I am the actress universally recognized as the queen of "abstract" behavior in the entertainment industry. When haters called me a gold digger, I sincerely replied: [Someone called me a gold digger. I cried. Turns out there's someone in this world who truly understands me. I'm not just a gold digger; I'm also a social climber, a hedonist, and a snob. But maybe it's just my upbringing—I don't usually expose people's true nature so casually.] After filming in freezing water for two hours during my period, I emerged pale-faced and sighed: [I thought my burning passion would prevent uterine cold.] When my legs gave out from hiking on a reality show, I collapsed on the spot: [The strong never complain about their environment. I am the weak; I complain not only about the environment but also about the strong.] Because I was too abstract, I often seemed out of place. Until I went on a dating show with the award-winning actor, Julian Thorne, as a celebrity observer. While others were busy shipping couples, we were busy cracking jokes. I said: "Pretentious men are all like this; outsiders can't stand them." He replied: "I ship it a little, not much, about 40%." We all have bright futures. But later, our secret accounts were exposed, and we were both mocked for our crumbling personas. Julian, who claimed "The wise do not fall in love," turned out to be our number one CP fan and a fanfiction writer. And I, who claimed to be "physically pure but mentally yellow," was actually Julian's die-hard fan and a warrior for pure love. That night, we effortlessly soared to the number one trending spot. Netizens commented sharply: [That day, the weirdo met her match.] [Holy crap, I'll never believe celebrity personas again! Even a 'pure yellow' persona can collapse. What is even real anymore?] 1 I used to be the industry's recognized "Human Wealth Flower," slaying everyone with my stunning beauty. But as they say, one wrong move and the whole game is lost. During the final voting for the title of "Human Wealth Flower," I dropped the ball. Rival fans dug up my old quotes and spread them in the comments. When haters called me a gold digger, I sincerely replied: [Someone called me a gold digger. I cried. Turns out there's someone in this world who truly understands me. I'm not just a gold digger; I'm also a social climber, a hedonist, and a snob. But maybe it's just my upbringing—I don't usually expose people's true nature so casually.] After filming in freezing water for two hours during my period, I emerged pale-faced and sighed: [I thought my burning passion would prevent uterine cold.] When my legs gave out from hiking on a reality show, I collapsed on the spot: [The strong never complain about their environment. I am the weak; I complain not only about the environment but also about the strong.] [From today on, I am officially diagnosed as an egg tart: crusty on the outside, yellow (dirty-minded) on the inside. A little movement and I feel like I'm crumbling.] Overnight, I went from "Human Wealth Flower" to "Village Idiot." I was kicked off the candidate list and given a nickname: "The Abstract Queen." Netizens commented: [Such a beautiful face, ruined by that mouth.] [You know, a funny girl can't be a great beauty.] Even my fans had to admit that the abstract track suited me better than the beauty track. Face fans were heartbroken, commenting: [Sister Summer lost to other girls again.] [For the first time, liking Summer Reed makes me feel inferior.] [At this moment, I lost all strength and means, but still unwilling to believe my glamorous star turned into a comedian so effortlessly.] I took it well, posting jokes myself and comforting my face fans: [Look left, look right, look forward. I remember all your kindness. At least without beauty, I can still charm fans with humor (touches nose bridge).] 2 My agent, Jessica, agreed deeply. She felt that being a great beauty was a waste of my mouth. But being a comedian was just right. So, during a break from filming, she effortlessly stuffed me into a dating show, Heart Signal, as a celebrity observer. This show... how do I put it? The female guests were all highly educated beauties. The male guests... were also males. Any male guest could be a textbook example of an overconfident, average man. Yet the celebrity observers on the show were afraid to offend anyone. They forced themselves to ship couples where there was no chemistry, crying fake tears over a male guest's unrequited love, exclaiming: "I've never seen such thorough tragic aesthetics." Me, a veteran of various fanfiction circles, was like: Are you guys starving? Eat something decent! Of course, I wasn't the only one who couldn't ship it. The audience was disgusted by the greasy men too. So, for the sake of the audience's sanity, I decided to sacrifice myself and become the audience's mouthpiece. I launched indiscriminate attacks on all the repulsive male guests. A male guest, 5'7", 170 lbs, shaped like a cube, blurted out upon learning the female guest was 5'3", 100 lbs: "You look nice, just a bit fat. If we get together, you need to lose weight." Me: "Before picking on female guests, look at yourself. You have outer wear but no appearance; special effects but no looks; a frame but no figure. Life must be boring for a toad critiquing humans." "Women excel at picking flaws in their perfect