Divorced for three years, I ran into my ex-husband and lied, telling him I’d dated six other guys and been married twice. His eyes went bloodshot, and he gritted his teeth, spitting out three words. “You’re so dirty.” I forced back the stab of pain in my chest, continuing to provoke him. “My current husband treats me great. He buys me cars and houses. It’s way easier than when I was with you.” I knew he’d made it big now, no longer the late-night gamer holed up in a rented room like three years ago. And I was the R&D team leader at the company, while he was the game’s spokesperson, brought in by the boss with a hefty paycheck. Later, he told me, “I’m getting married. I want my dowry back.” On the red and gold wedding invitation, the woman nestled beside him smiled, radiating happiness. But on the day of his wedding... He cried himself red-eyed for me… 1. “Starsea” game premiered, hitting a million downloads on the first day. At the celebration banquet, the boss, beaming, toasted the R&D team, and my colleagues excitedly discussed bonuses. My gaze, however, drifted uncontrollably towards the game’s spokesperson, Luke Star, who’d been invited. He was especially mesmerizing tonight, his sharp black suit standing out in the crowd. His manager, Vanessa Shaw, smiled and chatted, fending off a lot of drinks for him. The woman, in a red, fitted dress, naturally linked arms with Luke, looking like a golden couple with every gesture. A colleague nudged me with her elbow, sighing, “Mr. Star is so sweet and considerate.” “I heard he was married before, but his ex cheated on him. Kinda ungrateful, if you ask me!” “Do you think that woman regrets it?” Regret? I thought, no, I don't regret it. I'm even a little relieved. Because I was a burden. He deserved a better woman. After a few rounds, I hid in a corner, quietly waiting for the banquet to end. Suddenly, the boss walked up to me, smiling. “Sue, you and your team worked hard developing the game.” “Let someone else take over the rest. You should get some rest.” The noisy banquet room went silent. They didn’t expect the boss to be so quick to discard the millstone. Under their surprised gazes, I calmly uttered a single word. “Okay.” The boss smiled wider, handing me a glass of red wine, signaling me to drink. I couldn’t help but look at Luke behind the boss. Before, no matter how much others urged me to drink, he would always take the drinks for me, one after another. He said, drinking wasn’t good for a girl’s body. Even if he had three bottles of hard liquor forced down his throat, leading to a stomach hemorrhage, he never let me touch a drop. But now he wasn’t even interested in giving me a glance. I looked away, gritted my teeth, took the glass, and downed it in one gulp. The clinking of the glass was the sound of my dead love. The boss nodded in satisfaction and left, and I slumped back onto the sofa, drained. A burning sensation spread through my limbs, and the next second, I rushed out of the room. In the restroom, I pulled up my sleeve, only to find red blotches already crawling up my arm. “Didn’t you say your husband was rich? Can he really stand for this kind of treatment?” That familiar voice echoed again. I frantically pulled down my sleeve, hiding my ugliness from him. I thought we’d never meet again, but here he was, invited to the celebration banquet by the boss. “I’ve been a stay-at-home wife for too long, just coming out to play, experiencing life. Nothing serious. I gotta go. My husband will get the wrong idea.” I bristled all over, but still shrugged, pretending to be relaxed. Then, without looking up, I quickly walked past Luke. Suddenly, my wrist tightened. He’d grabbed me. “What’s wrong with your arm?” Luke pulled up my sleeve, exposing the ugly red scars to the naked light. I didn’t dare look into his eyes, still being stubborn: “Eczema.” His eyes darkened, pressing closer. “I didn’t know you had that problem?” “You don’t think you were so concerned about me before, do you? Your kind of love, just enough to move yourself, is laughable.” My back was almost against the wall. I pulled back my arm, raising my eyes to meet his. Luke chuckled, raising a hand to pinch my cheek, questioning me, his eyes bloodshot. “What is concern? Is it like you, cheating on your marriage with a rich guy, betraying your family?!” His chest heaved, the volcano he’d suppressed for three years finally erupting. Three years ago, Luke surprised me with a deed to a house with my name on it, but I humiliated him with the most vicious words. “Luke, you’re so useless. After three years, you only managed to scrape together a down payment? Can you afford diapers and formula in the future? Not to mention the luxury goods I want to buy.” “To