When the plane crashed. Everyone was crying and sending their last messages to their loved ones. I clicked on my nemesis's chat box and unleashed my passion: "Are you blind or what? Can't you see I like you? "Last time I pretended to be drunk to let you make a move and you didn't. Serves you right, no use regretting now. "My life is about to reset—" 1 My body was falling rapidly. Hypoxia blurred my consciousness, and strength drained from my body. After a violent bump, my phone slipped, and I subconsciously reached out to grab it, but caught something soft and warm. Strange... is there anything with this texture on a plane? In the dead silence of the cabin, a voice suddenly rang out. "Hey, how long are you going to hold on?" How could someone still be talking... obviously, everyone was already in shock. "Deaf? Oh... don't want to let go?" Again. Closer and clearer this time. And exceptionally familiar. My brain reacted sluggishly, ah, it's that person's voice. I was just passionately typing in his message box, but now my momentum was gone. At the final moment, I had to admit that my carelessness was fake. Actually, I was very unwilling, so unwilling that I hallucinated. But this voice... why does it feel so distant? With a nostalgic boyishness. I struggled to think with my scattered consciousness, and suddenly felt a tug on my arm. Like a drowning person pulled out of the water, the moment I gasped for air, I suddenly opened my eyes and saw the person in front of me clearly. Raised eyebrows, reckless and flamboyant smile, a face that was aggressively handsome. Lucas Vance. In an instant, the lost five senses poured back into my body. The midsummer insects chirped loudly, the wooden floor exuded a mellow scent under the sun, and sweat slowly trickled down my forehead. And, I was holding Lucas's hand. Is this, a hallucination? "Leo, don't tell me you're going to confess to me too?" Not a hallucination. I dazedly withdrew my hand and opened my palm. Under the skin was a healthy pale red, and the pulse was strong. Clench, release, clench, release. I could control my body. "Really stupid? Tsk, told you not to just study, now you've become a nerd." I looked up and saw the blue on Lucas's school uniform. This is the summer of 2016. This year, I was a junior in high school, and Lucas was a senior. 2 We never got along. I was annoyed by his slacker, cynical attitude. He disliked me for being too rigid and dull, lifeless. But his biological brother Liam Vance was my best friend. I always came to his house after school to do homework, like today. "Disgusting." Lucas leaned lazily by the window and sneered. I followed his gaze downwards. In the small garden downstairs, Liam was being confessed to. By a boy. Among the three Vance brothers, the youngest, Liam, was the prettiest boy and had many suitors. "Damn gay, even running to someone's house, disgusting." Lucas turned his head, staring straight at me, corners of his mouth hooked in mockery, "Right?" Don't know if it was an illusion, his expression was playful, but his eyes were serious. Seriously waiting for my answer. Seventeen-year-old Leo, even if he couldn't stand Lucas, would agree on this issue. But inside this body now was a twenty-five-year-old soul. Eight years, we went through a lot. I went from hating him to liking him, liking him so much that he was the only person I thought of before dying. Didn't want to go against my heart. So I shook my head, "Don't understand." Lucas was stunned, his expression darkened inexplicably. "Tch, nerds are boring." His back looked quite unhappy. I stood there watching him leave, a bit bewildered. Couldn't determine if this was time travel or rebirth. But either way, it means twenty-five-year-old me is dead, right? When Lucas hears about my death, how will he feel? Will he feel guilty? After all, I got on that crashed plane to attend his engagement party. 3 Eighteen-year-old Lucas had not yet stepped into the hall of marriage. He was annoyed that I couldn't catch his ball. "The grade's top student can't even catch this kind of ball? I practically fed it to your racket. Are your two eyes just decorations?" He roared until my eardrums hurt. Don't know why, the feeling of imminent death still lingered around me. I seemed to be still on the plane, my brain dizzy from time to time. I put down the tennis racket. "Not playing anymore." Liam came over to smooth things over: "Don't mind my brother, his mouth has been mean for more than a day or two, not targeting you." I knew, Lucas didn't have a good face for anyone, often attacking indiscriminately with words. But especially to me. Sitting on the bench in a daze, a bottle of water was suddenly thrown onto my lap. I didn't catch it, and the water bottle fell to the ground again. "Tsk." Lucas bent down to pick it up and handed it over again. "Drink some, your face is so white, I'm afraid you'll die on me." Seeing me not moving, he took it back cursing, unscrewed it, and forcefully stuffed it into my hand. "Ancestor, waiting for me to feed you?" Words came to this point, I could only obediently raise my hand and take a sip. Grapefruit flavor. Sweet. His expression softened, looking like 'that's more like it'. Then he moved my racket away and sat aside, lazily watching the two people playing back and forth on the court. "Slept in the early morning again last night? Doing your broken test papers?" My house and the Vance's are neighbors, our rooms only separated by a flower path, close enough that if he changed clothes by the window, I could see it just by looking up. "Can't you do one less and sleep earlier? Is your first place in the grade hanging on that paper?" His words were really ugly. I wasn't a submissive character, always rude to Lucas. You really want to see me fail the exam? Logically, I should