Nicholas Blackwood hated me for a decade after his beloved died. She was his moon; I was merely her shadow. I offered him my world, only to be met with icy scorn: "If you truly want to please me, Lindsay, the best thing you could do is die." Yet when the great hall burned, he died saving me. In his final moments, he pushed me away. "If only my life had never been touched by yours..." At his funeral, his mother wept: "If only I’d let him marry Clara Bellewood." His father accused me: "He saved you three times. Why did you only bring him ruin?" Even I regretted our marriage. So I leapt from the Stargazer’s Spire—and woke up ten years earlier. This time, I’d cut all ties with Nicholas Blackwood. I’d give them the ending they deserved. 1 “Lindsay Vance, you have a talent for getting what you want, don’t you? To think you’d manipulate my parents into threatening me, forcing my hand into this marriage. Do you really believe this is how you’ll find happiness?” The voice, low and cold, belonged to a boy. I blinked, my vision clearing to see Nicholas, a much younger Nicholas, standing before me. He was eighteen again, dressed in the sharp crimson of a young lord, his features still holding a wild, untamed arrogance that time would later temper. I was back. I was truly back. I fought down the wave of grief and relief that threatened to overwhelm me, my gaze drinking him in like a woman dying of thirst. “You don’t want to marry me,” I stated, my voice steadier than I felt. “The one you truly want is Clara Bellewood, isn’t it?” Nicholas scoffed. “So what if it is? Are you going to step aside?” “Yes,” I said, with a sincerity that startled him. My parents had died in service to the Crown, securing a generation of peace for the kingdom. As a reward, the King had granted me a single boon: a Royal Decree of Marriage. It was a blank slate, a promise from the throne that I could marry any nobleman I chose. By the same token, I could use it to secure a marriage for anyone else. He stared at me for a moment, then let out a sharp, disbelieving laugh. “You’ve already used the King’s decree to back me into a corner. My parents are unmovable. Our wedding is a foregone conclusion. How exactly do you plan to ‘step aside’ now?” He leaned back against the cool stone of the palace wall, his arms crossed. “Look, Lindsay, I don’t have time for your games. Just take your decree and go. I’ll wait for you here.” The disgust in his eyes was a physical blow, a thousand tiny needles piercing my heart. In this life and the last, I had loved him for so long. He had risked everything to save me, twice, and I had mistaken his honor for affection. I’d joyfully requested the decree, believing he felt the same, only to realize my love was his prison. My ten years of devotion had been his ten years of torment. In my past life, I had performed countless acts of charity, bartered with my own life force, all for the slimmest chance of his rebirth. Before the end, a mystic had given me a warning. “Within the first twelve hours of his new life, you must resolve his three greatest regrets. Once it is done, you must leave him forever.” “Then,” the old man had promised, “your paths will diverge. He will not die at thirty because of you. You will both find your own peace.” “But know this, child. Every rebirth has its price.” As long as Nicholas could live, I was willing to pay any price. I went before the King and used my boon, my one royal favor, to request a marriage decree for Nicholas Blackwood and Clara Bellewood. I knew his three regrets by heart; they were etched into the pages of his private journal. Regret marrying Lindsay Vance. Regret not defying my parents’ will. Regret not being able to save Clara Bellewood. Now, the first of his regrets was fulfilled. I walked out of the palace, the royal scroll in my hand, and presented it to Nicholas. He looked at me with the contempt of a man who believes he’s been thoroughly outmaneuvered, reaching to unroll the parchment. I placed my hand over his, offering a gentle smile. “Wait until tomorrow. There might be a surprise.” He shot me a look. “Pointless. Whether I read it today or tomorrow, it still says I’m marrying you, doesn’t it? What’s gotten into you? Are you that ecstatic about finally trapping me?” I was ecstatic. But not for the reason he thought. Because I can finally see you alive again. I smiled. “I think you’re the best man in the world. Anyone who marries you will be incredibly happy.” “Let’s go,” he grunted, turning away so quickly I might have thought he was blushing if I didn’t know better. The carriage rattled through the city. As we passed the festive lights of the flower market, I pulled back the curtain, overhearing the chatter of women on the street. “Tonight’s the celestial alignment! They say if you watch the meteor shower from the Stargazer’s Spire with the one you love, you’ll be bound together for all eternity!” A memory pierced me. In my last life, I’d heard the same words and eagerly begged Nicholas to take me. He had looked at me with that chilling, distant gaze. “Isn’t one lifetime of my misery enough for you, Lindsay? You want to chain me for three?” he’d mocked. “It’s a foolish superstition for children and romantics. If you want to be duped, go alone. Don’t drag me into it.” The memory was so vivid, the coldness in his eyes still made me shiver. I quietly let the curtain fall. But this time, something was different. “You want to go?” Nicholas’s voice was flat, devoid of emotion. I looked up, startled. “I can take you to the Spire tonight,” he continued, not meeting my eyes. “I won’t have time to accompany you to your parents’ memorial after the wedding. Consider this… an apology.” I stared at him, a flicker of hope and sorrow warring within me. This was the Nicholas I knew—venom on his tongue, but a heart softer than anyone realized. He didn’t love me, yet he had thrown himself into danger for me three times without hesitation. The first, when we were ambushed by highwaymen, he’d taken a blade to his right arm to protect me. The arm that could once send an arrow through a target a hundred paces away could never again draw a bow. The second, when I was struck by the Crimson Fever, he’d scaled the treacherous Frostfang Peak to find the rare Frost-Lotus that saved my life, nearly breaking his leg in the process. The third, during the fire at the royal palace, he had died to pull me from the flames. Nicholas Blackwood was a good man in every way. He just didn’t love me. I knew that after today, our fates would be untangled forever. Even if we stood atop the Stargazer’s Spire and watched the meteor shower of a century, we would never be bound for eternity. Still, I pushed down the burning moisture in my eyes and gave him a smile that felt as bright and cheap as a carnival prize. “I’d love that. Let’s go see the stars fall together.” 