For the three years I was with Liam, I was known in his circle as the absolute perfect, obedient girlfriend. I never checked his phone, never cared how many other women he flirted with, and never fought with him no matter how late he stayed out. Liam was always very smug about it, bragging to his friends about how much I loved him. Until one day, by chance, he saw an old social media account documenting my relationship with my first love. The me in those videos was petty, jealous, and completely lacked the "emotional stability" I had now. In the video, my first love smiled helplessly and asked me: "Why is your temper so bad?" I answered self-righteously: "I only get mad because I love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't care at all." Liam was stunned. 1 When I bumped into Liam at the bar, there was a beautiful girl in a spaghetti-strap top and hot pants sitting on his lap. Her slender, pale arms were wrapped around his neck, and the lips smiling down at him were coated in glittering lip gloss. The few friends in the booth who were married or had serious girlfriends had already stood up, laughing apologetically at Liam. "Sorry about this, Liam. The wife runs a tight ship, she's called a few times already to rush me. If I don't go back now, I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight." Liam let the girl take the cigarette from his mouth and place it between her own lips, scoffing: "You're all useless. Letting a woman control you like that." The other single guys started cheering: "We should all learn from Liam! No matter what time he goes back, his girl never dares to check up on him. Tell us your secrets, bro. Teach us how you trained her!" The girl sitting in his lap giggled, leaning her upper body against Liam. "Yeah, Liam, if you act like this with me, aren't you afraid your girlfriend will see and get mad?" Liam played with his lighter, a look of boastful pride rising on his face: "She loves me to death. She does whatever I tell her to do. In the three years we've been together, she's never fought with me once." "Damn! Liam is the man!" The guys next to him all laughed, looking envious. "All these years Liam's been playing around, and his girl hasn't dared to say a single word. That's a real man right there—" His words cut off abruptly as he saw me standing nearby, completely expressionless. Liam saw me too. There wasn't a trace of panic on his face. He simply pushed the girl off his lap, raised an eyebrow, and waved me over. "What are you doing here?" I paused for a second, then walked over, saying calmly: "I came with some friends." The girl who had been pushed away looked annoyed. She looked me up and down, forcing a strained smile. "Hey, Sarah." Only when I got closer did I recognize her. She was the new junior secretary at Liam's company. I think her name was Chloe. She went to a mediocre state college, but Liam had personally approved her hiring after seeing her resume photo. I didn't expect him to hook up with her so quickly. I ignored her. Liam looked like he had drank quite a bit. His beautiful, expressive eyes were misty, looking devastatingly handsome in the blurred lighting. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me toward him. "You came out to play and didn't even tell me. Give me a kiss." He leaned toward the corner of my mouth. I instinctively dodged him. I didn't know if he had just kissed Chloe or not. I thought it was dirty. Liam's expression changed, the smile slowly fading from his lips. Even though he was the one sitting, the way he looked at me felt like he was looking down from a great height. "Sarah, what's that supposed to mean?" I turned my head and said softly: "You're drunk." "You think I'm dirty?" Probably because I embarrassed him in front of his friends, Liam's eyes turned icy. He suddenly grabbed Chloe, who was standing nearby, pulled her onto his lap, and held the back of her head. Chloe looked thrilled and submissively accepted his kiss. The two of them exchanged a wet, deep kiss right in front of me. When Chloe pulled away panting ten seconds later, a silver thread of saliva still connected their lips. She glanced at me, a smug smile playing on her lips. Liam looked at me provocatively. His other friends all fell silent, their eyes fixing on me. No woman could tolerate her boyfriend kissing another woman right in front of her. They probably thought I was finally going to snap. I just met Liam's gaze and said flatly, "You're drunk. I'm leaving." As I walked away, I heard the stunned murmurs of Liam's friends. "Damn, her emotional stability is insane! She's not even mad!" "Liam really has her under control. She doesn't dare get mad at him, probably afraid of getting dumped." "She loves him too much. I heard she chased Liam for a whole year. She obeys his every command, she's in way too deep!" Liam let out a laugh, laced with contempt. "She can't live without me. She doesn't dare get mad at me." The deep winter weather felt like knives. I didn't know when it started, but it was snowing outside. The flurries drifted down, illuminated