be honest, I was just playing around with you. It’s over now. I’m going to be a trophy wife.” Under Luke’s shocked gaze, I forced him to sign the divorce papers, deleting all contact information. Since then, we hadn’t seen each other. I opened my mouth, but no words came out. The truth was, I’d been lying to him all along. In the three years after the divorce, I hadn’t looked for any other man. Loving him was deeply ingrained in my bones. I thought about him constantly. Because I loved him, I had to leave him. My silence was taken as tacit agreement. Luke suddenly sneered, helplessly saying my name, “Sue... Sue.” For a moment, I was in a daze. Every night, I’d playfully stick my cold feet against his stomach, and he’d repeatedly say my name, full of affection. The next second, his words plunged me into an ice cave. “I’m getting married.” His expression was calm, not like he was joking, and I panicked. Luke then continued, “Since you’re doing so well, give me back the dowry from before.” The dowry was thirty thousand, and he only made sixty dollars for a whole night of gaming. For three whole years, I’d wake up in the middle of the night to see him still buried in front of the computer, his fingers flying across the keyboard. Even if I said I didn’t need it, he was still firm. “Even if you don’t need it, I have to show my attitude. At least I have to reassure your mom that she can entrust you to me.” He broke more than thirty keyboards to save up enough dowry to kneel in front of my mom, begging to marry me. And now, he wanted the dowry back. I didn’t know how I’d gotten away from the banquet, dazed and confused. At home, I collapsed onto the bed. In my dream, Luke was still hunched over the computer, working tirelessly to make money, saying he would make up for it with the most lavish wedding. This time, I put on the strapless white wedding dress I’d always dreamed of, walking steadily towards Luke. Just as I was about to say, “I do,” large, glaring red blotches suddenly covered my body. I woke up screaming from bed, with the sound of his panicked calls. Sharp, agonizing pain spread across my back. I scratched wildly, trying to carve them off my body. Until the smell of blood filled my nostrils, I finally woke up. We were divorced. I’d pushed him away with my own hands. I resigned myself and called my mother. “Mom, I agree to go on a blind date with the man you introduced me to.” ... The next day, I met the man at a coffee shop. He sat with his legs spread, complacent. “After we’re married, I’ll manage your paychecks.” His face made me sick to my stomach. I thought of Luke again. Back then, he transferred every bit of money he made gaming to my account, then shook his head, asking for praise. “Sue!” The man suddenly spoke, arms crossed, displeased. “I don’t even mind that you’re remarried, so what are you picking and choosing for?” I looked around, not seeing Luke. Only then did I say, in a low voice, “Why do you think I have no other choice than you?” “There was once a man who was willing to give me his heart and soul. He worked fifteen hours a day to marry me. I've been loved before. You're just my last resort.” He listened to me with interest, then clapped his hands. “So what? Didn’t you still come to meet me?” I looked at the wedding band on his ring finger and felt insulted. He didn’t avoid my gaze, taking off the ring and examining it. “The world is so big, no matter where you sleep, who you sleep with, you’re just sleeping at night. Does it matter?” “I know your financial situation isn’t good. Isn't this compensation enough?” As he spoke, he took out five thousand dollars and threw it on the table. My anger ignited instantly, and I splashed the hot coffee on the man’s face. Under his wide eyes, I shouted, “This man is married and still on a blind date! If anyone knows his wife, let her know!” The man fled in a panic, and I took a deep breath, preparing to leave. A familiar hand once again rested on the back of my hand. “Aren’t you married?” 2 Running into Luke again, I didn’t know how much he’d heard. I just wanted to get away. I pulled back my hand, but he pressed it hard on the table. His voice trembled slightly. “Who is that man?” Even though I was flustered, I still raised my chin, provoking Luke, “My husband.” He smirked. “That’s not your taste.” Luke said it as a statement. “What are you hiding from me?!” I sighed silently. He’d realized I was lying to him. But I couldn’t tell him the truth. I clenched my fists, took a deep breath, trying to make my tone sharp, “I have money. So what if I play around a little?” “Besides…” I dragged out the words, staring at Luke. “Getting divorced and finding someone else means another dowry. They all give more