1 My mother gave birth to four children. I have three older sisters; I was the youngest, her only son. Everyone in the family treated me like a treasure, except for Mom. She doted on my sisters, but for me, I was treated like an enemy from childhood, singled out, even beaten with a riding crop. I questioned my lineage, secretly taking a lock of Mom's hair for a paternity test. The results, however, clearly stated that I was her biological son. Mom was deeply religious, always carrying a spiritual book with her. Strangely, whenever she beat me, if anyone tried to intervene, she would open that book and show them its contents. The book seemed to possess a sinister magic; whoever read it would instantly understand Mom, urging her to beat me mercilessly, encouraging her to kill me. First it was my loving Grandma, then my three sisters, and eventually, even Dad, who cherished me most, stopped protecting me. I couldn’t bear it anymore. One night, I secretly read Mom's book. My eyes fixated on the words, tears silently streaming down my face. In that moment, I finally understood them. It turned out, I truly didn't deserve to live… "Crack! Crack! Crack!" Just for eating one extra bite of food, Mom made me kneel by the door, the leather belt whipping my back, again and again. My back was already a crisscross of old scars, and with each new lash, the wounds tore open afresh. Grandma, who adored me most, tightly embraced Mom. "Eva, what's gotten into you?" she cried. "The boy just ate an extra bite. Is this really necessary?" "Mom, get out of the way! I have to beat him thoroughly today!" Mom gasped, out of breath. Grandma stood firm in front of me, her face resolute. "What kind of mother are you? Rowan is your own son!" she declared. "If you insist on hurting my grandson today, then you'll have to beat me too!" Grandma’s defiance seemed to bring Mom back to her senses slightly. Mom pulled out the well-worn book she always carried, gasping for air. "Mom, since you insist, I'll tell you the secret I've kept all these years." With that, Mom beckoned Grandma to look at the book's contents. Grandma’s body suddenly stiffened, a tremor running through her. When her eyes fell upon me again, her gaze had turned cold and ruthless. She even snatched the leather belt from Mom’s hand, lashing me violently a few times. Grandma’s blows were powerful, and I gasped in sharp pain. I looked at her, utterly bewildered, unable to fathom why Grandma, who had always favored me, had undergone such a drastic change of heart. "Eva, hit him hard! It'd be best if you killed him today!" Grandma spat, handing the belt back to Mom, then trudged into the room, breathing heavily. My three sisters watched me with anguish, but Grandma blocked them, trapping them inside the room. "Did you hear that?" Mom sneered. "Your grandmother herself wants me to kill you. Now, kneel properly!" After a harsh rebuke, Mom took a deep breath, and once again, the leather belt descended upon my back, blow after agonizing blow. The riding crop was made of thick leather; every strike opened a new crimson line on my skin. Blood streamed down my back. After years of relentless abuse, my body was already at its breaking point. Finally, just like always, I passed out from the pain. Mom looked at my unconscious form, not with a flicker of tenderness, but with a wicked smile. "Your existence is a mistake," she whispered. "As long as you live, you must endure this baptism!" 2 When I woke up again, I was in a hospital bed. I had lost count of how many times Mom’s cruel hand had landed me here since childhood. Dad sat before me, his face etched with concern. Seeing me conscious, he asked with a sigh, "Son, it's Dad's fault for being useless, for not protecting you." "From now on, try not to anger your mom so much, to avoid getting beaten." I stifled a groan of pain. "Dad," I managed to ask, "why does Mom treat me, her own son, with such cruelty?" "You used to say I was too young, that you'd tell me when I grew up. Can you tell me now?" Dad slowly walked to the window, his back to me, looking utterly worn. "Rowan, honestly, Dad doesn't know why." "But your mom is still your mom. She gave birth to you four siblings; she's the backbone of our family. Dad can't just call the police and have her arrested, can he?" Just then, Mom entered the hospital room with my three sisters. Mom's eyes were filled with cold indifference, though my three sisters cast me concerned glances. "He eats so much every day, yet he can't take a beating." Dad quickly stepped in front of me. "Eva, we're in a hospital. Don't cause a scene!" My body clearly bore marks of abuse. When I was brought in, the hospital, as usual, had already alerted the police. When the police arrived and examined my injuries, a seasoned officer approached Mom. "Ms. Hayes, did you inflict these injuries on the child?" Mom's expression was