Everyone said I wouldn't last three months in his hands. On our wedding night, he stared at me for a long time. I was born different. Intersex. In the eyes of others, I was a freak. "D-don't... don't look." "What are you crying for? I paid good money for you. Serving me isn't a hardship." At that time, I thought he just saw me as a toy. And honestly, I treated myself like one too. I didn't cry, I didn't fuss. I just obeyed him. Later, I found out I was pregnant. It happened right when the rumor mill said his "first love" was coming back to town. I left the neatest note I’d ever written in my life: [We are even.] Carrying his seed, I ran away overnight to the big city in the South. Chapter 1 I was a debt payment. Nothing more. My father, Frank, had racked up gambling debts he couldn't pay. He was planning to sell me off to some backwoods hermit in the mountains. Then Silas Vance passed by. He threw a stack of cash onto the poker table. "I'll take this one." Veins popped on Silas’s forearms, his bronze skin glistening with sweat. He looked at me with eyes like a feral dog that had never been tamed. I shrank back in fear, but I didn't resist. He dragged me back to his place. Silas’s home was just a couple of run-down cabins that let the wind in. But I didn't have to sleep on straw. He laid out a brand-new, fluffy cotton quilt for me. Rumor had it, he was saving that quilt for when he married his college sweetheart. People in town said Silas had a "one that got away." Her name was Claire. She went off to university and left him behind. I looked a little bit like Claire. We both had pale skin and big eyes, and looked soft and weak. So, I knew my place. I was a substitute. A substitute meant to keep his bed warm. Chapter 2 On our wedding night, I was a nervous wreck. My body was unique. To the world, I was a monster. But Silas... that first night, he stripped me down and stared at that part of me for a long time. "D-don't... don't look." I bit my lip, tears falling like broken beads. Silas’s large, rough hands forced my knees apart. His voice was hoarse. "Red as a peach." "It's pretty." Suddenly, he looked up, his gaze fierce. "What are you crying for? I paid money for this. Serving me isn't a punishment." I thought he saw me as a thing. So I felt aggrieved. But I also saw myself as a thing. So I didn't dare make a sound. I just endured it. Chapter 3 Silas was rough. But in bed, even though he talked dirty, he never actually hurt me. I thought Silas looked down on me. Because aside from the stuff in bed, I couldn't do anything right. I tried to cook for him, but I burned my hand with hot oil. When Silas came back, I was blowing on my hand, my eyes red-rimmed. He threw his hoe onto the ground with a loud clang. Before, I would have shaken with fear. But now, I knew he just had a bad temper. Silas strode over, grabbed my hand, his brows knitted tight. "Who told you to touch the stove?" "You think I can't make enough money to buy you dinner?" I whispered, "I wanted to save you some money..." "Save shit." Silas cursed, turned around, and rummaged through the cabinet for a precious jar of burn ointment. He smeared it on my hand roughly. "Don't do rough work from now on." He tossed my hand aside, then added unnaturally: "Your hands are soft like tofu. If you ruin them, they won't feel good to touch at night." So, he was only good to me because this skin and flesh served him well. Like raising a cat or dog—when he was happy, he gave me a treat. But I was greedy for that little bit of sweetness. At night, the fan creaked overhead. Silas pointed the fan directly at me. He was shirtless, sweating in the heat. Looking at his solid chest muscles, I extended my foot like I was possessed. My pale toes brushed against the hard muscle of his calf. "Husband... are you hot?" I tried to mimic the tone the other wives in the village used. I wanted to call him over, to share the breeze. Silas’s breathing instantly became heavy. In the dark, his eyes shone terrifyingly bright. The next second, the world spun. He pressed me into the mattress, his lips tasting of tobacco as he kissed me fiercely. "Ellis, you started this." That night, Silas went crazy. He panted in my ear, biting my earlobe, asking me over and over: "If one day I have no money, will you still stay with me?" I trembled in fear, daring not to answer. In the end, Silas stopped asking. He just said, "Better if you don't follow me. You aren't meant for a hard life..." Chapter 4 Lately, Silas had been leaving early and coming home late. I heard the old ladies in town say he was doing some risky business, moving goods. I remembered what he asked that night. I was worried and wanted to ask, but I didn't dare. Until one day, while washing his clothes, I found a wallet in his pocket. The wallet was old, the leather peeling. Inside the fold, there was a black-and-white photo. It was a girl in a white dress, standing at a school gate, smiling brilliantly. It was Claire. Or rather, Claire before she left for the city. So, he really was still thinking about his first love. I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes and brows really did look a bit like the person in the photo. My heart felt like it had been stung by a wasp—a sour, stinging pain. After thinking for a long time, I put the photo back. That night, Silas came back with a roast chicken and a jar of expensive face cream. It was high-end stuff, only sold in the department stores in the city. "Bought it for you. Put it on your face." He tossed the items to me, his eyes dodging mine, but the tips of his ears turned red. Before, I would have been happy. But now, looking at that cream, I only felt he wanted me to maintain this face that looked like Claire. "Silas." I gathered my courage to call him. "What? You feeling sick?" Silas immediately reached out to touch my forehead. I dodged him. Silas’s hand froze in mid-air, his face darkening. "Ellis, what are you throwing a tantrum for now? I didn't hurt you last night." "Are you... saving money to go to the city to find Claire?" I gripped the hem of my shirt tightly and asked. Silas’s expression instantly became weird. Like his secret was exposed, but also shocked. He went silent. That silence was an admission. My heart went cold. I don't know how I survived that night. Silas wanted to hold me, but I pushed him away. He didn't force it. He just turned his back to me and didn't speak. In the middle of the night, I heard him sigh. He took the blanket that covered him and quietly tucked it around me. "Ellis, just wait a bit longer..." "Once the deal is done, everything will be fine."
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