Julian and I were childhood sweethearts, but we spent a lifetime resenting each other. He resented me for forcing his memories back, for driving the woman he truly loved to leap from a roof. I resented him for breaking his promise to love me forever, for falling for someone else the moment he lost his memory. For ten years, our marriage was a frozen tundra. We were the most intimate of strangers. But when I was diagnosed with ALS and the whole world told him to leave me, Julian walked a pilgrimage on his knees, praying for a day and a night before the altar, just for a chance that I might live. On my deathbed, he held my frail body through the night, his forehead pressed to my cheek as he whispered, “Bonnie, in this life, I have fulfilled all my duties to you. If there is a next life, I hope you won’t make me remember. Let me be with her.” A single tear escaped the corner of my eye. I finally understood. I should never have used the love of our youth to bind him, to weigh him down for a lifetime. When I opened my eyes again, I was back on the day I found him. This time, I chose not to wake his memories. This time, I would let my childhood love go, let him run to his moon. 1 “Mr. Cockle has lost his memory. He refuses to come back with us.” “But we’ve contacted the most renowned neurologist in the country. We can have his memory restored very soon.” The conversation was identical, word for word, to the one from my past life, the day I found the missing Julian. Only this time, the wild joy and desperate urgency I’d felt then were gone. I shook my head, refusing their offer. Then, I did two things. First, I went to the hospital for the most thorough physical examination of my life. Second, I took the confirmed diagnosis of ALS to Julian’s parents and asked to break off our engagement. Julian’s mother gripped my hand, her eyes red-rimmed as she shook her head. “We can’t end this, Bonnie. Julian loves you so much. He would never marry anyone but you…” I said nothing. I simply showed them a photograph. In the picture, Julian was gazing at a woman dressed as a mermaid in an aquarium show, his eyes soft and utterly captivated. “Instead of forcing him to marry a woman with a terminal illness,” I said softly, “let him be with the person he loves. I don’t want to be a burden to him any longer.” In my last life, after Julian disappeared, I searched for him for five years. I found him living with a woman named Luna, happy and in love. I ignored his wishes and hired a specialist to force his memories back. The day his memory returned was the day Luna jumped from a building. From that moment on, an impassable chasm lay between Julian and me. Our ten-year marriage was an arctic silence. It wasn't until I was diagnosed with ALS that things changed. For seven years, Julian cared for me. He fed me, bathed me, took me on pilgrimages, and sought out every possible cure. But I knew. He did it all out of a husband’s duty, not out of love. Fighting back tears, I choked out the words, “There’s no future for Julian and me.” In this life, I would not make the same mistake. After leaving the Cockle estate, I went to find Luna. When she saw me, she quickly shooed Julian away. “I swear, I didn’t hide him on purpose!” she stammered, her words rushing out in a panic. I met her gaze calmly. “You and I both know the truth.” Realizing she couldn’t lie, Luna bit her lip, her panic giving way to a raw, desperate defiance. “I know, Bonnie! I know his heart has only ever belonged to you! The second he remembers, he’ll leave me in a heartbeat and run back to you!” “But I’ve loved him since the first time I saw him in high school! I loved him for so many years and never got a single glance from him. This was my one chance…” “I just wanted him to stay with me for a few more days. Just a few more days!” Her voice cracked at the end, heavy with unshed tears. I listened quietly, my gaze drifting past her to the man standing behind her. Julian. His eyes were dark, fixed on me. His entire body was tense, coiled like a spring, a storm brewing in his gaze. The guardian who once shadowed my every step was now someone else’s guard dog. Ready to pounce, to rip a piece of my flesh away if I made a single move against Luna. I couldn’t name the feeling in my heart. I only knew that this time, I couldn’t selfishly bind him to my side. A faint smile touched my lips. “Don’t be afraid,” I told Luna. “I’m not here to break you up. I’m here to take you both back to his family.” Luna stared, her shock palpable. “Both of us?” “Yes,” I nodded. “You’re the one he loves. If we left you behind, he wouldn’t come with us.” “Go pack your things. You’re coming back to the Cockle estate with Julian.” My voice was steady, devoid of emotion. “His parents know about you. They won’t stand in your way.” A wave of pure joy washed over Luna’s face. She grabbed Julian’s hand, her smile radiant, and rushed off to pack. Only then did Julian seem to relax, convinced I meant Luna no harm. He pursed his lips, his tone softening. “Sorry. I thought you were going to hurt her.” His entire world revolved around her now. No one remembered the past, when Luna’s constant pursuit would drive