When Julian Hale asked me to arrange a blind date for him again. I didn't set him up with any weirdos, nor did I call a divorced woman with two kids. I just professionally opened the tablet, pulled up a photo, and placed it in front of him. "How about the Xu family's daughter? Beautiful, intelligent, your type." "Most importantly, she likes you." But Julian's gaze didn't shift, staring tightly at me. His voice tight: "Summer, why aren't you jealous anymore?" I froze for a moment, then laughed: "Mr. Hale, stop joking, how long have we been divorced?" "Once the debt is paid, I will resign as your Executive Assistant, as you wish." Disappear from your world. Chapter 1 Julian's gaze lingered on my smile for a long time. Seemed trying to see something from it. "Dates urged by family, you just arrange anyone to deal with it." His pinky finger tapped the table twice lightly, his habitual small action to suppress irritability. "Is it Sophie? Decline it. You clearly know I can't marry her." "Summer, I explained to you many times, she is just a partner's daughter, me taking care of her a bit doesn't mean anything." "Young girl has thin skin, I can't reject explicitly, why did you arrange her in front of me? Summer, tricks are not used like this..." Julian hadn't said so many words to me for a long time. In front of me, he always cherished words like gold. "Mr. Hale, you misunderstood." I interrupted him, tone neither salty nor bland. "The one dating you is not Miss Sophie, it's her sister Serena." "She just flew back to the country the day before yesterday, contacted me actively." "This date, is her idea. Do you still want to cancel?" Fingers on the table trembled violently twice, Julian lowered his head instantly, gaze falling on the tablet. The girl in the photo pursed her lips and smiled at the camera, smooth hair playfully touching her lips. Making people couldn't help but want to reach out, organize for her. Julian's hand fell halfway, then withdrew as if nothing happened. "Since Serena just came back, then should meet." He opened the file to cover up, added a sentence as if explaining: "Just an old friend haven't seen for many years." "Okay then, your schedule this Saturday is relatively relaxed, I will arrange dinner for you and Miss Serena." I acted professionally, turned to leave. Moment opening the office door, Julian's voice suddenly sounded: "Summer, you don't have to address me as 'Mr.'." Julian frowned slightly, using a tone close to helpless: "Even if we divorced, it hasn't reached this point." "Mr. Hale, we are now superior and subordinate relationship, this is appropriate." Like a punch hit on cotton, Julian stood up somewhat out of control. "Summer Ling, what are you fussing about today? Just because this date is Serena, you act eccentric for so long?" "Don't forget, she was forced to go abroad back then because of you!" I haven't thought of those pasts for a long time. Suddenly mentioned, I realized that damp rain in my heart never dissipated. At that time, I was still the pearl held in the palm of the Ling family, wanton and vivid. Most outrageous time, I sponsored the grade first, that Julian who got into the elite school by grades. Others teased, asked if I fancied him. That time I didn't care, glanced at the cold and waveless him, laughed: "Just made an investment, don't you think he looks like a potential stock?" But I didn't expect, this investment would make me fall in too. I liked his long eyelashes, trembling slightly when looking at me. I also liked him silently pushing over full notes, as return. Staying by his side, smelling the fresh soap scent on him, I could always calm down. I confessed to him, discussed marriage with him. And Julian accepted all. That time I owned too much, so never cared if giving had response. He was quiet, I played various tricks to force him blush. He wanted to climb up, I provided him various resources. Until the day he became the new noble of New York, he took the project he poured all efforts into to the Xu family. Project piled up by countless resources was given away for free by him, just to meet one person, say one sentence. Later I knew, when Xu family did corporate charity, they once donated a batch of books and clothes to Appalachia in Serena's name. Inside mixed a message from Serena. Formulaically describing the beauty outside, advising people to study hard, walk out of the mountains. But happened to be remembered in heart by a boy, for twenty years. He walked very far very far road, just to come in front of Serena, say a thank you. I made a scene, very big. Whole city knew he used me as a springboard, just to see his sweetheart, the one who got away. But Julian just asked Serena out privately again. He apologized to her for me, sorry for causing her trouble. The more I fussed, the better he treated Serena. Even, during commercial competition between two families, he chose to help Xu family without hesitation. Utilizing my trust, sent my father to Federal Prison. That moment, my