than you did.” His eyes stared straight at me, like he wanted to see through my disguise. “Do you want to play with me too??” I had to meet his eyes, my hand slowly climbing onto his chest, leaning close and whispering, “Well, it’s normal that you’re successful now. It’s normal to want to spend some money to get back that feeling of being with your first love.” Luke pushed me away, his face gloomy, his eyes flickering. “Sue, is that what you think of me?” I smiled, beckoning him with my finger, peach blossoms blooming in my eyes. “Otherwise? Why else would you keep pretending to run into me?” “Bang!” He clenched his fists, slamming them hard on the table, blood seeping from his knuckles. I forced back my tears, as if my heart was being slammed against the table. But I still went forward, breathing hot air on his neck. “So, are you going to consider it…” I didn’t remember what Luke said when he left. I only remembered his eyes, so red. Unstoppable tears flowed from those eyes that had once been so full of affection for me. Watching him leave, I laughed, afraid he might suddenly turn back to look for me again, or hide in some corner, secretly watching me. Just like that, I sat in the strange gazes of everyone until dark. Until the phone rang. The police said my mother was in again for theft. Sally Hayes was my mother. Over the years, my salary went to buying medicine for myself and paying her bail. I was used to it. I apologized to the police, repeating meaningless words. My bank account was cleared out again. My mother was finally released. As soon as she saw me, she lunged forward, grabbing my hair, her voice shrill. “Useless thing, the blind date failed again? He was a rich kid!” “You, what’s so good about that poor guy that you keep going back to him! Now I have to go out and make money at my age!” My mother had mocked him, calling him a kept man, more than once, in front of Luke. Back then, he’d smile carefully, vowing he’d make sure I lived a good life. I couldn’t help but roar, “Are you selling your daughter? He’s already married!” “I’m doing this for your own good! Anyway, whether it’s him or you, you have money, and I have money!” She justified herself righteously. She was my own mother, but she treated me like a product, selling me off. At that moment, my vision blurred. A sense of powerlessness washed over me. But she didn’t let up, shouting hysterically, “You’re divorced, living in an attic, and you’ve got lupus. If you don’t get some money, if I die one day, you won’t even have a home, let alone treatment!” I practically cried out in a plea, “Stop it!!” Luke had said more than once that he would give me a home. Unfortunately… I’d torn that home apart with my own hands. A series of changes threatened to wear me down. I kept making mistakes at work. The boss slammed his fist on the table, telling me to quit. I packed my things, carrying the heavy cardboard box home. It was the place where Luke and I had lived together for three years. I hadn’t moved after he left. Because every time I closed my eyes, I felt like I could still feel his presence. But I never expected that as I walked through the old alleyway, into the familiar tenement building... A familiar figure stood in the dark stairwell. Luke turned around, surprised, stunned, confused, then his eyes were burning with heat. “Your house, your car? Why are you still living here?” 3 I wanted to turn and run, but Luke stopped me. The area fell into silence. After a long while, I spoke in a hoarse voice, “You don’t think I still have feelings for you, do you? To tell you the truth, I just bought a mansion. It’s just being renovated.” He looked at me without comment, his deep eyes pressing down, making it hard for me to breathe. My clumsy lies could be seen through at any moment. I pretended to be polite. “Would you like to come in?” Luke nodded, following behind me. “You’re really not polite. Didn’t you realize I was just being polite? If we’re alone together, my husband will misunderstand.” He ignored me, squeezing into the attic with difficulty. The furniture inside was the same as it had been three years ago. But now, he, dressed fashionably, was out of place here. He looked around slowly. I followed his gaze, looking around. The computer he left was spotless. The couple’s slippers and toothbrushes were neatly arranged. These things I’d thrown out ruthlessly when we got divorced. After he left, I’d cried, picking them up one by one from the trash. For three years, I watched Luke rise like a new star, knowing he wouldn’t come back, I used these things to get through the nights. I just didn’t expect he would barge back into my life. He skillfully opened the computer, looking at the updated game