red by passing taillights one moment, then turning a murky yellow under the streetlamps the next. I pulled my scarf tighter, leaned against the wall, and lit a cigarette. The mint-flavored smoke mixed with the freezing air, stinging my lungs as I inhaled. This was my first love's favorite cigarette. When we were together, I used to constantly pester him to let me smoke one, and he would scold me every time: "Sarah, what's wrong with you? If I catch you smoking, I'll break your legs!" On the day we broke up, I bought a pack myself, coughing as I smoked it. After that, there was no one to manage me, so I just kept smoking. I rarely smoke these days. But sometimes, when my emotions flare up, I still can't control it. Watching Liam kiss someone else, I really wasn't angry. Because I simply didn't love him. 2 I was the one who pursued Liam. The first time I saw him was at a newly opened bar. He was there as an investor. The table in front of his booth was covered in expensive liquor, and the beautiful women around him were giggling at his jokes. That face attracted the gaze of every girl in the room. I remember a lot of people went up to ask for his number that night. I did too. Many people liked Liam, but I was the one who persisted the longest. For a year, I was at his beck and call. Just one word from him, and no matter how far away I was, I would appear in front of him. Liam's playboy lifestyle was famous in our circle. There was never a shortage of women around him. Even if he had just finished fooling around with some girl, I would go pick him up with just one phone call. I wouldn't ask anything, wouldn't say anything, I'd just make him a pot of hangover soup. Everyone thought I was madly in love with him. They all said the Davis family was a disgrace. It was bad enough that my family went bankrupt, but for the only daughter to be so infatuated with the young Mr. Sterling that she insisted on acting like his lapdog? The catalyst for us getting together was a night we both drank too much and ended up rolling into the same bed in a hazy stupor. I only remember Liam being particularly rough that night. I cried a lot, holding onto him and crying the whole time. When we woke up in the morning, Liam looked at the marks all over my body and my swollen, teary eyes. Maybe he felt a rare moment of softness. He lit a cigarette and asked me very casually: "Do you want to be with me?" "Let's get one thing straight," he lit his cigarette, biting the filter. "From now on, don't try to manage me. I hate women who try to manage me." I stared at the blanket covering my chest, zoning out for a moment, then said: "Okay." Liam always thought my tears that day were tears of joy. He didn't know that that day was my first love's birthday. His side profile looked very much like my first love's. At that banquet, I spotted him in the crowd with a single glance. Under the dim lighting that night, for just a fleeting moment, I felt like that person had returned to my side. ... I was with Julian from the time I was seventeen until I was twenty-five. Almost ten years. He was the only student on financial aid at our elite private school, specially recruited for his top grades. I heard his family used to be very wealthy, but later his father was betrayed by a business partner. Unable to handle the blow of bankruptcy, his father committed suicide. His mother was already in poor health and passed away from grief shortly after. Overnight, he went from a pampered young master to a penniless orphan. But Julian recovered quickly. He was never subservient or arrogant. Even in a private school full of rich kids, he maintained the number one spot in academics and was even elected student body president. Who wouldn't like someone like that? I confessed to him many times and was rejected every time. But I never gave up; I just kept liking him. Many girls liked him, but slowly gave up after his repeated rejections. Only I was relentlessly persistent. Finally, right before graduation, when I confessed for the sixth time, he asked me helplessly: "What exactly do you like about me?" My face was flushed, tears welling in my eyes as I looked at him stubbornly. I didn't know if I was angry or sad. I just knew I liked Julian. There's no reason. Liking something is inherently unreasonable sometimes. "I just like you. I like everything about you!" Julian's expression was complex. After a long time, he said softly: "But I have nothing. I can't give you anything. A guy like me... do you still like me?" I said loudly: "Yes! Julian, even though I like you, I have a bottom line too! If you don't agree this time, I'm never going to ask you again!" Julian looked at me for a long time, then let out a long breath. It looked like exasperation, but also like surrender. After a long time, he gently hugged me. "You really are an idiot." My eyes widened. My heart skipped a beat, then started pounding violently. That was the first time I understood the feeling of my heart bursting with joy. It turns out when people are happy, fireworks really do go off in their hearts. After that, Julian