On New Year's Eve, my little sister kept pestering me to play hide-and-seek. I covered my eyes. Right as I counted to thirty, the eraser in my brain moved again. I stood frozen in the middle of the living room for a few seconds. Then, I turned around, went back to the couch, and started watching TV. An hour later, Mom crouched down in front of me. "Sweetie, where did your sister go?" Sister? I blinked at her. "I don't have a sister." Mom's face instantly changed. The family abandoned the holiday dinner. They rushed out into the heavy snow. But they couldn't find my sister anywhere. Mom raised her hand and slapped me hard across the face. Her eyes were completely red. "Didn't I tell you to watch your sister?! Didn't I tell you not to let her out of your sight?!" "Where is she now?! Which way did she go?! Tell me!" The force of the slap shoved me backward. I fell onto the freezing, snow-covered porch. "Why couldn't you be the one who went missing, you idiot?! You don't remember anything anyway!" "This time you forgot your sister! What about next time?! Are you going to forget me and your father?!" Mom lunged forward to hit me again, but Dad grabbed her arm. They were both crying hysterically. My chest hurt so badly. She was right... why wasn't I the idiot who went missing? ... Mom's hand stopped inches from my cheek, gripped tightly by Dad. "That's enough!" Dad's voice was hoarse. "She's sick! You know she's sick!" "It's exactly because she's sick that I told her not to let her sister step foot outside the house!" Mom violently yanked her arm out of his grasp, but she didn't step closer to me. She just glared at me with those bloodshot, terrifying eyes. "She's only four years old... In a blizzard like this, where could she possibly go?!" Four years old? I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. Is that sister four years old? But there was truly, absolutely nothing in my head. Nothing except the New Year's Eve broadcast replaying on the TV, and the snow swirling wildly outside the window. Hearing the commotion, our neighbors rushed over. "Keep looking! A little kid can't get far. Did she go to a friend's house?" Dad grabbed Mom's arm and pulled her up. "Why are you still sitting here?! Get up and help us look! Yelling at her won't do any good!" Clarity flashed in Mom's eyes for a split second. "Yes! I have to find my Lily..." Mom didn't look at me again. She grabbed a flashlight and sprinted out into the snow. The crowd of people echoed through the neighborhood, shouting my sister's name. I stood alone on the porch, my mind completely, entirely blank. "Lily... isn't Lily my name?" My memory drifted back to when I was three. Back then, Mom and Dad called me Lily, too. "Mia! Why are you just standing there like an idiot?! Hurry up and help us find your sister!" Mia. Why did my name change again? Whatever. If I can't figure it out, I won't think about it. I had just taken a step off the porch when I heard a shout from the distance. "Found her! Lily is over here!" Everyone rushed toward the old oak tree at the entrance of the subdivision. There was a shallow ditch hidden by the accumulating snow. My sister was inside it. Her face was purple. Her hair was covered in icicles. Mom let out a guttural wail and threw herself into the ditch. "Lily... my baby Lily!" As if sensing her presence, my sister slowly opened her eyes. But she looked straight past Mom, staring directly at me. "Sister... why didn't you come find me?" She started crying. "You promised you would come find me after you counted to thirty. I hid so well. I was waiting for you the whole time..." Mom violently snapped her head around to glare at me. She gently set my sister down and marched toward me. Smack! The slap landed squarely on my cheek. My left ear instantly started ringing. "Are you satisfied now?" Mom's voice was shaking with pure, unadulterated rage. "You saw her almost freeze to death. Are you happy now?!" "How could I have given birth to a monster like you?" "This disease... this goddamn disease! It makes you forget your sister, it makes you forget us! Would it be better if you just forgot who you were entirely?!" Her tears finally broke, streaming down her face. "Or... did you do this on purpose? Did you pretend to forget, just so you could leave her out here in the freezing snow to die?" "Enough." Dad finally spoke, but he only pulled my sister tighter into his heavy winter coat. "Let's get Lily inside by the heater first. The paramedics are almost here." Not a single person spoke up for me. And I didn't know how to defend myself. This really was my fault. Mom shot me a look of pure, venomous hatred. "You stay right here. Stand in the snow and feel exactly how cold and terrified your sister was just now!" They turned and walked away. Seeing the situation, the neighbors