him to bury his face in my shoulder, feigning distress, urging me to play the part of the jealous girlfriend and declare his ownership to the world. “You have to tell them, Bonnie. Tell them I belong only to you. Be fierce about it.” He’d even make comical, snarling faces for me to imitate. We would always end up in a fit of laughter, tumbling onto the sofa in a playful heap. What a pity. Julian didn’t belong to me anymore. I forced a smile and brought them both back to the Cockle estate. When it came time to introduce me, everyone hesitated, unsure what to say. I spoke up first. “I’m the friend you grew up with. You always treated me like a little sister. You even promised to find me a boyfriend, but then you lost your memory, and we never got around to it.” The others in the room, who knew the truth, looked on with complicated expressions. But Julian didn’t suspect a thing. He even joked, “Alright, once things settle down, your big brother will find you a boyfriend right away.” 2 I was awakened in the middle of the night by the glare of a fire. Pushing my door open, I saw that everything connecting me to Julian was burning in a large bonfire. Childhood photos, award certificates we’d won together, even the wooden puppet he’d given me when he first confessed his love… Each one crackled, turning to ash. A sharp pain lanced through my chest, as if a cold hand had squeezed my heart. Just then, Julian turned to look at me. “Before, when neither of us was with anyone, it didn’t seem like a problem for us to be so close.” “But now that Luna is living here, seeing all this stuff makes her unhappy. So I’m burning it. I hope you don’t mind.” I dug my nails into my palms, trying to hide my devastation. “It’s fine,” I replied softly. “Actually, you can burn the things from my room, too.” I went back to my room, gathered every memento of Julian, and threw them into the fire. The flames licked at my face, but I felt as if I were submerged in ice water. For the next few days, the sounds of construction filled the courtyard. The garden of gardenias Julian had planted for me was torn out and replaced with Luna’s favorite red roses. The glass conservatory where we used to play piano and watch the sunset was demolished to make way for a swimming pool for Luna. Even the wisteria arbor where we’d first realized our love for each other was dismantled, the ground dug up to create a lotus pond that Luna adored. The day they planted the lotus seeds, Luna stopped me in the courtyard. She held her chin high, deliberately showing off the ring on her finger. “Julian found the design for this ring in his room. He said he knew instantly it was for his future bride, so he stayed up for nights making it by hand. Then he proposed to me.” She wiggled her fingers. “Isn’t it beautiful?” The design was of a bird and a fish, my favorite from long ago. I nodded, my voice sincere. “It’s beautiful. It looks perfect on you.” Luna’s expression darkened. “But I don’t like it.” “We both know who this was originally designed for,” she said, her gaze sharp and piercing. “You keep saying you have no feelings for him, but all his past feelings for you… they’re a ticking time bomb. I can’t live with that.” “What do you want, then?” I asked. “I want…” Before she could finish, Luna suddenly threw herself sideways, plunging straight into the filthy water of the newly-dug lotus pond! I was shoved hard, stumbling and falling to the ground. A searing pain shot through my ankle, and my palms scraped against the gravel, a burning sensation spreading up my arms. Before I could even get up, I saw Julian dive into the water like a madman. When he carried Luna to the bank, they were both covered in foul-smelling mud, a pathetic sight. But Julian didn’t care about himself. He frantically wiped the sludge from Luna’s face, his voice choked with panic. “Luna! Are you okay? Did you swallow any water? Are your eyes hurt? Are you cut anywhere?” It took Luna a moment to catch her breath. She shook her head, her lip trembling as tears streamed down her face. “I’m okay… It’s just… the ring you gave me. Someone threw it in the water. I fell in trying to get it back.” She held up her hand. The ring was gone. “Julian, your family doesn’t want me here,” she sobbed. “Can we just go back to our apartment? At least no one will bully me there…” Her pitiful, vulnerable act instantly twisted Julian’s heart. His eyes turned to ice. “Who threw your ring? Who bullied you?” Luna bit her lip and said nothing, only casting a timid, frightened glance in my direction. The fear and grievance in her eyes were a blatant accusation. I clutched my swelling ankle, my voice filled with disbelief. “It wasn’t me…” Julian’s gaze swept over me, as cold as a glacier, chilling me to the bone. “I had no reason to take your ring…” I explained, my voice hoarse. “You know what you did,” Julian said, his voice flat. He scooped Luna into his arms and shot a look at a nearby security guard. “Whoever threw the ring in can be the one to get it back.” The guard understood immediately. He grabbed me and threw me into the pond. The winter water was bone-chillingly cold. I started shivering the moment I hit the