The Ghost of His Past Love

I pulled out all the stops to get Ethan Miller. I knew he carried a torch for someone else, his old flame, but I figured if I just tried hard enough, I could eventually take her place. Turns out, that was just wishful thinking. I never stood a chance against her memory. So, I decided to give up. But the day I broke up with him… I died. 1 "You've been sitting here for over an hour. Is that boyfriend of yours actually coming or not?" Mom knew Ethan was supposed to come meet her. She’d ordered a mountain of food at the restaurant, and it had been sitting on the table getting cold for ages. Still no sign of him. Truth is, Mom and I aren't exactly close. She and Dad divorced when I was little. Mom didn't want custody, Dad remarried, and I ended up with my grandma. Grandma passed away while I was in college. Dad had his new family, and me, the "outsider," didn't really fit in. Dad told me to go find Mom. Mom didn't want me either and got into a huge fight with Dad about it. In the end, Mom reluctantly "took me in." She travels constantly for work, so she couldn't really take care of me. She just sends money regularly. Like more money makes up for anything. She never once acted like a real mother. Today was her birthday. I wanted Ethan to meet her, hoping maybe, just maybe, I could get her approval for once. I’d specifically told Ethan two days ago. "My mom's birthday is the day after tomorrow. Think you could take the day off, come meet her?" Ethan had said, "Work's crazy right now, big project. Not sure if I can get away." "Okay, well, if you really can't make it, just let me know." The morning of her birthday, I texted him, Can you make it today? He replied, Yeah, I can. That's why I told Mom he was coming. Half an hour ago, I texted him again, Where are you? When will you be here? No reply. "Mom, maybe something came up last minute at work? He might just be late. Let's wait a little longer?" "Wait for what? It's my birthday, and I'm supposed to wait around for some kid?" Mom was furious. She didn't even touch her food, just paid the bill and stormed out, leaving me alone in the private dining room. I stared at my phone screen. Still no reply from him. Then I saw a notification dot on my social media feed. I clicked on it. It was a post from Sophia Wallace. She was a senior when I was a freshman. Ethan's unforgettable ex-girlfriend. The caption read: Long time no see! So good to catch up. Underneath was a picture. And in that picture was a figure I knew instantly, painfully well. My boyfriend, Ethan, the one who wasn't answering my texts. Back in college, everyone called Sophia and Ethan the golden couple. They looked perfect together. Everyone assumed they'd get married right after graduation. But then, Sophia moved abroad, and they broke up. I’d had a crush on him from the first time I saw him, but they were still together then, so I kept it to myself. After I heard they broke up, I pursued Ethan relentlessly. It took a long time, but I finally got him. Now Sophia was back, and he couldn't wait to run off and see her. Suddenly, I didn’t seem very important anymore. So, it really was true. When the ex comes back, the current girlfriend always loses. All the hurt and frustration I'd been bottling up just burst out. After a good, long cry in the empty dining room, I started to calm down. I was done. I couldn't keep chasing after Ethan anymore. I was just too tired. It was time to say goodbye to this dead-end relationship. I walked out of the restaurant and sent him a text. We're done. 2 Leaving the restaurant, I just wandered down the street aimlessly, breathing in the feeling of being single again. God, I hadn't felt this light and free in ages. Without really thinking, I ended up at the entrance to the amusement park. The amusement park. I'd always wanted to come here. When I was a kid, nobody ever took me. After I started dating Ethan, we came once. But he got called away for work almost as soon as we got inside. He left, and playing alone was zero fun, so I just went home. I bought a ticket and went inside. I went on a bunch of the craziest rides – roller coasters, anything that dropped you from a height. Looking for the next thrill, I saw the Ferris wheel. There's that old legend about Ferris wheels: if you make a sincere wish when your car reaches the very top, your wish will come true. I bought a ticket and got into a car by myself. Staring out at the view as it climbed higher, a wave of emotions washed over me. I found myself wondering if things would have turned out better for me and Ethan if we’d actually ridden the Ferris wheel together that first time and made a wish. I caught myself thinking that and let out a bitter little laugh. Like a wish would have magically fixed everything. Our problems were way more complicated than that. The sadness came quickly, but it faded just as fast. By the time the car reached the highest point, I felt strangely calm. I closed my eyes and made a wish. "I wish I could let go of the past and start completely fresh." Suddenly, there was a horrible grinding noise. The Ferris wheel lurched. Some of the cars actually flipped upside down. The sudden jolt sent us passengers hanging upside down, suspended high above the ground. I grabbed onto the safety bar for dear life. I glanced down. My stomach plummeted. It was so terrifyingly high. Did I have some kind of curse on me? How could I be this unlucky? And seriously? Right after I made my wish? I prayed the rescue crews would get here fast. Just as I was clinging on, waiting, the bar I was holding ripped loose from its fixture. In that instant, I knew. This was it. I wasn't going to be saved. I just broke up with Ethan. I hadn't even started my new life yet. How could I be dying now? As I fell, my