My childhood best friend accidentally discovered my secret: I'm intersex. Panicked, I threatened him: "Don't tell anyone!" His Adam's apple bobbed slightly. "Then let me see it, and I'll keep your secret." "Deal?" 01 Playing League of Legends late at night, I was on a ten-game winning streak. Feeling cocky, I immediately sent a screenshot of my match history to my childhood friend, Carter Hayes. [Hehe, look at me go. Am I awesome or what?] I expected a couple of "You're a beast" compliments, but Carter replied with something baffling. [?] [Let me see.] I was confused. See what? Didn't I just send the screenshot? Before I could react, a FaceTime call popped up. I answered blankly. Carter's handsome face appeared on the screen. He must have just showered; his hair was wet and messy, and his dark eyes were staring straight at me through the screen. I tilted my head. "It's late. Why are you video calling?" "Didn't you say 'look at me'?" "I sent you the screenshot, are you blind—" Suddenly, I paused. I realized what this jerk was implying. Damn it... "Carter, do you have no shame?" "If the girls chasing you knew you were this much of a perv behind the scenes, they'd regret ever liking you." I laughed and cursed at him. Carter didn't get angry. A hint of a smile appeared on his usually cold face. "You asked me to look, so naturally, I have to support you." "Besides, we're both guys. What's the harm in looking?" Then, his gaze turned profound. "Ezra, unless you have a secret in your pants you don't want me to know about?" 02 My expression froze for a second, then quickly returned to my lazy demeanor. "Secret my ass." "I'm mainly afraid you'll feel inferior after seeing it." Carter looked enlightened. "So that's why you never went to the bathroom with me at school, never showered together after gym, and haven't slept over at my place in ages? All to protect my fragile ego?" I gave him a thumbs up. "Congratulations on learning to deduce. Good boy, now go to sleep." I don't know which word amused him, but Carter rolled over in bed. The lighting cast shadows on his handsome face, making him look incredibly good. He continued to stare at me, his tone indulgent. "Ezra, you're fierce as hell." "Bullshit, how am I fierce?" "Always bristling like a cat." "Hey, I'm not a cat." I retorted grumpily, chatting nonsense with him. My mood soared for no reason. Just before hanging up, I remembered what our friend Big Mike said during the game. "Carter, Big Mike wants to organize a trip to a hot spring resort for a couple of days before the holidays. You in?" "If you go, I go." "Okay, I'll tell him." "What about sleeping arrangements? You sharing a bed with me?" Carter asked casually. My eyelid twitched violently. I feigned disgust. "There are plenty of rooms at the resort. Why do you have to stick to me? Sleep by yourself." "What if there aren't enough rooms?" I hedged. "Not enough... we'll cross that bridge when we get there. How could a huge resort run out of rooms?" The repeated rejections made Carter's expression cool down a bit. He became somewhat distant and imposing. This was his normal state in front of outsiders. But having grown up with him, I knew instantly I had upset him. Usually, when we joked around, he didn't care, even indulging me. But when he was really angry, just one look from him made me cower. "Fine, fine. We'll sleep together if we have to. Don't be like that." He didn't accept it, asking coolly: "Ezra, did I offend you somehow?" "No, it's... it's my own issue." "What issue? I always feel like you're hiding something from me, and this secret is keeping you distant." My heart jumped. I forced down my panic and lied. "Don't overthink it." "We're grown up now. We can't be glued together like when we were kids. Two guys acting like that is weird." "If anyone's clinging, it should be a girlfriend." "..." Carter looked expressionlessly at my guilty face through the screen. His eyes held a scrutinizing look. As if he could see through my secret. Cold sweat trickled down my back. But a moment later, he returned to normal. "Mm, got it. Go to sleep early." He hung up. I didn't know if he believed me or not. Clutching my phone, I collapsed on the bed, staring blankly. After a long while, I sat up and pulled open my pajama pants. Looking down, my eyes filled with disgust and helplessness. Because there was something there that didn't belong on a man. It was pink, pretty, but deformed. 03 Since I can remember, my parents always felt guilty toward me. I didn't understand when I was little, but gradually I understood. Because I was like Carter, but also not. He was a normal boy, and I was a freak. I possessed female parts. I started to hide this secret carefully. In school, I used germaphobia as an excuse to avoid using public restrooms or showering with others. Even in college, I never went to public bathhouses. I acted like a normal guy with my bros, arms around shoulders, but I never dared to play childish games like comparing sizes. Living in fear every day. I dared not let anyone know except my parents and doctors. Especially Carter. He was great. Cold personality, brilliant, just his face alone made him the center of envy. He was also my best bro, childhood friend, neighbor. When I was silently sad because of this deformity, he comforted me without knowing why. When I was bullied as a kid because my growth was delayed due to this condition, he fought for me. But I never dared to tell him why I was sad. I was afraid that if Carter knew, he would look at me with disgust and distance himself. Even more afraid he would tell others, ruining my reputation forever. It wasn't that I didn't trust him; I just didn't dare to gamble. So I deliberately avoided him. But now my avoidance made him angry. Damn. Is it worth giving me attitude just because I won't sleep in the same bed? Annoying. He's so annoying. I rubbed my face against the pillow glumly. After a while, I DM'd Big Mike and told him to book a room with two double beds for me and Carter. No choice. Just have to sleep. I'll just wear two layers of underwear and pajama pants. That way, I can maintain our relationship without exposing my secret. Three layers of protection. Maximum security. Unless Carter has X-ray vision. 04 On the day of the hot spring trip, Carter naturally found out at the front desk that we were sharing a room. He looked at me with some surprise. Raised an eyebrow. "Not disgusted by me anymore?" I scoffed. "Barely tolerating you." Carter smiled. It looked really good. The cold war of the past few days officially ended. We went back to bantering. But I wasn't stupid enough to completely let my guard down. Back in the room, I needed to change into a bathrobe for the hot springs. I avoided Carter and went to the bathroom. After taking off my pants, I didn't dare look down. Blushing, I put on two pairs of underwear first. Uncomfortable, but it added a layer of protection. After checking carefully to ensure nothing showed, I opened the bathroom door. Only to be startled by Carter standing right outside. I didn't know how long he'd been standing there, silent. Seeing me come out, he looked me up and down. Remembering the bathroom door was frosted glass, my heart jumped. Did he... see anything? But I kept calm on the surface. "Playing doorman?" "Wanted to use the bathroom, but you were in there forever." Carter's gaze landed on my face, voice flat. "Ezra, do you despise me even when changing clothes?" Great, he's being dramatic again. I explained hopelessly: "Nothing like that. Didn't I agree to share a room tonight?" "If that's not enough, want to share a blanket tonight?" He nodded instantly. "Sure." "?" I tried to salvage it. "I was joking, bro." Carter's eyes were dark. "I took it seriously." "..." I wanted to slap my big mouth. Doomed. Looks like I need to wear another pair of boxers tonight.
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