sky collapsed. My crying, my begging, only exchanged for Julian's light sentence: "Ling family accounts would have problems sooner or later, I just accelerated this process." Even I clamored for divorce, he just silenced for long time, said: "Not now. There are already rumors about Serena outside, us divorcing at this juncture, hinders her reputation." To Serena, he considered everywhere. To me, he ruthless everywhere. That time, I probably really crazy. I went to find Serena, I humbly knelt in front of her, begged her persuade Julian let go my father, my only relative. Serena leisurely sipped coffee, forming sharp contrast with my embarrassment. She smiled saying: "Summer, don't be naive. Someone likes me, willing do anything for me, how could I oppose?" But don't know which paparazzi took photo, set off huge wave online. For a time, "Mistress forces wife kneel" hashtag hung high. That day, Julian holding my hand very painful, smashed bought-out photos on my face, said I shouldn't act. My explanation, he didn't listen a sentence. Until news came Serena went abroad to avoid limelight, Julian's anger suddenly extinguished. He lit cigarette, smoked one after another. In smoke curling, softly spit out a sentence: "Let's divorce." I closed door, no response. Some words, listener doesn't believe, speaker wears out lips useless. Chapter 2 Saturday arrived quickly. Without my reminder, Julian left work early sat in car. In silence, he suddenly spoke: "Your dad's medical fee for next stage already wired." "Thank you Mr. Hale, I know." One sentence, pulled open distance between us again. I sat in passenger seat, looked him through rearview mirror. Suit like usual, just tie changed to Windsor knot, hairstyle also carefully tidied. Dressed up even we didn't have when married. Young Julian, even dressed simple also very fresh, so I easily forgave him. Thinking now, realized one step wrong, every step wrong. Getting off car, Julian looked back at me once, carrying warning meaning. "Stay in car well." I really wanted be sensible, pity work matters can't wait. When I walked into restaurant holding phone, just saw Julian tucking hair falling by Serena's cheek. Withdrawing hand, yet lingeringly rubbed fingertips. Just divorced time, I still very couldn't stand his look of clearly liking, but not admitting. He thought he hid well, even deceived himself, thinking this is gratitude. But to me who sponsored him college, he never mentioned thank you. "Mr. Hale..." I just made sound, Julian quickly stood up. He blocked in front of Serena, face unkind. "Summer Ling, Serena is not someone you can make scene with at will." I stunned, knew he misunderstood. Fairly speaking, from day of divorce, I haven't made scene. Dare not, also don't want. Julian always thought I deliberately arranged some weirdos to date him, was jealous. Actually, just a little revenge I could do. Jealousy is fake, destroying blind date adding blockage to him is real. But Serena came back, even actively found me. "Summer, that mud smell on him is gone." Serena looked at big screen outside high building, live broadcasting video of Julian cutting ribbon for new project. "I once liked someone, but now, I want find someone likes me." I thought, after Serena, I won't have chance arrange blind date for Julian again. "Mr. Hale, it's work call, that project..." "Hang up." "What?" I paused, throat like pinched by someone. "I said hang up." Julian angry. Last time like this was when he just entered society, busy for work till slept on desk. Call came during period, I didn't wake him. I just wanted let him sleep a while more. But didn't expect, after he woke up, angry eyes red. "That was partner I contacted with difficulty, how could you..." I always thought he treated work serious, looking now, just I not that important. "Okay." I pressed off call. Serena at this moment suddenly spoke: "Julian, how can you treat your own wife like this? Clearly you are not such person." Because you don't need do anything, Julian will arrange everything for you. Even after you went abroad, he loved house and crow, treated your sister Sophie very good too. And me, whatever do is wrong. "Miss Serena, you misunderstood, we already divorced long ago. Mr. Hale is single now, I am just his secretary, superior subordinate relationship." I tried best clear relationship, explain for Julian. Looked like cared being misunderstood more than him. Clearly before repeatedly difficult to me because of Serena, was him. But when I emphasized workplace relationship, face ugly, also him. This date ended earlier than I imagined. I sat in car, enduring hunger, watching Julian gentlemanly sent Serena on car, watched tail lights leave. Then, he opened driver door, let driver leave. After divorce, this is our first time sitting side by side, narrow space only two breathings, one obviously heavy, other inaudible. "Summer, interesting? I told you how many times, just old friend meeting, you insist come in check post." "Mr. Hale, I have to remind