version, and raised the corner of his mouth. “Where’s your husband?” I drank water to hide my embarrassment, answering randomly. “Overseas.” He nodded. “Looks like he doesn’t care about you either. Shouldn’t let you live here during the transition.” “You thought you were so good to me. Didn’t I live here for three years anyway?” I blurted out provocatively. Luke was silent. I stood aside, trying to see something in his expression. More long silence. “Why didn’t you throw away your wedding ring?” Following his gaze, I found the wedding ring that had been pressed under the pillow had somehow rolled to the edge of the bed. My palm slowly tightened, the veins on the back of my hand bulging. But I pretended to be playful. “Role-playing, get it?” I gently picked up the ring, continuing to raise my eyebrows. “Speaking of which, you’re considered an old-timer. How many men do you think this ring has seen?” “Mr. Star, are you interested in reliving it? The price from before still counts.” I looked up at the ceiling, forcing myself to say it all in one breath, not letting him see my reddened eyes. The surrounding air froze instantly. After a moment, Luke suddenly chuckled in a low voice, making me want to run out the door. He laughed, then his thin lips uttered three words. “You’re so dirty.” The three words were like a sharp sword, piercing my heart, so painful I couldn’t breathe. My hand subconsciously covered my chest, then lowered again, pretending to be surprised. “You just realized?” Then, I put on the ring like a trophy, putting my hand in front of him, saying each word clearly. “You’re so pitiful. If I hadn’t taken a fancy to you, you’d just be one woman.” As soon as I finished speaking, Luke suddenly stood up, pressing me onto the bed, brewing towering anger in his dark pupils. I closed my eyes, not letting him see my reddened eyes. His hot breath gradually approached, the familiar scent rushing into my nose. Just for a moment, I stopped. It had been three years. I really missed him. I wanted him to hold me again. I raised my eyes to look at him, the surging tears blurring my vision. But the next second, Luke took off my ring, throwing it out the window with a wave of his hand. “Remember to pay me back.” He left a sentence and got up, leaving. I lay on the bed, relieved, savoring the embrace just now, my tears soaking the pillow. I don’t know how long it had been before I finally came back to my senses. I rushed out of the house barefoot, not even putting on my shoes. It was our wedding ring! I kneeled on the lawn, touching the ground inch by inch, my tears falling on the back of my hand. Back then, we were too poor to afford a wedding, not even a decent ring. Although I comforted him, saying everything else didn’t matter as long as I could marry him, he still bought this wedding ring. Later I found out that he secretly went to sell his blood donation certificates. Every time he donated blood, the patient’s family would take his blood donation certificate and give him a hundred dollars. That was how Luke saved up enough money. He took my hand in one hand, clutching a wrinkled stack of bills, buying the ring I’d looked at countless times in the window. And he himself became anemic. How could he just throw away this ring? I cried and groped in the dark until the sky began to turn pale, finally finding the ring lying by the pool. I carefully picked it up, holding it tightly against my chest. But the red spots that had spread to my wrists were all reminding me. Don’t linger. It’s time to end it. The next day, I went through the resignation procedures. As I left the company, I happened to meet Vanessa Shaw eye to eye. I prepared to walk away, but her voice rang out from behind. “Luke and I are getting married tomorrow.” 4 My heart, which had already died, couldn’t help but ache again. I quickened my pace. “I know about you two, but don’t you know how hard it’s been for him?” My feet felt like they were filled with lead. I couldn’t help but listen to her. “He loves you. He still has your wedding photos on his phone.” “But because he loves you, his body collapsed from continuous filming. He was in the hospital for six months.” “After the divorce, he got depression and tried to kill himself every day. If we hadn’t found him in time, he would have…” My heart trembled, and I clenched my fists at my sides. Then, I pretended not to care, squeezing four words out of my throat, “So what? Did I force him to do that? It’s just his wishful thinking!” Vanessa’s red eyes flashed with fierceness. She grabbed my collar tightly. “You really are a heartless beast. I hope you stay away from him. Don’t hurt him again.” The next second, she screamed and fell to the ground. My colleagues came