Out of Character

I once co-starred in a BL drama with Caleb Vance. That year, we were both rookies, and thanks to that show, we became overnight sensations. With bright futures ahead of us, neither of us could break character. Even after filming wrapped, we were still drawn together by the emotions from the script. So, we had a brief, secret romance. The reason it was brief was that while the show was airing and at its peak popularity, Caleb said to me: "Perry, I'm out of character now." When we met again, Caleb was a top-tier A-list celebrity. And I was a has-been who had quit the industry years ago, trying to make a comeback. 1 Meeting Caleb Vance again happened at a small gathering five years later. It was the birthday of Sue, the director who cast us in our first drama. I was invited to her birthday party. Five years had changed a lot. Sue had a few too many drinks and came over to sit in the corner with me. "Perry, if you hadn't sent me 'Happy Birthday' and 'Happy New Year' texts every year, I would have thought something happened to you." I smiled. "Thanks for caring, Sue. I've actually been doing okay." Sue's eyes revealed complex emotions. "It's such a pity. If you had seized the opportunity back then..." Before she could finish, the door to the private room was pushed open, and a tall figure walked in. I looked up, and my gaze froze. The room was dim, but that face needed no introduction. Caleb Vance. The top A-list star. With hit dramas airing for five consecutive years, his value was self-evident. He was the darling of every major platform. At the same time, he was my co-star in my debut drama. And my ex. Even if only for a little over a month. Five years ago, both he and I were rookie actors who took on Director Sue's project. It was our first work. From the table read to the wrap party, it took less than six months. At that time, our acting wasn't natural enough, and the director wasn't satisfied. So, we practiced privately, starting from reading lines to practicing kiss scenes. When the show aired, the intense chemistry the audience saw in the kiss scenes was something Caleb and I had practiced. However, after filming wrapped, the withdrawal set in. I couldn't adapt to the abrupt end of intimacy and the return to our original positions. Many times, I dreamed of returning to the set, remembering Caleb's face and the words he said. The way his peach blossom eyes looked at me. And his kisses. Some feelings sprouted uncontrollably off-camera and grew wildly. For the first time, I tasted the bitterness of love. The drama aired quickly, and Caleb and I met again as the leads. Preparing for promotion. At the cast dinner that night, we both drank. I deliberately kept my distance, burying the feelings I shouldn't have had. That night, many crew members got drunk, so we booked rooms in the hotel next door. My room was next to Caleb's. Walking side by side to our doors, I maintained my rationality and said goodbye to him. The door opened. I was about to walk in. Suddenly, a force came from behind, pushing me into the room. Immediately after, the person behind me stepped in and closed the door. Before I could react, I saw Caleb, who had been silent all night, pinning me against the door. Just like in the drama, he grabbed my waist and neck, lowering his voice to ask: "Perry, can I kiss you?" 2 He asked, but he didn't intend to seek my permission. As soon as the words fell, the kiss surged forward. Shock flashed in my eyes, and I instinctively tried to push him away. But the man was built strong; I couldn't push him away. And the muscle memory from the past few months made the kiss seem natural. I wrapped my arms around his neck. The withdrawal of the past month had been too hard to bear. This kiss seemed vengeful, igniting a fire while filling the emptiness in my chest. I was thrown onto the hotel bed by Caleb. He pressed down, and the kiss changed flavor. It was then I realized that I wasn't the only one who hadn't moved on. I am two years older than Caleb. That night, he whispered "Perry" in my ear many times. But without the camera, Caleb was much more reckless. Like a puppy, he bit people, leaving licking kisses on my body, telling me with a hoarse voice: "I wanted to do this to you on set." My heart tightened, completely occupied by the aggression in his eyes. Caleb and I became official. That year, the BL genre exploded. For newcomers like Caleb and me, it was undoubtedly an overnight success. During the broadcast, he and I met almost every day for videos, livestreams, and various events. Our popularity skyrocketed at an alarming rate, albeit very flimsy. Scripts came one after another, but not all were good scripts or roles. For Caleb and me, focusing on promotion and fan service was important at the moment. The ambiguous marketing shown in front of the camera was nothing compared to us in private. Caleb wasn't as gentle as he looked. Overwhelming fame is always intoxicating. At that time, I imagined a future with Caleb, but I didn't have time to think further. As the drama neared its end, I clearly felt Caleb drifting away. He replied to my messages less frequently and stopped initiating conversations. Until the last joint event. After it ended, I wanted to talk to him. But Caleb spoke first. He said: "Perry, I'm out of character now." I froze. The intimacy of that period turned into the phrase "out of character." Caleb said: "It wouldn't be good for either of us if this got out. Let's just... pretend it never happened." He detached quickly, took on the next script, and joined the new cast. I couldn't pester him. First, I couldn't bring myself to stalk him; second, I didn't want to ruin him. At least he was honest and decisive. My withdrawal was even more painful. Unlike what Caleb envisioned, I didn't continue in the entertainment industry. Too many things happened that year, and I quit. For the next five years, I didn't appear again. Netizens went from initial regret to forgetting me. In contrast, Caleb's popularity rose steadily. A crime drama two years ago catapulted him to top-tier status. Slowly, the work that gave us our start became a past he couldn't mention. The face in my memory overlapped with the person in front of me. Caleb was right there. "Sue, Happy Birthday." Sue smiled, the corners of her mouth rising in a nice arc. "Hey, Mr. Vance graced us with his presence to bless me. Of course I'm happy." "Aren't you still filming?" When Caleb walked over, he had already greeted everyone along the way. Now he chuckled lightly: "Just wrapped up, rushed over immediately." Sue looked at him, then at me: "Caleb, remember him? This is Perry." So Caleb's gaze finally slowly fell on my face. Those peach blossom eyes that usually charmed everyone weren't very warm right now. They held a depth I didn't understand, and the smile on his face faded. Probably didn't want to see me. "I remember," his tone was flat. "Long time no see, Mr. Perry." Mr. Perry. Before, he called me Perry, or bro. Before I could say anything, I heard him ask: "Is Mr. Perry planning a comeback?" 