2 Our carriage was stopped halfway there. A frantic-looking maid, one of Clara Bellewood’s, claimed her mistress was suffering from a terrible headache and was calling for Nicholas. Nicholas’s brow furrowed. He swung himself out of the carriage without a second thought. “Clara isn’t well. I need to check on her. You go back to the manor. I’ll meet you at the Spire later tonight.” “Alright,” I nodded. He seemed surprised by my easy agreement. “You used to hate it when I went to see her. A sudden change of heart?” I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off with another cold laugh. “Right. We’re about to be married. I suppose she’s no longer a threat to you.” He strode away, missing the flicker of sorrow and resignation in my eyes. The truth was, I’d never tried to stop him from caring for Clara. I had only ever intervened once, when I discovered Clara was entangled with a married court official. I had warned him, pleaded with him to stay away. But he never knew the whole story. After she died, he was lost in a decade of grief. If I had to choose, I would rather see him happy with Clara—even a flawed Clara—than watch him suffer and die for my sake. My first stop was the city registrar to secure my travel papers. Then, I returned to the Blackwood manor. The Duchess had prepared a feast herself, the table laden with all my favorite childhood dishes. As was my habit, I slipped the white fur cloak from my shoulders and draped it over hers. “It’s getting colder, Your Grace. You must take care of yourself.” She beamed, her eyes crinkling with affection. “My sweet girl, always so thoughtful. Now, let me see the royal decree! I have waited so long for the day I can finally call you my daughter.” The Duke, noticing I had returned alone, began to bristle. “That boy didn’t escort you back? The decree has been issued, and he still doesn’t know how to cherish you! Just wait until he gets home, I’ll give him a piece of my mind!” Their genuine warmth was a bittersweet ache in my chest. After my parents fell, they had taken me in, an orphan girl with nothing, and given me everything. I had always been the dutiful daughter. But this time, I had to betray their hopes. I looked at them, my voice heavy with purpose. “Your Grace, my Lord… I will not be marrying Nicholas.” I continued before they could protest. “I’m leaving for the Riverlands tomorrow. I won’t be here to look after you, so you must promise to look after each other.” The Duchess froze, her smile vanishing. “Your parents died for this kingdom. You grew up in this house. This is your home, Lindsay! Where would you go?” Her voice grew urgent. “Is it because of that Bellewood girl? Did Nicholas hurt you? Is that why you’re calling off the wedding?” “Don’t be rash,” she pleaded, taking my hands. “He has feelings for you, I know it. He wouldn’t have risked his life for you twice if he didn’t. Every year on your birthday, he spends months searching for the most perfect, unique gifts. I’ve seen how you care for him, learning to cook his favorite meals, massaging his injured arm every day. You two would be so happy together!” she insisted. “Besides, that girl is trouble. We can’t let her win. Please, don’t leave out of anger.” In my past life, they had said the same things. In the end, I lost my husband, and they lost their son. We all drowned in a lifetime of regret. I gently wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. “Your Grace, you can’t force a heart to love. Nicholas’s heart belongs to someone else. It was wrong of me to ever try and claim it.” My voice dropped to a near whisper. “I had a dream last night. In the dream, he married me, but he couldn’t bear to look at me. He threw himself into his work, traveling to the most dangerous frontiers, running himself into the ground until his body was a wreck of old wounds. The food I made, he wouldn’t eat. When he was sick, he wouldn’t let me near. He told me… he told me the pain I brought him was greater than any happiness. And then… he died at thirty, saving my life.” The memory was so real, my own heart seized with a pain so sharp it stole my breath. The Duchess paled. “But… but that’s just a dream, my dear. Nicholas wouldn’t…” I sniffed, forcing a watery smile. “Dreams can be warnings, Your Grace. I want him to live a long life. We don’t have to be husband and wife. I just need him to be alive.” I took a deep breath. “He carries the weight of a dukedom on his shoulders, with so little choice in his own life. The least I can do is give him the freedom to choose who he loves.” I knelt before them and bowed my head to the floor three times, the gesture heavy with finality. “My travel papers are in order. I beg you, let me go. For the love and kindness you have shown me, I will be eternally grateful. I will spend my life repaying that debt.” The Duke’s stern expression softened. He helped me to my feet. The Duchess, weeping silently, pressed a thick stack of bank notes into my hand. “If this is what you’ve truly decided, then we will not stand in your way. But you remember this, Lindsay. No matter what happens, this house will always be your home.” Tears I could no longer hold back streamed down my face. I threw my arms around her. “Thank you, Your Grace.” By cutting my ties with Nicholas, the tragedy of our past life would be erased. He would live to be an old man. The Duke and Duchess wouldn't lose their son and grow to hate me. This time, everyone would have their happy ending. The second of his regrets, I thought, should now be resolved. But I had to fulfill all three within twelve hours. There was still one left. Would it be so simple? That evening, I went to the Stargazer’s Spire. The air was filled with the soft murmurs of couples, all there to wish for a shared destiny under the falling stars. “Lindsay Vance.” A familiar voice cut through the night. I turned, a foolish spark of joy igniting in my chest, only to see Nicholas’s face, twisted into a mask of pure fury. He grabbed my wrist, his grip like iron, his eyes shot with red-hot anger. “I knew you were manipulative, but this is a new low. Just because I didn't escort you home, you ran to my parents and filled their heads with poison, causing them to publicly humiliate Clara. She tried to take her own life, Lindsay. Are you satisfied now?”
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