running. Vanessa covered her face and sobbed, “Miss Sue, you were the one who abandoned Luke. Why are you hitting me now?” “You cheated on him with a rich guy and now you’re jealous that I’m marrying Luke!” My colleagues looked surprised, their eyes moving back and forth between me and Vanessa. I was about to argue when Luke had already pushed through the crowd, standing in front of us. He helped Vanessa up, asking softly if she was hurt. I tugged at my sleeve, swallowing the bitterness in my throat. The next second, Luke suddenly spoke. “Sue! Why are you bullying Vanessa! Apologize to her!” I froze on the spot. The sores on my body were stinging, but all I felt was heartache. Before, he could always notice my strangeness right away. Now, I was trembling all over, but he didn’t even look at me. I gave him a deep look, cursing myself. “Sue, how can you be so cheap? You want him to leave, but you also want him to notice you!” My gaze fell back on the two of them. Vanessa looked wronged. Luke was full of anger. Oh, so he didn’t want to believe me anymore. “The dowry from before was thirty thousand. I’ll return it.” This was the severance pay from quitting my job. Luke didn’t take it. I forced the bank card into his hand. “The extra is a reward for you. I found another rich guy and he's taking me away from the city today.” “So, I won’t attend your wedding tomorrow. Consider the extra money my gift.” Hearing my words, the coldness in his eyes couldn’t be melted away. “Is money that important to you?” My footsteps faltered. I immediately replied, “Of course. Money is security.” “This rich man can buy me a mansion and put my name on it…” After saying those words, I noticed that he looked at me even colder. “You’re disgusting!” I straightened my chest, smiling indifferently. “Everyone for themselves, and the devil take the hindmost. Is it wrong for me to use my capital to live a good life?” Luke’s eyes were burning, grabbing my wrist, hesitating to speak. I pulled my arm back with force, but he grabbed tighter. In the stalemate, Vanessa exclaimed. “Luke, be careful! These red spots are a dirty disease! It’s contagious!” Luke still didn’t move, as if he had thousands of words, until my ears began to ring. He finally let go of my hand, saying each word clearly. “I give up. I don’t love you anymore, Sue.” ... I returned to the attic dejectedly. The police station called again. This time, it was… to notify me to sign at the funeral home. My thief mother had died. The police said she stole a sum of money and was caught on the spot. But she refused to return it, saying she wanted to use it to pay for her daughter’s medical treatment. She broke free from the owner, but crashed into a speeding car and died on the spot. Seeing my mother’s body in the morgue, I couldn’t even cry. Mom, haven’t you always been selfish? Haven’t you always hated me, your daughter, since I was a child?! But why… …why like this. Finally, I knelt in front of my mother’s body, crying loudly. I held the urn and returned home. The red spots broke out again, more violently than before. I rolled around, looking for painkillers. But fireworks suddenly went off outside the window. I looked in the direction of the sound. It was the direction of Luke’s wedding hotel. He once said that he would set off fireworks all night when he got married, letting everyone in the city know that Luke deeply loved his wife. The constantly blooming red heart fireworks were really beautiful. I liked them a lot. But the bride wasn’t me. The red spots on my body started hurting again… I suddenly wanted to talk to him, to tell him I saw the fireworks, that I wouldn’t attend the wedding. And… I was really tired. Could he hold me again? I opened Weibo, looking at his long-deleted account. It used to record every meal he made for me, every city we visited, and the sweet photos of each other. Now it was empty. I trembled, sending all the truths, regrets, regrets… and thoughts to this account. Goodbye, Luke. I was very unsuccessful in this life, except for meeting you. The pain swept over me again. I put the ring back on my ring finger, typing the last sentence. “This world is beautiful, but it’s really painful for me.” A few more clusters of fireworks bloomed in the sky. I leaned out the window, reaching out to touch them. Not enough, not close enough… Then, I lost my balance and fell out of the window. I cried and laughed. Luke had finally gotten rid of me, a burden, and started a new life. But I still loved him so much… What I didn’t know was that Luke had never deleted this Weibo account. The special alert tone on his phone rang madly a second before he kneeled in front of Vanessa.
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