I’ve been married to Carter Hayes for ten years. I’ve met every single girlfriend he’s had since our wedding day. Whenever he gets bored and wants to move on to someone new, I become his go-to excuse for the breakup: "If you marry me, you'll end up exactly like her. Eventually, we'll just be too familiar with each other—so familiar that there's not a single spark of excitement left." On our tenth wedding anniversary, I was wiping the tears of the college girl he had just dumped, while he was out taking his brand-new girlfriend to the movies. After using up an entire pack of tissues on her, I felt like I was looking at a ghost of my past self. So, I finally asked Carter for a divorce. He looked unusually confused. "Can't you wait a little longer? Maybe I'm just about to turn over a new leaf." I smiled faintly and didn't answer. Instead, I booked a flight across the ocean. I’m not waiting for you to turn around. I’m moving on first. Chapter 1 Marrying a playboy requires the patience of a saint. Watching the pack of tissues in my hand dwindle to nothing, that thought randomly popped into my head. The girl sitting across from me was Riley, a college senior. She had been sobbing for two hours straight since she walked through the door of the cafe. Her honeymoon phase with Carter had lasted barely a month. There was really no need to cry so hard her mascara ran down her cheeks. I opened my mouth to comfort her, but she suddenly glared at me with bloodshot eyes. "He told me I look a little bit like you. Looking at you now, I guess I do." I paused. None of Carter's previous exes had ever said that to me. Riley sniffled and wiped the corners of her eyes. Done with my tissues, she turned to mockery. "I don't need your comfort. You're way more pathetic than I am." Wasn't that the truth? Everyone in New York's high society knew Carter Hayes had married the perfect, understanding wife. So understanding that she allowed herself to be cheated on time and time again, and even helped him soothe his discarded lovers. Every girl he dated after our wedding, I politely referred to as his "exes." I had completely thrown away the dignity of a legal wife. My phone buzzed on the table. It was a text from Carter. [Carter: Are you done yet? The movie is about to start.] I placed the phone face down and met Riley's increasingly red eyes. "Whatever financial compensation you want, just say the word. I'll fight for it on your behalf." I had said these exact words countless times. I was as practiced as an HR rep handing out severance packages. She scoffed and stood up abruptly. "I don't want anything." I sighed. "You really should ask for something." Money, a car, a condo—something solid she could actually hold onto. Her gaze grew even colder. She raised her iced latte and slowly, deliberately, poured it right over my head. "I'm pregnant." "And I'm keeping the baby." I stared at her, speechless, forgetting to offer any more advice. I forced a bitter smile, hiding it as best I could. Carter, you promised me one thing, and you couldn't even keep that promise. Chapter 2 I sat in the passenger seat, dripping wet and shivering. Carter was on the phone. He made no effort to hide it. I could easily tell he had a new girl by his side. My hand unconsciously gripped the seatbelt, my fingertips turning white from the pressure. I didn't know what the person on the other end said, but his eyes crinkled with a genuine, affectionate smile. "Alright, alright, I'll come keep you company tonight." He hung up, started the car, and tilted his head slightly toward me. His hands suddenly tightened on the steering wheel, and his face darkened into a scowl. "Did she throw that on you?" I had already pulled out some napkins from the glovebox and was methodically dabbing at my wet hair. Maybe because I didn't answer, he leaned over and snatched the napkins from my hand. "Don't move." I instinctively shrank back toward the passenger door, but he yanked me into his arms with a cold glare. He wiped my hair somewhat carefully, though his brows were deeply furrowed and he looked furious. "You just sat there and let her pour it on you?" "Eleanor, what happened to that fiery spirit you used to use on me?" Used to... The hollow, sinking feeling that had taken root in my chest since seeing Riley began to spread, inch by inch. I pulled myself out of his embrace with a cold expression and said flatly, "I can hardly lose my temper at a pregnant woman, can I? What do you think?" He looked sheepish for a moment, but his jaw remained tight as he stubbornly continued to wipe my hair. We didn't speak for the rest of the drive. He drove, and I stared out the window. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him shooting me probing glances. The ripples of disappointment in my heart spread outward. Disappointment had long ago crossed the mountains of despair and settled into pure numbness. I watched the movie absentmindedly, while Carter spent almost the entire time looking down at his glowing screen, replying to texts. The so-called "ritual" of our anniversary had crumbled into ruins long before the credits rolled. The funny part was, after the movie ended, I still had to sit beside him and watch him perform. It was a lavish anniversary dinner with close friends and family. The Hayes family had sent out the invitations to New York's elite half a month in advance. Amidst the clinking of champagne glasses and networking, Carter peeled shrimp for me with his own hands while chatting with the guests. A small mountain of peeled shrimp piled up on my plate, but I just stared blankly at his exposed wrist where his sleeve was rolled up. Whose hair tie was he wearing? The nausea churning in my stomach had already killed my appetite. A man who peels shrimp for you doesn't necessarily love you. A man who remembers your anniversary after ten years of marriage doesn't necessarily love you. A man who never takes off his wedding ring, even in the shower, doesn't necessarily love you. I should thank Carter. He was the one who taught me all of this. Chapter 3 Childhood sweethearts, perfect matches, meant to be. But those words were meant for Carter and my older sister, Evelyn. Even when I barely understood what love was, I knew the Davis and Hayes families were planning a marriage alliance. It wasn't like I hadn't seen my sister's blushing cheeks when she went on dates with him. Or how the notoriously arrogant and wild Carter Hayes would become perfectly calm and quiet only in front of her. Otherwise, why would my young, naive self have quietly hidden away the vintage vinyl records I had spent months hunting down for him? In our trio, I was always just my sister's shadow. When their love was shining as bright as the midday sun, where was there any room for me? The tragedy struck when Evelyn was twenty. My always elegant and poised sister ran away the night before her engagement party, only to die in a commercial plane crash. When her diary was uncovered, the ugly truth came out. The impending bankruptcy and internal crises facing the Davis family were stripped of their glamorous disguise. It turned out her shyness was faked. My sister had been forced to act as a bargaining chip for our parents. Behind the arranged marriage wasn't a perfect romance, but my parents' desperate greed. The one time she chose herself, it cost her her life. Carrying the last hopes of the Davis family, I was rushed into an engagement and marriage. To save the Hayes family's face, and to save the Davis family from financial ruin. Throughout the entire process, I didn't even have time to figure out if I was feeling more grief for my sister or joy for myself. Even as a replacement, I still ended up marrying the boy I had secretly loved since I was a teenager. But when we exchanged rings, I was the only one whose heart was racing. During the "you may kiss the bride" moment, Carter's lips barely grazed mine, leaving behind a whisper that would haunt us both for years. "If you didn't want to do this, why force yourself?" At the time, we agreed it was a transaction—we both got what we needed. But over ten years of marriage, I was the one who overstepped. He did everything for me flawlessly as a husband, yet he still didn't love me. Chapter 4 The dinner party ended past midnight. I couldn't tell if it was the wine going to my head or just a simple, pounding headache. I got into the car and fell into a deep, groggy sleep. Faintly, I could hear Carter on speakerphone, flirting with his new girl. Those sweet nothings, twisting and turning with affection. He never got tired of saying them, but I was sick of hearing them. During a pause in the conversation, he seemed to reach over and touch my forehead. Suddenly, the car slammed on the brakes, and he let out a harsh curse. "Fuck. Why didn't you say you had a fever?" He hung up his call abruptly and clumsily draped his suit jacket over me. I thought I heard him call me by my childhood nickname, Ellie. I must have been delirious from the fever. I managed a bitter smile. He always called me by my full name, Eleanor, terrified that if he used a pet name, I might delude myself into thinking I was the Davis daughter he actually wanted to marry. People are probably more fragile—and more clear-headed—when they're sick. A deep exhaustion washed over me. Exhaustion toward him, and toward this unrequited love. The car started moving again, the speed making it hard to tell how fast we were going. He seemed to be constantly answering his phone. "Almost there," "Get a doctor ready," "It's going to be okay." Or maybe it was just a hallucination. Until the car stopped again. I struggled to lift my heavy head and watched him unbuckle his seatbelt and jump out of the car. He sprinted toward a frail silhouette standing near the ER entrance. Riley was tightly engulfed in his arms. Those fragmented phrases I had heard earlier finally pieced together into a complete picture. "Wait for me," "Don't do anything rash," "I'm almost there," "Be good," "It's going to be okay." Every single word had been for her. From a short distance away, I could hear her pathetic sobbing. And I could hear him gently coaxing her. "How could I let you do something that hurts your body?" "Alright, alright, we won't break up. We'll figure out the baby situation together." The thoughts swirling in my head dragged up a deeply buried, painful memory. Six months into our marriage, I had actually been pregnant. Chapter 5 Back then, I was walking on eggshells in the Hayes household while constantly running around putting out financial fires for my parents. Before I even realized I was pregnant, the baby's