serene, her reply delivered with chilling nonchalance. "Yes." "As the child's biological mother, you've beaten him like this. You're now implicated in domestic abuse. You'll have to come with us!" "Officer, there's no need to rush. Let me show you something." As Mom's words hung in the air, everyone in the room was gripped by curiosity. Only I felt my hairs stand on end, my body instinctively trembling. Sure enough, Mom pulled out the book. The lead officer approached cautiously. As he gazed at the book's contents, he reacted just like Grandma had, trembling uncontrollably. "Stand down. There's no domestic abuse case here." My attending physician wouldn't back down, quickly blocking the officer's path. "Officer, the patient clearly has signs of abuse. You just said you were going to open a case. How could you suddenly—" Before the doctor could say more, the officer's gaze turned incredibly stern. "Are you questioning our police procedure?" he snapped. "I'll say it again: there's no domestic abuse case. It's just a mother and son roughhousing, and the mother was a little heavy-handed!" "This matter ends here." With that, the officer led the accompanying enforcement officers away, and they packed up. Cold sweat streamed down my forehead. I had no idea what was in that book, but even the police had such a strong reaction to it. Mom evicted the doctor from the room, then flashed me a wicked smile. "Rowan Miller, you'll never escape my grasp." "This is how you'll live your entire life." My oldest sister, Anna, who had always doted on me, couldn't take it anymore. She frowned, stepping in front of me. "Mom, while our family is all here today, please tell us why you've always targeted Rowan." "I was already a teenager when you gave birth to him. He's your biological son. How can you treat him like an enemy?" Mom's face once again broke into that wicked smile. Looking at my three sisters, she said, "I've already told your Grandma. It's time some things were told to you too." "You three sisters, come here. Once you see what's in this book, you'll understand." I dared not risk it again. I quickly grabbed Anna's hand. "Anna, don't—" Anna turned back to me, a gentle smile on her face. "Rowan, don't be afraid." "It's time the mystery of all these years was finally revealed." "No matter what, you'll always be your sister's good brother." 3 Looking at Anna’s determined eyes, I finally let go of her hand, but my heart continued to pound. After my three sisters read the book’s contents, they were all shocked by what they saw. Immediately, they reacted just like Grandma and the police, trembling all over. Chloe and Isabella’s gazes turned icy cold. "Mom, I think you've been too soft on him. Next time, let us help you!" "His arrival in this world was a mistake." With that, they both left. Anna, too, ultimately failed to keep her promise to me. In her eyes now, I was no longer a good brother. "Mom, why didn't you just strangle him at birth? People like him don't deserve to exist in this world!" Anna’s words sent a shiver down my spine. I was only twenty years old. What terrible mistake had I made to make them hate me so profoundly? Mom looked at me with a cold sneer. "Strangling him at birth would have been too easy on him, wouldn't it?" "I want him to suffer endless torment, until he is finally tormented to death!" I was utterly helpless, and terrified beyond measure. If even the police couldn't help me now, what hope did I have? In that moment, my emotions erupted. I knelt before Mom, sobbing. "Mom, what have I done? You want to torment me to death!" "I'm your biological son! I want to have a loving relationship with my mother, just like other sons do! Every time I see my friends and their moms laughing and talking, I feel so envious..." Before I could say another word, Mom rushed forward, slapping me repeatedly across the face without a second thought. "What are you? Do you think you deserve love from me?" "Just keep envying others. You'll never get that kind of treatment in this life!" Dad quickly stepped in front of Mom, pulling her away forcefully, but she struggled like a madwoman, trying to break free from Dad. "Get out of the way! I'm not done yet! Let me hit him a little longer!" ... Listening to Mom’s words, it felt as though my birth was solely for her to vent her frustrations. Remembering all the suffering I had endured over the years, I could no longer bear it. Tears streamed down my face like broken pearls. "Eva, this is a hospital. Whatever it is, we can talk about it at home!" Mom finally calmed down a bit, then walked out of the room with Anna. Dad stood with his back to me, unable to turn around, saying guiltily, "Rowan, it's all Dad's fault for being useless, for not protecting you..." I choked out, "Dad, no matter what, can you promise me one thing?" Dad turned his head, looking at me with heartache. "Tell me, Son. Dad