you again, we already divorced, I can't afford 'check post' two words." I looked out window, lively extraordinary, but no place belonged to me to stay. "Also, you said old friend, I believe. Whatever you say, I believe." Julian suddenly slapped steering wheel, emitted harsh horn sound. Like crack between us unable to stitch. "Fine, since you insist clear relationship with me, then your dad's medical fee I won't pay anymore." Finished, he waited my reaction leisurely. Probably thought I would still like few years ago, hesitant, helpless, like a Stockholm patient, drill into cage he set. But I still looked out window, gaze didn't fall on him a bit. "Up to you." Chapter 3 I was kicked off car, walked alone on street side road. This day very like day my dad out of prison. Night wind rustling, old man's legs also trembling slightly. He old, also suffers cardiovascular disease, special permission medical parole. I knew, since mother passed away, he always had phantom heart pain. Said, if not reluctant me, he long went with mother. I spoiled by him, thought all love in world like them. Is me wrong. Treatment needs lot expense, and my family bankrupt, unable bear. Julian just divorced three days found me again, he paid medical fee. Price is be his secretary to pay debt. Actually, debt between us never money. But a human life. Last week doctor gave me vaccination, said old man too old, even use best medicine useless. Ridiculous is, I have to count days of father's death, waiting for release. Monday, I went company as usual. Entered door sensed atmosphere wrong. Front desk girl eyes uncontrollable excitement, frequently looked at guest sofa corner. Is Serena. She changed into a pink suit today, loose long black hair also tied up. Even actively walked towards me. "Secretary Ling, you know which floor Julian's office is right? I sent message, he hasn't replied, trouble you take me up." Front desk girl secretly leaned to my side, somewhat difficultly whispered ask: "Secretary Ling, entering leaving company need register, look this..." "Follow company system." I made a please gesture. "Miss Serena, trouble you register at front desk, I will take you up later." Serena no movement, just half smile. Behind CEO direct elevator "Ding" sound opened, thin sole leather shoes knocked on tile issuing crisp sound. "Serena, I came down just you sent message, just elevator signal bad, message couldn't send, you didn't wait long right." Julian explained while walking, breath not yet steady. "Didn't wait long either, where need you personally come down pick me." "This not, met Secretary Ling? Wait finish register I go up with you." Serena postured to pick up pen, but stopped by Julian. "You enter leave no need register." He pulled up Serena, walked to direct elevator, didn't give me a look in process. Elevator door closed, front desk girl dared speak: "Secretary Ling, what background this person? Even you enter leave need register, why she no need?" I pulled corner of mouth, avoided talking. "All listen to Mr. Hale." Took employee elevator up stairs, I as usual went pantry hand brew a cup coffee for Julian. Pantry crowded with gossiping people. "Omg, did you see woman Mr. Hale personally brought today? Iceberg actually can smile, won't be CEO wife ba." "HR colleague told me, our company will parachute a returnee director, won't be her ba." Arm suddenly touched, someone leaned close ask: "Secretary Ling, you with Mr. Hale longest, know or not what background that woman ah? Exactly Mr. Hale girlfriend or not ah?" About their matter, I didn't want talk much. But now if say nothing, harder get away. I had to vaguely reply: "Count as, two quite matching." "HR has director is good thing, I no need run back forth pass message." Just coffee filtered finish, I holding turned, turned eye but saw Julian face gloomy standing at door. People in pantry dared not breath loud, actually no one reminded me. I really don't understand where his anger comes from. That cup coffee finally also poured into sink. Because I was suspended. New official takes office three fires, first one burned on me. Serena found I didn't sign any labor contract with company. "Secretary Ling, you divorced still play this workplace romance?" "Former big miss how thought come be mistress?" Serena said impolitely, I didn't want explain to her either. These few years, I long cut off standard big waves, tied ordinary pony tail. "Summer Ling" long fell with Ling family, buried together. Only left a no name no title Secretary Ling. Back then, we one wanted keep person, one couldn't leave, only became today this awkward situation. Julian didn't explain either, he wanted give Serena face. Just when I left, sent me a message: "Go home tonight, we re-discuss debt content." I suddenly felt very funny, Serena back country, he still tying me not let go count what? Full heart grievance nowhere vent. I turned off phone, unknowingly arrived hospital. Before visiting father, I specially went flower shop bought a bunch "Forget-Me-Nots". Before mother passed away, father disliked fiddling these flowers most. But after mother left, he learned mother raising flowers, among favorite is "Forget-Me-Nots". Julian didn't treat father bad, ward lighting very good, through window can see lake not far. But when I holding flowers entered door, felt bad. Sunlight too dazzling, swayed me blinked tears. Just this instant, that hunched figure disappeared from window. Hearing slow a beat, my brain reacted what he said. "Summer, I old, not drag you down." "Your mom waited me too long underground, I miss her." I stiffened body, stood on spot. Shackles connecting Julian on body suddenly disappeared, I didn't have imagined easy relief. I used father's favorite "Forget-Me-Nots", buried him. Chapter 4 Came out from cemetery, I then found Julian sent me many messages. Questioning why not go home? Why not reply message? Even, he as always used father threaten me. I thought, my situation also no need specially go back walk resignation process. So, I pulled SIM card, told no one. On a rainy day, crisp and neat left New York. Disappeared from Julian's world. Day Summer left, New York rained a rare continuous rain. Julian sat in office, face expression uglier than weather outside. After another message got no response, he finally pieced together Summer's phone number by memory, called. "Hello, number you dialed is off, please try again later..." Dial again, call again, always that mechanical voice. Julian angry smashed phone on table, somewhat powerlessly fell into seat. He pinched brow center, relieve continuous irritability in heart. And that trace undetectable unease. "Ding" sound, phone emitted light noise. Julian reached long hand to take, carrying urgency he didn't detect himself. But a long string messages still no one respond. Is Serena sent message, ask him small gathering after work. Julian finger stayed in input box for long time. He suddenly remembered Summer's back when suspended leaving. Isolated helpless. Put on her few years ago, was think dare not think. That time she always vivid beautiful, welcome everywhere, even Julian focused reading heard her name. When did she become current appearance? Julian thought, he might raised a flower to death. "Have matter tonight, another day." This is his first time rejecting Serena. After sending, he uncomfortably put down phone. A while later, Julian got up took coat, decided leave work early find Summer back. This moment, unease in his heart maybe only seeing Summer can dissolve. ... Julian drove aimlessly in city. Night lights on, lights dim. Even stayed in New York for few years, he still felt strange. Otherwise, how could he not think where Summer might go. He went to an apartment. Product of Summer tough moving out home after divorce. Even he repeatedly said she could live at home, he didn't mind, but other side still went her own way. "But I mind." Calm in her eyes making heart startle across years suddenly hit Julian. Property opened door, he held handle, paused long time then pressed. Moonlight sprinkled, room cold. That year, he angry, knowing Summer penniless, still cold eye watched her embarrassed rent in slum. Slum not safe, first night moved in, she harassed by drunk. Clearly he anxious rushed over overnight, but first sentence opened mouth was: "Summer Ling, how can you be so stupid." Stupid to even those few burglar locks can't lock. But Julian forgot, when Ling family there, Summer never had chance touch burglar lock lifetime. Julian chest causeless annoyed up. He click turned on light. But warm indoor light still didn't change room coldness, even shone that lingering loneliness more clear. Apartment is fine decoration, bag check in. But Summer lived few years actually didn't let it dye a trace popularity. Refrigerator empty, only two bottles water. Closet also just few suits, bright dresses Summer once liked most never see again. Opened drawer, miscellaneous daily items only occupy a corner, most, still hospital case sheets. Top one date newest. Last week. Julian picked up look, instant face white. Car start sound more restless in night. Tire issued unbearable friction sound, Julian stared constantly soaring speed, heart only one thought— Faster, faster! He flew to hospital, opened VIP ward. "People?! People inside?!" He lost control ran to nurse station roared. "Mr. Hale, old gentleman inside two days ago... jumped building..." Julian brain buzzing, blankly asked back: "Good good, how could jump building?" "Old gentleman said, didn't want drag his daughter..." Chest suddenly surged huge sorrow, Julian covered chest dejectedly fell sitting on ground. Surroundings all exclamations, asking his situation. Julian heard nothing clear, even eyes lost focus. Half while passed, he covered eyes with hand. Cheek flowed wet traces. Julian thought, he nothing can keep Summer. So, she left. Back then, she vigorously broke into his world. When left so quiet. Even didn't say goodbye to him. "Day I left, temperature dropped