heartbeat had already stopped. I would never forget Carter's freezing voice outside my hospital room. "It's for the best. It shouldn't have existed in the first place." After that day, we seemed to reach an unspoken understanding. He went back to being a playboy. As long as the Davis family was kept afloat. He could date whoever he wanted, as long as he didn't marry them, and as long as... no one got pregnant. Now, he was the one who broke the promise first. The Davis family had become an empty shell following the passing of my parents a few years ago. And as for him, I didn't want to force it anymore. I leaned against the car window, every breath I exhaled burning hot. I watched him calm Riley down before he finally came back to me. He opened the car door, draped my arm over his neck, and carried me all the way into the ER. Looking over his shoulder, I saw Riley sniffle and shoot me a look of pure contempt. As he walked past her, she unwillingly tried to grab his shirt. But she missed. He walked with long, purposeful strides, his handsome face set in a grim expression. He always managed to give me these illusions; no matter how long he wandered, he would always turn back to me. But this time, I shook my head. I was the first to wake up. "Carter, let's get a divorce." His footsteps faltered, but his eyes didn't meet mine. "Hmm?" "A divorce. Okay?" The expression on his face was complicated—shifting from dark to confused, before finally settling into a soft chuckle. "Why not wait a little longer? Maybe in a few years..." He glanced at me, his smile full of mockery. "I'll actually settle down." I smiled too, my eyes burning. The fever was probably spiking again. "What do we do, then? There's no spark left. We might as well just be bros." In an instant, Carter's face froze. His jaw clenched so hard the muscles in his cheek bulged. "Still not enough spark for you?" My vision was already blurring with tears, but I forced myself to keep smiling. "We never should have gotten married. It should have been exactly like you said back then." "'Eleanor Davis? I'd rather be blood brothers with her!'" Chapter 6 Carter obviously didn't need to be "bros" with me anymore. The Davis family had thoroughly drained the Hayes family's resources over the last ten years. We had become nothing but a burden. So when news of our impending divorce leaked, everyone in the Hayes family seemed to breathe a collective sigh of relief. I pushed through my raging fever, forced myself to sign the divorce papers, and then fell into a coma-like sleep for two days. When I woke up, the papers on my nightstand already had Carter's signature at the bottom. I stared at it for a few seconds. Beneath the numbness, I felt a twinge of guilt. The agreement wasn't exactly noble, let alone generous on my part. Over the years, every time I helped him deal with one of his "exes," he would wire me a lump sum. I saved every single penny, yet here I was in the property division, ruthlessly paving my own financial way out. As shrewd as he was, he definitely saw through my "insatiable greed." But he signed it without a moment of hesitation anyway. It left me feeling hollow for a long time. Maybe he had been waiting for me to say the word "divorce" all along. Even if it meant paying me off, it was better than being shackled to me in a miserable marriage for another ten years. My temperature was finally back to normal. I dragged my aching body up to pack my bags. Ten long years of my life, packed away into barely two suitcases. I dragged them downstairs. The maids and the driver watched me awkwardly. "Mrs... Ms. Davis, should we notify Mr. Hayes that you're leaving?" I shook my head. "No need." And so, no one said goodbye, and no one stepped forward to help. They froze for a couple of seconds before returning to their chores. I couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness. Even they knew I was nothing more than a passing guest in this house. When the towncar I called pulled out of the Hayes estate, I didn't look back. The memories that had started in my childhood had finally come to an end. In the heavy silence of the car, the driver asked, "Do you need a tissue, miss?" Only then did I realize my face was wet with tears. I was supposed to feel liberated. But a bird locked in a cage for too long will always feel terrified when the door suddenly swings open. From the estate to JFK airport, I printed my boarding pass and threw away my SIM card. The moment I sat in my seat on the plane, I fell into a deep sleep. These past few days, I felt like I had an endless supply of exhaustion. I had lost my center of gravity. I just wanted to retreat into my dreams and silently lick my wounds. Twelve hours later, I touched down in London. Chapter 7 At that moment, I had no idea that Carter was tearing New York apart trying to find me. London was where Evelyn had always wanted to go. She never made it, but I did. Wandering the gloomy, fog-covered streets, I often caught myself hallucinating that I was Evelyn. No one knew that my grueling dedication to painting didn't come from a genuine passion. It was just because painting made me more like her. By some twist of fate, Evelyn eventually gave up and never picked up a brush again. Instead, I was the one put on a pedestal, hailed as a genius whose canvas