Five years ago, due to a "mistake" in my hypnosis session, Julian's first love, Vivienne, lost all her memories. I became the villain. Every day, I had to endure malicious hypnosis sessions conducted by the therapists Julian hired. "If it weren't for you, how would Viv lose her memory? How would she forget me? How would she leave me and run off to Europe?!" I was tortured until I was barely human, my spirit shattered. I knelt and begged him to stop. But he just grabbed my neck, screaming until his voice broke. "This is what you owe me! What you owe Viv! You tore us apart! You have no right to beg for mercy!" My heart finally died. I hypnotized myself, erasing everything related to Julian. Later, on my wedding day to another man, Julian jumped from the 18th floor right in front of me. 1 Even when I regained consciousness, my body wouldn't stop trembling. Meeting Julian's dark, abyssal gaze, I suppressed the stabbing pain in my brain and rasped out: "Just kill me." His eyes flickered slightly. Then, he pinched his cigarette, his face twisting into a mocking sneer. "Want to die? You think you deserve that release? You haven't finished atoning for your sins." I looked at him calmly, my eyes like dead water. Suddenly, he snapped. He lunged forward, strangling me. His eyes were filled with rage. "What right do you have to die?! You made me and Viv separate! You made her lose her memory and forget me! This is your karma!" I smiled bitterly, a dense, prickling pain spreading through my chest. Tears rolled down from the corners of my eyes into my hair. Yes. This is all my karma. Five years ago, Vivienne was almost assaulted. She had nightmares every night. My boyfriend, Julian, suggested I hypnotize her to make her forget that night. I hesitated. There are always uncontrollable risks. But Julian hugged me and begged. "Zoey, after this, I'll cut ties with Viv, okay? I just see her as a sister. When we get married, she'll be your sister too." I couldn't refuse him. I agreed. Everything went smoothly. But when Vivienne woke up, she had forgotten everyone. She even screamed and dodged when Julian tried to hug her, then secretly fled the country. Julian blamed it all on me. "You did it on purpose, didn't you? You knew I only saw her as a sister! Why did you tamper with her mind and wipe her memory? How could you be so vicious?" I tried to explain, but he wouldn't listen. "Stop lying! I promised I would marry you! Why did you do this to Viv? She's innocent! Don't you have any empathy?" The final straw was when he failed to bring Vivienne back and learned she had gotten married overseas. He went mad. He imprisoned me, got my medical license revoked, and destroyed my career. Every day, he brought different hypnotists to perform varying degrees of hypnosis on me. For five whole years. I couldn't distinguish reality from dreams. I was nearly driven insane. My thoughts snapped back as Julian suddenly threw me aside. "Zoey, admit it! You thought if you erased Viv's memory and drove her away, I'd fall in love with you?" "Dream on! Never! I will never love a vicious, manipulative woman like you! Looking at you makes me sick!" I pulled at the corners of my pale lips. My heart was already blurred with pain. Julian, I regret it. I shouldn't have loved you. I stared blankly at the ceiling, muttering to myself. "I admit it." Julian froze, looking at me with dark eyes. I didn't care. I repeated it wearily. "I admit it. I hurt Vivienne. I plead guilty." "Julian, can you kill me now?" 2 Bang! The door slammed shut. Julian left without a word. Only when the room was completely silent did I give in to the splitting headache, curling up and clutching my head. For so many years. Living hasn't been any better than dying. In the middle of the night, I developed a high fever. When I woke up, I was in the hospital. Julian was sitting by my bed. I don't know how long he'd been there. There were faint shadows under his eyes. "Why didn't you say anything?" I was confused. He wasn't angry. His voice was hoarse. "Why didn't you tell me you had a fever? Do you want to die that badly? Zoey, you haven't finished paying for your sins. What right do you have to die?" I stared blankly into his eyes. I saw a flash of concern. Before that incident, he used to care about me too. Because of my job, I often had to work late or travel. Sometimes I had to rush to patients' homes in the middle of the night. He hated seeing me lose sleep. "Why don't you quit, Zoey? I can support you. We'll be married soon. You don't have to work this hard. It hurts me to see you like this." I refused. So he started accompanying me on house calls, staying up late with me, learning to make soup. "If I'm with you, you'll feel better. If you're working hard, I shouldn't be sleeping peacefully." "Remember, no matter how late you work, I'll be home waiting for you. You're not alone." Once, I had a fever, but a patient was in critical condition. I rushed out without taking medicine or telling Julian. After stabilizing the patient, I fainted on the way home. Julian spent the whole night searching for me, step by step, until he found me and saved my life. When I woke up, he cried. "Zoey! Do you know how scared I was? I was terrified I wouldn't find you. Are you stupid? You don't care about your life for others? What would I do if something happened to you?" I had never felt two hearts could be so close. I thought we would love each other forever. Even our skeptical friends had to admit he really loved me. But I forgot. Hearts change. By the time I realized it, I was already sinking into the mud. Thinking of this, I looked out the window, my voice calm. "It would be better if I died. Why didn't you just let the fever take me?" That year, when I fainted on the road. I wish you hadn't found me. I wish I had died that day. Anything is better than this living hell. Julian's face instantly darkened. His voice was cold. "Zoey! I told you! You don't deserve to die! You haven't paid your debt! Why should you die? I want you to live and suffer! I want you to regret everything you did to Viv!" My expression didn't change. I even smiled. "Yeah. Whatever." 