didn't know what to say. They all awkwardly shuffled back to their own houses. The snow was falling harder now. I slowly crouched down, mimicking the way my sister had curled up, and huddled into that shallow ditch. The freezing snow instantly soaked through my clothes. So this is how cold it was. I'm such a horrible person. How could I have forgotten something so important? But... I'm just sick. The doctor said it's an incredibly rare, progressive memory disorder. It's like something is slowly, constantly eating away at the hippocampus in my brain. New memories can't be stored, and old memories are vanishing bit by bit. Mom calls it an eraser. But I don't know why there's an eraser inside my head. All I know is that things I remember clearly in the morning become blurry by noon. Mom says I'm an idiot. Maybe I am. The sky grew darker and darker. The lights in the houses down the street flickered on one by one. I could hear the faint, scattered pops of New Year's fireworks. It was time to go home. I shifted my freezing, stiff legs. But the moment I stood up, that familiar, terrifying sensation hit me again. I blinked, looking around wildly. The trees were white. The road was white. I turned around, then turned back. What was I... what was I about to do again? Go home. Right, go home. But... where is my home? My heart started hammering against my ribs. I pressed my hand against my chest, gasping for air. Think. Today is New Year's Eve. My sister wanted to play hide-and-seek. Then Mom hit me... And then what? I couldn't remember. Forget it. I'll just wait. When they realize I haven't come back, they'll come looking for me. Just like they looked for my sister. I sat back down in the ditch, hugging my knees to my chest, counting the distant pops of the fireworks. One, two... when I got to seventeen, I forgot what the number before it was. I sat there until the midnight countdown rang out from a distant TV. Massive fireworks exploded in the sky, lighting up the entire neighborhood. It was so beautiful. On past New Year's Eves, Dad used to set off fireworks for me and tell me to make a wish. But what did I wish for? I forgot that, too. I curled myself into an even tighter ball. I should have felt incredibly cold, but somehow, I was getting hotter and hotter. I took off my winter coat. Then I took off my sweater. But I was still so hot. It wasn't until I stripped down to just my thermal undershirt that I suddenly felt like I was floating. I blinked, and I was back inside my house. The New Year's Eve broadcast was still playing on the TV. Mom was sitting on the sofa, holding my sister, feeding her hot ginger tea from a spoon. "Be a good girl, Lily. Take one more sip. It'll warm you up." The color had returned to my sister's little face. She was wrapped in a thick, fluffy blanket, with only her eyes peeking out. "Where's my sister?" she suddenly asked. Mom's hand paused. "Don't talk about her." "But she hasn't come back yet..." "She deserves it! She needs to learn what it feels like to freeze in the snow! She's a grown teenager, and she can't even watch her own little sister." I wanted to walk over and say I was sorry, but I walked straight through the coffee table. I froze. "Mia still isn't back." Dad was standing by the window, staring outside. "The snow is coming down harder..." "Oh, now you're worried?" Mom didn't even look up. "What if Lily had actually died today? What then? Tell me, what then?" Dad fell silent. "She did it on purpose! She's jealous of her sister, so she pretended to forget! That disease... who knows if it's even real? The doctors themselves said they've never seen a case this bizarre..." "The doctors said it's organic brain damage," Dad said quietly. "Organic brain damage that conveniently makes her forget her sister, but remember how to watch TV?! Does that make any sense?!" Mom's voice spiked aggressively. "She hates that we had a second child! She hates that we gave our love to Lily!" My sister was startled by the shouting and shrank deeper into Mom's arms. Mom instantly softened her voice, gently patting my sister's back. "Don't be scared, baby. Mommy isn't yelling at you... my sweet, perfect Lily..." Dad stood by the window for a long time before finally turning away. "When she gets back, I need to have a serious talk with her." "Talk about what? Talk about how she tried to murder her sister?" Mom sneered. "If you ask me, we should just institutionalize her! She can't remember anything anyway, what difference does it make where she lives?" Dad didn't reply. I stood to the side, opening my mouth. "I..." No sound came out. I reached out to touch Mom's shoulder, but my hand passed completely through her body. Oh. I'm dead. Well, that's okay. At least now I won't forget anything ever again.
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