Three years after our divorce, I reunited with Caleb on the streets of Seattle. I was a volunteer handing out cold medicine, and he was a homeless man who had fallen below the poverty line. Ironically, our divorce... Was over a cooking pot. "Twice a day, two pills each time." I handed him the medicine, my tone as calm as if talking to a stranger. Caleb's eyes turned red. "Lily, you still hate me." I didn't look up, continuing to distribute the medicine. "This medicine costs $10. It's cheap. But back then, it forced me to sell my plasma." "Caleb, how can I not hate you?" Chapter 1 I spoke of hate so lightly. Behind me, Caleb froze, silent. After a long time, I heard fading footsteps. I looked back. Caleb's thin figure was swallowed by Seattle's gray, cold rain. "Lily, you know that homeless guy?" A gentle touch on my arm. It was Tara, my junior from college. I withdrew my gaze and nodded. "Yeah. My ex-husband." Tara gasped, unable to suppress her surprise. "Ex... ex-husband?" "Lily, how could you marry a homeless man?" I shook my head, handing out the last packet of medicine. I explained: "He wasn't like this when I met him." "We're done here. The rain is getting heavier, let's head back to campus." On the way, seeing Tara's hesitant curiosity, I smiled helplessly. I started talking about my past with Caleb intermittently. It was a cliché campus love story. After graduation, he was a software engineer in Silicon Valley, and I was an actuary at an investment bank. Good income. We rented a nice apartment in a safe neighborhood. In my plan, we would own a home in five years, get married, have a cute baby, and become one of the lit windows in the city. Tara listened, her frown deepening. "That sounds like a happy life. Why did you divorce?" "Did Caleb cheat?" I pressed down her clenched fist and explained: "No. He didn't cheat, and neither did I." "We divorced because of a pot." Tara's eyes widened, thinking I was joking. Maybe, it was more than just a pot. Three years ago, on a rainy night just like this. I asked Caleb to stop by Macy's on his way home from work and buy a new pot. The landlord's old non-stick pan had lost almost all its coating. I was responsible for grocery shopping, planning to cook a fancy dinner for our anniversary. In my imagination—the pot would be bubbling, Caleb would sniff and say "Smells good," and we would talk about the future over soup. Maybe buying our own house next year, or getting a cat. But when the door opened, Caleb was holding a new camera, waving at me frantically: "Babe, look at this!" "I paid extra to snag it! Limited edition!" I stared at the camera, stunned for a few seconds. The plastic bags cut deep red marks into my hands, stinging with numbness. I asked subconsciously: "Where's the pot?" Caleb seemed stumped. But then he smiled, nonchalant: "It's just a pot. Macy's isn't going bankrupt, we can buy it anytime." "But this! If I missed it, it's gone! Isn't a camera more romantic than a pot?" "By the way, I saw we had some money left in our joint account, so I bought tickets. Go pack, we're taking this new camera to Iceland to chase the Aurora!" I didn't speak. I just put down the grocery bags. Silently took out my phone and checked our joint account. Balance: $0.41. We couldn't even pay the water bill this month. Caleb's excited voice droned on: "Babe, listen. This camera has insane ISO, our Aurora photos will be grain-free. We can print them out and stick them on the fridge..." A familiar sense of powerlessness washed over me. I felt so tired. For three years, Caleb was always like this. He lived in the moment. If he wanted something, he got it now, even if it meant maxing out credit cards. While I wanted a future I could plan for, a future that could withstand risks. I looked up at him, still excitedly playing with the new camera. Suddenly, I realized. Caleb and I were on different paths. "Let's get a divorce." Chapter 2 Click. The camera in Caleb's hand hit the table corner. He looked at me blankly: "Divorce?" "Why? Just because I didn't buy that pot? Or because I bought tickets to Iceland without asking? Lily, over such trivial things?" They were trivial things. But a floor full of trivialities is enough to break a person. "Caleb, I told you many times." "I don't want to live like this. I don't want our account balance to be single digits every time. I don't want to live on credit cards. I don't want to keep moving from rental to rental." "Being with you is exhausting." Caleb looked like he heard the biggest joke, raising his voice to argue: "Exhausting? I work hard every day. I want to show you the most beautiful scenery, record our life with the best lens. And that tires you?" "Yes! That's exactly what tires me!" Three years of bitterness exploded. I couldn't help but shout. I opened the Notes app on my phone, scrolled to the top, and turned the screen to Caleb: "Caleb, do you remember this?" It was a simple entry: Goal: Down Payment. Current Total: $47,218 Progress: 21.2% Last update: Three years ago, the afternoon we first saw that little condo. Caleb's eyes flickered. "You said you wanted to give us a home." "My overtime pay, every coffee money I saved, all my savings went in there. But do you remember where that money went?" I clicked on a screenshot of an expired travel booking. "First month after marriage, you maxed out the credit card for a 'North Pole Photography Tour.' Your paycheck was delayed, you couldn't pay the card, and we almost missed rent. We used that