In the fifth year of my relationship with Julian, we had another explosive argument. He grabbed his keys and stormed out the door, choosing the silent treatment once again. I sat quietly on the sofa. After holding it in for a while, I started scrolling through TikTok, giggling at the videos. At 2 AM, I was woken up by a phone call. Julian's voice on the other end was cold enough to freeze water: "I've been outside until now, and you haven't called me once?" Only then did I awkwardly remember he was still wandering around in the freezing snow. I said, embarrassed, "Uh, how about... you just don't come back, and we call it quits?" 1 After I said that, the other end of the line fell into a brief silence. Then, with a click, the call disconnected. I was so sleepy I couldn't keep my eyes open. I rolled over and comfortably fell back asleep in my warm bed. When I woke up the next day, I heard rustling noises in the living room. I went out and saw Julian packing his bags. He acted as if he didn't see me, just keeping his head down and shoving everything into his suitcase. I stood there frowning, watching him for a while, terrified he might accidentally pack my things. When he finally finished packing and zipped up the suitcase, he said flatly: "You should calm down for a bit. Let's not contact each other for a while." That sentence sounded familiar. It seemed like this happened last year too. We had a huge fight, and he grabbed his keys to leave. I broke down, pulling on him: "Why are you doing this again? Why do you always leave me alone? Can't we just talk things out face-to-face? Why are you always running away?!" He really didn't leave that time. He turned around and locked himself in the bedroom. But when my emotions had slightly calmed down, I saw him come out carrying a suitcase. His voice was detached and calm, completely unlike my hysteria. "Take a few days to calm down. We'll talk later." For over half a month after that, he really didn't contact me. All the messages I sent and the calls I made sank like stones in the ocean, receiving no response. I was completely overwhelmed back then, crying so much every day I couldn't sleep. In the end, I actually swallowed my pride and sent a message begging for forgiveness. Once it happens once, it happens again. Julian realized the silent treatment worked exceptionally well. I would get over it without him needing to coax me, so he started engaging in frequent cold wars with me. From my initial desperate craving for a response, I gradually learned to digest it all on my own. The process in between... only I know how I endured it. Right now, he was standing in front of me with his suitcase, just like last year. His expression was flat, seemingly devoid of any emotion, and he even generously advised me: "Don't overthink things. Eat well, work hard. It's not like you have nothing else to do besides clinging to me." I rubbed my sleep-filled eyes and agreed casually: "Mhm. Be careful on the road." Julian's originally detached expression stiffened slightly. He clearly hadn't expected me to not offer a single word asking him to stay. I took two steps toward the bathroom, remembered something, and turned back to remind him: "You packed your summer clothes too, right? If you can carry them, take them all today so you don't have to make another trip." His face looked awful. Without a word, he slammed the door and left. My heart instantly relaxed. It was great. All of this was finally over. 2 Today is Saturday. In the past, I would always pester Julian to spend the weekend with me. Later, Julian found the perfect strategy to deal with me. As soon as we argued, he would pack his bags and leave. And he would be gone for at least half a month. I was forced to get used to spending holiday after holiday alone. From initially sending paragraph after paragraph of hysterical text messages, to gradually becoming numb and detached, and finally returning to my single self—happily spending my days off with friends. That entire process took just one year. I cooked myself a steaming bowl of pork and century egg congee. After eating, I curled up on the sofa, petting my cat and watching a horror movie. The weather outside was gloomy, with a cold winter rain drizzling down. I had the heater on, enjoying a cozy, solitary moment. After the movie ended, I made a hot drink and casually scrolled through Instagram. I didn't expect the very first post to be from Julian. 【On a business trip with Ms. Hayes.】 The attached photo was a selfie of him and Elena at the airport, their arms around each other's shoulders. Elena was his college classmate and business partner. They had a very close relationship. Every time Julian and I had a cold war, the two of them would go on a long business trip alone together. The first time I found out, I agonized over it for a long time. I didn't know if they were just colleagues, or if there was really something going on. Until the second cold war, and the third... Julian invariably dragged Elena along on out-of-town business trips, leaving me alone at home. I started frantically messaging and calling Julian, demanding to know what he was playing at, why he went on a business trip every time we fought, and why he brought Elena every single time. He usually brought his assistant on business trips, so why, when he traveled with Elena, did he not even bring an assistant? Three days later, Julian finally replied with a few detached words: 【Think whatever you want.】 Then he went radio silent again, not replying with a single word. I knew right then there was no point in continuing the relationship. Wiping my tears, with trembling hands, I typed a few words: 【Then let's break up.】 I then turned off my phone, forbidding myself from acting crazy or making a fool of myself, and threw myself into work to distract myself. A few minutes later, my phone buzzed. I couldn't even last three minutes before picking it up to check. It was messages from work group chats. It was ad notifications from various apps. It was a text from the bank wishing me a happy birthday. It wasn't until 9 PM that a message with Julian's name finally popped up. Two short, cold words. 【Suit yourself.】 