"You owe the family $380,000." Mom sent an Excel spreadsheet to the family group chat. The header read "Family AA Bill," followed by three rows: Ashley: Surplus $120,000. Brian: Surplus $20,000. Me: Debt $380,000. The group exploded instantly. "Time to pay up, right?" Ashley sent an emoji. "Mom calculated it clearly," Brian followed. I stared at that number and smiled. $380,000. Did she ever calculate how much money I've transferred to the family since I grew up? Chapter 1 I handed the phone to my husband, David. "Look." He took it, his face changing bit by bit. "What does this mean?" "The bill my mom calculated." I took a sip of water. "Says I owe the family $380,000." "$380,000?" His voice raised. "For what?" I clicked on the spreadsheet and zoomed in. It listed clearly: [Cost Breakdown for Raising Scarlett] Tuition (Elementary to College): $48,000 Living Expenses (18 years): $120,000 Clothing & Shoes: $32,000 College Dorm: $8,000 Wedding Subsidy: -$6,000 Other Expenses: $58,000 Subtotal: $260,000 Interest (5% annual rate, 18 years): $120,000 Total Debt: $380,000. David stared at the last line: "Interest? She even calculated interest?" "Yes." I nodded. "Mom says if this money were in the bank, it would have earned this much interest. Spent on raising me, so I have to make it up." "What about your sister?" I scrolled to Ashley's column. [Cost Breakdown for Raising Ashley] Tuition: $45,000 Living Expenses: $100,000 Clothing: $40,000 Other: $25,000 Subtotal: $210,000 Given to Parents at Wedding: $80,000 Regular Filial Piety: $250,000 Surplus: +$120,000. David stopped talking. I scrolled down to Brian's column. [Cost Breakdown for Raising Brian] Tuition: $62,000 Living Expenses: $150,000 Other: $88,000 Subtotal: $300,000 Given to Parents at Wedding: $100,000 Regular Filial Piety: $220,000 Surplus: +$20,000. "Wait." David frowned. "When your brother got married, didn't your parents give him $350,000 for the down payment? Why isn't that counted?" "Not counted." "And your sister's wedding, didn't your mom give her $200,000 as dowry?" "Not counted either." "What about your wedding?" I smiled. "For my wedding, my mom gave $6,000. The bill says 'Wedding Subsidy negative $6,000'." David's hands clenched. "How does she calculate? Giving your sister $200k doesn't count, giving your brother $350k doesn't count, but giving you $6k is a negative number?" "Because that $6,000 was deducted from the money I gave her before." "What do you mean?" "My first year working, I gave the family $2,000 a month. $24,000 a year. Mom said the $6,000 she gave for my wedding was deducted from that." "What about the rest you gave?" "She said that's 'filial piety', doesn't count as repayment." David slammed the phone on the table. "What the hell is this!" I didn't speak. The group chat kept pinging. Ashley: "@Scarlett, did you see? Mom calculated very clearly." Brian: "Sis, you owe the most." Mom: "Scarlett, it wasn't easy raising you all these years. Now that you're capable, you should pay it back." I stared at those messages, didn't reply to a single one. David asked me: "What do you think?" I opened my photo album, found a screenshot. It was the record of transfers I made to Mom over these years. 2018: $5,000. 2019: $12,000. 2020: $20,000. 2021: $18,000. 2022: $30,000. 2023: $25,000. 2024: $45,000. Plus a few separate ones: Dad's hospitalization: $15,000. Brother's wedding gift: $10,000. Sister's baby gift: $5,000. New Year/Holiday red envelopes: About $3,000 annually. "How much total?" David asked. "I calculated." I said. "Not counting small stuff, just these, $185,000." "In the bill?" "Zero." I saved the screenshot of transfer records. "She says these are my 'filial piety' to her, can't count as repayment. The money she spent raising me is hers. The money I gave her as filial piety is also hers." David's hands were trembling. "What are you going to do?" I looked at the message in the group, another one came. Ashley: "@Scarlett, you're not trying to bail on the debt, are you?" I slowly typed a line. "Sis, Mom gave you $200,000 dowry for your wedding, why isn't it in the bill?" Send. The group was silent for ten seconds. Then Mom spoke: "That was our dowry for your sister, a different matter from the bill." I typed another line. "Then Brother bought a house, you gave $350,000 down payment, why isn't