I chased Ethan until my life fell apart. The whole internet called me a desperate stalker. But what he gave me in return was always a cold face, harsh words, and disgust. Until I finally wanted to give up. Then I heard he was going to marry the girl who bullied me in high school. I drugged him. But he choked me, pinning me against the wall, looking at me like I was dirt. "Lily, what's the difference between you and a bitch in heat?" Later, I went to a Swiss sanitarium for my depression and died from an overdose of sedatives given by an unethical doctor. When the news of my death came, Ethan was standing at the altar. Chapter 1 Ethan was drugged. His face was unnaturally flushed, breathing rapid, eyes hazy. He looked up at me. For a second, I saw a trace of tenderness in his eyes. Like the wind crossing the wilderness, finally willing to stop for me. I was possessed. My heart burned. My feet moved forward uncontrollably. I wanted to kiss him. Just once, and I'd be satisfied. But just as my lips were about to touch his... He seemed to wake up suddenly and shoved me away. Hard. I crashed into the corner of the table. Pain shot through my lower back. He stumbled backward, step by step towards the door. Behind that door was another woman's embrace. If he walked out, I would never have a chance again. The thought hooked me. I rushed over and hugged his waist from behind tightly. "Don't go..." My voice trembled. "Brother, don't you know how much I love you?" I hugged tighter, like a drowning person clutching the last piece of driftwood. "How can you marry someone else? If you leave me, I will really die! I will die!" Ethan stiffened. The next second, he broke free ruthlessly. His movement was sharp, without a shred of attachment. He looked at me with fatal pity. As if I had committed an unforgivable sin. "Lily, we are siblings." "So what?" My voice broke. "We aren't blood-related!" I looked at him, hoping to find a tiny bit of softness in his eyes. "Brother, I don't believe... you feel nothing for me." The air was terrifyingly quiet. Chapter 2 Long silence. Finally, he spoke. His voice was low and exhausted: "It's my fault as a brother, making you have such thoughts." He seemed to blame himself, but it hurt more than blaming me. Tears fell instantly. I collapsed. I asked him with a shaking voice: "What did I do wrong?" "I just fell in love with someone..." "It just happens to be you." He couldn't understand. As if I was talking about something disgusting. I approached him step by step, like a dog about to be abandoned. "Brother... let's make a deal, okay?" "Just... sleep with me." He froze. I became more frantic, more desperate. "I'm not just your sister." "I am a woman too. I can like people, I can love." "You don't know how much I love you..." "My dreams are full of you." "I want to give my first time to you. Why don't you want it?" Ethan's eyes changed instantly. Shocked and disgusted by my words. I lunged to kiss him, my hands wandering, trying to strip him, wanting him to see how shameless I could be for him. But the next second. He grabbed my neck. The immense force forced my head up. I couldn't breathe. I could only see his red eyes filled with sober disgust. He panted, word by word. "Lily, look at yourself now." "What's the difference between you and a bitch in heat?" He paused after saying it. As if he scared himself. But he didn't take it back. Tears covered my face. I could barely stand. He let go, turned, and walked toward the door. I threw myself at him, grabbing his sleeve, almost kneeling. "Why is it Ashley?" "Why her?" "Can't it be anyone else? Please... just not her..." Ethan stopped for two seconds. Those two seconds felt like a knife carving my heart. Then he shook off my hand. Like shaking off dirt. "Lily, you are insane." He left without looking back. Chapter 3 Ethan didn't know I had depression. He didn't know the culprit of everything was Ashley. Ethan and I were a blended family. When I was nine, my father married his mother. My father was honest and worked hard all his life. Ethan's mother was shrewd, realistic, and mean. Most importantly, she favored boys over girls. We were poor. Every dollar counted. In her eyes, I, the baggage, was a waste of food. When Dad was alive, she pretended to spoil me. But after Dad died, she changed completely. She said I ate too much. Said I was useless. Said I stole her son's resources. At dinner, she gave all the meat to Ethan. My bowl only had half rice. Sometimes, she wouldn't let me eat at the table. I often couldn't sleep from hunger, stomach burning. Ethan couldn't stand it. He would secretly put meat in my bowl with his chopsticks. Whispering: "Eat quickly." On the way to school, his pockets were always full. Bread, cookies, candy. He pretended to give them casually. "I can't eat it. Help me." "I don't like the taste. Yours." I knew he couldn't bear to eat a single bite himself. Later, he secretly took part-time jobs. Flyers, labor, moving things. His hands were full of blisters. The money wasn't for himself. It was for my snacks, hair clips, heat packs. He even secretly bought me a cake for my birthday. That was the best cake I ever had in my life. Chapter 4 The day I got my first period, I curled up in bed in pain. Stepmother ignored me. But he touched my head in panic: "Lily, where does it hurt?" I whispered my stomach hurt, blood stained my pants. His ears turned red as he went to the bathroom and washed that small underwear clean. After that, he bought books on female physiology. Studied them seriously at night. The next day, he clumsily but seriously told me: what menstruation is, how to care for it, how to relieve pain. He made me ginger tea and hot compresses when I was in pain. Those years, we weren't rich. But I never felt lonely. He was the only one who patted my head and remembered what I liked to eat. He filled all the missing family love. Taught me dependence. Taught me trust. With his thin body, he lifted me from the abyss. Made me feel I wasn't redundant. Not a burden. I knew from then on, as long as I followed him, I wouldn't suffer, wouldn't be left behind. Ethan was the only person in the world who loved me.
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