthy trash can. The stench was overwhelming, but I dug through it over and over. But the watch I had thrown away wasn't there. I bit my lip, wanting to slap the self that had thrown it away. Even selling it for parts would have given us a few hundred bucks! I searched for hours. I went through every piece of trash in that can. No watch. Devastated, I started walking home. The streets were deserted now. The rain was coming down so hard it actually hurt. When I got home, Dad wasn't back yet. The house that usually felt warm now felt freezing cold. I waited, and waited... Finally, just one person came running to tell me the news. "Your dad and mom... they jumped into the river together." That was the year I was a senior. I lost both my parents and became an orphan. 04 Eight years have passed, and I still can't forget that day. I sat up in bed, checked my phone. It was only 4 AM. Staring at the empty room, I whispered, "Dad, Mom..." Just like always, there was no response. 八年... They haven't come to visit me in my dreams even once. My dreams are only filled with Tyler Cole, that smirk on his lips, that mocking look in his eyes, laughing as he asks me: "Have you no shame, Maya?" Every time I scream back that I do, I wake up. I couldn't get back to sleep, so I got up and started packing. After numbing myself through their funerals back then, I left that town. I went to a new city, working and studying at the same time. Working to pay for tuition and life was brutal. But I didn't dare let myself stop. If I stopped, I’d cry. I went to a hospital, and the doctor said I had severe depression. He said I needed someone to help me pull myself out of that day. But there was no one like that... After being gone for eight years, the urge to go back has grown stronger lately. I want to see that river where they jumped. I want to jump in and ask them why they were so heartless. I’m just so tired... Since I was going back anyway, I decided I wasn't against seeing my old classmates. So when the class president asked if I was coming to the reunion, I was the first to say yes. I haven't spoken in that group chat in eight years. I’d deleted all their contacts, too. Including Tyler’s. 05 I bought a ticket for the earliest high-speed train. I felt lighter than I had in years. In eight years, not a single day had felt this peaceful. I looked at the scenery outside the window, smiling as I chatted with the young couple in the seats next to me. The girl said, "You have no idea how hard I had to chase him. So many girls wanted him, but I stuck it out for two years. Now, I’m taking him home to meet my parents!" "Are you so happy because you're going home to see your parents, too, sweetie? I feel like the air itself gets sweeter on the way to see them." I was silent for a moment, then forced a smile. "Yeah, I’m going home, too." "Home... to see my parents." I whispered the last part so softly only I could hear. But those words made me happy. I was going to... see my parents soon. I hummed a song the whole way there. After getting off the train, I went straight to the place the class president had booked. 06 Most people were already there by the time I arrived. As soon as I walked in, the room went dead silent. I casually took a seat in the chair closest to the door. I let the smile slide off my face. The class president adjusted his glasses to break the silence. "Maya, you made it?" I nodded. Brittany, a girl who always hated me in school, let out a sarcastic snort. "Wow, if it isn't the valedictorian herself, Maya Evans. Hardest person to get a hold of. Seeing your face makes me lose my appetite. Someone should give Tyler a heads-up so he doesn't show up today..." No one knew the real reason I dropped out back then. But they all knew I liked Tyler, and that I’d given him a gift. The girl sitting next to Brittany nudged her to stop. The class president frowned. "Brittany, shut up. Tyler’s been looking for Maya for eight years. He’ll just be happy she’s here." Brittany laughed out loud. "Tyler’s a nice guy, okay? Everyone knows you have to apologize even if you just reject someone... "He’s been looking for her for eight years just so he can apologize. "Is it a crime not to like someone? Everyone knows Maya transferred school because Tyler humiliated her. You make it sound like Tyler actually liked her. "Doesn't Tyler have a girl he likes now? I heard she’s rich and beautiful. What’s Maya got going for her, besides being pretty? A crippled dad? A house that’s literally falling apart? "Give me a break..." Brittany was getting cruel, and the others were starting to look uncomfortable. I stood up, my expression completely calm. Not angry. "I’m not staying to eat, so you don't have to worry about your appetite, Brittany. I just came to see everyone. Now that I have, I’m going." With that, I pulled open the door and walked out. The class president ran out after me. He grabbed my hand, looking intense. "Tyler really has been looking for you for eight years. You aren't going to wait for him?" Tyler’s face flashed in my mind. So handsome. Such beautiful eyes. But when he looked at me, there was never any emotion in them. Just that smirk on his lips. I shook my head, smiling. "I’m on a tight schedule. When you see him, tell him I’m sorry. Truly... I am so sorry." The class president froze where he stood. 