that there either?" Another five seconds of silence. Brian rushed to answer: "That's Mom and Dad's own money, what's it to you?" I smiled. "Good." I put down the phone and looked at David. "She wants to settle accounts, I'll settle with her." David nodded. "What do you need me to do?" "Help me dig up how much my family gave and how much we spent when we got married." He immediately went to find the folder. I reopened my phone, screenshotting every transfer record, one by one. I want to see exactly how this account should be calculated. Chapter 2 At 9 PM, I finished organizing all materials. David sat beside me, face iron-green. "Do you know what makes me angriest?" He said. "What?" "The year we got married." I didn't speak. I knew what he was going to say. When we got married, my family asked for $80,000 as a "Wedding Contribution" (like a reverse dowry/bride price). David's family wasn't rich, but they scraped it together. On the wedding day, my mom took that $80,000. "The money is for you," she said then. "But leave it with me for now, I'll give it to you when you need it later." I thought then, okay, listen to her. The result? The second year of marriage, Brian bought a house, down payment wasn't enough. Mom called: "Scarlett, lend that $80,000 to your brother first." "Mom, that's my wedding money..." "Lend it, lend it! Not like he won't pay back! Your brother buying a house is a big deal, why are you so selfish?" I gave the money. And then? Brian bought the house, got married, never mentioned paying back. I asked once. Mom said: "Your brother just got married, where does he have money to pay you? Besides, you're married out, still calculating with your brother?" I never asked again. David flipped through the records from back then, voice muffled. "Our wedding, what did your family give?" "You know." "I want to confirm again." I sighed. "On the wedding day, Mom gave me a red envelope, $6,000. Said it was to add to my makeup fund." "And then?" "Nothing." "What about bedding? Furniture? Appliances?" "We bought them all ourselves." "What about your sister's wedding?" I opened my phone, found an old photo. That was posted by Mom on Facebook when Ashley got married. In the photo, Ashley stood amidst piles of red bedding, behind her were sets of furniture, appliances, a new car. Caption was: "Eldest daughter married, grand and glorious!" I counted those things. Ten sets of bedding. Six sets of linens. TV, fridge, washing machine, AC. A car worth $120,000. And $200,000 cash Mom gave on the spot. David looked at the photo, speechless. "Do you know how I felt then?" I smiled. "When I got married, Mom didn't post on Facebook." "Why?" "She said, your sister's was held in the hometown, relatives and friends all came, needed face. Yours was in the city, few people knew, no one would look even if posted." David slammed the phone on the table. "Your mom..." He held back for a long time, couldn't speak. I patted his hand. "It's okay." "What do you mean okay?" His voice trembled. "She gave your sister $200k dowry, your brother $350k down payment, gave you $6k and took away $80k wedding money. Now she turns around and says you owe her $380k?" I didn't answer. Phone rang again. It was Ashley's DM. "Sis, what you said in the group just now was a bit too much." I clicked open. "How so?" "Mom and Dad giving me dowry, giving brother house money, that's their business. You can't compare with that." "Then what can I compare with?" "Just admit you owe Mom and Dad, isn't that enough? $380k isn't asking you to pay all at once, you can pay slowly." "I owe them?" "How much did you spend on school? Living expenses? Don't you know in your heart?" I laughed. "Sis, let me ask you. The money spent on your school, did you pay it back?" "I paid it back. I gave money to Mom and Dad every year after marriage." "Then the money you gave is 'filial piety' in the bill. Why is the money I gave also 'filial piety' and can't count as repayment?" Ashley didn't reply. I continued typing: "Also, Mom and Dad gave you $200k dowry for your wedding, why isn't it deducted in the bill?" "That's dowry! Every daughter has it!" "Do I have it?" Ashley went silent again. "Do I have it, Sis?" I sent again. "When I got married, how much did Mom give me?" Half a minute later, Ashley replied: "Your situation is different." "How