will do his best to fulfill it." "Dad, no matter what, please don't read Mom's book." "There's absolutely some unknown secret in that book. Right now, you're the only one in the whole world on my side. I don't want you to become like my sisters and Grandma." "If that really happens, I'm afraid I won't have the courage to live anymore..." I pleaded, almost begging. Dad nodded, his voice firm. "Son, Dad promises you. No matter what, I won't read the contents of that book." ... Dad ultimately broke his promise. Curiosity, in the end, outweighed his vow. That night, while Mom was asleep, he secretly opened the book. After reading its contents, Dad's affection and remorse for me vanished instantly. His face turned terrifyingly cold, and he muttered to his reflection in the mirror, "Rowan Miller, you shouldn't have come into this world!" "Since you're here, you must accept this baptism!" And I, lying in the hospital bed, remained completely oblivious to it all. 4 The next morning, before my body had even fully recovered, Dad, his face grim, brought me home. The concern that had been on his face had vanished, replaced by seething resentment. I knew clearly: he must have read Mom's book. This time, there was no one left in the family to defend me. Back home, I dragged my weakened body to kneel by the door. Dad smoked idly, his eyes cold as he stared at me, muttering continuously, "Why did you have to come into this world?" "You deserve to be beaten. Why didn't your mom just kill you?" If they all wanted me dead, then what was the point of living? After twenty years, I finally retaliated. I slowly rose, took a kitchen knife from the counter, and slammed it onto the coffee table, addressing my inhumane family. "You all say I shouldn't have come into this world, but then I truly don't understand why you wanted me in the first place!" "I'm helpless against you, and I refuse to endure this inhuman treatment any longer. I can end my own life!" My gaze flickered to Mom. "Mom, you've had the most prejudice against me since I was little. Do you want to kill me yourself?" "You little brat, are you threatening me?" Mom tossed the kitchen knife aside, then pulled out that riding crop. "You want to die? Not that easily!" "I won't let you die painlessly. You must die in fear and torment!" "Your existence has brought misfortune to too many people!" I was about to demand what wrong I had committed, but Mom impatiently lashed out with the whip. This time, I resisted, catching the whip with one hand. A woman in her fifties was no match for a young man in his prime. The whip was locked in my grip, unable to break free. Just then, Dad kicked me in the lower back from behind. "You animal, daring to fight back?" I stumbled forward, sprawling onto the ground. My three sisters and Grandma joined the fray, and I was surrounded, beaten by my own family. My body, already weak, quickly succumbed, and I lay on the floor, unable to resist. After they dispersed, Mom walked towards me, whip in hand, a crazy smile on her face. "So, you're growing stronger, huh? Think you can defy me now?" "You still haven't learned how to be a dog!" With that, her hand rose and fell, lashing me again and again. Mom's fury was intense this time, her strength much greater than usual. The entire family watched coldly, no one left to plead for me. This time, I was unyielding. Even as my body endured immense pain, I didn't make a sound. I hoped that this time, she would truly beat me to death, so I wouldn't have to suffer this torment anymore. My body was raw with wounds, even my cheeks were crisscrossed with lash marks. When I lost consciousness, they all thought I was dead. They dragged me like a dead dog and threw me into the basement storage room. As she closed the door, Mom clasped her hands together, a mix of tears and laughter on her face. "Everything, it's finally over." … I awoke in the darkness, my head pounding, my body utterly weak. Using my memory, I found the light switch in the storage room. There, beside me, lay the book Mom always carried. Instantly, I became fully alert. The truth of twenty years was right before my eyes, yet I couldn't muster the courage to open the book. The confined space and endless darkness magnified the fear in my heart. Enduring the pain in my body, I finally opened the book that held the secret of my past two decades. The book naturally opened to page eighty-nine. However, the content there was not original to the book itself. I was deeply drawn to the text, my hairs stood on end, and cold sweat streamed down my back. After closing the book, my eyes became hollow, and I finally understood why Mom had treated me this way all these years. Tears streamed from my eyes, and I whispered, "They're right. I shouldn't have come into this world." "My arrival will bring disaster to many."
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