Every time I slept with Carter Sterling, I took care of protection myself. Once it was too intense, broke at the end. He teased: "Joanna, want to have my baby?" My face slightly red, just wanted to explain. He patted my butt, carelessly said: "Don't be silly, you know I won't marry a girl who plays loose." I froze on the spot. Left that city the next day. Reunited five years later. He skillfully fished out a strawberry-flavored packet from my bag, shook it. "Relive the old times?" I politely refused: "No thanks, my husband is waiting for me at home." ... Chapter 1 Carter's smile faded a few degrees. The increasingly mature man's aura was stronger than a few years ago, combined with the wind and snow of New York, pressing people breathless. I buried my face in the scarf, nodded slightly to him then turned to leave. Arm was grabbed by someone. His voice low: "When did you get married?" I was forced to stop, had to answer: "Five years ago." Carter sneered, hooking his lips. "Just broke up with ex-boyfriend then seamlessly found a rebound, your skill of coaxing men hasn't diminished." Cold wind cut face. So many years passed, he could still so easily say words that made me feel humiliated. I looked up straight into his eyes, nodded. "Yes, my husband said he likes the way I coax him." Hurting words not only he can say. Running behind his butt for so long, I also know well how to provoke his anger. Sure enough, muscles on his face twitched rapidly. "Three sentences not leaving your good husband, really touching couple affection." "Said until I'm curious, exactly what did he do, to make you this social butterfly willing to play house for him?" He said through gritted teeth. Eyes however flashing with seriousness... and confusion? I turned my gaze indifferently, seriously said: "Because he said I am like snow." "Snow?" Carter puzzled. Snow filling the sky drifted down, equally covering my and his shoulders. Half a day, he chuckled. "Does he know you were with me?" "Eight years, we slept countless times, played all tricks, he still thinks you are pure and flawless like snow?" I didn't speak. Sawyer didn't mean this. Back then he saw me crying heart-wrenchingly, while handing me a pack of tissues, sighed. "Joanna, you are quite like the snow in New York." I didn't understand, looked at him with red nose. He explained: "Just looks cold, quite shrewd, but actually very silly. As long as getting a trace of warmth, will desperately chase until losing self, until becoming a puddle of water, to nourish dry land." I laughed through tears. Propitious snow promises a good year. Is a good thing. Pulled away from memories, I reached out hand to Carter, asking for the pink square packet still pinched in his hand. "Mr. Sterling, give it back to me." "I really going home, my husband is waiting for me to eat." Carter however flipped wrist, stuffed thing into his coat pocket, smiling ambiguously. "Give to me." "Little girlfriend shy, never embarrassed to actively prepare these, just right save me buying." I noncommittal. Withdrew hand step to leave. Carter remembered something, suddenly said: "Guide Joanna, tomorrow don't forget to pick us up at hotel, if change person halfway, I will complain to your travel agency." My steps paused slightly, helplessly nodded. Peak travel season, Carter brought girlfriend to travel. I am the tour guide receiving them. Chapter 2 Next day. I went to Carter's hotel early. Agreed to meet at 8, they came down at 10. Pretty girl held his arm, shyly complaining: "All blame you, why torment me in morning, later can't ski all blame you." He lazily glanced at me, didn't speak. I boarded the business van with wooden face. Arrived at Aspen ski resort. Lila looked at a row of muscular men providing carry-skiing service eyes shining, shaking Carter's arm said: "I want too, you carry me ski." I timely opened mouth to promote: "We can provide drone follow-up shooting service, very photogenic." Little girl more energetic, non-stop acting spoiled. Carter however unmoved, he seriously picking snowboard, casually pointed: "You go find them carry, they are professional." Lila stunned, moment later pouting: "You not jealous?" Carter finally picked a snowboard. Hearing words, smiling explained: "My vinegar jar not that big." Added a sentence: "Be good, I haven't practiced, afraid hurting you." Little girl mumbled "I don't believe, you afterwards definitely will find excuse torment me", gave up most classic carry-skiing project, obediently went to manager consult single shooting service. I expressionlessly finished watching a familiar taming performance. Little girl definitely thinks Carter is saying one thing meaning another, actually very cares he having intimate contact with other guys, so actively avoid suspicion. Only I know, no. Carter didn't lie. He really doesn't like being jealous. Sometimes the care he shows, is just twisted possessiveness at work. Same possessiveness as towards a cat, a dog, an ear pick. Stained with a bit of his breath, then not allow others touch. Even if this thing is not important to him. People too. Chapter 3 First time I met Carter, was at a classmate's birthday party. Tested into bustling metropolis from remote village, I worked hard for half a year, still couldn't adapt to completely different college campus. Study became unimportant thing. Social, circle, family background and messy abilities are. I have nothing. Walking alone. As an orphan, I already used to this state. But still felt indescribable loneliness when squeezed out of crowd at lively party. I met Carter at this time. He leaned on terrace railing, smoking uninhibitedly. Seeing me, turned hand handed cigarette holder over, smiled unrestrained. "Smoke?" That instant, I heard heart beating thumping sound, so deafening. I was certain I met same kind, started running behind his butt. But that night's loneliness was just fleeting illusion, Carter actually is undisputed campus prince, always surrounded by countless men and women. I was so inconspicuous among them. But Carter didn't drive me away. He tacitly allowed me stay by his side, like raising a stray dog no need feeding. I just became his little tail. Once, playing Truth or Dare. I drew punishment to kiss a boy at same table. I dared not refuse, afraid they think I spoil fun, just about to hard scalp kiss down. Carter suddenly exploded, dragged me out. In dim night, he angrily bit my lips, forcefully sucked rubbed. My brain lack oxygen, near suffocation. Chapter 4 I thought that day Carter was jealous. Drawing such conclusion made me secretly happy endless. Jealous means care, does this mean, he also likes me a little. I happily fantasized, waited. Waited full a week, he didn't contact me once. Day I actively went find him, a senior sister just got off his passenger seat, after ten minutes wet kiss with him, twisted waist back to dorm. I red eyes stepped forward, put all eggs in one basket confessed. Carter put arm on car window, expression playful debauched. "I didn't bring Condoms, you go buy, want XL, strawberry flavor." I went. That night, we spent in hotel. Next day, under torn plastic packaging pressed a dress, replacing my shapeless shirt. I looked at collar low to chest, whole body awkward. Carter however touched my waist, dropped light kiss. "Very beautiful, I like." I looked at self in mirror, seemed indeed more matching him than before. So endured overly bold clothes. That time I thought self was step by step approaching him. Even if unrecognizable also not hesitate. But didn't expect he said in eight years later: "Loose ones just sleep is fine, marry still need clean pure ones." My full cavity love and dignity, thoroughly trampled by him under feet.
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