is it different?" "You weren't likable since childhood, relationship with parents wasn't good either. When you got married, you fought with Mom, of course she didn't want to give you too much." I stared at this line, hands shaking a bit. "So, I'm not likable, so I have no dowry. But I'm not likable, I still have to pay back $380k?" "Those are two different things!" "Sis, tell me, what are two different things? Giving to you is one thing, asking from me is another?" Ashley stopped replying. David finished reading the conversation beside me. "What does she mean? You weren't likable since childhood?" I put down the phone. "Mom said it about me since I was little. Said I can't talk, can't read faces, not pleasing. Sister can coax people, Brother is a boy, only me..." "Only you what?" "Only I 'look like an outsider'." I remembered childhood. Ashley's birthday, bought cake, invited relatives for dinner. Brian's birthday, Mom cooked specially, a table full of dishes. My birthday, Mom usually said: "Celebrate with your sister, buy one cake together, save money." Ashley had new dresses, I wore Ashley's hand-me-downs. Brian had new sneakers, I wore cheap canvas shoes. I asked Mom, why. She said: "Your sister loves beauty, wants face. Your brother is a boy, can't wear girl's clothes. You just wear whatever, you don't care anyway." Did I care? I cared. But I didn't say. Useless to say. Said too much, Mom would say: "Look at you, why so insensible? Your sister and brother never calculate these with me. Only you have so many issues." Slowly, I stopped saying. Slowly, I became the "unlikable" one. Slowly, I owed $380,000. David held my hand. "Why didn't you tell me before?" "Tell what?" I smiled. "Say my mom is biased? Say I wasn't liked since childhood? Telling you would make you think I'm complaining." "I wouldn't." "But my mom would say I'm complaining. She said, other kids suffer much more than me, I'm still picky, ungrateful." David was silent for a while. "Then what do you plan to do now?" I looked at the phone screen, new messages in the family group. Mom: "Scarlett, what do you mean exactly? Family, talking about dowry or not?" Ashley: "Exactly, bills are bills, dowry is dowry." Brian: "Mom, she just doesn't want to pay, making excuses." I took a deep breath. "David, help me turn on the computer." "For what?" "They want to settle accounts," I said, "Then let's settle it clearly." Chapter 3 I spent two hours making a new spreadsheet. Header read: [Recalculation of Scarlett's Family Accounts] I listed every sum of money. Part 1: My Expenditures. 2018-2024 Annual transfers to parents: $185,000 2020 Dad's hospitalization: $15,000 2022 Brother's wedding gift: $10,000 2023 Sister's baby: $5,000 Annual holiday red envelopes: Approx 7 years × $3,000 = $21,000 Subtotal: $236,000 Part 2: Parents' Expenditures for Sister. Dowry: $200,000 Car: $120,000 Furniture/Appliances: Approx $30,000 Subtotal: $350,000 Part 3: Parents' Expenditures for Brother. House Down Payment: $350,000 Wedding Gift: $120,000 Renovation Subsidy: $50,000 Subtotal: $520,000 Part 4: Parents' Expenditures for Me. Given at wedding: $6,000 Wedding money taken away: -$80,000 Actual: -$74,000 David watched beside me, face getting darker. "So..." "So by my mom's logic," I pointed at the table, "Sister got $350k, Brother got $520k, I lost $74k." "But in her bill..." "In her bill, Sister surplus $120k, Brother surplus $20k, I owe $380k." David took a few deep breaths. "How did she calculate?" "Because she only counts raising costs, not money given out." I smiled. "What she gave Sister and Brother is called 'Parental Love'. What she took from me is called 'You Should'." David stopped talking. I saved the screenshot of the table. "You really going to post in the group?" He asked. "Not rushing." "Then what do you want to do?" I thought about it. "I won't post first. I'll wait, see what else they say." David nodded. "I support you. Whatever you decide, I stand by your side." My heart warmed a bit. Luckily, I have him. Next day, Mom called. I didn't answer. Called three more times. Still didn't answer. Then WeChat voice call. Then text message. Text content: "Scarlett, are you trying to piss me off? Your dad knows this, his blood pressure went up from anger. Are you still part of this family? Call me back immediately!" I put