and I were together. He had great grades; mine weren't as good. To be with me, he intentionally skipped two major questions on the college entrance exams so he could apply to the same university as me. When I found out, I cried my eyes out. He just held me and laughed. "Idiot, why are you crying? All universities are pretty much the same. Don't worry, from now on, I won't let you suffer." He didn't make promises lightly. Starting his sophomore year, Julian began his own startup. He and a group of friends launched a company and made their first pot of gold. By the year we graduated, he had already bought a luxury penthouse in the city center. He renovated it in my favorite style, planning to use it as our marital home. Everything was going smoothly. In our plans for the future, there was only each other. Neither of us ever doubted we would make it to the end. Until after graduation, when I brought him home to meet my parents. And then I saw my dad's face drastically change. Julian's body swayed, the color draining from his face inch by inch. Later, I found out my dad was the business partner who betrayed Julian's father, destroying his family. The world is absurd like that. Because my dad was constantly traveling for business, Liam had never seen him before. None of us could have predicted this possibility. That day, my dad asked my mom and me to leave so he could talk to Julian alone. Not long after, Julian left without saying goodbye and went abroad. He didn't leave me a single word. He said nothing to me. The man who, because of one sentence from me saying I missed him, would cross half the campus to keep me company; the man who promised to love me forever; the man who knelt on one knee with red eyes asking me to marry him, saying that with me he finally had a home... just abandoned me like that. And I couldn't even hate him. Because it was my dad who ruined him. Who wouldn't harbor hatred? If it were me, I would hate him too. I don't know if it was karma, but after that, my dad's investments failed, he committed suicide, and my family went bankrupt. Julian, on the other hand, thrived abroad. He had a great eye for investments, caught the right market trends, and in just a few years, his company went public on NASDAQ. He became a famous tech billionaire. The tables had turned. Our paths never crossed again. And it was impossible for them to ever cross again. So when I saw Liam, I felt my long-dead heart seemingly start beating again for the first time in a long while. To me, what difference did it make who I was with? The fact that Liam looked so much like Julian was already a blessing from above. For the sake of his face, I had been utterly obedient and at his beck and call these past few years. Whenever he needed me, I was always there. No matter how late he stayed out playing, one phone call and I would get out of bed to go pick him up from another woman's hands. My birthday, our anniversary—he remembered none of them. On my birthday, he didn't even come home; he was out having a blast with a girl he just met. Liam had always been a notorious playboy in our circle. He loved to play and knew how to play. The women around him changed faster than his clothes. Before my family went bankrupt, I had heard of his reputation. After getting together with me, he didn't dial it back at all. Several times, women even came directly to confront me. I could tell several times that he wanted to break up with me, trying to use those incidents as an excuse to start a fight. But I never got jealous, and I never fought with him. Over time, he slowly got used to my presence. He and his friends all thought I loved him to my very core, loved him so much I was pathetic. But the truth is, I genuinely didn't care. I just wanted to be able to look at that face occasionally in the dead of night. To fantasize that Julian was still by my side. Relying on that, I could keep going. 3 It was a friend of Liam's birthday. They invited people from our circle to dinner, and everyone brought their plus-ones. Liam brought me along too. But I didn't expect Chloe to be there as well, naturally taking the seat right next to Liam. She even asked me: "Sarah, you don't mind if I sit here, do you?" Liam glanced at me. I didn't say anything. His smile gradually faded, and with a cold scoff, he put his arm around Chloe. Chloe seemed genuinely infatuated with Liam. Throughout the meal, she constantly toasted him, even pressing close to him whispering who-knows-what, occasionally laughing uncontrollably and leaning against him when he teased her. I wasn't angry in the slightest, sitting quietly to the side eating my food. Liam's friends clicked their tongues in envy, saying to their own girlfriends: "Look how magnanimous she is. Not like you, getting jealous over every little thing. Learn from her!" His girlfriend had had a bit too much to drink, and scoffed dismissively: "She only cares if she likes you. If she doesn't like you, she won't care at all!" I don't know if it was a coincidence, but after she said that, the entire room went quiet. Liam clearly