faces and bodies, magnifying them infinitely. Men excel at finding highlights in their mediocre faces and bodies, magnifying them infinitely, sighing: 'I am so handsome!' Do you not have mirrors at home? Can you check your hardware before being overconfident?" A creepy guy who liked a female guest unrequitedly sighed when she was busy with work and didn't reply often: "Sigh, I feel like a simp." Me: "? Did you spend money on her or provide emotional value? You claim to like her but make her pay for meals. You know she's busy but spam her with greasy quotes. Comparing yourself to a simp? That's an insult to dogs." A guy with a mediocre master's degree looked down on a female guest who started a business in college and earned millions a year: "There's a saying, even a pig can fly in the wind. Sigh, high education is useless, look, not as good as you lucky ones. But I think it's unstable for a girl to do business alone; she can't take care of the family." Me: "Pretentious men are like this; outsiders can't stand them. I envy men. Women need certificates to be teachers; men become teachers automatically when they reach a certain age." "Is this male guest an appendix? Why does he love to be inflamed (speak) so much?" 3 The comments went wild as I cursed them out. [Good scolding! Sister's mouth is amazing. Love to hear it!] [Sis, take it easy. I'm afraid these average confident men might enjoy it.] The crooked melons and cracked dates on this show vividly illustrated the saying: "You there? I'm male. I said I'm male, bad signal? Don't understand English? Hello? I am man. Is the phone broken? I am male, I am a dude." [Passerby here. Thought Summer Reed was just pretty, didn't know she was so good at roasting. Her mouth is dipped in honey. I love it. From today on, I'm a fan of Summer's roasting (rose).] But fighting a battle of tongues alone is tiring. And my sanity is precious. Even an abstract artist like me couldn't stand so many eyesores. So after the first episode, I posted on Weibo: [Really want to punch every man in the world (except handsome ones with good values).] Unexpectedly, ten minutes later, Award-Winning Actor Julian Thorne announced he was joining Heart Signal. And Julian is famous in the entertainment industry for being handsome, having good character, and being humble and polite. Also famous for being mysterious and elusive. Me: ? Did my wish come true? Netizens: [Sis, don't be afraid, your match is coming!!!] 4 The night before recording the new episode of Heart Signal, I had insomnia. Probably because I filmed night scenes for ten days straight to catch up, and drank three iced Americanos during the day to reduce swelling and stay awake, forcefully turning myself into American time. After failing to count sheep, read physics books, and listen to English comprehension tapes, I resigned myself to sitting up in bed, missing my "Zhang Huaimin" (a friend to walk with at night). I wished my Huaimin was also awake to chat with me. This Huaimin better be good-looking, have a nice voice, and sing lullabies to me. But I have no Huaimin. At this hour, even the roosters aren't up yet. I sighed and opened my phone. My agent was right. Idle time is idle time. As a female star, I must read more books and newspapers, eat fewer snacks, and sleep more. Since I can't sleep anyway, I might as well use this time to study and keep up with the times. Thinking this through, I resolutely opened my book, titled— Golden Retriever Care Guide. It's a new fanfiction by my favorite author. The author must be my solo fan. Since my debut, she has been writing fanfiction with me as the prototype, all female-centric power fantasies with no male lead. Her writing is super immersive, the style and stories are novel, and she updates fast. Over the years, she has accumulated many fans and gained me a lot of passerby fans. I originally just stumbled upon her, curious about fanfiction based on myself, and read a few chapters casually. The more I read, the more hooked I got. Now I'm her loyal fan, often commenting and tipping to urge updates. Because I always comment under the author's Weibo, over time, she recognized me, and we started chatting often on Weibo. Since my old quotes were dug up last time, I got smart and started using an alt account for happy surfing. This Weibo account was created in high school, with no content. Only two posts: one is a quote from a favorite book, the other is a photo of flowers near the university, with only my hand in the frame. So no need to worry about being exposed. The latest chapter stopped right at the part where the male lead turns back into a human from a golden retriever. Leaving me blushing and wanting more. As usual, I opened the comments to urge an update. Funny Girl Jenny: [Wife, trouble! Our kid hit someone at school, the other parent wants 500,000 words compensation, I bargained it down to 5 million words, wife write quickly!!! Teacher, can we roleplay? You play the domineering CEO, slender fingers slowly reaching around the waist to pull out a draft from the pocket, Adam's apple rolling, thin lips parting to say: 'Woman, you successfully caught my attention. Here are ten draft chapters (flower), finish reading them.'] Just after commenting, I received a private message. It was from the author.
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