phone on silent. David asked: "You really not answering?" "Say what if I answer? She opens mouth with 'You owe me $380k'. I answer a hundred calls, she says the same thing." "Then how long you plan to stay cold?" "Wait till she calms down." But my mom didn't plan to calm down. In the afternoon, Sister sent WeChat. "Sis, Mom asked me to persuade you. Don't be stubborn with her, she's old, can't stand anger." "Sis, do you think this bill is reasonable?" "Reasonable or not, she is your mom." "So I have to accept?" "Can't you yield a bit? $380k, you just pay slowly. A few tens of thousands a year, done in ten years." "Sis, let me ask you, the money you gave Mom, did she ever ask you to pay back?" Sister didn't reply. I continued: "You know how much you give her annually. New Year two or three thousand, birthday few hundred, holidays token gesture. Add up these years, is it $50k?" "That's different!" "How is it different?" "Money I give Mom is filial piety. Money you give Mom... is also filial piety. But your raising cost is higher, you went to better college, spent more money than me." "I got into college myself, half of my college living expenses I earned part-time. Did Mom count these?" Sister was silent. "Sis," she changed tone, "We are family, don't calculate so much. Mom is old, she does this for the good of the family." "For the good of the family? Sis, tell me, in this 'family', is there me?" "What do you mean?" "I mean, this bill benefits Sister, benefits Brother, harms me. Who is this 'family' for?" Sister stopped talking. I continued typing: "Sis, you said I wasn't likable since childhood. But do you know why? Because I can't pretend. I can't be like you, saying yes to whatever Mom says. I can't be like Brother, asking for whatever. I just be myself, then got called 'not pleasing'." "This..." "I'm not pleasing, so I'm not valuable. I'm not valuable, so I have no dowry. No dowry, still have to pay mortgage for Brother, be ATM for Sister. Now Mom calculated a bill, Sister surplus $120k, Brother surplus $20k, I owe $380k. Sis, do you think this is reasonable?" Sister's reply came: "Scarlett, you are too extreme." I laughed. "Yes, I am too extreme." I exited chat, threw phone aside. David looked at me. "Are you okay?" "Pretty good." I said. "Do you know, when I was little, the saddest thing wasn't having no new dress." "What was it?" "It was every time I asked why, Mom always said: You calculate too much, insensible." "Seemed like my fault. Seemed I shouldn't ask. Seemed I should be like Sister, turn a blind eye to all unfairness, smilingly say Mom you are right." "But I couldn't do it." David held my hand tight. "You don't need to do it." He said. "You asked right." I leaned on his shoulder, eyes a bit hot. Phone rang again. Family group. Brother sent a voice message. I clicked, his voice: "Sis, Mom said, before end of this month, you transfer $380k. Or don't come back for New Year." Chapter 4 I laughed after listening to that voice message. David asked: "What are you laughing at?" "Laughing at my brother." "What did he say?" "He said, transfer $380k before end of month. Or don't come back for New Year." David was silent for a few seconds. "Does your mom agree with him saying this?" I handed him the phone. In the group, after Brother sent the voice message, Mom sent another one: "Your brother is right. Scarlett, if you don't recognize this debt, don't recognize this family." David's eyes narrowed. His eyes only do that when he's extremely angry. I reached out and patted him. "It's okay." "What do you mean okay?" His voice lowered. "They are threatening you." "I know." "What do you plan to do?" I thought about it. "I plan to settle an account with her." "That spreadsheet you made last night?" "Yes. But posting the spreadsheet isn't enough. I want them to know, this account isn't up to them to decide." David nodded: "What do you need me to do?" "Help me find the chat records from when we got married. WeChat, text messages, transfer records, all of them." He immediately went to look through his phone. I continued organizing materials. At 10 PM, I organized everything. Total three documents. First, my transfer records to the family over these years. Second, chat records of family taking my wedding money. Third, screenshots of what my mom said these years. A few of them, I remember especially deep. 2019, first time I didn't send money home because David lost his job that month, we really had no spare money. Mom said: "Other people's daughters know filial piety. You have a husband now, don't want mom?" 2021, Brother married, asked to borrow $50k. I only had $30k, lent $30k. Mom said: "Your brother marrying, you can't even take out $50k? You earn so much every month, where did you spend it?" 2022, I was pregnant, wanted to take leave home to rest a few days. Mom said: "Why come back? No one serves you at home. Stay in the city honestly, find a confinement nanny isn't enough?" 