In the third year after breaking up with my childhood sweetheart, my mom cooked his favorite King Crab Legs. "Jenna, get up today, don't make a scene with her." Zoe is my mom's favorite student, Peter is the boy I loved for ten years. Seeing me sitting in a wheelchair without saying a word. My mom raised her volume, attempting to cover up her guilty conscience: "Zoe changed your college application back then for your own good. But being a conflict journalist was your choice, you can't blame others." I just smiled and said calmly: "Yeah!" "The past cannot be reversed, but I am ultimately heading forward!" Chapter 1 Seeing that I didn't lose my temper, nor hysterical like before. My mom was still worried and continued to beat around the bush: "Zoe and Peter have a very good relationship as husband and wife, you can't be the third party stepping in, I can't afford to lose face." My mom has always been like this. Always standing on the outsider's side. Treating her biological daughter as an enemy who needs to be guarded against. Peter met me first clearly. We are neighbors, childhood sweethearts. Grew up holding hands. He kissed me under the jacaranda tree, confessed to me. We have always liked each other. He said, he would definitely marry me. But as a high school teacher, my mom brought the underprivileged student Zoe home. From that day on, she pervaded every corner, inserting herself into the world of me and Peter. My mom took half the credit. Whether I went to the library or went shopping with Peter, she made me take Zoe along. Even their witness at the wedding was my mom. I tore open a bag of cucumber-flavored chips, my gaze plain. "Mom, you are so worried, why force me to come back to recuperate?" "Damn girl, wings hardened, dare to talk to me like this." She habitually acted fiercely, wanting to poke my forehead. I turned my head to dodge. Someone pressed the passcode lock outside the door. My mom put on a smiling face and went to welcome them. Chapter 2 Zoe and Peter fingers interlocked. "Ms. Yan, I smell the food, am I late and couldn't lend a hand?" "Good child, come in quickly. I made Peter's favorite King Crab Legs, and your favorite scrambled eggs with onions." Entering the living room, they seemed to discover my existence just now. Zoe hid behind instinctively like the first time she came to my house. As if I were some man-eating beast. My mom glared at me, signaling me not to put on a cold dead face, say hello to guests. I didn't move. Peter subconsciously looked at my foot wrapped in thick gauze, tone concerned. "Jenna, is your injury better?" I nodded politely. After sitting at the table, my mom arranged them in the best position to pick food, then commanded me: "Go to the refrigerator to get mango juice, Zoe loves it most." Zoe looked at me, opened her mouth in embarrassment: "Ms. Yan, no need." "Are you worried about her leg? Don't worry, she deserves it, insisted on running to such a chaotic place abroad." "Not really, I can't eat cold things today, also no luck to eat crab." Zoe touched her lower abdomen, looked at Peter shyly, announcing she was pregnant, just three months. Peter lowered his eyes, expression unclear. My mom was more excited than being pregnant herself at an old age, instructing many precautions, wishing to let her move back to raise the fetus. "Ms. Yan still keeps your room, Peter doesn't come back at noon, you come over to eat and take a nap." My house is a small three-bedroom. The second day Zoe moved in, my mom gave my sunny room to her on the grounds that she suffered too much when she was young. Four years of university, Zoe studied in this city, often came back. So, I didn't move back to the room that originally belonged to me, still living in the small room without windows. Seeing me no movement. Zoe asked cautiously: "Jenna, not leaving this time right? Ms. Yan says she doesn't miss you verbally, but often looks at photos you posted on social media!" "So envious of you photographing artillery scars in ancient city of Syria, chasing armed evacuation in Libyan desert." "Unlike me, can only be a little waste pampered by Peter. Feel so sorry for the special attention Ms. Yan and Peter gave me in high school!" Chapter 3 Once, I was easily provoked by Zoe's passive-aggressive comments. Because the way mom treated Zoe, let me see she also has a gentle maternal side. Not as harsh as to me. I am allergic to onions. But my mom loves to eat. In order to conduct obedience testing, for a continuous summer vacation, the dining table only had white rice and various dishes stir-fried with onions. Even chicken soup had to throw a few cloves of onions. Born in a single-parent family, I have never seen my biological father. My mom never let me mention him. To what extent? Just mention it, immediately slap my face kind. I was wronged, only Peter comforted me. For a very long time, I had deep dependence on him. That year I was punished by the onion family, I was ten years old. Peter's parents did business out of town, he asked Grandma Peter to make egg fried rice for me. Since then, I became his little glutton. His pockets loaded with milk, strawberry cakes, spicy strips, feeding me full. We agreed to go to New York University (NYU) together, marry after graduation, let Grandma Peter hold grandson earlier. Until my mom brought Zoe home. Her family is very poor, tested from remote mountain area to this city, took a lot of effort. My mom appreciated her perseverance, stopped my guzheng lessons, paid her tuition and remedial fees. I hated Zoe, always using pitiful look to gain my mom's sympathy. I never actively talked to her. Peter touched my head, promising to always stand on my side. Until that day after school, he bumped into Zoe squatting on playground eating pickles with cold rice. At that time, his expression was complicated, had astonishment, also bear not. But Zoe in my house, my mom cooked her favorite pasta in different ways. Basically didn't exist not full. Peter carefully chose words, as if for my own good: "Jenna, don't you think sometimes too petty?" "Your mom is good to everyone, only not good to you, should you reflect on it?" I was long-term gaslighted by my mom, really went to think if it was my own problem. Meanwhile, Peter used my mom's name, stood me up, tutored Zoe. Also because Zoe said never been to amusement park, gave up celebrating my birthday. These operations, I was kept in the dark at that time. Otherwise, wouldn't have discussed long-distance relationship with