My young uncle brought his boyfriend home for the holidays. He claimed it was to act as a human shield against the family's relentless marriage-pressure crossfire. I stared at his boyfriend's handsome, incredibly familiar face and cheekily demanded hush money: "Boss, you wouldn't want the whole company finding out you're the bottom in a relationship, would you?" Before he could answer, my relatives, having collectively recovered from near-fainting, immediately redirected their marriage-pressure crossfire onto me. Unable to withstand the barrage, I grabbed the "boyfriend" and planted a loud kiss on his cheek. "Actually, he's not my uncle's boyfriend. He's mine." My "uncle's boyfriend" pulled me close and laid a deep, French kiss on me. "That's right. The three of us living happily ever after is the most important thing." 1 As soon as he said that, the previously lively dining room went dead silent. You could hear a pin drop. My relatives, who had just managed to process the news of my uncle being gay, collectively reached for their smelling salts again. "Wait... you guys..." "You young people... are really playing wild these days..." "Is this a throuple situation, or is it a messed up family drama?!" The younger cousins at the table started hooting and hollering all at once. And I was still in a state of absolute shock, unable to process what just happened— Did Ezra just use his tongue?! Isn't he my uncle's man?! Why the hell did a bottom kiss me?! That was my first kiss! Is he insane?! The more I thought about it, the madder I got. I slammed my chopsticks down, ready to slap him. My raised wrist was caught swiftly and securely by Ezra, who smoothly brought it to his lips and kissed it. "Baby, stop making a scene." "...Ezra! Have you lost your mind?!" A smile played on his lips, a sly gleam in his eyes: "Chloe, I already pretended to be your uncle's boyfriend just like you asked. Are you still mad?" ??? 2 A room full of relatives stared at me, just as dumbfounded as I was. My college-freshman cousin, Lily, suddenly slapped her thigh: "Ah! I get it now! Ezra and Chloe are the real couple. "They got into a fight, so Chloe punished Ezra by making him pretend to be Uncle Arthur's boyfriend!" After announcing this, she crossed her arms and stroked her chin, nodding emphatically. Looking entirely too pleased with herself for "seeing through it all." Me: "With a theory that ridiculous, have you been reading too much Wattpad?" Lily scratched her head sheepishly. Ezra pulled a thick red envelope of cash from his pocket and handed it to Lily: "Well said. Keep saying things like that." Lily happily snatched the envelope, immediately showering Ezra with New Year's blessings: "Thank you, brother-in-law! Wishing you a prosperous new year and an early baby with my cousin!" Me: "You were literally just calling him 'uncle'." Lily shot an awkward glance at my uncle. "Ah, well..." Me: "Uncle Arthur, control your wife!" My uncle set down his wine glass, smiling like a sly fox: "Nephew-in-law, where's my red envelope?" 3 Ezra was my boss. At the company, he was the quintessential, untouchable, suit-and-tie "ice king." When he walked through the door behind my uncle earlier, I stared blankly for a solid minute. I thought to myself, This incredibly handsome boss of mine is actually a bottom? Ah, I guess all the hot guys really are getting snatched up by other hot guys. I hadn't even had the chance to share this explosive gossip with my girlfriends. How did he suddenly become my boyfriend?! Thank God my grandparents are healthy and don't have high blood pressure. Otherwise, how could they possibly handle all these wild plot twists? My dad slammed his chopsticks down, looking dead serious as he called my uncle out by his full name: "Arthur Vance, what is going on? Explain." Using his full name meant my dad was genuinely furious. My uncle scratched his head and spouted absolute nonsense with a completely straight face: "Well, you guys were pressuring me so hard to get married, I just asked a friend to help me put on a show..." My grandpa snorted: "You unfilial brat! Nothing but nonsense!" My uncle shrank his neck and raised his hands in surrender: "I was wrong, I was wrong. It was just a joke..." My grandma: "It's not funny, you idiot. Look at your niece, she already found a boyfriend, and you still can't find one!" My Aunt Mary smiled, trying to smooth things over: "So this Ezra really is Chloe's boyfriend?" Just as I was about to deny it, Ezra leaned in and whispered in my ear: "Chloe, you wouldn't want the whole family knowing you're still single, would you?" Uh. True. The marriage-pressure crossfire from my relatives was coming in waves, each stronger than the last. I definitely couldn't handle it alone. So, I linked my arm through Ezra's and leaned affectionately against his shoulder like a little bird: "Ah, yeah, yeah. Ezra is my boyfriend. "The three of us were just messing around." My grandma still wasn't entirely convinced. She asked: "Arthur, do you actually like men or women?" My uncle nearly choked on his wine: "Mom, I'm as straight as an arrow." Then he shot Ezra a resentful glare: "To help you pick up a girl, my reputation is completely ruined. I demand extra compensation." Ezra smiled pleasantly: "No problem, no problem at all." ? Extra compensation? Picking up a girl? Why did I feel like I just got sold out? I sat up straight and stared at Ezra. "What's that supposed to mean?" Ezra stared back, looking completely exasperated: "Am I not being obvious enough, or are you really just this dense?" My uncle: "Is that even a question? Of course it's because Chloe is incredibly dense." My grandma spat at my uncle: "You have the nerve to criticize Chloe? When are you going to find someone?" 