heard it too. The smile remained on his face, but the hand gripping his glass tightened until the veins popped. His friend froze, immediately trying to smooth things over with an apologetic smile: "Sorry, Liam, my girl had too much to drink. She didn't mean it." His girlfriend also started apologizing. Liam didn't say anything, but his gaze fell on me. I turned my head, avoiding his eyes. He suddenly asked me: "You really aren't angry at all?" "What is there to be angry about?" I was confused. "Isn't this the freedom you wanted?" I got to look at that face every day. And he got the freedom he wanted. We both got what we wanted. What was wrong with that? After all, when Liam first agreed to be with me, he warned me not to manage him. These past few years, his side flings never stopped. I thought this was the arrangement he liked. But Liam seemed unhappy. He got even closer to Chloe. Chloe was practically sitting on his lap, and the two of them exchanged a wet kiss right in front of me. Completely ignoring me, his girlfriend. The others were used to it, though a few looked at me with sympathetic expressions. I was scrolling through my phone's photo album to kill time, waiting for the dinner to end so I could go home. After a few more rounds of drinks, Chloe started feeling buzzed. Perhaps she finally couldn't hold back her ambition to usurp my position, she eyed me a few times and started picking a fight: "What year is it, and you're still using an iPhone 12? Pretty retro, huh." I ignored her, but she got even more aggressive. "I've forgotten what an iPhone 12 even looks like. It's an antique by now. I'm actually a bit curious. Sis, why don't you let me see your phone?" "No," I tightened my grip on my phone. "Liam~ tell Sarah to let me see it. It's just a phone, what's there to hide?" Seeing I wasn't speaking, Liam frowned: "She wants to see it, just let her see it." "No." I refused again. "Liam~" Chloe grabbed his arm, whining. Probably feeling embarrassed that I rejected him, Liam's face turned cold as he held his hand out to me: "Phone." I remained silent. "What's in the phone anyway?" Chloe added fuel to the fire. "It couldn't be something inappropriate, could it?" Liam's eyes darkened, and he reached over to snatch my phone. "What are you doing?!" I was startled. The phone slipped during the struggle. I instinctively shoved Liam away to catch it. His lower back hit the corner of the table, and he let out a muffled groan of pain, cursing at me: "Are you psycho, Sarah?! It's just a stupid phone! If it breaks, I'll buy you a new one—" The next second, looking at the video playing on the lit screen, all his words stopped abruptly. The video I had just been watching on my phone started playing again. It was from when I was still with Julian. I was on his back. Not knowing he was recording me, I was pouting and lecturing him. "Why were you talking to that girl for so long today?!" Julian sounded helpless: "She's the vice president of the student council. We were talking about official business. Look at you, how can you be so jealous every day? Are you the reincarnation of a vinegar jar?" I got even angrier: "I'm jealous because I like you! If I didn't like you, I wouldn't care if you dropped dead!" Julian just laughed, hiking me higher up on his back. "Okay, okay, okay, you like me, I get it. So I should be happy then?" I poked him in the back: "From now on, you're not allowed to talk to other girls, you're not allowed to add their contacts, and you're not allowed to like anyone else!" "Okay, whatever you say. Where did you get such a bad temper..." The video continued playing. I picked up the phone and turned it off. Liam maintained his posture from a moment ago, completely motionless. No one expected things to develop this way. They fell silent, their eyes fixed on us. The next second, Liam suddenly snatched the phone from my hand and smashed it violently onto the floor! Instinctively, I slapped Liam across the face, then bent down in a panic to pick up the phone. This was the last memento Julian had left me. The phone was smashed beyond recognition, the screen completely black. I grabbed the phone, finally realizing what I had done, and turned to look at Liam. That slap wasn't that hard. But Liam was stunned. He didn't even cover his face. He just stood there blankly, looking at me. He seemed somewhat lost, as if he didn't recognize me anymore. Everyone was shocked. Not a single person dared to make a sound. You could hear a pin drop in the room. I regretted it a little, but somehow, inexplicably, I also felt a sense of relief. I didn't actually want to hit Liam; it was just a reflex. But since things had come to this, I knew it was over between Liam and me. I stood up, grabbed my bag, and left. As I walked out the door, I sent Liam one last message. "Let's break up." 4 I walked aimlessly down the street, but suddenly spotted a familiar silhouette at the corner! In that instant, the sounds of the traffic all vanished. All I could hear was my heart skipping a beat before roaring back to life! That silhouette looked