Peter for four years. Until graduation year, I came back early with luggage, saw Zoe and Peter in my house room, clothes disheveled hugging together. I shed tears all night, as if faith collapsed. Four years, Peter flew many times to see me, vowed to be "graduation-marriage clan" with me. Overnight, how did love change? I shouted and screamed, wanted to drive Zoe out. My mom slapped me hard, said this is the house she bought, I have no right to decide who stays or leaves. In a fit of anger, I proposed breaking up, applied to go abroad as a conflict journalist. My mom not only didn't blame Zoe, but also intended to recognize her as goddaughter. Just Zoe's parents didn't agree, so gave up. Chapter 4 I ate a few mouthfuls boringly, went back to the room. Behind came my mom's scolding of hating iron not becoming steel, and Zoe's不动声色 adding fuel to the fire. Peter brought a plate of strawberries in. I ignored him. "Jenna, are you still blaming Zoe? Not saying a word to her today, going back will think wildly again." If it were before, I would definitely shout loudly: Shouldn't I blame? She changed my application without authorization, snatched my boyfriend, my mom even didn't allow me to call police, even couldn't get angry at her. When suffered stray bullet attack in Syria, almost died. I just figured it out. People who don't care about you, no matter what you say, what they receive is air. I kept silent. Peter thought I was angering him, explained non-stop: "I always knew, Ms. Yan hated New York very much, you wanted to apply for NYU back then, was to escape her." "Zoe didn't want you mother and daughter to break up, so accidentally remembered your password, helped you change it." Yeah! Her good intention, changed my original economics major in NYU to journalism major in unpopular university, two thousand kilometers away from home. Peter was still chatter: "Jenna, even if I was admitted to NYU with you back then, would also advise you to change application." I really got annoyed listening, casually said a sentence: "You intentionally tested poorly, was to stay to accompany Zoe?" His voice stopped abruptly, like wild duck stuck by neck. He didn't know how I knew. Because he never saw clearly, Zoe who looked strong and innocent on surface, simply not the little white rabbit he knew. After finishing university, Zoe didn't need my mom's sponsorship anymore, sent a lot of messages provoking me. Such as high school, how Peter crossed sea under camouflage, behind my back took her to amusement park, cinema, and the marine park I longed for. University time, Peter who got driver's license, used weekends to take her to surrounding tours. If encountered me calling to check post, would also use hotel curtains to lie. Chapter 5 At that time, I was immersed in the pain of suffering triple betrayal. Alone in the real scene of artillery fire quitting. I slapped myself, pulled long hair on top of head, cut veins with blade... From small to big, my mom while using suppression education on me, while using single mother's difficulty trap me. Zoe made me clearly realize, I am not liked by everyone. Including the only closest relative. She sarcastically said Peter leaving me was correct choice. People like me don't deserve to live in the world. My mom also sent a lot of messages abusing, saying raised me for more than twenty years in vain. Not because wanted to go to New York she hated most, but because of small contradiction, ran abroad without saying a word. Peter only sent three words: "Sorry!" I didn't want to listen, could only run desperately. Using fear of facing death, and sympathy for displaced refugees, drowning pain. Several times almost died in artillery fire. Most serious time, if not someone used embassy power, I might die in foreign land. Thought of this. I glanced at phone, expression complex. Lying inside was a latest message: "Jenna, is guardianship transferred out? I can arrange helicopter to pick you up." I politely replied one: "Still three days, Dad!" Chapter 6 Under mom's strict defense. I never thought Dad this person, one day would appear in real life. Even more unimaginable Sterling family in New York business circle, has decisive position. Before seeing me. Dad also didn't know in remote Seattle, mom behind his back, secretly gave birth to me. Fate is very magical. Sterling family members accidentally watching news, saw me in war zone, dedicatedly reporting. Incredibly shocked. I looked almost exactly like aunt when young. When Dad learned I surnamed Yan, heart surged strange emotion even more. Back then, mom in prime of life, very beautiful, admitted to New York university. Dad talked a cross-class love with her. Sterling family valued blood relationship very much. Plus that time war zone very chaotic, anytime likely make people lose life. Dad heard I to save a little girl blown broken leg, life dying. Made prompt decision. Contact embassy, use military aircraft, rescue me back. Later, everything came naturally. Paternity test report same day in hand, I am indeed Dad's daughter. Chapter 7 I didn't tell mom about recognizing Dad. She definitely couldn't accept. Small time, I didn't understand things, pursued asking where Dad is? Got were loud slaps one by one. And confinement not allowed to eat time after time. Once, mom drunk, grabbed my wrist, eyes fierce like wanting to eat people: "How did I blind back then, gave birth to you such dog thing!" "This pair of eyes better gouged out, save me seeing disgusting!" That sentence like magic spell, entangled me for many years. I gradually learned to bow head, dare not mention Dad two words again. After seeing Dad, only understand all pain, has source. I looked too like Sterling family members. Especially a pair of eyes. My leg injury very serious. Dad used a lot of contacts, found Dr. Smith. To cooperate with other's schedule, have to wait a month. I proposed to return to Seattle first. Mom knew I injured in war zone, only cared about scolding me heartless, ran to such far place die, collecting body need her费老半天劲. If not return, she definitely make trouble to unit, let leaders not peaceful. I prepared to handle resignation and guardianship moving out. My leg needs long treatment in New York. Dad learned my application changed back then, missed favorite major. Promised to help me realize dream. I didn't want to refuse because of affectation. Died once, I live understand. Following inner feeling, important than anyone.
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