I completely broke down, burying myself in my bed and sobbing loudly. While crying, I sent messages accusing him of never loving me, detailing every disappointment and instance of neglect I had felt from him, trying to awaken a shred of guilt in him, trying to make him realize he failed in this relationship. But everything sank like a stone in the ocean, as usual. It was as if there was no one on the other end. Or rather, he couldn't even be bothered to read a single sentence. Scrolling through his Instagram, I saw a photo of him and Elena having dinner with clients. The atmosphere was joyful, and everyone was smiling happily. It was like a bucket of cold water poured over my head. I clearly saw myself as a clown, jumping around desperately but only making a fool of myself. My rationality clearly told me he was not a good man. I finally stopped sending messages. But my life became a blur. I tried hard to act like everyone else, but everything became mechanical and numb. Only when I dragged my exhausted body home and looked at the empty apartment could I not help but squat down and cry. I knew there was a high probability he was a piece of trash. But I missed him terribly. I knew I was incompetent and fragile, but pretending to be normal had exhausted all my strength. In the dark of the night, I allowed myself to agonizingly miss him. I didn't know when the end would come. It wasn't until thirty-six days later that he finally contacted me again. 【Have you calmed down?】 【Are we still breaking up?】 I stared numbly at that message. A message that arrived far too late could no longer spark my anticipation or excitement. I slowly typed two words: 【Whatever.】 He sent a voice memo. "I got you a birthday present. I'm heading back now." His voice was light and carried a smile. There seemed to be another woman's laughter beside him. That laugh was very distinct; it was Elena's voice. Even through the phone screen, I could imagine the two of them getting off the plane, travel-worn but in high spirits. Unlike me. I was like a filthy, trapped beast locked in a cage. All my agonizing internal struggles hadn't affected Julian in the slightest. Everything I felt in this relationship seemed to be just my own paranoid, self-directed drama. While Julian was magnanimous and stable; he tolerated me. 3 My thoughts returned to the Instagram post in front of me. There were already several comments underneath. A: 【A match made in heaven, Mr. Julian.】 B: 【Nonsense, our Elena clearly has both brains and beauty!】 Julian: 【Good eye.】 C: 【A one-month business trip? Leaving the sister-in-law alone at home again, is that okay? #doge】 Julian: 【We're all adults, does she need me to accompany her all day long?】 C: 【True, you can't spoil women too much.】 Amidst all the random comments, a glaring one suddenly appeared. Chloe: 【No need to accompany the girlfriend, but the female partner must accompany you on business trips~】 The "~" was dripping with sarcasm. This was the girlfriend of another male partner at Julian's firm, Mark. I heard they were originally planning to get married this year, but it's already the end of the year and there's still no news. Her boyfriend, Mark, went on solo business trips with Elena just as often as Julian did. I heard that last time Chloe's mother was hospitalized and she was incredibly busy at the hospital alone, Elena posted a cheek-to-cheek selfie with Mark under the Eiffel Tower. They said it was a business trip, but anyone who didn't know better would think they were on their honeymoon. Chloe had a huge fight with Mark over this. Although they made up, their relationship wasn't the same as before, and they haven't mentioned marriage since. After her comment, the originally lively post seemed to be put on pause. There were no new comments for a while. Just as I was about to scroll away, a new comment popped up. Elena: 【Little girl, don't be so dramatic. What's more important, business or your petty romantic squabbles?】 Elena: 【If you want to marry a rich guy and reap the rewards without doing any work, then just obediently be a trophy wife. Don't ruin your own chances.】 Chloe replied quickly. 【Compared to someone who can't even take an assistant on a business trip and insists a male partner accompany her every time, I'm much more independent in my work. Who's the trophy wife here?】 After a ten-minute pause, Elena finally replied with a few words. 【You don't know what you're talking about.】 Ever since Chloe found out Mark was always going on solo business trips with Elena, they hadn't gotten along. They would argue anywhere they could. I was used to it. I closed Instagram. Just as I was about to start making dinner, my landlord called: "Hey Sarah, your lease is up next month. You're renewing, right?" I looked around the apartment. A spacious, brightly lit penthouse. Outside the window was the most bustling night view of the city. Back then, Julian constantly asked me to move into his place. But I always worried that living in someone else's house came with the risk of being kicked out, so I stubbornly insisted on living alone. He was very clingy back then, showing up at my door the next day with his suitcase, looking pitiful. I had just started working and didn't have much money. I was living tightly in a 300-square-foot apartment, far from the city center. I knew Julian was used to the good life, and I always felt it was unfair to make him live in such a small place with me. So, as soon as I became a full-time employee and got a raise, I bit the bullet and moved here. It ate up almost half my monthly salary. "No," I told the landlord. "I plan to move to the East Side." It was closer to where I worked. I wouldn't have to leave the house at 6 AM every day to catch the subway. The landlord was a bit surprised: "What's wrong? Didn't you say before that this place was convenient because it was close to your boyfriend's company?" "Yeah," I replied softly, kicking my slippers while looking down. I smiled. "We broke up." The landlord sighed heavily. After comforting me for a bit, she kindly recommended a moving company before hanging up. 4 My company was planning a livestream event at a mall recently. I took the new junior colleagues to the mall to handle the coordination. The junior colleagues were two recently graduated male college students, bursting with energy and enthusiasm, which even brought some life back to us seasoned corporate veterans. After we finished coordinating that day, the two of them insisted on dragging me out for barbecue, saying we needed to relax after working so hard for so many days. At a street-side barbecue stall, under the dim yellow lights, I took a picture of the table piled high with food. The two college boys tilted their heads into the frame, smiling cleanly and brightly. I snapped the photo and posted it on Instagram with a smile: 【Coordination complete! Tomorrow I can finally enjoy the weekend!】 