could speak. My ten years of marriage to Carter were also the peak of my artistic career. Now, dozens of those pieces were on display in London's largest modern art museum. I spent half a month in a complete daze before finally stepping into the gallery on the very last day of the exhibition. As expected, the crowd was sparse. Bundled in my trench coat, I took my time, lingering freely in front of each piece. I passed Combustion and Caged Bird, finally stopping in front of Bloom. Someone stopped beside me. Like me, his gaze fell on the withered girl's face on the canvas. "'Bloom.' Using life itself as fuel, only to be a moth drawn to a futile flame." He chuckled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. When he turned to look at me, it felt like he was looking through me at someone else. The look filled me with disgust. For the past ten years, Carter had given me that exact same feeling. I stepped away, but he followed me at a leisurely pace. "You two look very much alike." My footsteps faltered, my fingers involuntarily curling inward. His eerie voice drifted over. "Evelyn always said you had more natural talent for painting than she did." "She also said you were more suited to marry into the Hayes family. She said you were born with wings and could never be trapped." My palms were beginning to sweat. His tone shifted, his smile now dripping with mockery. "But she never imagined you'd be stupid enough to break your own wings and willingly play the puppet." A sharp pain pierced my chest. Unable to tolerate it any longer, I turned and glared at him. "Ethan Brooks, isn't it enough that you got her killed..." Before I could finish my sentence, I stared in shock at a furious Carter Hayes standing just a few feet away. He stalked toward us, his entire body radiating a freezing, murderous aura. Without a word, he grabbed my arm and physically ripped me away from Ethan. The fury boiling in his eyes was tinged with bitter sarcasm. "Looking for a spark? It seems the Davis sisters have the exact same terrible taste in men." With his free hand, he lunged forward, grabbing Ethan by the throat and slamming him violently against the gallery wall. With a deafening crash, Carter ground out every word through his teeth. "Didn't I tell you I never wanted to see your face again?" Chapter 8 Ethan just leaned casually against the wall, making no effort to break free. "Mr. Hayes, if you had just approved that investment funding you promised, why would I have needed to come find her?" He glanced sideways at me, his eyes full of contempt. "Your family owes me Evelyn's life. No amount of money will ever be enough." I listened in a daze as Carter's grip tightened. Ethan's face started turning a dark, mottled red. "Wait..." I had seen Ethan before. When the airline confirmed Evelyn's plane had crashed with no survivors, he showed up at the Davis estate. It was the first time I had ever seen a walking corpse. It looked as if all the life in him had died alongside my sister. He knelt on the floor, slamming his forehead against the marble tiles until blood streamed down his face. "I just want to take some of Evelyn's things. Her clothes, anything... please." But my parents, blindingly furious, just beat him mercilessly before having the guards drag him out and throw him onto the street. Carter finally snapped out of his rage and abruptly released his grip. He waved his hand impatiently. "Get out. Go see my assistant for your money." The bodyguards who had followed Carter into the gallery moved to grab Ethan and drag him away. I rushed forward two steps. "Wait, what did you mean by what you just said..." Carter blocked my path, his hands clamping down on my shoulders like iron vises. "It's nothing. Come back with me." I violently wrestled myself out of his grip, lunging forward to grab Ethan's collar. "You just want money, right? I'll pay you! Explain exactly what you just meant!" My heart was hammering in my chest. A wave of unprecedented panic made my breathing ragged. Ethan brushed the guards off and casually looked past me at Carter. "Last month, while I was waiting for that investment check of yours to clear, I had an epiphany." "Ten years is more than enough time to prove that I'm just not cut out to be a businessman. No matter what industry I try, the money just burns." "So when I heard the news that you two were getting a divorce, I finally let it all go." "There's one more free person in this world now. The only tragedy is that it isn't my Evelyn." He looked down at me, his eyes burning with intensity. "The night before her engagement, Carter knew exactly what Evelyn was planning." "The people who helped her sneak out of the Davis estate were hired by Carter. Even the plane ticket..." "Carter bought it for her." An echo swirled in my ears, dragging me back ten years to a specific memory. Through a cracked door, I had overheard my parents pleading pathetically with Carter. "Should we just move the wedding up? The announcement only said a union between the Hayes and Davis families, it didn't specify which daughter..." After a few seconds of dead silence, Carter's voice responded, completely devoid of emotion. "The sooner the better. I refuse to let the Hayes family's reputation sink to the same pathetic level as yours." Chapter 9 Ethan laughed recklessly. "You