3 When Caleb asked this, I was actually a bit surprised. In my view, we parted ways five years ago. His current status isn't something I can touch. To him, I'm just an irrelevant person. "Caleb, how did you know?" Sue smiled. "Perry is different from before. He's funding himself to be a director. He's handling the script and casting personally." This was actually why I contacted Sue. Times have changed. The subjects she films now are very different from the past. Even if I wanted to audition for her, it wouldn't be easy. I thought I had no connections in the circle, and having quit for years, I was basically a nobody. "This kid, if he didn't want to find a few suitable actors, he probably wouldn't have contacted me." I laughed: "Sue, if you say that, I'll be embarrassed to ask for your help in the future." Sue has a hearty personality. She patted my shoulder: "Perry, the market is different now. I'm not sure if your money will go down the drain, but if there's anything I can help with, just ask." Caleb was pulled by her to sit down. Not long after, people in the private room came over one after another to toast him and Sue. To my surprise, Caleb drank every glass. I remember before, he didn't really like drinking. When we socialized together, I always found ways to block drinks for him. Of course, now I don't have that standing, nor that intention. The party ended. Sue was drunk and was helped away by her assistant. Others slowly dispersed too. I was about to call a car when a figure walked out from behind me, voice devoid of emotion: "Where do you live now? I'll drive you back." The familiar yet strange voice made me pause. "No need, Mr. Vance," I looked back calmly at the man in front of me. "I won't take up your time." He was already wearing a mask, and the exposed eyes held no emotion. "It won't take up time," a black car slowly stopped by the road. Caleb said, "Besides, we can catch up." Actually, I didn't know what there was to catch up on between him and me. When he proposed breaking up back then, he was eager to clear ties with me. Thinking of this, I suddenly looked into his eyes with a flash of insight. In those eyes that once mesmerized me, the color was calm. "Mr. Vance, don't worry. No one else will know about what happened before. Let's just pretend it never happened," I said. I intended to give him peace of mind. It's been five years. I'm not that petty. He walked fast and climbed high in these five years, but he walked it step by step. I couldn't do anything to ruin his career. For the sake of that initial palpitation, I also hope he does well. 4 Unexpectedly, after hearing my words, Caleb's eyes grew colder. The phone showed the driver was over a hundred meters away, but the man beside me suddenly walked past me silently and got straight into the car. I couldn't read his emotions. Probably relieved, so he couldn't be bothered to pretend with me. My car arrived. That night, I rarely dreamed of Caleb again. 20-year-old Caleb. Young, at an age not yet savvy about the ways of the world. Not professionally trained, said to be scouted. Just started acting, knew nothing. I was only slightly better than him, guiding him bit by bit. My brief romance with him wasn't actually that unforgettable. It just ended abruptly, making it hard to forget. The images in the dream were like a revolving lantern, without logic. The intense kiss scenes on set and the reckless kisses in private became nightmare-like existences. As the saying goes, one shouldn't meet someone too amazing when young. Waking up, back to reality. I sat up holding my heavy head, washed up simply, packed my luggage, and went to Hollywood. Contacting Sue was actually almost six months ago. Later, my crew was assembled, suitable actors selected, and filming is currently underway. Yesterday was Sue's birthday, and I specially went to congratulate her. Budget insufficient, all expenses must be calculated carefully. The emotional fluctuation brought by seeing Caleb again after five years quickly returned to calm after returning to the set. During my absence, the crew's progress didn't lag. This is still a BL story. My partner is a newcomer who debuted two years ago, named Leo. Good looks, lacking a real opportunity to shine. Coincidentally, he is also 20 years old. Just like Caleb back then. Sue introduced him to me. This young man didn't really want to take this kind of role. He refused at first. I felt it was a pity, rare to find a suitable candidate. Later Sue persuaded him, and he agreed. I asked her how she persuaded him. The famous Director Sue laughed: "I said Caleb Vance became an instant hit after working with you. You bring luck to your partners. So he agreed." "..." "Perry, you're back?" Leo walked over grinning. This kid was shy when he first arrived, but now he gets along well with everyone on the crew. "How was shooting yesterday?" I asked him. "Sister Lulu made me shoot the monologue a dozen times. I'm really scared of her," Leo put his arm around my shoulder like a buddy. "Perry is better." I habitually comforted him: "Lulu just wants to capture the perfect shot. Cooperate with her more." "Got it, bro. Do we need to rehearse tonight's scene?" he suddenly asked. Tonight's scene. I suddenly remembered, tonight we are shooting my first kiss scene with him. To be an actor, to film a love story, kiss scenes and bed scenes are inevitable. I chuckled: "Sure." Although it's a kiss scene, it's all filmed in front of the camera. It doesn't matter where we rehearse. I kissed Caleb in front of the camera for months back then; I'm long immune. When guiding Leo, I could even calmly suggest which angle he should kiss from, how he should breathe, and how his eyes and movements should tease. The young, energetic lad's ears turned red. Like this kind of green young man, actually the most fun.

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