last thought was: If I could do it all over again… Mom, Ethan… I wouldn't want anything to do with either of them. I just want my own life. 3 "Hannah? Hannah, honey, wake up." A worried voice pulled me out of the darkness. The voice sounded so familiar. I groggily opened my eyes. My vision was blurry, but everything around me felt strangely familiar. As my sight cleared, I saw my grandma leaning over me, her face tight with worry. Was I in heaven? How could I be seeing Grandma? I reached out and touched her cheek. It felt so real. "Grandma? Are you here to get me?" "Silly girl, what are you talking about? Take your medicine first, then you can sleep." "Medicine? What medicine?" "For your fever, of course. Did the fever fry your brain, child?" "But… I died, didn't I? Why do I need medicine?" "Don't say such things! What's all this talk about dying?" Grandma gave my shoulder a sharp pinch. "Ow! That hurts!" "See? You can still feel pain. Now stop talking nonsense." It finally hit me. This wasn't a dream. I was back. Back in the past. I tried to wrap my head around it. I couldn't believe it. I was… reborn? I really thought that was the end. It seemed my wish actually came true. Still, I never thought something so cliché, so… out of a movie, would happen to me. It was almost funny enough to make me laugh, even in my confusion. And I did let out a small laugh. My reaction seemed to scare Grandma. "Hannah, what's wrong? Don't scare Grandma like this!" That familiar concern, something I hadn't felt in so long… Tears started streaming down my face. I threw my arms around her and held on tight. "Grandma, I missed you so much." Grandma, though confused about what was happening, hugged me back just as tightly. "I missed you too, sweetie." She gently rubbed my back. "My goodness," she sighed fondly, "such a big girl now, but still so clingy when you have a fever." "Am not," I mumbled into her shoulder. Looking at her now – her hair was mostly silver, but her face looked healthy, well-cared for. I remembered… before, there was a time when Grandma kept saying she didn't feel well. I urged her to go to the doctor, get checked out. She always brushed it off. "Just old age, honey. Nothing to worry about." She just didn't want me to worry. Later, she died suddenly from a massive stroke. But now… I was back. I wouldn't let that happen this time. "Grandma, let's go get you a check-up soon, okay?" "Why? I feel fine. No need for doctors." "Please, Grandma? Just for my peace of mind. If anything happened to you… what would I do? You're all I have." "Alright, alright, fine. I'll go, happy now?" I knew she couldn't resist when I laid it on thick. At the hospital, after Grandma went through a bunch of tests, the doctor said she was generally healthy, just needed to watch her diet and get more exercise. No major red flags. Back home, I wrote down all the doctor's advice for her. Grandma was getting older and could be forgetful, so I stuck notes up in obvious places around the house. Back in my old room, I looked through my things. My mind drifted back. This must be when I was a freshman in college. I'd caught a nasty fever after stupidly taking a cold shower and had to come home from the dorm for a few days. And at this point… I hadn't even met Ethan yet. I met him sophomore year. After Grandma died in the original timeline, I was a complete wreck for a long time. I had no energy. Besides dragging myself to class, I just stayed in my dorm room alone. I never told my roommates what happened back home; they probably just thought I was moody. Eventually, they got tired of seeing me waste away and literally dragged me to the dining hall after class one day. On the way there, one of my roommates mentioned the dining hall had supposedly hired a new cook, and the food was actually pretty good now. When I took a bite… I just broke down crying. The food… it tasted almost exactly like Grandma's cooking. "Hannah! What's wrong? Why are you crying?" "Nothing," I choked out, "It's just… this food is surprisingly good." "Phew, you scared me! I thought something awful happened. Well, if it's good, eat up!" They all started piling food from their plates onto mine. I was so stuffed after that meal. Leaving the dining hall, I didn't go back to the dorm with them. I made up some excuse and went to wander around the campus quad by myself. I found a quiet, deserted corner and just sat down, hugged my knees, and sobbed my heart out. I don't know how long I cried. Eventually, the tears just stopped. "Need a tissue?" That voice. It was Ethan. That's when he handed me the tissue. And that's when I fell for him. Instantly. That moment led to everything else. But now… Hannah Davis is back. And that means everything can start over. 4 Before, I turned down a chance to study abroad because of him. This time, I wasn't giving up something I really wanted for Ethan Miller. Grandma seemed stable for now, so I could focus on my own stuff without constant worry. As for Mom… as long as Grandma was okay, she probably wouldn't contact me anyway. After all this time, stepping back onto that familiar campus felt strange and wonderful. Everything looked the same. It felt so good to be back. Returning to the dorm, seeing my friends again… I just grabbed each of them in a huge, long-overdue hug. After college graduation, we all scattered. We kept in touch frequently at first, but then… life happened, and the calls and texts dwindled. It always made me sad how close friends could just slowly become strangers. But now it was different. I had a second chance. "Guys! It feels like forever! I missed you all so much!" Chloe tilted her head. "Hannah, are you sure you're over that fever? We literally saw you two days ago." "Absence makes the heart grow fonder!" I