4 My uncle was summoned to the elders' table to receive his baptism of marriage pressure. Our table was full of the younger generation, eating, drinking, and having a great time. Ezra leaned in close and murmured: "Hey, you just admitted in front of everyone that I'm your boyfriend. Come home with me tomorrow to meet my family." Um, excuse me, you can speak normally. Why are you leaning in so close, using that low, raspy voice? Who are you trying to seduce? I coughed lightly to steady my nerves: "I was just playing along with your script back there. It was a tactical move to dodge the marriage pressure. "What boyfriend? You're my boss. I would never dare have any inappropriate thoughts about you." "Oh, then just play along with me for a bit. I don't want to deal with marriage pressure either." "Logically, since you helped me out, I should help you. But tomorrow is New Year's Eve, I have to visit my grandma. The day after is New Year's Day, I have to go back to my hometown to visit the graves. The day after that..." I counted my schedule off on my fingers. A check was suddenly slid right in front of my face. "Come home with me, and this money is yours." "Mr. Sterling, this is highly inappropriate. Are you trying to test my integrity with a bribe?" "You don't want it? Then I'll ask your cousin." My cousin Lily, who was busy gnawing on a chicken leg, instantly dropped it. "No need to ask, no need to ask! Yes, yes, yes, I can do it, honey!" How are her ears so sharp?! Ezra and I were speaking so quietly! Lily wiped her hands and snatched the check. "One, two, three, four... "Good lord! Four zeros! Five figures! "Honey, you're so generous!" I snatched the check back out of her hand. "What 'honey'? You were just calling him brother-in-law." Lily pouted, looking at me pitifully. "Sis, if you don't want to make this money, I do..." "Get out of here! Who said I didn't want to make it? I was just taking the opportunity to negotiate the price. Stop messing up the market." Hmph. Then let Ezra choose! Let's see if he picks you or me! "Ezra! I'm super well-behaved, and I'm a great sweet-talker! I guarantee I'll make our mom and dad incredibly happy!" Ezra pushed his glasses up his nose, completely unable to hide his smile. "My dad has high blood sugar. You're a little too sweet. I think I'll stick with your sister." Lily: "..." 5 And so, I ended up following Ezra home in a daze. I thought I was just going to help him put on a show to fool his parents. I didn't realize Ezra had tricked me into walking straight into a battlefield— Waiting for him at home were not only his parents but also an incredibly beautiful, wealthy heiress. A perfect match, an arranged family alliance, but someone Ezra had no interest in. "So you're using me as a meat shield?" I asked. Ezra gave a wicked smile: "Pretty much, but not entirely." The wealthy heiress tilted her chin up, looking down her nose at me: "So you're Ezra's woman? "You're very... ordinary." Me: "..." Okay, fine. If you want a catfight, you've got one. My competitive spirit flared up. I wrapped my arm around Ezra's neck, stood on my tiptoes, and whispered in his ear. "I can be your meat shield, but I demand extra compensation." 6 "Oh my, what a gorgeous girl!" Ezra's mother hurried over, taking my hand and looking me up and down with a bright smile. She was dressed very fashionably and looked incredibly well-maintained; you couldn't tell her age at all. "Hello, Mrs. Sterling. My name is Chloe Vance." I greeted her politely. "Good, good, good. I've heard Ezra mention you so often, I finally get to meet you." "Mention me often?" I looked at Ezra in confusion. Weren't we just pretending so he could dodge his parents' nagging? Why would he mention me to them before this? Ezra cleared his throat: "Yeah, I occasionally chat with my parents about my coworkers." Oh, I see. But didn't Ezra's mom arrange this blind date for him? According to all the romance novels I've read, shouldn't she be acting like a haughty, aristocratic mother-in-law, giving me the cold shoulder and trying to intimidate me? Why was she being so warm and welcoming? Mrs. Sterling pulled me along: "Come on, let me introduce you to the relatives." Okay, here comes the scariest part. I turned my head, scrunching up my face to silently plead with Ezra for help: "Ezra, come with me!" He stood there with his hands in his pockets, a slight smirk on his lips: "No, I need to personally cook a dish." "Then, then I..." "Don't be nervous. Every ugly duckling eventually has to meet the in-laws. Plus, my Chloe is so beautiful." Me: "..." The wealthy heiress chimed in: "Every year for New Year's Eve dinner, Ezra personally cooks two dishes. It's a family tradition. "Since you're new here, it's normal you wouldn't know." The underlying message: She's the master of the house, and I'm just a guest. Even though the smell of gunpowder was heavy in the air, I didn't care at the moment. I only had one thought in my head— If Ezra wasn't going to help me socialize, I was taking the wealthy heiress down with me. It'd be better if she shared some of the crossfire from the aunts and grandmas. "Mrs. Sterling, maybe