money." I scrolled through electronic receipts one by one. "And this. Last year, that 'Skydiving Experience Camp' you insisted on. We used our emergency fund. You even spent an extra five thousand on new gear." "And two months ago. We finally saved a bit. You traded the car for a performance car on loan. You said you wanted a novel driving experience." "Caleb, have you ever thought about our future?" His lips moved, but no sound came out. He just lowered his head silently. "Every time we go grocery shopping, I compare prices and calculate weight. You stand there scrolling on your phone, impatiently telling me to just grab whatever, it's just a few bucks!" "I suggested taking classes to learn new skills because the job market is bad. You said it's a waste of money, then turned around and bought a new lens." "I budgeted for months, and you spent hundreds on games without blinking." ... My accusations seemed to ignite Caleb's anger. He ruffled his hair irritably. "Lily, can you stop being so realistic!" "You only see pots and pans, rent and bills. If life is just this, what's the point? I just want our life to have meaning." Two tears fell powerlessly from my eyes. "Meaning?" "But your 'meaning' left us unable to pay the water bill this month." Caleb's face turned pale with anger. "Money!" "Money again! You always talk about money!" "We can earn more money, but some opportunities..." I interrupted Caleb. I didn't want to continue this exhausting argument. "Three whole years! Every time I said I wanted to save for a down payment, you said 'renting is better, more freedom.' Every time I was anxious about the uncertain future, you said 'why worry, just be happy now'." "Caleb, I want a home. You can't give it to me." He was pinned in place by my words, chest heaving, unable to find a rebuttal. Only our heavy breathing remained in the room. I looked at this man I loved for three years. The carefree spirit that once attracted me... Now seemed like a refusal to grow up. I turned my head and saw his packed suitcase in the corner. My intense emotions suddenly subsided. I looked at Caleb: "Make a choice." "Go chase your Aurora, or stay and face the utility bills with me?" Chapter 3 The door closed behind him. Caleb left. I stood there numbly for two seconds before coming back to reality. I found a lawyer's number and dialed. "Hello, I'd like you to draft a divorce agreement ASAP." "We have no joint assets, only some debts to split. The sooner the better, thanks." Hanging up, the rain outside seemed heavier. My breathing became hot and rapid. Maybe it was the rain I caught outside the supermarket, or the reaction after the emotional roller coaster. I dragged my heavy feet to the bedroom. Temperature: 101.3°F. Fever. After searching for ages, I only found one expired Tylenol. I didn't care. I swallowed it with cold water, praying the fever would break after sleep. But it was worse than I thought. In the middle of the night, I woke up in pain. My body felt like a burning volcano. This won't do. I was delirious from the fever. My instinctive reaction was to call Caleb. Beep. Beep. Beep. Only when the busy tone sounded for the third time did my brain sluggishly realize. Caleb should be on a plane to Iceland. How could he answer? I laughed dryly, making my throat hurt more. Laughing at myself for being so feverish I still relied on him. I thought of my colleagues. I didn't want to trouble anyone, but in this situation, I had to be thick-skinned. But the receiver only played a cold mechanical voice: "Sorry, your service has been suspended due to non-payment. Please recharge immediately to restore service." Suspended? I tried to pay. But looking at the payment page... Where could I get money? Our account had $0.41. I couldn't even afford the cheapest plan. Phone service and data were bundled. No phone meant no internet. I couldn't even send a distress signal. I had to save myself. Luckily, the offline map still worked. I squinted, searching laboriously. The nearest 24-hour ER was 3 miles away. Not too far to drive. I struggled to the garage and turned on the light. Empty. I remembered sluggishly. Caleb took the car for mods yesterday. I suggested renting a car as backup since we lived in the suburbs. Caleb shook his head immediately: "Bus and subway are right there, why waste money? I'm just changing the exhaust pipe, it's fast. Back tomorrow." "What could happen? Don't worry about useless things." But now, no car. I stood there, shivering, unable to stand steady. If I kept burning up, I might die at home. No. I have to go to the hospital. Using all my strength, I found the thickest down jacket, put on two pairs of pants, pulled up my socks, and wrapped a scarf around my neck and face, trying to trap a little heat. Couldn't hold an umbrella, so I wore a raincoat. Opening the door, Seattle at 3:30 AM was like a giant wet refrigerator. The cold soaked into my bones. Every step felt like walking on clouds, dizzying. I kept my head down, daring not to stop. Suddenly, dirty shoes appeared in front of me, blocking my way. I looked up sluggishly. Three men. Soaked, smelling strongly of alcohol and tobacco. Grinning lewdly at me. I realized something was wrong instantly. I turned to run, but was grabbed. One of them yanked off my hood. "Wearing so much... what goodies are you hiding inside?" I screamed. "No... go away!" But two of them were already dragging me toward the darker woods nearby.
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