07 After I left, I bought a lot of ritual spirit money. I burned so much of it at my parents' graves. Enough to last them a hundred lifetimes. After burning the money, I went back to look at our old house. Everything inside was covered in dust. I didn't clean it. I didn't touch anything. I stood by the door for a long time until it was pitch black outside. There are no streetlights in the countryside. I checked my phone; it was almost 11 PM. I called a cab to take me to the锦江 bridge. The river was very peaceful at night. Occasionally, a motorcycle would pass by—delivery guys. I held onto my suitcase and stopped at the edge of the bridge. No one paid me any attention because I had a suitcase. They probably just thought I was tired of walking and was resting. I waited until midnight, until there was not a single person left around. I taped a note to my suitcase, climbed over the railing, and without a second thought, I jumped. In the second I fell, I might have hallucinated, because I thought I heard Tyler’s voice. "Fuck, don't you dare jump, Maya!" 08 As I lost consciousness, I seemed to see Tyler again, wearing our high school uniform, leaning against the hallway railing under the dim lights. His jacket was loose around his frame, a lollipop hanging from his mouth. He raised an eyebrow, eyes filled with laughter. "Well, if it isn't the class valedictorian?" I’d heard about Tyler Cole since my freshman year. The girls in class talked about him every single day. He was just that good-looking. His skin was fair, his features sharp and defined. There was something magnetic about him when he smiled—dangerous and alluring. When the classes were reshuffled sophomore year, I ended up in the same class as Tyler. He sat right behind me. After class, a crowd always gathered around him, chattering. I’d never had so many people around me before. I wasn't used to it, so I’d always grab my water bottle and pretend to go refill it. Truth was, I was just hiding by the back door. And that’s how I heard them talking about me. "What was the advisor thinking? He knows Ty likes hot girls, but the only girl near him is the nerd valedictorian." "The advisor is brutal. Everyone knows Ty dated a ton of cute girls freshman year. Now, he’s cutting him off. Maya doesn't even count as a girl." "Honestly, Ty, I have never seen anyone as plain as Maya. Who still wears those tiny, thin-rimmed glasses? Her bangs are so long they cover her face, and her uniform is always done up perfectly. She looks like a total grandma." "Ty, you wouldn't actually be interested in her, would you?" That question was followed by a burst of laughter. "Fuck off." That was Tyler’s voice. It had that roughness of puberty, but it was nice. Then, he let out a short laugh. "Me? Tyler Cole? Do you really think my standards are that low?" I froze. I looked down at my scuffed sneakers and uniform pants, and suddenly felt a profound sense of humiliation. I kept my head down until they finished talking before silently going back to my seat. 09 My seat never felt like mine after class. There was always a constant stream of girls coming to see Tyler. And Tyler never turned anyone away. Later, the school added a mandatory swimming class. We had to order swimsuits—they were $180 a set. Before class ended, the teacher told me: "The valedictorian will handle collecting the money." Brittany let out a quiet laugh and raised her hand. "Teacher, everyone knows Maya’s family is poor. Is it really a good idea to trust her with all that money?" My hands clenched under my desk. Brittany had hated me since freshman year. I didn't expect to be in the same class with her again sophomore year. I usually lived by the rule of not making trouble, so I was about to tell the teacher to have someone else do it. Just then, a hand with long, elegant fingers appeared in front of my face. "Here, valedictorian." I looked up. Tyler was looking down at me. His eyes were stunning. I was dazed for a moment. Maybe I stared too long, because the guy next to Tyler nudged him, smirking. "Well, looks like another one’s hooked." That snapped me out of it. Tyler suddenly leaned in close. My pupils dilated. He smiled, a charming, dangerous look. He whispered right in my ear: "I know I’m hot, but valedictorian... "You are not my type." I lowered my eyes, took the money from his hand, turned back to my desk, and nodded. "I know." Tyler seemed stunned for a second. He raised an eyebrow. "Good. Stick to your books, nerd." With that, Tyler stood up, grabbed his basketball, and walked out of the classroom. 