did everything in your power to marry her, and for what? You spent ten years turning her into the biggest joke in New York." Having my pathetic reality laid bare like that made me want to disappear into the floorboards. But I still couldn't understand. Why did Carter help my sister run away? "Why? Why did you let her go, only to turn around and torture my family?" Carter pressed his thin lips tightly together, his hands clenching into fists. After a long time, he let out a soft, bitter laugh. "Because she wasn't the one I loved." "Your parents completely misunderstood my intentions. They tried to use Evelyn as a bargaining chip." "I went to your house constantly. Whenever Evelyn and I went anywhere, I made sure you came with us. But you never even looked me in the eye." I thought my ears were ringing. Was that an undercurrent of resentment in his voice? His clenched fists slowly relaxed, and he stared at me, looking utterly lost. "I gave Evelyn her freedom, and I got to marry you, just like I wanted." "But I knew from the very beginning that you were forced into it. Evelyn's death, your family's endless scheming... all of it stood like a wall between us." I couldn't help but smile bitterly. Was that really the only thing standing between us? Ethan walked over, pulled a yellowed envelope from his coat pocket, and handed it to me. "Evelyn left this for you. Ten years ago, if she had landed safely, this letter would have reached you back then." The envelope was scorched at the edges. Inside were two expired exhibition tickets. Attached was a small note in Evelyn's elegant handwriting. [Ellie, be brave. Only by doing what I did will you find true happiness.] Carter's eyes darkened instantly, and he snatched the note from my hand. He stared at me in total, absolute disbelief. The familiar sense of emotional distance washed over me again. I looked up at him slowly. "Evelyn actually knew everything." "She knew how much I loved you back then." "Do you remember my very first solo exhibition? The one that got cancelled? The entire gallery was filled with portraits of you." A bitter smile floated to my lips. "I was afraid it would break my sister's heart if she saw it, so I painted a few portraits of her and scattered them around as a cover." "I told her it was a gift for your one-year anniversary." I had spent three grueling months preparing for it, and anxiously slipped the tickets into my sister's desk drawer. But when I walked downstairs, the joyous, celebratory atmosphere hit me like a physical blow. The next day was their engagement party. Chapter 10 The language of a paintbrush never lies. Evelyn must have peeked under the white sheet covering my easel countless times. She saw all the hidden, unspoken longing in my strokes as I sketched Carter's face. Now that everything was out in the open, I could finally look back at the past through a different lens. The time we went on the Ferris wheel... she claimed she was afraid of heights and pushed me into the cabin alone with Carter. When we got off, she smiled brightly and stared at us. "You know, looking at you two side-by-side, you actually look pretty good together." My face had burned bright red. I was terrified she had seen right through my secret crush. But Carter just looked away. "Eleanor? I'd rather be blood brothers with her." His tone was teasing. "She's such a quiet little introvert. Come on, call me 'Big Bro,' and I'll protect you from now on." I ran away from them with a burning red face, the sound of my racing heart drowning in a surge of deep sorrow. After that day, I always used painting as an excuse to hide in the studio. I avoided all their invitations. I couldn't lock my heart away when I was young, but thankfully, Carter spent the next ten years cementing it shut for me. Meeting his gaze now, there was no flutter in my chest. The sudden flash of ecstatic realization in his eyes vanished as quickly as it appeared, replaced entirely by confusion and panic. "You mean... back then, you..." It didn't matter anymore. I pulled my coat tighter around myself and walked toward the exit. Carter chased after me frantically. Outside the museum, he grabbed my shoulders, forcing me to face him. "Why didn't you tell me?! We had so many years, why didn't you say anything?!" "Did you really have to wait until..." I finished his sentence for him, my voice perfectly calm. "Until everything was damaged beyond repair, and all the love was completely burned out? Yes." He was struck speechless for a moment, then slowly exhaled, a long-lost look of relief washing over his face. "It doesn't have to be like this. We're still legally married. We can tear up the divorce papers right now." I gently pushed his hands away and took a step back, creating distance between us. "But my desire to leave you hasn't changed." He stared at me, aghast. "Even after finding out the truth? Nothing changed?" "Nothing." His face instantly darkened like a thundercloud. I spoke slowly. "I always regretted that you never got to see that exhibition where I planned to confess to you." "I booked this exhibition all the way out here because I assumed you wouldn't be interested in coming." "But since you're here, take a look. Every single painting on these walls is my final goodbye."
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