this young lady should join us? The more the merrier." "Sure, sure. Mia, you don't need to go help in the kitchen. Come on, chat with us." After saying that, she leaned in close and whispered so only I could hear: "Don't misunderstand, Chloe. There's absolutely nothing going on between Ezra and Mia." "Then Ms. Mia is..." "Sigh, she's the daughter of our neighbor, Mr. Davis. She's had a crush on Ezra for years. "It's the holidays. She came over to visit, I can't exactly kick her out, can I?" Ah, so that's how it is. 7 The living room was massive. Two mahjong tables were set up by the window, with a dozen or so people gathered around, some sitting, some standing. There weren't many people sitting on the sofas chatting and eating fruit. Mrs. Sterling pulled me over to the main seat on the sofa, introducing me with a beaming smile: "Our Ezra finally brought someone home this year! Hahaha." "Oh my, what a pretty girl. Mary, you're so lucky." "I'm not the lucky one! Ezra is the lucky one." The older relatives were all talking over each other. I couldn't get a word in edgewise, so I just sat there smiling awkwardly. An older woman in a red dress sitting to my left, cracking sunflower seeds, asked me: "Chloe, how old are you this year? How did you meet our Ezra? "Where are you from? Did you just get a Bachelor's, or a Master's? What college did you graduate from? "Are your parents retired? Do you have any siblings?" ... Good lord. This woman was clearly a pro. She came right out the gate treating it like an interrogation. Her firepower was way more intense than my own relatives'. I didn't want to answer her questions, but staying silent seemed rude. While I was agonizing over what to do, Mrs. Sterling came to my rescue. "Sarah, what are you doing? Asking so many questions, you're going to scare the poor girl." The woman in the red dress, Sarah, laughed heartily while continuing to crack sunflower seeds: "Oh, I'm just excited! Seeing such a fresh, pretty girl, I couldn't help but ask a few extra questions! Hahaha. "Don't be scared, sweetie. I'm just asking casually, you don't have to answer! Hahaha." Her words made all the elders in the room burst into laughter. My tense nerves relaxed a little. I thought to myself that the atmosphere in Ezra's family was actually quite nice. Mia suddenly spoke up: "Aunt Sarah, let me answer for her. "Her name is Chloe Vance. She's an employee at Ezra's company. Graduated from a normal state college. Her parents are just normal people. Her family background is totally average." She twirled a lock of hair around her finger, over and over: "Unlike me. I have a Master's degree from overseas, my family owns a corporation, and I grew up with Ezra." Oh my god, why don't you just explicitly say I'm unworthy and you're the perfect match? The elders in the room had seen it all before. They obviously knew exactly what was going on. They exchanged knowing glances and kept cracking sunflower seeds in silence. 8 I had no intention of engaging in a catfight. But since I took Ezra's money, I might as well go to war with this "green tea" bitch. So I cleared my throat, pitching my voice slightly higher: "Oh, you're absolutely right! It was just a normal state college... though it is ranked in the top ten nationally. "I hear the disparity in study-abroad programs is huge right now. The good ones are really good, but the fake ones... you just pay a fee and they give you a degree. "I wonder which foreign university Ms. Mia attended? Was it an Ivy League? What was its global ranking?" I looked at her with an expression of pure, unadulterated "sincerity." Mia's lips moved, but she couldn't say a word. I figured she probably hadn't gone to a particularly prestigious school. A girl with a top-tier education couldn't possibly be this stupid. I continued: "As for family background, Ms. Mia's family owns a corporation, right? "What a coincidence! My mom works for the IRS. You've heard of the new, massive tax enforcement initiative, right? "My mom is actually heading the implementation for this entire district. How about I have her bring a team over to 'guide' your family's company sometime?" I could tell the aunties cracking seeds were internally screaming with excitement, barely able to contain themselves. But they maintained their composure perfectly, continuing to crack seeds in silence, waiting to see how Mia would handle this. Mia's face turned bright red, and she stammered: "N-no need. My family has always... always paid our taxes on time. We never... never..." Seeing that she couldn't even form a complete sentence, I had no desire to make the situation any uglier. I smiled: "Paying taxes is a badge of honor! Keep up the good work!" Mrs. Sterling patted my hand: "What a clever girl." Aunt Sarah laughed, smoothing things over: "Sigh, look at the silly questions I was asking. "Times have changed. It's not like when we were young. "Family background, status, schools, jobs... none of that is important. The most important thing is that Ezra likes her." Mrs. Sterling agreed: "Exactly, exactly. As long as Ezra likes her." The other aunties chimed in with smiles, shifting the conversation to normal family gossip. The atmosphere returned to being warm and harmonious. I grabbed a handful of sunflower seeds, raised an eyebrow at Mia, and mouthed silently: "That's it? I thought you were actually going to be a challenge."
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