2023, I gave birth, Mom didn't come. She said: "Your sister is busy, your brother needs people too. Doesn't your husband have a mom? Let your mother-in-law take care of you." I organized these screenshots one by one. David watched beside me, face getting uglier. "You... never told me before." "Tell what?" "These words. What she said." I smiled. "Telling would make you sad." "I'm sad now." "I know." He hugged me. "In the future whatever they say, you don't have to carry it alone." I leaned in his arms, didn't speak. Phone rang again. Sister's DM. "Sis, thought it through? Mom said, if you don't pay back, don't contact anymore." I put the phone aside. "I thought it through." David asked: "You posting in group?" "Mm." "You sure?" "Sure." I opened the family group, typed a line: "Mom, I also calculated an account." Send. Then I sent out three documents one by one. First: Money I gave family these years, total $236,000. Second: Wedding money family took from me $80,000, dowry given to me $6,000. Actual: -$74,000. Third: Sister's wedding dowry received: $350,000. Brother's house down payment, wedding gift, renovation: $520,000. Finally, I typed a paragraph: "Mom, according to your calculation, raising me cost $260k, plus interest total $380k. Then I ask: What about the $236k I gave you? What about the $80k wedding money you took from me? What about the $350k dowry you gave Sister? What about the $520k house money you gave Brother? If we calculate all, let me help you calculate one more: You gave Sister and Brother total $870,000. You gave me $6,000. You took from me total $316,000 (including $236k filial piety and $80k wedding money). So, who owes whom exactly?" Sent. The group was silent for a full three minutes. Then, Sister sent one: "What do you mean by this?" Brother sent one: "Are you crazy?" Mom sent a voice message. I clicked. Her voice trembling. "Scarlett, your wings hardened, calculating with me? I raised you all these years, is this how you repay me? You ungrateful wolf!" I finished reading, didn't reply. David looked at me. "Are you okay?" I nodded. "Pretty good." "She scolded you." "I know." "You not angry?" I thought about it. "When I was little, every time I felt unfair, she would scold me. Said I wasn't sensible, greedy, not likable." "I was very sad then. Because I thought, maybe it really was my problem." "But now I know, it's not my problem." I looked at phone screen, a pile of messages in group again. Ashley: "You are deliberately looking for trouble!" Brian: "Don't recognize this family if you have guts!" Mom: "I shouldn't have given birth to you!" I put phone on silent, on table. "David," I said, "They want me not to recognize this family, right?" "Mm." "Then I grant their wish." I opened group settings, set "Family Group" to Do Not Disturb. Then I clicked Mom's avatar. Delete. Clicked Sister's avatar. Delete. Clicked Brother's avatar. Delete. David looked at me. "You sure?" "Sure." I put down phone. "They say I owe them $380k. Fine, from today, I don't owe. This account, cleared." "But family affection..." "Affection?" I smiled. "David, there is a kind of affection called 'Only obligations, no rights'." "Me giving them money is 'should'. Me having no dowry is 'not likable'. Me paying back because they raised me." "But them giving Sister and Brother money, that's 'Parental Love'. Sister and Brother don't need to pay back, because they are 'own people'." "What about me? What person am I?" David didn't speak. I took a deep breath. "From today, I am not that 'unlikable' second child. I am myself." "I owe no one. And need no one to like me." David held my hand tight. "I like you." I smiled. "I know."
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