When I got home, it was past midnight. A message from Julian unexpectedly popped up on my phone. He sent a picture of himself having dinner with clients, seemingly reporting his whereabouts to me: 【I'll be back in another week.】 【I brought you a gift.】 I pretended not to see it, sanitized my phone, plugged it in to charge, and placed it on my nightstand. In the past, when he first started giving me the silent treatment, I panicked and frantically sent him messages, begging for even the slightest response. Later, I forced myself to try getting used to the single life after every time he left. Gradually, I stopped messaging him. He, in turn, softened his cold war strategy and became less indifferent. From sending me a message once a month, to calling me every half month, to a week, to three days. What a blessing. Whoever wants this kind of blessing can have it. After showering and getting into bed, I saw Julian had sent a few more messages. 【What did you do today?】 【Was work tiring?】 【Are you asleep?】 I muted his notifications. I didn't delete him, I didn't block him, and I didn't respond. I learned that perfectly from him. 5 There were still over twenty days left until my lease expired. I started packing my things early. Packing a little bit every day actually made it quite easy. When Julian's mother came over, she saw my apartment filled with cardboard boxes of various sizes. When I opened the door, I thought it was food delivery, so I had my guard down and she barged right in. She was carrying a thermal lunchbox, her pointed leather shoes kicking the cardboard boxes I had stacked in the hallway. Her voice was as affectionately overbearing as ever. "Sweetie, Julian is out of town on a business trip right now. What's the matter with you two that you can't just let go? He's so distracted at work now, so he asked me to come check on you." As she spoke, she walked straight into the apartment, sat down on the sofa, crossed her legs, and acted like she owned the place: "Julian even specifically asked me to bring you food. I told him he's being ridiculous. You're twenty-six or twenty-seven years old, not a three or four-year-old child. Do I really need to watch you eat?" I took a deep breath, turned around, and was just about to speak when she suddenly looked around the room and frowned: "I hear Julian praise you every day for being so clean, but look at yourself. How can a girl make her house look like this?" "Even though our Julian has some money and won't be unable to afford a maid or nanny in the future, you can't be this sloppy, right?" My face darkened. Julian was a local of this city. The exclusivity of this city's locals is well-known. Julian's mother was a very typical local older woman. She always assumed that girls from out of town all had ulterior motives towards her son, wanting to use marriage to steal his property and residency status. "Auntie, Julian and I have already broken up," I said, trying to keep my voice as calm as possible. She acted as if she didn't hear me, even letting out a light scoff. But she quickly put on a smiling face again, looking up at me: "You just have too much of a temper. I always tell our Julian, he might not be able to handle the temper of an out-of-town girl, but he just won't listen. Young people, they don't know pain until they hit a brick wall themselves." Seeing my face getting uglier, she laughed: "Don't overthink it, I'm not talking about you. Come, come, come, eat your food first." She opened the thermal lunchbox, laid out the dishes one by one on the table, then took pictures from every angle and sent them to Julian. "I have to report back to him, tell him I delivered your food." "Auntie isn't trying to lecture you, but you're not a child anymore. There needs to be a limit to your tantrums. Julian is a businessman. If you keep affecting his mood like this, isn't that affecting his career? What good does that do you?" "You should also settle down. You two are getting married next year. It's best if you have a baby before the end of the year. That job of yours doesn't make much money anyway; you should quit sooner rather than later." I laughed out of sheer annoyance: "Auntie, didn't you hear me? Julian and I have broken up. I'm not marrying him." She curled her lip: "Alright, alright, I don't want to hear you talk like this. You've just watched too many TikToks and rotted your brain. Thinking about remaining single and childless all day, talking about female independence. All this talk about independence, but aren't you still spending my son's money?" This wasn't the first time she had said this. But every time she said it, Julian never contradicted her, nor did he ever say a word in my defense. He would only calmly advise me afterward: "My mom is getting old, her thinking is just like that. Don't take it to heart." Thinking about it now, perhaps he fundamentally agreed with those words. He was just using his mother's mouth to let her play the villain, subtly keeping me in line. I repacked the lunchbox she had laid out on the table, shoved it back into her hands, and directly pushed her out the door. Julian's mother looked shocked, cursing as she went: "What is wrong with you, little girl?! How can you treat an elder like this?! With behavior like yours, you still want to marry my son..." SLAM! With the door violently shut, the apartment finally returned to peace.
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