10 The others didn't hear what Tyler said to me. They just knew Tyler had stepped in for me. So they all handed me their money. Brittany gave me hers reluctantly, giving me a warning look. "Stay away from Tyler. Take a look at your own family before you go dreaming. You're completely out of your league." I ignored her, quietly collected all the money, and then used my own lunch money to pay for my swimsuit set. After counting the money and making sure it was all there, I immediately handed it in to the teacher. By the time I was done, it was lunchtime, and most people were already eating. I took a bun out of my bag and started eating it in the empty classroom. My head was spinning, trying to figure out where to find a part-time job to make up for my lunch money. If I asked my parents, they would give it to me, but I didn't want to. While I was halfway through eating, Tyler walked in. He looked surprised to see me. I just glanced at him once before lowering my eyes and continuing to eat my bun. Tyler walked straight to his seat. Suddenly, he poked me. His voice was rough. "Done eating, nerd?" I shoved the last two bites of the bun into my mouth, turned around, and nodded silently. He leaned sideways, lifting his uniform shirt. His waist had a massive scrape that was still seeping blood. He tilted his head, smiling at me. "Help me put some medicine on this, will you?" I chewed the bun quickly and nodded. "Okay." I walked over to his side and crouched down. I looked at the medicine bottle he took out of his pocket and frowned. "Why didn't you buy iodine? Alcohol is going to hurt like hell." Tyler let out a soft laugh. "Real men aren't afraid of pain." As soon as he said that, I soaked a cotton ball in alcohol and dabbed it onto his wound. "Hiss—" I looked up at Tyler. "Real man?" Tyler looked down at me, stunned for a second. Then he laughed. "Valedictorian, your eyelashes are really long." It was an absolutely careless, casual comment. I knew that. I lowered my eyes, but my hand got a little heavier with the cotton ball. Tyler didn't make a sound, but his abs were rock hard, showing just how much pain he was in. He finally couldn't take it anymore. He said through gritted teeth: "Fuck, that hurts... be gentle." I paused, and without thinking, I gently blew air onto the wound. After I did it, I froze. Tyler froze, too. Then, neither of us said another word. 11 After I put the medicine on Tyler, we went back to being like strangers. After class, I’d even see him walking different girls back to their dorms. There was a massive tree right in front of our dorm building. Tyler and one girl were standing under that tree. The girl was gorgeous—a senior. She stood on her tiptoes, pouting at Tyler. Just as Tyler leaned down, he suddenly glanced over in my direction. I immediately turned my head away. Tyler shifted his gaze. He just leaned down, pinched the girl’s cheek, smiled, and walked away. For some reason, I always found myself paying a little more attention to Tyler. Lying on my dorm bed, I thought about it and finally came to a conclusion. I just liked his face. It was nice just looking at him. Later, whenever I ran into Tyler with other girls, I’d immediately walk somewhere I couldn't see him. Or I’d walk far behind them, keeping my head down. I figured that way I wouldn't offend him. The next time Tyler got hurt, he came to find me holding the medicine bottle. It was his arm this time. He leaned one arm on my desk, raised his injured arm, blinked at me, and said, "Valedictorian..." I’d just picked up the medicine when I saw that senior girl walking toward us. I shot up from my seat so fast my head slammed into Tyler’s chin. "Hiss—Nerd, you don't have to headbutt me just because you're happy to see me. What if I get a concussion..." He reached out his hand toward my head. I backed up, dodging his hand. Seeing the senior girl getting closer, I hurriedly bowed to Tyler and ran off. Tyler was left standing there, his expression hard to read.
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