suddenly. I wandered in station, hesitating where to go. Gust wind blew, I dressed thin, couldn't help shivered. That moment, I decided. New York too cold, I want go a warm place. Childhood, when mom still there, winter always intolerant cold. Although indoor heating hot I shouted eat popsicle, but mom hands feet still warm cool. This time, dad always lifted coat, hesitation free covered mom feet tight, used body heat warm her. I asked, why mom so afraid cold still come New York. "New York cold, but always has person make me warm." I bought ticket, looking fog exhaled from mouth. "Mom, New York too cold, also no person make me warm. I left, chance come back see you guys again, don't blame me." I came to a small city seasons like spring Savannah, not prosperous as New York, but more fireworks air than New York. Once me, loved shuttle in high-end malls most, famous brand bags countless. And now, I skillfully ask way, rent house, chat with people, no single bit discomfort. Changes those few years, made me completely change a person. I learned how buckle burglar lock, learned bargain with people. Also learned, not think him. I didn't know do what, simply opened a flower shop myself. Register shop, pick location, buy flower seeds, busy enriched my life. Just like this passed a year. I taking care fresh cut flowers arrived today, serious pick off extra branches leaves. Under flower shop window, I personally planted a large patch "Forget-Me-Nots". This moment, blooming just bright. Next door is a small bistro, day business few, landlady bored sat front door watch shop. "Little Summer, you now completely different person from year ago ah!" She loud voice sighed, gaze look distance. Seem recalling. "That time you just came, I thought outside end of world, living dead found our small place." She joked. "Seeing you day by day have living person vitality, really good ah." Just came, I alone, no concern. Strong world-weary feeling always lingering. But who am I? Back then reckless dashing, dared drive sports car on winding mountain road Summer Ling. Even suffered so many changes, even ground to haggard, but bottom color in bone never change. "Yes ah, really good ah." I looked distant skylight, tranquil quiet. "Forget-Me-Nots" small, blue purple petals gently swayed with wind. Until speeding car broke calm. "Want die ah, drive so fast! Place not big, sooner or later hit electric pole!" Landlady angry supported notice board blown down at door, stared at car tail. Didn't expect car really stopped. "Little Summer," Landlady swallowed, asked me uneasy, "Did you just see clear if window open, won't really be heard by people right?" "This car looks expensive, people won't find me trouble right." I didn't respond, early when car sped past, I froze on spot. That license plate... seems New York's. "Won't, originally their problem." I comforted landlady two sentences, quickly picked up just tied flower bouquet, closed shop door. "Sister, I go send flowers, not chat with you." Actually, two hours from guest required time. But I don't know what panicking, simply send early. I holding flowers turned, that car this moment already backed, stopped at my door. I couldn't help back step, and car owner step step pressing. "Go where? I send you." Julian voice seems more deep, tone however gentle much. "No need, not two steps." I lowered eyes refused, then want bypass him. Crossing, Julian suddenly pulled my hand. "Summer Ling, Summer," He leaked a trace begging, "Just let me send you a ride." To me, Julian always called full name, like this intimate "Summer" never called. Suddenly heard, only felt strange. Before everything happened, I also teased him. "Where call wife full name? Julian, you call me Summer, I give you a surprise." Julian didn't call, also didn't want surprise. So he didn't know, we once had a child. After father prison, before kneeling Serena, I aborted. Month too small, only feel blood clot flow out body. But pain was heart tearing lung splitting. I just, didn't want let child not born yet, humble like me. Julian not let, next door landlady gaze frequently probing again. I still sat on Julian car. I habitually opened passenger seat, but didn't pull open. "Summer, sit back." "We now not superior subordinate relationship." I put flowers middle, sat in. Julian looked once, but didn't say much, just bitter laughed once. Way relative silent. Julian several times want open mouth, forced back by my indifference. Until almost destination, he obvious anxious. "Summer, live okay?" I heart sneer. "As you see, very good. If you didn't appear front me, better." Roles between us switched. Past always he pulled my joy anger sorrow happiness, now is me. I only have myself, nothing good lose, also nothing good fear. First let go, only have no fear. Until blocking flowers picked up, until car door opened a crack, Julian then sound again. Abrupt, nonsensical, but clear every syllable trembling. "Summer, I regretted."
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