grinned. "Ew, Hannah, since when are you so cheesy?" I just laughed. Maybe facing death makes you appreciate everything a little more. "Okay, lunchtime? I'm starving." "What do you want? I can order us something," Maya offered. "No delivery! Let's go to the dining hall." "The dining hall? We haven't eaten there in ages. Why the sudden urge?" "Exactly! Since it's been so long, let's check it out. What if it actually got better?" Honestly, I was just craving that specific food again. It took promising to clean the entire dorm room for a week to get them to agree to go with me. And wouldn't you know it, right at the entrance to the dining hall, I ran into the last person I wanted to see. Ethan Miller. I remembered… after that first tissue incident in the original timeline, I didn't really see him around much. I wanted to find out who he was, but I didn't even know his name. So, I started wandering campus more, hoping to bump into him again. And strangely enough, I did start seeing him everywhere. Back then, I thought it was fate. Destiny! Why else would I keep running into him? Except for the period when I knew he was dating Sophia – then I pretty much hid in my room unless I had class. All those later encounters… I orchestrated them. I deliberately put myself in his path, trying to get noticed, trying to win him over. So why now? When I actively didn't want to see him, was he suddenly right here? I looked at him, and somehow, my eyes met his. Right now, in this timeline, this should be the first time he's ever really seen me. He shouldn't know who I am. So why did his eyes hold such a complicated expression? I quickly looked away, trying my best to ignore him, laughing and talking with my roommates. As we walked past him, I couldn't resist glancing back over my shoulder. "Hannah, what are you looking at?" Chloe asked, following my gaze. "Oh, uh, nothing." I snapped my head back around. Chloe gasped dramatically. "Whoa! Campus royalty in the same frame! Ethan Miller and Sophia Wallace! God, they look good together." I turned again, watching Ethan standing there with Sophia beside him. Ethan wasn't just smart; he was seriously good-looking. The kind of guy everyone crushes on. And his romance with the most popular girl on campus was legendary. To everyone else, them standing together was a picture-perfect moment. To me, it felt like acid in my eyes. "Come on, stop staring. Let's eat," Chloe nudged me. She sighed dramatically, "Okay, fine." While we were eating, I couldn't help but ask. "You guys know all about… them, right?" "Who, Hannah?" Maya asked around a bite of food. "You know… the king and queen of campus." "You don't know?" Chloe looked surprised. Back then, I honestly didn't. I was so focused on my studies. I only found out about their history when I started trying to get Ethan's attention. "Not really the details." "Seriously? Everyone knows Ethan – Mr. Cool and Aloof – was actually the one who chased her. When they were freshmen, people saw him waiting for her after class all the time, bringing her coffee, the whole deal." Even though I knew their story, hearing it again still twisted something painful inside me. When Ethan and I were together, I was always the one making the effort. I was never his first choice. If Sophia hadn't come back, I might have gone on thinking his work was the only thing competing for his attention. But that was all in the past. I wouldn't let it bother me anymore. My brow furrowed. Wait a second. It had only been a week since I got back to campus. How was I running into Ethan Miller all the time? At least three times a day. This was getting ridiculous. A few days later, I got a text from my cousin, Alex. Hannah! Been a while. Grab some food soon? Sure! I texted back. Cool. Usual spot? Our "usual spot" was a popular diner just off campus. During the meal, Alex was acting super weird, all fidgety and hesitant. Not his usual loud, straightforward self at all. "Alex, spit it out. What's wrong? You can tell me anything, you know that." "Uh, is it that obvious?" "Dude, seriously?" He finally confessed he had a huge crush on my roommate, Chloe, and wanted me to help him out, maybe put in a good word. "When did you develop a crush on Chloe?" "Remember last month when you brought your roommates to eat with me? It was love at first sight." "Then why didn't you say anything back then?" "I was too chicken." "So what makes you brave enough now?" "Because if I don't make a move soon, someone else is gonna snatch her up!" I blinked, confused. "Snatch her up? What are you talking about? Chloe doesn't have a boyfriend." "Are you sure? I swear I've seen this guy hanging around her the past couple of days. They look pretty close." "Oh, that guy? That's her younger brother." "Her brother? Really? I totally thought he was trying to ask her out!" I laughed. "So, according to you, any guy near a girl is her boyfriend, and any girl near a guy is his girlfriend?" Alex didn't say anything, which was basically a yes. "Look, maybe just… ask her? Before you jump to conclusions." "Yeah, yeah, I know. So, Hannah… are you gonna help me or not?" "Of course, I'll help! This is my cousin's future happiness we're talking about!" He blushed a little at my teasing. It wasn't just because he was my cousin; I actually knew Chloe kinda liked him too. "Okay, okay, thanks, Hannah! If this works out with Chloe, I owe you big time. Fancy dinner, anywhere you want." "You bet! I'm picking the most expensive place." "Deal." Alex slung an arm around my shoulder, leaning in to ask me about Chloe's favorite things, what she liked, what she didn't. I answered all his questions. Suddenly, I felt a prickling sensation on the back of my neck. Like someone was staring holes into me.

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