water, desperately trying to crawl back to the bank, but a hand clamped down on my shoulder, shoving me back in. “Miss Evans, we can’t let you out until you find the ring,” the guard said, his voice devoid of any warmth. “If you want to suffer less, I suggest you start looking.” I bit my lip and resigned myself to my fate, my fingers searching through the freezing mud. The filthy water seeped into my sleeves, numbing my hands until I could barely feel them. I searched from dawn until dusk. Only when Julian’s parents were about to return did my fingers finally close around the ring. Clutching it, I dragged myself to Julian’s room and knocked softly. When he opened the door, he looked at me with cold eyes. “We’ll let it go this time. From now on, stay away from Luna.” Then, he took the ring from my hand, and with a casual flick of his wrist, tossed it out the long gallery window into the deep darkness of the night. “Luna doesn’t like the design. I’ll make her a new one.” I watched the ring I had nearly died to retrieve disappear into the blackness, and a bitter smile touched my lips. Of course. He saw the past as a burden. It was only natural that he couldn’t stand the sight of a ring that carried its memory. 3 Despite their reservations about Luna, Julian’s parents couldn’t fight his insistence. They finally relented and began planning an extravagant engagement party. The party was a lavish affair, but the guests’ eyes kept drifting towards me. “Poor Bonnie. She finds her long-lost love only to watch him marry someone else.” “They were perfect for each other, childhood sweethearts from good families. We all thought they were meant to be. Who could have predicted this?” “If I were her, I’d have slapped them both. I can’t believe she even showed up.” Just then, Luna made her entrance, dressed in a stunning designer gown. Julian took her hand, his eyes overflowing with adoration. “Everyone,” he began, his voice clear and formal, “allow me to formally introduce…” But before he could finish, the lights in the ballroom flickered twice and then went out completely. In the darkness, screams mingled with the crash of tables and chairs. The scene descended into chaos. I instinctively backed into a corner, but a hand suddenly clamped around my wrist. A cloth with a sharp, chemical smell was pressed over my mouth and nose. The world spun violently. I struggled, but in the last moment before my consciousness faded, all I could hear were the deafening screams. I don’t know how much time passed. Through a hazy fog, I heard Luna’s voice, a furious, hushed whisper. “Damn it! Who told you to do this at my engagement party?!” “I told you to just tie me up and frame Bonnie! Who told you to bring her too?!” “You idiots! You’ve ruined everything! Even if this was an act, you’re not getting paid! You’ve completely wrecked my plan!” My senses slowly returned, and the pieces clicked into place. Another one of Luna’s schemes, only this time, it hadn’t gone according to her plan. As I struggled earlier, I’d felt a gun holster on one of my captor’s waists. These weren’t the low-level thugs Luna would hire. What made my blood run cold was that the leader’s voice was familiar. I recognized it as belonging to a business rival whom Julian had recently driven to the brink of bankruptcy. After a long while, one of the kidnappers made a video call. “Well, well, Mr. Cockle. One is the woman you grew up with for twenty years, your former love. The other is the woman you fell for after losing your memory. Who will you save?” Julian remained composed, but when his eyes fell on a red mark on Luna’s shoulder, he lost all composure. “If you touch a single hair on her head, I will burn your entire company to the ground!” I closed my eyes, a hot, uncontrollable ache spreading behind them. Tears slid silently down my temples. There was nothing to hope for. I should have known who he would choose. The kidnapper burst into laughter. “Did you really think I was going to give you a choice?!” The next second, I was dragged and shoved into a large glass tank. A warm body was pressed tightly against mine. The tank was thrown into the sea, landing with a massive splash. Weighted with stones, it began to sink rapidly. I quickly kicked off my high heels and used the sharp metal heel to smash against the glass. The current rushed in, and shards of glass tore at my limbs. Gritting my teeth, I dragged the unconscious Luna out of the tank and fought my way to the surface. I was nearly exhausted by the time we broke the surface, but I couldn't stop. I pushed Luna onto a piece of floating debris and gently tapped her cheek. “You have to live.” If you live, his obsession in this life will finally have a home. I was pushing the makeshift raft towards the shore when the damned ALS suddenly struck. My arms went completely numb. Powerless, I began to sink into the deep sea. Gazing at the shimmering light on the water’s surface, I slowly closed my eyes. So be it. This is the end. In the final moments before my consciousness faded, I thought I saw a hand reaching for me with all its might. Was it just a hallucination?
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