In the sixth year of my secret crush on my childhood best friend, he fell for my roommate. I played his wingman, listening to him pour his heart out about his lovesickness. In return, he told me, "Chloe, whatever you do, please never fall in love with me." At a party, he publicly confessed his feelings to her. My roommate's eyes, holding a mockingly ambiguous smile, swept over me. "I don't date guys who are entangled with other girls." The gazes of everyone around pierced me like needles. Ethan anxiously tried to explain, "Chloe and I are just..." I raised my hand, smiling as I showed off the couple's ring on my finger. "I've actually had a boyfriend for a while now." 1 Mia went clubbing with some other people tonight. I was scrolling through my phone, looking at her freshly posted Instagram story from three minutes ago. Under the hazy, ambiguous club lights, she was sandwiched between a group of young, attractive guys and girls. And she still managed to look stunningly out of place. Ethan sat on the bench by the campus lake. Looking as depressed as a dog with drooping ears. "...I asked her to hang out, and she said no..." "And then I turn around and see she posted this story tonight..." The air by the artificial lake at night was a bit chilly. Couples strolled by in twos and threes. I shot Ethan an annoyed look. "And so, this is your excuse for dragging me out of the library?" Ethan looked up. The young man was blessed with good looks—charming, slightly tilted eyes, thin lips. He had a face that naturally looked like a playboy's, yet he was surprisingly devoted. In twenty years, the only person he ever fell hard for was Mia. The corners of his eyes were slightly red as he pitifully threw himself at me, hugging me: "Chloe, Chloe..." "I know you're the best to me... With our dozen years of friendship... you'll definitely help me, right?" My entire body went rigid. Ethan remained completely oblivious, rubbing against me like a giant golden retriever: "Please... Chloe." "..." I pushed him away with one hand. "Stop getting so handsy." "Hey..." Ethan blinked, his charming eyes looking somewhat innocent: "We're friends, right?" "Friends forever." 2 Friends my ass. I had ulterior motives. They say a rabbit doesn't eat the grass near its burrow. But I just had to go and fall in love with my childhood best friend. Ethan and I had known each other since we were kids. Childhood sweethearts, inseparable. He stuck to me, and I stuck to him. As we grew older, the boy gradually shot up and filled out. His features became increasingly handsome, his height and long legs more pronounced. A lot of girls at school chased after him. Ethan had that playboy look, the kind of guy who seemed like he could have a whole platoon of girlfriends. But in reality, other than me, he hadn't even held another girl's hand. Every time someone confessed to him, he would just smile, his eyes curving, and reject them. Said he was innocent. But occasionally, this guy would drop some incredibly romantic lines. For example, when I asked him why he never accepted any girls' confessions. Ethan took a sip of milk, casually threw his arm around my shoulder. The fresh scent of his body wash, mixed with the sweetness of strawberry milk, lingered near my nose. He grinned and said: "None of them are as good as you, Chloe." "If I absolutely have to like someone, I'll just like you." I only remember my ears turning bright red. I feigned composure and told him to stop talking nonsense. But inside, my heart felt like carbonated bubbles rising in a soda. In that instant, I felt so happy I thought I might burst. —I thought we had plenty of time. Time enough to stay by his side and wait for him to finally realize his feelings. I never anticipated... That he would fall in love at first sight with my roommate, Mia. 3 "I got it." I said, "I'll help you." Ethan immediately smiled, his eyes curving into crescents: "You're the best, Chloe!" I pushed him away. "It's getting late. I need to head back to the dorm." "Okay." Ethan obediently let go. "Be careful on the way." He didn't walk me back. The campus at night was much quieter than during the day. I was walking slowly down the path when someone unexpectedly pulled me into a dark corner. The crisp, woody scent of the person's cologne enveloped me as I was wrapped inside their leather jacket. A slightly higher body temperature transferred to me in an instant. "Seeing my girlfriend hugging and cuddling with her roommate by the lake late at night." "Little Bird, don't you think I should submit this to the campus confession page?" Liam's voice was lazy, his warm breath brushing against the top of my head. "Go ahead, then." I buried my face in his chest. Liam chuckled lightly and dropped a kiss on my forehead: "I can't bear to." "So even if you cheat on me, I guess I'll just have to accept it." "You're crazy." I pinched his waist. 4 Dating Liam was purely an accident. He was always the "big man on campus," and I only knew him in passing. Liam's looks were absolutely on par with Ethan's. But this guy gave off a vibe that was far too flirtatious. Like a fox. His eyes looked full of affection, yet somehow devoid of it at the same time. But even so, his heartlessness was captivating. Acting as Ethan's wingman, I set up a hangout and brought Mia along. Young men and women, drinking and playing games—the atmosphere quickly heated up. I had a few drinks and went to the restroom to sober up. When I came back, the private room was empty. My stomach felt awful. I crouched by the entrance of the bar, calling Ethan's number. I called seven or eight times, but he didn't answer. I sent a message to Mia. She replied quickly with a voice note: "I drank too much and wanted some BBQ from Southside. Ethan took me." "Sorry, forgot to tell you." The female voice sounded completely nonchalant. In the background, I could hear Ethan's joyful voice: "Mia, I waited in line and got..." I was so angry I almost threw my phone. When I looked up, I saw Liam leaning against the doorframe, watching me. The young man was tall with long legs. Looking down at me, his fox-like eyes curved into a smile. "I..." "You look really pretty." Liam smiled, his eyes crinkling. "Want to date?" "..." I think I was drunk, otherwise, I definitely would have stood up and punched him. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the heartbreak, or maybe it was just that Liam was really good-looking. "I have someone I like." "That's fine." The young man's tone was amused, his eyes alluring. "I don't mind." "...Alright then." I thought at the time. I'd just treat it as a fling. 5 And so, we "played" for three months. Existing in a bizarre yet stable state. We kissed and hugged like a real couple, but it felt like neither of us was truly invested. Liam liked my face. And my heart belonged to someone else. The kind of situation where, if posted anonymously online, would get us cursed out for two hundred comments as a trashy couple. I admit, I was pathetic. The only thing in this world that can turn a person pathetic, requiring immense effort with zero reward, is love. But if it were that easy to let go... It wouldn't be called love. Liam walked me to my dorm building. I was wearing his jacket and wanted to take it off to return it. He gripped my shoulder and smiled. "Give it back to me later. It's cold in the stairwell." I didn't refuse. Liam kissed my cheek. "Are you free tomorrow?" I shook my head. "Tomorrow I'm being Ethan's wingman again." The curve of Liam's lips deepened, his fingertips pinching my cheek: "...You really aren't afraid of me getting jealous." The young man leaned in, using his height to create a slight sense of pressure. But then, like a puppy, he gave my cheek a light bite. "The day after tomorrow, you're mine." "...Okay." Sometimes I felt like Liam and I were truly weirdos. Clearly not in love. Yet acting exactly like any other couple deeply in love. Because we didn't love each other. We never fought. It made things even more stable. 6 Mia finally rushed back just before lights-out. Catching a glimpse of the jacket hanging by my bed, she gave a half-smile: "Out on a date?" "Yeah." I put my phone face down. On the screen, Ethan had just sent a pitiful-looking sticker. "With Ethan?" "No, with my boyfriend." Mia let out a soft scoff, clearly not believing me. "Are you free tomorrow?" I spoke up. "Ethan said he found a nice lounge. It's really pretty, and it would go perfectly with that dress you bought recently." Mia put her bag on her desk and looked at me, her eyes carrying a hint of mockery and condescending pity: "You're really pathetic, Chloe." I suppressed the irritation flaring in my chest. "...Playing wingman for the guy you like, enduring my sarcasm." "You even invented a fake boyfriend... Tell me, does Ethan know?" Mia's eyes curved into crescents. Carrying a natural malice. But even so, she was still damn gorgeous. "Or maybe..." "Is this your new tactic to get his attention?" "...Mia." My tone turned a bit cold. Mia smiled: "Just a joke, what's the rush?" "I'll go." 7 My hands clenched and unclenched. Finally, I yanked the bed curtain shut, blocking out her face. My WeChat was pinging non-stop. I picked it up and saw several messages. Ethan: — How did it go? How did it go? — She's back, right? Was she tired from hanging out today? — If she's tired, it's totally fine if she doesn't want to come tomorrow... — Did she... I replied with one line: — She said yes. A flood of messages instantly poured in: — Really?! — I knew you were the best, Chloe! — [Flower_giving_cat.jpg] I stared at the cute sticker of the cat offering a flower. That was the sticker pack Mia always used. I typed and deleted, typed and deleted for a long time, but ultimately didn't reply. Outside my curtain, I could hear Mia's soft giggles. Who knows which new guy she was on the phone with now. I took a deep breath, tossed my phone aside, and buried myself under the covers. It wasn't the first time. Anyone with eyes could see Mia was stringing Ethan along. Especially me. The one secretly harboring a crush. In the very beginning, I had tried to warn him. Even though I knew the truth, saying it out loud always made it sound like I was just jealous and bitter. So I chose my words carefully, stammering for ages, before finally only managing to say: "Maybe... you're just not her type." That was the first time I saw Ethan look so serious. The sun was setting. Casting a golden halo on the side of his face. Warm. Yet exceptionally lonely. "...I know," he said. "I know Mia doesn't like me... and I know... she might just be stringing me along..." "But I just like her." "And I hope that she'll like me back." "So, I want to try a little harder. Hard enough that she either likes me... or gives me a clear rejection." A clean, pure, burning love. I knew I was supposed to say something right then. But those words felt like knives, slicing my heart into pieces. My throat seemed to lose its voice at the exact same moment. So, in the end. All I could offer was a dry: "Good luck." Perhaps from that moment on. I should have known that there was no possibility left between Ethan and me. For a split second, I felt hatred. I hated him for being so open, hated him for loving so passionately, hated him for not giving me a single chance. I hated my own cowardice, hated that I loved him but couldn't say it, hated that I was too good at pretending— At least, he had the courage to say it out loud. While I only ever dared to test the waters right at the boundary of our friendship. Never daring to take a single step forward.
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