have retorted like this. But opening my mouth, words choked in my throat. When voiced, it became: "Are you caring about me?" As soon as the words fell, Lucas's pupils shrank suddenly, and he straightened up abruptly. "Bullshit!" He dropped a sentence and hurried back to the court. Like losing his soul, he didn't catch any of Liam's serves. I slowly screwed on the bottle cap, heart beating uncontrollably fast. Going back to the past, did God want me to reverse regrets? Or rather, let me see something I once ignored. Like the conversation just now, young me only felt targeted and mocked. Wouldn't think at all, was Lucas just being stubborn and arrogant (tsundere)? I clutched my chest, taking deep breaths to suppress the surging ecstasy. Lucas ran back again, his voice tight, "Damn, feeling unwell?" "No." I shook my head. Sunlight dazzling. If life comes again, Lucas and I... 4 Fell asleep with infinite longing for a second life. However, waking up, I saw the ceiling of the university dorm. I thought I saw wrong. Closed eyes, opened again. Still in the dorm. I lay still. An unbelievable thought climbed up my body like wet cold moss, brain buzzing, blood cooling bit by bit. Not rebirth, nor time travel. It's the flashing memories before death. Fate did not favor me, nor did a miracle descend. I was still heading towards the predetermined death, unable to change anything. Liam knocked on my bed board. "Go straight to my house after class this afternoon." Stiffly lit up the phone, the reminder on the screen wrote Liam's birthday. I remember this day forever. Halfway through Liam's birthday, the entire villa area suddenly lost power, and the repair was delayed for a long time. I went back to my own home in the dark, and Lucas followed behind to see me off. "You heard it too, right?" The exact same dialogue as in memory. "The two of them kissed secretly." I opened the door, squatting down in the entryway groping to change shoes. "Very normal, they are a couple." Liam got a boyfriend in his freshman year, his roommate, and the relationship was very stable. I was long used to their occasional PDA as if no one else was there. Lucas didn't mean to leave. He leaned against the door, expression unclear. "Leo, I remember your first kiss hasn't graduated yet, right?" Exact same development as in memory. Next, I should retort in shame and anger: "So what, none of your business." Then he would say mercifully: "So pitiful, how about you beg me? I can reluctantly help you out." The help he meant was pressing me against the wall and kissing until the power was restored and the lights came on. Afterwards, he explained that it was too dark that night, sensory emotions were infinitely amplified, and stimulated by the sticky sounds of Liam's pair, acted on impulse, hoping I wouldn't take it to heart. My heart was moved messily, hearing this, it sank silently. To hide disappointment, I could only pretend to be open-minded and agree: Yes, yes, two boys kissing is nothing, no different from kissing pork. Back to reality, here Lucas saw me silent for a long time, laughed: "What, embarrassed to admit?" "No." I denied, "It's gone." Lucas was stunned, unbelievable. "With whom? Are you dating?" After asking, he answered himself, "Impossible, Liam said you've been single. Oh~ you mean that time in kindergarten? That little girl with pigtails? "Leo, that counts as a fart first kiss. Kissing of course has to be with someone you like..." Voice stopped abruptly. Lucas was right about one thing, darkness does amplify perception, like now, I clearly felt his breathing was momentarily messy. "Hmm?" Very curious about what he would say next, I pretended to realize suddenly, "So that's it, then the first kiss is indeed still there, any problem?" Lucas fell silent. After a long time, he stammered: "Then do you need... need me..." "Need you for what?" He fell silent again, took a deep breath. "Hearing them like that, don't you have an impulse... want to kiss too?" I stared tightly in his direction, heard myself say: "No." Actually very much want to. But I also knew, no matter what choice I made in this scene, it wouldn't affect the future outcome. So what if it's meaningless, I just wanted to confirm that these years weren't my unrequited love alone. Lucas ran out of excuses. The two fell into a stalemate. I relented first: "Okay actually a little bit, but you also said, this kind of thing only counts if done with someone you like." Am I someone you like? "You can imagine me as the person you like." Lucas approached me, hot breath pressing down, "Like that junior sister in your club, you're interested in her, right? Heard you asked her out for several meals alone, haven't got her yet?" Junior sister? Graduated for so many years, I almost forgot this person. Recalling slightly, seemed to have participated in a competition together as a team, no other contact. "Guessed right?" Lucas raised his hand and pinched my chin, the force inexplicably a bit strong. "No..." A slight click suddenly sounded above, the next second, the field of vision brightened. I closed my eyes involuntarily. "The light is on." Lucas stared at me, eyes deep. He raised his hand to cover my eyes, "Not on." Warm and soft pressed against lips, slowly grinding deeper. I wanted to ask him, did the clumsy and dull me miss a lot. When did you start liking me? Why couldn't we be a bit braver? Everything is too late. I couldn't bear to push him away. Ask after it ends. When this kiss ends, I will confirm his feelings properly. Then even if we can't be together, there will be no regrets. But when I opened my eyes, I was no longer in the entryway. A colleague supported me walking towards the hotel room, Lucas's voice came from behind. "Why drink so much?"
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