3 Julian was acting weird. During my hospital stay, he watched me constantly. Probably afraid I'd commit suicide before I could finish "atoning." It doesn't matter anymore. On the day I was discharged, Julian came to pick me up. He was in a great mood, smiling the whole way. But the car wasn't heading to the villa. We arrived at the airport. When I saw Vivienne throw herself into Julian's arms, I finally understood. "Julian! I missed you so much! After all these years, I finally remembered you. I was so scared you wouldn't want me anymore. I didn't mean to leave you and get married five years ago, I just forgot everything..." Julian held Vivienne, soothing her gently. If this were the past, seeing this would have suffocated me with pain. But not anymore. Vivienne cried for a long time before calming down. Then she saw me getting into the car. Her face went pale instantly. She stumbled back, tears welling up in her eyes. But where Julian couldn't see, she flashed me a malicious smile. "Julian, why is she here? I don't want to see her! She made me lose my memory and separated us for so long. I don't want to see her! I'm really scared." Julian's face went cold immediately. His eyes were full of disgust as he looked at me. "Zoey! This is all your fault! And you still haven't apologized to Viv? You unrepentant witch!" With that, he threw me and my luggage out of the car. He got in with Vivienne and drove off. Before leaving, he dropped a cold command. "Walk back home before dark and kneel at the gate! Kneel until Viv is happy and satisfied! You should have thought about the consequences when you hurt her!" I pretended not to hear. I left my luggage and ignored the stares of passersby. With a pale face, I walked aimlessly, step by step. Until it was completely dark. My phone in my pocket kept ringing. I checked it. It was calls and messages from Julian. [Zoey! It's late, why aren't you back yet? Do you expect me to pick you up? You wish!] [Are you playing hard to get? Or are you doing this on purpose because Viv is back? You're disgusting. Do you think I care?] I walked to the riverbank and sat down carefully, dipping my blistered feet into the water. The burning pain subsided instantly. I didn't plan to reply. I sat there until late at night. Under a familiar tree, I dug up an old pocket watch. Julian gave it to me. I once joked, "If you ever betray me, I'll use this watch to hypnotize myself and forget you forever!" What did he say back then? "Zoey, that day will never come." But that day has come, hasn't it? Fireflies began to light up around me, flying one by one. Memories flooded back. I loved fireflies, but they were hard to catch. When Julian found out, he secretly spent a week catching them, staying out all night. I didn't know why, so I had a huge fight with him. He didn't get angry. He took me to a hot spring resort he bought. We waited until late at night, and countless fireflies lit up around us. I saw the dark circles under his eyes. My eyes reddened, and I threw myself into his arms. "Zoey, you like fireflies, right? It's warm here by the hot spring, they can survive even in autumn. Do you like it? Don't be mad, okay? I didn't stay out on purpose." That year, I caught a firefly. I thought I kept the summer. But I forgot. That day was already the start of autumn. "Zoey." 4 "What are you doing here in the middle of the night instead of crawling back home? Looking for death?" Julian's voice suddenly sounded behind me. I stiffened. I turned around, but didn't see the gentle gaze from the past. A wave of disappointment hit my heart. Then I laughed at myself. He hasn't been him for a long time. Right? I should have known. "Zoey! Did I give you permission to die? Didn't I tell you to kneel at the gate! What are you doing now! If you wanted to die, why didn't you jump earlier!" "Are you just waiting for me to find you? Are you trying to compete with Viv now that she's back? Is it fun for you? Aren't you tired? Are you that cheap?" Julian marched forward and yanked me up. He didn't speak again the whole way back. I watched the fireflies receding outside the car window. The last shred of affection in my heart disappeared completely. Julian. I want to forget the past. I don't want you anymore. At the villa, I was forced to kneel at the gate. My knees hit the ground hard. The sound was so loud even Julian flinched for a second. "Zoey, stay here on your knees! Get up when Viv is in a good mood and forgives you." "I'm warning you, don't even think about bullying Viv again! You owe her this!" I nodded obediently. Ignoring the momentary stun in his eyes. Until Vivienne ran to the door, smiling and kissing Julian on the lips. He finally snapped out of it and patted her head fondly. I had seen this scene before. Back when I first sensed something was wrong, I caught them kissing in a bar. Julian didn't care. Even when I made a scene, he looked impatient. "We lost a game, it was just a dare! We didn't sleep together, stop making a big deal out of it! Besides, I just see Viv as a sister! Are you crazy?" Until my birthday. Friends pressured me to drink a few too many. In a daze, I saw them kissing passionately. Vivienne confessed with red eyes. "Julian, I really like you. Just let me stay by your side, I don't ask for much. Don't reject me, please?" Julian was silent for a moment, then hugged her back. How much it hurt then. Is how little it matters now. He loved her. I knew that long ago. Late at night, the lights on the second floor finally went out. Shivering, I pulled the old pocket watch from my chest. It was the perfunctory birthday gift Julian gave me that day. Now it was useful. Tick, tock, tick, tock. The watch swung before my eyes. My vision began to blur. Just as I was about to fall asleep, a shocked voice came from not far away. "Zoey! What are you doing?" What am I doing? I closed my eyes wearily and muttered to myself. "Forget you. Forget Julian." "In every life, I never want to remember Julian again." The next second, I fell into complete darkness.
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