exactly like Julian. But by the time I rushed over, he had already disappeared into the sea of people, impossible to find again. I stood there in a daze, completely devastated, until the cars behind me honked to rush me. Only then did I turn away blankly. It seemed to snow especially heavily this winter. After sitting in a park for a while, I felt a slight chill on my eyelashes. Only then did I belatedly realize everything around me had turned completely white. I slowly curled up, not wanting to leave. I didn't know where to go. After my dad died, my mom quickly remarried and moved abroad. I didn't have a home anymore. Julian once gave me a home, but then he left me all alone. With Liam? That was even less of a home. I had places to stay, but I didn't have a home to return to. Tears slid down my cheeks. I wiped them away gently and was about to stand up when a shadow suddenly fell over me. I thought it was Liam coming out to find me, but when I looked up, my breathing instantly stopped. That face that had appeared in my dreams countless times had crossed the boundary between fantasy and reality, appearing right in front of my eyes. And I couldn't tell dream from reality. My fingers began to tremble, but I didn't dare touch him. Snow clung to Julian's eyelashes, slowly melting. For a moment, I thought the man from my memories who loved me had returned. He said gently: "I'm back." ... I forgot how I ended up back at Julian's apartment with him. I only remember crying non-stop, clinging to him tightly, refusing to let go, until he helplessly held me as we lay on the bed, patting my back. "Stop crying, I'm not going anywhere. If you keep crying, you'll get a headache." I couldn't even speak properly, lifting my head and sobbing brokenly: "When did you come back?" "A few months ago." I paused for a second, then cried even louder: "Then why did it take you so long to come find me?!" Julian looked down, his eyes filled with complex emotions I couldn't read. "I heard you were dating someone. I didn't know if I should bother you." "Then why did you come now?" "I couldn't help it." He seemed to finally admit defeat: "I couldn't forget you, Sarah. I couldn't let you go." "I missed you so much it was killing me. I admit defeat. I have no other choice." My hand paused. I sat up. Julian leaned down. On that freezing winter night, with heavy snow falling, this kiss that was delayed for far too long was scorching hot. Neither of us said another word. We had been together for so long, our mutual understanding was too profound. Neither of us needed to say anything more. We didn't even have a brief moment of unfamiliarity; we knew each other's bodies far too well. It wasn't just about lust; it was about longing and possession. When my brow furrowed, I held onto him with an almost fearful grip, terrified this was just a dream. Then I realized, he was holding me even tighter. In a trembling embrace bordering on pain, we finally re-confirmed each other's existence. When I woke up, it was broad daylight. The snow outside was still falling, the dark clouds pressing down heavily, casting a hazy gloom over everything. The bed beside me was empty. I panicked. Clutching my chest, I stumbled out of bed, about to run out the door, but crashed straight into Julian, who had just returned. The light in the room was dim. Shadows fell across his sharp features. Probably because of our intense activities, his M-shaped lips were flushed a deep red. He looked devastatingly handsome. I let out a sigh of relief and grabbed his forearm. "I thought..." I thought I was dreaming. During the years we were apart, I had too many dreams about him. But the happier the dreams were, the more devastated I felt when I woke up. After leaning against his chest for a long time, I finally mustered the courage: "Are you leaving again this time? About my dad..." Julian rested his chin on my head. After a long silence, he finally spoke: "At the time, I just couldn't accept it. I didn't know what to do. I truly hated him, and I couldn't help but hate you too. All these years abroad, I was hating you while loving you at the same time. It was driving me insane. I saw a therapist, but I couldn't help it." "I kept dreaming about you," he held my hand, his voice very soft. "I dreamt of you crying, asking me, 'Julian, why don't you want me anymore?' My heart hurt so much. I'd wake up and smoke all night. I didn't know what to do. Sarah, what did you expect me to do?" "Later, I slowly figured it out. Your dad is your dad, and you are you. What your dad did has nothing to do with you. And now your dad isn't here anymore either. I'm willing to let it go. We can start over." He slowly hugged me tighter: "I'm not leaving. I'm never leaving again. That apartment wasn't good anyway. I bought a new house. We can decorate it from scratch together, okay?" My eyes stung and slowly blurred. I hugged his arm tight. "Okay." The sunlight broke through the clouds. I didn't know when, but the snow had stopped. My sky had finally cleared up, too.
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